"What the caterpillar thought was the end of life; the butterfly realized was just the beginning."



Well hello fellow WLS friends. I finally decided to add my profile. As all of you I've been overweight/slim/overweight all my life. I know how stress in my life has been a big contributor to my overeating. I was overweight as a child and let that carry over into my adult life. I became sexually active very early in life and as a result got very hurt. I was sexually abused as a young child and that's how I equated love w/sex. I would use sex for love, if I make-love to him he will love me, of course it doesn't work that way. I kept ending up in wrong relationships and ended up just getting fatter and fatter. For me weight was my wall of protection, if I stay fat no one will want me. Of course that's not what I really wanted, funny how the mind plays tricks on us. I have never been in a healthy relationship. I'm always the door mat in them, walk all over me but please don't leave me. My last boyfriend had such a hard time w/my weight and I would try to be everything he wanted me to be (minus the losing weight part). He didn't want me to lose weight for health reasons; he wanted me to lose weight for physical appearance purposes. I knew I was in a dead end relationship, for me it was better to be w/someone than to not be w/anyone at all. Ohh that was healthy for me; right. I started praying God would close this door if this is not where he wanted me to be. Then one night my boyfriend calls and say's we need to talk, but didn't want to do it over the phone. Of course I knew what that meant. I say ohh come on, do it over the phone I know what is about to happen. Sure enough he says he can't see me anymore he has found the true love of his life. This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Of course I knew this was my answer to prayer, and yes it did hurt. I'm so much better off now without him in my life. Of course I went on a crash diet to prove to myself I could lose weight and show him I could do it also. But it was only short lived; I had results only to gain it all back again and then some. I had considered surgery before "The Gastric Bypass", for me that was just too scary. Then one day a friend calls me and say's you know our 20 year class reunion is next year and I know you want be fit for that. She told me to contact her friend who had the Lap-band surgery, so I contacted her and started asking all sorts of questions. She referred me to several web-sites and this was one of them. I've been here about 2 weeks now, watching the post and finally started posting some of my own questions. I have my 1st appointment on the 10th of March. I'm nervous, excited all at the same time. I will keep you guys updated as I take this journey w/you guys. I now know I have the power to take back what I've given up so freely. No longer will I ever allow myself to be a doormat. I deserve more than that and so does my future spouse. I know this is the tool that is going to help me get my life back. I only have 100 lbs to lose and I know I will overcome the battle of obesity w/this wonderful procedure.

 

 

Thanks so much for all the support you guys are great!!

 




I'm going to update my profile on a monthly bases, I've chosen my re-birthday date to make my entries. I don't have much room in my profile so I thought it would be a good idea to give you guys a month by month replay on my progress.

 

 




May 12, 04

Well today is my big day. I'm not nervous at all; I've waited for this day for a long time. I have such a peace about me, this is really the next chapter in my life and one I'm ready to begin. I'm sure at times it will be hard, but heck when has my life not been hard :). I have complete trust in God that this is right and he is standing beside me cheering me on. I'll keep you guys updated on my progress. Thanks for all the support and encouragement.

 

 



June 12, 04

Time flies by when you’re having fun. I really thought this would be a lot harder than it has been. I've had a lot of time to think about what direction I want my life to go in. I know I want/need a new job. I have some options available to me so I'll explore them and see where it leads me. I'm excited about all the possibilities and all the un-known’s. I'm so glad I made the decision to take control of my life again. I have no regrets and look forward to tomorrow.

 

 



July12, 04

Whew what a world wind of a month. I've had so many life changes in the past month, it's mind blowing even for me :)) I went back to work on Monday had an interview on a Wednesday, got hired on Thursday and quit my job of 15yrs on Friday. If that wasn't enough I had the courage to stand up to my ex-boyfriend and tell him there was no longer any room in my life for him. I told him everything I wanted to tell him for the past 3 years and this time I knew I had nothing to lose, so I let go and said everything I've longed to say. What a rush!! I'm loving life right now and can't wait to see what's around the next turn. Well I had my 2nd fill on the 21st of July and wow that has made a huge difference. I can definitely feel my restriction now. I'm up to 1.75 CC and life is good. I have had 2 unpleasant experiences but who hasn't :)). I either ate too fast or didn't chew well enough and bam I could feel the tightness in my chest. I knew I had an elephant on my chest and he wasn't moving. Earl scooched down and made himself very comfortable, no matter what I did to move him, he wasn't budging. I knew Earl had to die, so I finally had to wave some peanuts in front of him to get him to move and he was like okay I'm outta here. (So see I didn't really kill him, just got him to find someone's else's chest to sit on) Whooo that is something I never want to experience again. As far as my weight loss is going I'm down (insert the drum roll here) 31bs "Good Lord" I can't tell you when the last time I lost 30lbs with such ease. I still have not started to exercise so I know once I start the weight will really start falling off. My goal is to start Aug 1. Well I guess you guys are up to speed now, I'll update again when there is more to update. Watch out for Earl he isn't a nice Elephant!!

