From either side of the losers bench

Nov 24, 2007

Well here I am a year post op and I truly feel like a completely different person inside and out.  I've changed so much on this journey that I hardly recognize myself either in the mirror or in the least physical ways either.  I've lost 144 pounds so far and I'm happy to report that I'm still losing. Good thing too because I really want to take off another 40 pounds lol. 

My only regret at all, and yes I know its a cliche around here, is that I didn't do this 10 years ago!  I'm happy with my results and more importantly I'm happy with the introspection I've gained.  I never thought I had body image problems before... but now I know that I did and do.  It is a tough thing to wrap your head around.  I'm still working on it and I know that I likely will be for a long time to come.

My daughter is a new inductee to the loser's bench.  She had her band last Wednesday.  It feels different to be a cheerleader thats for sure.  I recall how difficult this was in the beginning watching her suffer the hunger, the mood swings, and the regret.  Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt!  I want to comfort her with my experience, but I know as good as the intention is... it is her road to journey and it will be different from my own.

Bless you baby... keep you safe... and work that tool!  I love you and I'm so super proud of you all the time!

Going down...

Jan 19, 2007

I am down 49 pounds this morning... yea it was naked... but I think it counts (even if my surgeon doesn't)... Loaded a new pic in with me as of tonight.  I took a look at the pic and said what?  you're kidding I look just as fat.  I can't see a thing (to my hubby who had taken the pics).  He said your nutz... you look a LOT thinner and off to look at the original pics we went... yea I can see the difference and I feel PROUD!

Yay down!

Jan 12, 2007

Just woke up and weighed myself... I'm down to 273!  Finally broke that craptastic stall.  I've taken Miss Dolly's advice and I'm eating a high protein breakfast.  I have watched those carbs hardcore, but I'm not sure I am getting in enough calories and I'm not even sure how to increase them!  I haven't been able to work out much this week due to an awful episode with Kidney Stones that left me in a tremendous amount of pain most of the week.  Thank god for Vicadin (sp?).  It is yummy!

Good days and Bad

Dec 29, 2006

Yesterday was my 6 week post-op visit with my surgeon.  I felt fine when I woke up and had my banana for breakfast on the way to work.  I drank half an Isopure during the morning.  I had some beef jerky for 2nd breakfast and that is when the trouble started.  Shortly after eating it (and not the first time I ate it), I felt not good.  It definately was stuck or something.  I vomitted repeatedly and continued to feel crappy all day... and I mean all day from like 10:30 am to wayyyyy after my doctor's appt.  I rushed through the doc's appointment desperate to get home and lie down or be sick some more.  I said everything was great, reasoning to myself that it had been great up until that morning.  She cleared me to excersize, said see you again in 6 weeks, and that was that.  I got home still feeling ill and climbed in bed.  I must of dozed off and when I woke up about an hour or so later (about 5ish), I finally felt better.  What a crappy day!

Much better today though.  I feel good and I had my first workout at Curves since pre-op.  It felt great, but I confess to feeling a little tired out right now.  I thought to myself on my way back into my office from the parking lot how I have come full circle in what feels like such a short time.  

Oh btw... down to 279... which was my short term goal... get to the 270s... next goal... get to the 260s :p

Awful blogger

Dec 26, 2006

I haven't done such a spectacular job of posting here.  I am feeling much better, much more like myself.  My cloths are starting to become much looser and I think I could go down a size or so.  My hubby is very proud of me.  I wish I were losing faster though. I am down to 282 and have been going up and down from there over the last few days.  I go for my 6 week check up on Thursday and I so so so much wanted to be in the 270s by then, but I don't think its in the cards.  I am able to get all my protein and water in, but I'm still depending on those Isopure waters for 40 grams of it.  I was hoping to wean off of them by now.  Its harder than I thought it would be to get all my protein from food.  Feeling a bit down tonight.  I know I'll feel better tomorrow.  Gonna go watch some tv and just forget about things.  Here's what I ate today:

Food Name Servings Serving Size                               Cals Fat Carb Prot
applesauce 28 0 7 0
Isopure water 160 0 0 40
LF String Cheese 140 8 2 16
Carb Freedom Yogart 90 3 5 9
Pink Salmon 45 2 0 8
Naturally More Peanut Butter 85 6 4 5
Bread, whole wheat, 100% 69 1 13 3
Totals 616 19 31 80

My view from the loser's bench

Nov 22, 2006

I did it!  I had the surgery and I survived.  :D  I did have some complications with nausea that kept me in the hospital for longer than I had expected, but still all in all... not too terrible.  I was expecting to go home in 2 to 3 days, but went home after 8 days. 

I don't feel nearly as badly as I was scared I might feel... oh that prolly doesn't make much sense, but I'm taking pain meds lol.  My hubby and I are working so hard to figure out how to get in 70 grams of protein a day... it is no easy task.  We will have a full day today and he's been experimenting like a mad man with the magic bullet and protein shakes.  We have chocolate, vanilla, and a sample unflavored to test with.  Why is unflavored so much more difficult to find?  We also ordered a tub of unflavored and nector from last night.  Those should help give us more options.

I joined fitday and I'm documenting every morsal I eat.  Hands down fat free cottage cheese gave me the biggest bang for my buck yesterday! 

