Early Morning

Jul 31, 2011

 This morning I awoke much earlier than I have of late. My surgery was on the 18th of July and I am still in the process of healing. The pain and soreness was such a surprise that I could no longer sleep. Is that normal? For the first time I had only one dose of pain medication yesterday and after a very busy day at that. However, after I took the medicine I decided that it was finally time to join because I could actually sit up at the computer for an extended period of time. I feel so many emotions all of the time about the surgery, how I got here, the things that happened to me because of my weight, and now what seems to be my slow healing from surgery. Did anyone ever feel that maybe they deserved the pain from their surgery? Is it just me? I feel so alone and no one around me truly understands. I want to be healthy, I want to be where I should be, and I want to be able to live the rest of my life with a type of energy I haven't been able to have before. Will I feel normal again? Or is my new normal "AS" after surgery, normal different? Could I possibly have to reinvent the rest of my life along with my weight loss goals? How do I explain to my support family member what it is really like? How I feel without sounding ungrateful and not confused on my own thoughts of the progression?

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