 

 

 




August 12, 04

Wow I can't believe it's been 3 months today. Would I do this again, umm let me think about that for a minute *You Betcha* I would do it again!!
This has been the biggest life changing event in my life. Because of this surgery and the changes that are going on w/my body, I'm also experiencing changes in my attitude. No; I'm not cocky or anything like that, now I stand up for myself more than I ever have in the past. I have so much self confidence that I speak my mind in any situation. Whereas before I was always the one who would go to extremes to not hurt anyone's feelings or piss them off, avoid conflict at all cost even if that meant hurting me in the process. I can't tell you the number of times I did that, someone would say something that I didn't agree with and would let it go (no conflict) even if it was degrading to me I wouldn't speak up. I no longer have to wear that hat; actually I threw that hat out the window on my way to have this surgery. I allowed so many hurts to come into my life, for fear of pushing someone away. I could be around people who would speak their mind even to me and still wouldn't defend myself. You know where that comes from; it comes from lack of self esteem. Well I'm bursting w/self esteem now and I will not put myself in those type of situations ever again. It's so freeing to be able to speak up for something you believe in. I'm so thankful for this surgery and the doors I've opened because of the courage I have inside. I have this "It's about time" attitude. So for those of you who are pre-op know that you will gain so much more from this experience. Its nice getting to know yourself again, it's as if you have run into an old friend you've really missed and it's fun getting to know that person again. I like my new friend and I'm very glad she is in my life. I really missed her, and I'm thankful she's still intact, and ready to pick up the pieces and move forward. So embrace your friend and get to know this person, I think you really will like this person a lot!!

 

 




September 12, 04

Wow I can't believe it's been 4 months. What a life changing experience this has been. As of today I've lost 38lbs and 36 inches over all. I'm only 53 lbs away from goal, now that's exciting. I'm not exercising the way I want to be. I'm getting in about 2 days of walks/runs on the stairs at work, I know I can be doing a lot more and will work on that. I want to thank all my friends on the boards for being there for me. I feel as if I have my own built in Cheerleadering Squad. Your support and encouragement has been invaluable to me. Well I didn't have any huge changes this month in my life. None Like July anyway. I know my self esteem is higher than it's been in a long time. I'm now willing to take more risk and really put myself out there, and for me that is huge. I've also discovered what I'm supposed to do w/this experience. I know I want to share w/others how this experience can be an opportunity to bigger and better things life as to offer. I know w/out this surgery I would still be the depressed, unmotivated, scared, walk all over me woman I've been for the last 10+ years. I still have about 53 lbs to lose, so I still have a way to go. But you know even though I'm still overweight today, I've been able to see myself as the thin person I'm going to become and I think that is where my self confidence is coming from. Knowing this truly gives me hope and something I'm looking forward to. So if you can take just one small thing from me this month, this is what it would be. Don't look at yourself and see a fat person, look at yourself and see your skinny friend is waiting there for you to catch up to her/him. We all know diets fail and don't do what they promise to do, so that's why I think we've never seen our skinny friend waiting there for us, we are already defeated before we even make the effort. Not this time around he/she is there and will wait for you as long as it takes you to catch up. I hope this was as insightful to you as it was for me. That's the other cool thing about this journey; I've found more insight than I ever knew existed inside of me. It's also amazing I never really know what I'm going to journal until I sit down and start typing, then it just comes to me as if I've known this all along . I wish everyone continued success; no matter what part of the journey you’re in. Never lose hope or faith they are two wonderful things to hold to.