Surgery is a go for tomorrow!!!

Nov 14, 2006

Well it looks like I have Gilbert's Syndrome which is completely harmless and hereditary.  No biggie at all.  My surgeon consulted a GI and they are nearly 99.99% sure of the dx based upon yesterday's labs.  Dr. Choban will biopsy a lil of the liver tomorrow to confirm.

See you all on the other side!

2 days or not 2 days... that is the question... :(

Nov 13, 2006

My labs came back with a slightly elevated biliruben (I'm sure I'm slaughtering that spelling) count and so I was supposed to have a MRI of my liver this morning, but I freaked out completely when they went to shove my entire huge body into the coffin like machine that I completely filled and refused the test. Friends I'm telling you I could NOT do it... there is just NO way. My surgeon ordered more blood tests and if the results are iffy again, then they will postpone the surgery to do more tests on my liver. An abnormal result is 3.0 and mine came back 2.9, normal but definately on the cusp. It has nothing to do with food or my weight. The big hairy deal seems to be that the surgery will effectively obstruct the view of my liver and if I have some kind of liver problem it will be very hard to see post surgery.

I would say that the way things stand right now... it will be a small miracle if I'm in surgery on Wednesday.

Well I finally heard from my sister. I had suspected that the problem was intense fear and it was. She was actually with my father at his bedside when he passed away. My mom and I were at home for a few hours. She's not very good at dealing with these kinds of really painful things. She is trying very hard to be supportive, but is also dealing with her own fears. She is planning on being at the hospital with Dev on Wednesday and I'm glad. Knowing she'll be there does make me feel better. My sister is actually a good bit heavier than I am and is suffering from a variety of co-morbidities including diabetes and sleep apnea. She says that she's excited for me and that she'll probably be jealous of me when I've lost the weight. I seriously don't think that jealousy is her main problem right now though. Hey I'm scared too, but I know I'm going to be fine and I'm just going to forge ahead.

5 days to go and counting

Nov 09, 2006

We are now at 5 days to go! I am finished with my pre-admission testing and my last visit with the surgeon. Of course I forgot every single question I was supposed to ask her lol, so I'll be calling her today with a written down list of questions this time. "doh

We told the younger kids last night and they took it so well! SOOOOOOOOOO much better than I have been taking it. They were enthusiastic and excited for me. They loved looking at all the before and after pictures (showing them these pics was advice I got here and turned out to be really great advice). I don't think my 8 yr old really understands. I think he thinks my stomach is going to be cutoff... like my gut... like I'll be much thinner when I come on Friday... we tried to explain it to him in a bunch of different ways, but I'm not sure he understands lol. My hubby found a diagram of a stomach and then a stomach after gastric bypass and showed it to Noah. Noah sucked in his stomach really hard and said so Mommy will be like this right? LOL! We were like ummm no... rofl

At any rate they didn't ask me what could go wrong or if I could die. I realize that as they think on this the next several days they could ask it, but hubby's staying pretty positive and maybe they won't.

I am having these wild mood swings where I'll be happy and excited one minute and then utterly down the next. I'm sure its nerves. I'm working out every day now and omg I love it! I don't know why I haven't been doing this all year. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to keep up or do it, but I can fairly easily. The coach there was amazed at my flexibility and stamina (you know considering my size ). I guess all these kids and the young hubby does have some positive affect on me. HA!

The only weird thing to report is that I haven't heard from my sister since I told her the surgery date. I don't understand it because I'd think given our history that she'd be at least a little interested and well we've always been so very close. She is my best friend besides my hubby. There is nobody on the planet I'm closer to than him. I think she's upset with me that I'm doing this. Its the only thing I can think of. I'm going to try to call her today.

One more day closer

Nov 09, 2006

Well pre-admission testing is behind me and now so is my final appointment with my surgeon.  I totally forgot all the questions I meant to ask her like... what was her philosophy on pain management (I know I'll be getting the pump thingie... but I still do want to know her thoughts about when meds are appropriate)... and what kind of a closure she'd be using... will it be staples?  I assume it will be.    I just froze and asked nothing.

I am having nightmares about anesthesia.  I worry that everyone will think I'm asleep, but I'll actually be awake, trapped and unable to speak.  I worry that I'll go to sleep  and not wake up.  I worry that something terrible will happen and my much younger husband will have to make big decisions about my healhcare.  I've got the durable power of attorney and the living will papers.  I need to fill them out.

I need to talk to my younger children and I'm going to do it probably later tonight.

I am working out everyday at Curves and I really like it.  I have effectively kicked coffee now and I'm only needing tylenol every once in awhile (I was taking advil... 4 of them every 4 hours since Friday... but they told me at pre-admission testing that IB is a definate no no... so I switched to Tylenol but I don't need it nearly so much).

I feel a bit down and I'm not sure why...  I think I'm just so darned emotional lately.

About Me
Hilliard, OH
Surgery Date
Sep 26, 2006
Member Since

Friends 25

Latest Blog 12
From either side of the losers bench
Going down...
Yay down!
Good days and Bad
Awful blogger
My view from the loser's bench
Surgery is a go for tomorrow!!!
2 days or not 2 days... that is the question... :(
5 days to go and counting
One more day closer