 

 



October 12, 04

Okay so today is my 5th Bandiversary. I have gained a surmountable wealth of encouragement, strength, and friendships that will last a lifetime through this journey. Now if that wasn't enough I also learned you can't do this on your own. If it were not for the close friendships I've formed on this board and in real time, I don't think I would be where I am today. I want to "Thank" everyone that has been there with me from the very beginning. I had no idea where this journey would lead me but I'm thankful for every twist and turn because I had some wonderful people riding shotgun w/me.
Kim K Wow what can I say about you sister. You have been my rock!! Anytime I had a question you were right there giving me answers, even if I asked the same one over and over. I luv ya honey!!
Keith D man you know how to put things into perspective like no one else. Thanks for being on the sidelines for me and cheering me on!!
Sharon my gosh you have been solid throughout this journey and I just love you to death.
Dianna C my personal eagle, you have been the wind beneath my wings and I can't wait for you to start your journey!!
All my little Angelettes who trusted me to be your angel's. I'm so thankful I was able to be there for you guys the way my "Angels" have been here for me.
Marcia and Lili my CA girls. You two give me so much inspiration that I can't even put into words what the two of you have done for me.
Nellie Nellie Nellie need I say anymore, girl you keep things so real & fun; I just love you for that!!
Southern Band Girl and Deanna ohh my you two have giving so much to this board, it's amazing the devotion you two have on your journeys and the information you have shared w/us so unselfishly.
Patti Cakes girl you put the sparkle in my eye, thank you so much for taking this journey with me.
If I've left anyone out it was not intentional. I know these people have touched each one us in different ways and they have been with me from the very beginning.
Okay I had to do that, it's been long overdue. Now onto what I learned this last month. Thanks to my buddy Keith, I learned a valuable lesson. Exercise is key!! I have always been one that hates to work out by myself. I started taking the stairs at work, granted not much but I started moving. Then I started working out at home w/a DVD. You know what it's not that bad, it's just like eating, sometimes you don't feel like doing it but it's something you have to do. The same holds true with exercise. Not only are you improving your appearance and shape, you are improving your "Self Image" "Energy Level" and most of all your getting healthy. The DVD I'm working out to is "Beach Body" it's a 6 day a week workout, you do 3 days of Cardio and 3 days of Sculpting. I love the Sculpting days you get to pump iron and I LOVE IT!!
Next thing I learned you cannot do this on your own. Support is key to being successful. Not only is it a bonding experience, you get to give back what's been so unselfishly giving to you. That's what I enjoy most about "Live Band Aid". Everyone is at different stages in their journey and the veteran's can lend support because they have walked before us. The new folks feel connected and welcomed. Our group is growing more and more every month. Kim has been so gracious in letting me take on the role of "Event's Coordinator". I've been able to set up monthly dinners and will be adding more event's as we grow. I would encourage anyone who is not involved in a support group to either get involved or if you have no Lap-band support groups in your area start your own.
Thanks for letting me share my lap-band experience with you guys. I know I always get very emotional on my Bandiversary, I can't help it. This has been the best "Gift" I've giving myself and I just want to shout it from the roof tops. If I can help just one person on their journey then I feel like that's a huge accomplishment. I want to "Pay it forward" with anyone who will accept it. I would also encourage everyone else to do the same.

 

 



November 12,04

Time flies when you’re having fun. I'm blown away by this experience. As most of the veteran's know I have not been posting much. I'm just dealing w/some internal junk that I need to get rid of. It's amazing the way the body changes but the mind takes some time to catch up. I still feel fat and unworthy even though I shouldn't. I'm about 1/2 way to goal. I'm feeling better, looking better and I'm really trying to enjoy life right now. I've changed so many aspects of my life in the past 6 months; I think I'm just overwhelmed right now.
This is directly for pre-ops and newly post-ops. Really this is an amazing experience; I would do it again and again if I needed to. What is not told to you at the time of your consult or your release from the hospital is your feelings of self doubt, yourself destructive mentality will still be there while you’re losing the weight. Unfortunately we don't lose those feelings as we lose the weight. Just try to be kind to yourself during this phase; because that's exactly what it, it's a phase.
I know I'm not the same person I was 6 months ago and I'm thankful for that. Now I have to deal w/being a smaller person, but I still feel "Fat". I know 6 months from now I'm going to be yet again another person. That freaks me out. I know we all did this procedure to improve our health and state of mind. I have to tell you for me it's been a huge adjustment. I still get freaked out knowing this is really going to happen I'm really going to be skinny and then what.
So I guess my lesson learned this month is try to embrace "ALL" the changes your going to experience. Some will be good, some will be bad, it's all part of the process. You’re going to come out on the other side of this disease a stronger, healthy, happy skinny person. This is a journey and sometimes you will enjoy your journey and sometimes not so much. Stick with it, it's all part of the journey you don't know where it's leading you but it has to better than where you came from.

 

 



December 12, 04

Well yesterday was my 7th month Bandiversary!! I'm blown away by this whole experience. As of today I've lost a total of 45 lbs w/very little effort on my part.
I have started working out and can really feel and see the difference all over. I have no regrets, only wish I would of done this sooner. My social life has improved, I no longer want to sit at home and hang out. I want to get out and experience all the things I've only wished I could do.
I finally started going shopping, my other clothes are just way to big and I can't wear them any longer or they will fall off. Now that is truly something I've never experienced. I have to say though shopping hasn't been as fun as I thought it be, I'm in that in between stage, one size is too big and the other is still a little snug. Designers make the same size in so many different sizes, its crazy I tell ya and it will drive you crazy.
So this is what I learned just be patient when you’re in the in between size part of your journey, and remember it's not you it's the damn designers that play head games with us!! You have to keep trying stuff on from many designers until you find the right fit. It's out there you just have to keep trying.
I missed Kimmy's after party; I was supposed to go to a concert in Ft. Worth. That didn't pan out because I was hit w/a PB from Hell. This is only the 2nd time the elephant showed up to have a party on my chest. I was eating pork chops at a friend’s house (Pork isn't nice to me at all, and I will be avoiding it like the plague from here on out) I had probably taking about 5 bites and bam I could tell this isn't going to be fun. I was in the bathroom for an hour trying to get Earl to move. After my episode, I was physically exhausted and had to call it a night. So just be very careful about what you eat, even being 7 months out, you just don't know what your band is going enjoy and what it's going to reject. I know for me its pork chops; even though I love them I just can't tolerate them.
I wish everyone continued success on their journey.

 

 




January 12, 05

Well what can I say, I never in a million years thought I would be where I am today w/absolutely no regrets. OMG I've dieted on and off all my life and only ended up depressed and weighing more than when I started off. Well not this time around. The other night I was in bed and reflecting on my journey and I had a revelation. Since I started this journey I've lost 45 lbs, 37 inches overall and 3 dress sizes. Now I've lost weight like this in the past but never ever have I kept it off.
That’s why this time around it's different. Granted I have my days I'm like ohh I so could of lost more weight if I had only done this or that. Well so what I've "Only" (just for reference purposes) lost 45lbs when is the last time I lost this weight and kept it off. Uhh let me see, that would have to be "NEVER". I'm almost half way to goal and yes it's probably going to take me longer than a year to reach goal. Guess what I'm so okay w/that. I've never been able to say I will reach my goal in such in such amount time and actually do it.
My next goal in this journey is to be sure I'm available to anyone who needs me as they embark on their journey. I've had so many wonderful people help me on this journey. I know in my heart of hearts had it not been for the wonderful people supporting me I would not be where I am today.
So this is what I've learned this month. Rejoice in each and every pound you've lost and know you never have to walk in your old shoes again. This really is a self paced journey. You can go as fast or as slow as you want. Whichever way you choose is fine. Don't compare yourself to others. They might be choosing the fast lane, and you’re in the slow lane. It's okay. Key is to recognize what lane you want to be in, if you want the fast lane then that's how you will modify your eating, if you want the slow lane then modify your eating to that lane. If you want to change lanes every now then, just look before you change lanes then set it on cruise control and enjoy the ride.
I wish everyone continued success on your journey. I hope everyone is enjoying the ride as much as I am.

 

 

 



February 12, 05

Wow how the time flies by when you’re having fun!! 9 months since I started my new life. I've had so many changes w/my body and my life in general. I didn't really know what to expect, I knew I would lose weight, that was kinda a given. What I didn't know was how "Life Changing" this journey would be.
I've made lifelong friends that really understand what it's like to be obese, judged wrongly, looked down upon by society, and the many other obstacles we had to overcome.
It's amazing to me how much my body has changed, how I've changed as an individual, and how I'm going to continue change, and grow as an individual.
The other cool thing about my journey; is knowing this time it's not going to be the yo-yo ride I'm all so use too. I'm hanging onto my plateau right now, the scale will not move. I'm losing inches and that's very exciting, so even though the scale is not moving, I'm okay w/that. I know this is temporary and it will start moving again. I've finally reached my sweet spot. I have 2.2 cc's in my band and have great restriction. That's why this time around I know this is going to work. Any other time I've dieted and didn't see the scale move I would freak out and say the hell w/it and just start eating the way I was use to eating. Not this time I'm sticking to my band rules and waiting patiently for the scale to start moving. How many of you have been there, diet, don't see the scale move and throw in the towel. Well I'm here to say "DON'T" it will move again, trust me it always does.
The month after I had my surgery I turned my life upside down and took risk I never thought I would take. I left my job of 15 years and went to another company where I was sure would be better than the job I was at. Well turns out, it was not what I was looking for. I quit at the end of January and I'm in the process of trying to find another job. I'm very close to finding the right fit for me. In the past I would have never taken that kind of risk and granted it didn't work out like I wanted it to. The point here is "I went outside of my comfort zone". Actually I've stepped way outside of my comfort zone more than once. And you know what; it's made me a stronger woman. I actually look forward to taking more risk, challenging myself more than ever before, no regrets.
So this is what I learned this month. Don't be afraid to take risk, challenge yourself, think outside of your box, and get out of your comfort zone. You will learn so much about yourself by taking these risk. I'm not telling anyone to quit their job. What I'm saying is don't be afraid to do things you would have never done before. I'm going to Cancun next week and I plan on swimming w/the dolphins. Again something I would not of done at 226 now that I'm 183 I feel like this is something I can do. Enjoy the gift that you have received and don't waste anymore time wishing you could do something, to steal from Nike "JUST DO IT"!!

 

 

 



March 12,05

WOOO what a whirlwind journey this has been. I had no idea how my life would change in the past 10 months. I've discovered things about me that I didn't even know existed inside of me. This has been the best part of this journey.
I've embraced this journey basically one day, one week, and one month at a time. I've really set the pace of my WL journey. Initially I took the slow road. I didn't exercise, didn't really eat as well as I could of, and so forth. Now that I'm 10 months out, I really have a grasp on this journey, and know I want to kick it up a notch and really focus on shaping my body and really watching it transform to the be the "BOMB SHELL" I've always known existed inside of me. Last week I was at my sisters and was looking at some old pictures and I have to tell ya I didn't even recognize the person in the picture. It was really an eye opener to how far I've come and how far I want to get away from that person. I really started beating myself up with all the "How could you let yourself get that out of control" "Did you really have that much self hate to do that to yourself" Ohh it wasn't pretty I tell ya!!
So what I learned this month is. Don't beat yourself up for your past failures, because that's exactly where they are in the "PAST". We can't change the past or our past choice, what we have to do is embrace our future and keep our eye's on the prize. Ohh and what a prize it is. Self Worth, Dignity, Pride, Good Health, Friends you didn't even know existed, The ability to "Pay it Forward", give back what's been giving to you. I could go and on but I think you get the picture. Just embrace every change your going to experience rather it be good or bad, this is what makes each of us be so uniquely us and trust me I wouldn't change any of it because I'm such a better person for that!! I wish everyone continued success, continued growth, continued healing, and most of all continued self love!!

 

 



April 12, 05

YEAH BABY!! OMG I love my life. It just keeps getting better and better every day. I don't even recognize the "OLD" me. The gift I've been given has opened my eyes to how we should live every day.
It's really sad the "YEARS" I allowed myself to waste away because I was "OBESE". The chances I let pass me by because I was "OBESE", The risk I didn't take because I was "OBESE", The doormat I became because I was "OBESE". Ohh I could go and on but it's too depressing!!
I feel like I've been given a second go around and I'm no longer going to let "YEARS" waste away again. Today I take "CHANCES", I take "RISK", I'm no longer a "DOORMAT" (nor will I ever be one again).
My new theme song is by Tim McGraw "HOW BAD DO YOU WANT"
Are you hungry?
Are you thirsty?
Is it a fire that burns you up inside?
How bad do you want it?
How bad do you need it?
Are you eating, sleeping, dreaming
With that one thing on your mind?
How bad do you want it?
How bad do you need it?
Cause if you want it all
You've got to lay it all out on the line
That was me before and after Lapband. I wanted it so bad I was "EATING, SLEEPING, DREAMING" about it, and Thank GOD Dreams come true.
Freedom is finally mine and I will not sit on the sidelines ever again. Put me in Coach I'm ready to play, not just play but I'm going to win. If I could stand on the roof tops and yell it for the world to hear, trust me I would!!
Okay on to what I learned this month. Don't ever give up on your "DREAMS", don't ever think you’re too old, too fat, too unloved too put it all on the line. We should live like were dying, because being "OBESE" makes you feel like you’re already "DEAD". I'm here to tell you’re not, not even close. Life has so much to offer, it's up to you to reach out, grab hold and never let go.
I love each and every one of you; you guys inspire me every day. This truly is a wonderful gift we've received. If your still fighting your &^%$ insurance company, don't you give up, you fight as if it's the last fight left in you. Each and every one of you are "WORTHY", and "DESERVING" of this life changing experience.
All the best to everyone on this wonderful journey, and for those of you about to join us, hold on it's a wild ride, for those of you waiting in the wings, step out and take what it so rightfully yours "LIVING"!!
Start living right now because "DAYS GO BY" and you can't get those back!!

 

 



May 12, 05

“My One Year Bandiversary”

Wow what a year it’s been. This has been the best time of my life. I’ve met so many wonderful people. My friends and family have supported me 110% all the way.
I’ve learned so much about myself during this past year. When I started this journey I was a depressed, lonely, self destructive woman. If you were to ask my friends and family they probably wouldn’t say they witnessed this side of me. I allowed so many hurts to come into my life because of my low self esteem. Sure I put on a good front, and didn’t really allow this side of myself to show outwardly to the outside world. On the inside was a totally different story. I hated my appearance and what I allowed myself to become. Just like everyone else I was always told “If you would only lose the weight you would be Beautiful”. Wow that’s encouraging. I had my days when I would look in the mirror and think you know you’re “NOT” that fat. Then there would be days that I was like OMG you’re a “FAT COW”.
I had my “Light-Bulb” moment when the man I had been dating on and off for 3 years finally dumped me “Because he couldn’t handle being w/a “FAT” person”. Oh sure I was good enough to be with in the dark but not anywhere else. This was a sad reality in my life. I have no one to blame but myself for allowing my previous relationships to be like this. It was a constant cycle w/me and men. This was the final blow that broke my spirit. I told myself never again will I be someone’s doormat.
I found out about the lap-band from a friend. I did my research, made my decision and it was full steam ahead from that moment. I had my consult on March 12th 2004 then had my surgery on May 12th 2004. Best decision I’ve ever made. If I had to do it all over again, I would do in a heartbeat.
I turned my world upside down after my surgery. I quit my job of 15 years, I told my ex-boyfriend I no longer had any room in my life for him and he needed to forget about me. I started speaking my mind in any situation, no longer would I allow myself to hear something I didn’t agree with and let it slide. I discovered the more weight I lost the more outgoing I became. The more vocal I became. It was as if I had discovered “WHO” I was always destined to be. It just went on and on and I was really enjoying all the changes in my life.
The weight started coming off with such ease. I really didn’t change anything, I was still eating the wrong foods, not exercising and losing weight. I was like this is great and it’s so easy. Then at about 6 months it stopped. I continued on this route for about 2 months. Granted I wasn’t gaining weight but I certainly wasn’t losing any weight either. Again I had another “Light Bulb” moment. So then I had to sit down and have a good heart to heart w/myself “Cher you didn’t have this life changing surgery to only lose 40lbs” I really think what happened here was I had a little “Self Sabotaging” going on. I was starting to look good, feel good, then I was like OMG what am I doing. Your wall of protection is going to be gone, how will you protect yourself from being hurt if it’s gone. So I said to myself “You are no longer that woman”. You don’t need a “WALL of PROTECTION”. I know how much I’ve changed and I’m so thankful I no longer have to feel like my weight will dictate who I allow people to see. I really had to look at the inventory I was carrying inside of me, granted none of it should of ever been there in the first place. I purged a lot of the self doubt, self loathing, and self destructive behavior that residing inside of me. It’s a wonderful feeling when you can embrace who you are and who you’re becoming.
So I changed lanes and got in the “FAST LANE” and have it kicked it up a notch. I’m now working out 6 days a week, following the band rules. I am still having a problem w/chocolate. I crave it every day. Kim and Stacy have been helping in this area. Telling me maybe I just need to incorporate this into my eating and not beat myself up. So this would be the only area I’m really struggling with.
So I guess that sums up my “YEAR IN REVIEW”. I would like to take a moment and thank my extended family on the boards. Kim K honey I want to “Thank you” for your hard work, dedication and wonderful “Support Group” you created for us. You’re an amazing inspiration to each and everyone us. Keith D. “Thank You” for your “Dr. Phil” attitude and keeping it real for us. Sharon and Nellie you two have helped me more than you will ever know, I love each one you so much. All the girls on the board that have been there to “Cheer me on”, “Dry my Tears”. Lisa R, Lilibug, Marcia, Christel, PattiCakes, Michelle in CA, Southernband girl (Even though she will be NW Bandgirl now). You girls are amazing and I’m so glad I’m getting to experience this wonderful journey with you.
To all the newbie’s, wannabe’s and about to be’s. This truly is the best “Gift” you can give yourself. It’s “Life Changing” so be prepared to embrace every change good or bad. You will have your good days and your bad days. It’s okay we’ve all been there and know what you’re going through. During your journey you will experience things you were not prepared for. Like hitting a brick wall (plateau) its okay, just take a step back and look at what you’re doing or better yet what you’re not doing. It’s all about making adjustments and keeping up w/your fills. Don’t let yourself go too long w/out the proper fill; this will only lead to frustration. Also don’t go around with a fill that is too tight. This is never a good thing and could cause serious damage, such as slippage. If your PB’ing all the time, you need to be un-filled. Then the junk in the trunk exposes its ugly head. You might have to deal w/issues that reside in you that you didn’t even know existed. This was the toughest part of the journey for me. In the end it will make you a stronger, happier person. So embrace these times and know you will come through on the other side a mentally happier person. This is a self paced journey; it’s not a Race but a Marathon. It doesn’t matter when you cross the finish line, what matter’s here is that you cross it in your own time. Enjoy every moment because it really is a wild ride.
Again I want to thank everyone that has been w/me throughout my journey. I’ve learned so much about myself and who I want to be. I really enjoy helping other’s as they embark on this wonderful journey. I really feel it is our responsibility to be accessible to others during this life changing moment. I never want someone to feel like they are in this alone, because you’re not. I have to tell you “SUPPORT” is the main key. If you do nothing else for yourself make sure you have a good support system!!
I want to wish everyone continued success on this wonderful journey!!



June 12, 05

It’s amazing how far out I am already. I can remember thinking this was just a pipe dream and now I'm into year two of my journey. I now have so many things I want to accomplish thanks to this wonderful "Band Journey". I've always had a love of people and have always been the one who wants to help the underdog. With all the reality TV shows on right now, you really see folks from all walks of life that struggle w/self confidence, and wanting to be accepted.
Well I had another light bulb moment "Once we become the thin/healthy person we've always longed to be" the issues we've struggled w/all our life are still going to be there and still need to addressed. You know it's funny; we are never going to be completely satisfied w/who we are. We are always going to compare ourselves to others. We could take a poll of obese and thin people and honestly I would not be surprised by the results. We all have issues, no matter what walk of life you come from.
I have watched the transformation of people and seen the "WOW" moments they have experienced. But after the "BUZZ" wears off we are back to square one and still finding things to hate about ourselves.
So I'm seriously thinking about becoming a "Life Coach" for our walk of life. It's all about becoming comfortable w/the person you are and the person you’re going to become. This is something that is not addressed during your consult or even in your post-op meetings. I feel it's important to take a "Inner" inventory of ourselves and clear out stuff that should of never been there to begin with.
Now understand I have no degree in psychology or any medical training. What I do have is life experience and have walked in the same shoes as the "Morbidly Obese" "Severely Obese" "Obese" "Overweight" and I've even walked the shoes of the "Normal" person. I've experienced things a person should have never experienced. I've learned so much from this wonderful journey. I believe life experience is as good as if not better than some clinical study saying you should this way or that way in order to fit in. My goal is not to heal someone from the terrible hurts they experienced; I'm not qualified to do that. My goal is to help find the way to enjoy the new life they've signed up for.
Bottom line I know who I am and where I came from. I know the struggles that exist inside a "Morbidly Obese Person" and the challenges that will present themselves to them when they start losing weight and rediscovering themselves. I know I have compassion, understanding, patience, and love for someone who has walked in the same shoes I have.
So this is what I learned this month. There are struggles in this journey. There are days I want to eat the way I use to, not have to worry about my band being there to keep me in check. Thank God it's only a moment in time that I feel that way. It's in those moments that I'm able to reflect back on where I came from and where I want to be. If it were not for this "Wonderful Foreign Object" in my body, I don't believe I would have the insight that I have today. I've been able to do some wonderful deep soul searching, and know that I'm here for a purpose and that purpose is to help others discover what I have. We are all wonderful, loving, deserving, people who just want to find our place in this wonderful place we call "LIFE".
I wish everyone continued success on their wonderful journeys!!

 

 



July 12, 05 

Ohh this has been the most amazing ride of my life. I'm so "Thankful" I made the decision to take control of my life. As of today "insert drum roll" I've lost 61 pounds. I have stepped up my workout, actually love it and can't get enough. I got motivated when I found out the date of my 20th class reunion. I want to look smoking when I see my classmates for the 1st time in 10 years. Still haven't decided if I'll tell them I had "WLS" or not.
I made a decision to become a Life a Coach; I found the course I want to take. I can do 16 weeks online 2 hours a week or I can go to CA for a week and it's done. I'm really leaning towards going to CA, I'm either going in Oct or March.
It's amazing the way my body is changing, collar bones are apparent to others (who knew I had collar bones). Driving home last night I happened to look down and I could see my legs w/out seeing my tummy, it's little things like this that will get you so excited.
Now I have a funny "NSV". I was wearing a dress at work the other day and I had on some panties that were a little big. I was on my way to go potty and they fell down to my knees *OMG* you should of see me trying to keep my knees together to walk to the bathroom so I could pull them back up Now that's an NSV I hope doesn't happen too often !!
So what I've learned this month. Whatever dream you have or discover during this journey, Just "Do It"! We have withheld so many experiences in our life due to being "Morbidly Obese". Well I say no more, your confidence levels are going to go through the roof. Embrace each and every change, accept yourself for who you’re becoming, take risk, chances, be bold and follow your dreams.
If I had to do this over and over again I would do it in a heartbeat. To all the pre-ops and newly post-ops; You can do this, you will be successful if you follow the band rules, get the support you need, and help others as you have been helped (you will really reap the benefits in more ways than one).
I wish everyone continued success on this wonderful journey!!

 

 



August 12, 05 

Well when I say this journey is a Roller Coaster, I’m not just talking out of the side of my mouth. It really, really is. I think this is probably the most confusing /frustrating part of the journey. When you are half way to goal, you’re not fat but your thin either. I’m stuck dead center in the middle of my goal. I’ve gained some weight but I really believe its muscle. Working out 6 days a week w/weights will do that to a girl. Anyway I wouldn’t trade of any of my successes, setbacks for anything it’s what makes me a stronger, healthier person in the end.
As some of you know I’m in process of starting to date again. GRRRRR it’s the worst, especially for a “38” year old. I’ve grown so much from when I started this journey; I’m not the same woman I was when I started. This is where all my insecurities rear their ugly head. For all you single folks out there I know you know what I’m talking about. I hate that I’m feeling insecure. I want to have the confidence that I have in all the other areas of my life. I know this too will make me a stronger woman. I’ve dated some real slugs in the past and know I will never ever do that again. So I’ve decided to embrace this chapter in my life, trust me it will have a much happier ending than my previous “Dating Chapters”.
Now onto I’ve learned this month. This journey will take each of us down different roads. Some of us will grow and mature and become the person we’ve always longed to be. For others you will discover who are you and what you want to become. Others will have a hard time dealing w/the changes and might just want to run and hide like they have all their lives. This is where I say embrace each and every moment. One month you might be on the road of Maturity, then boom the next month you’re on the road of self doubt. It’s all part of the process. It doesn’t matter what road you’re on, it will eventually have a curve or a right or left turn on it. Embrace every road head on w/an open heart. Be kind to yourself while traveling the roads your on. You might get lost every now and then. Just follow your heart and it will bring you home!!
I wish everyone continued success on your journey, no matter where it leads you

 

 

 



September 12, 05 

Well its 16 months today I made the life decision to take control of my life. Wow and I have I ever. I don't think it's mentioned enough, so I will put it out there again.. This will change your life in more ways than one. I’m living proof of that. I know during all of my research I don’t recall ever hearing about the emotional roller coaster one would take as well. I was not prepared for all the changes that would occur in my mind, my heart, and my soul. I’m so Thankful I had the opportunity to experience this emotional roller coaster, I wouldn’t change any of it.
I went to a party last night and saw some friends I haven’t since before I had the surgery. OMG they just went on and on about how amazing I look. I see myself everyday so I forget that I’ve lost the equivalent of a 7 year old child. One of my friends kept cupping my face w/her hands and saying how tiny I am. I tell you it was such an amazing feeling.
One of my friends that I have not seen in a about 2 years had a tummy tuck in May and she showed me her tummy Ohh My it looks amazing. I’m so looking forward to reaching that part of the journey. I’m really thinking it will be around March of next year when I’ll be ready to embark phase 2 of this journey. I was and am considered a light weight since I only had to lose 100 lbs. Doesn’t that sound funny to say “Only” I am researching plastics too see what will be best for me. At first I didn’t think I wanted my arms done, due to the ugly nasty scar. I have since changed my mind, I don’t want to be size 6 and have these ugly arms. The scar will fade and it’s not as if I walk around w/my arms in the air *LOL*. So as I see it right now I’m looking at four procedures, arms, boobs, tummy and lower body lift (hopefully I can have lipo on my thighs and will be able to skip the lower body life).
I know I’ve stated this one many times; it’s worth repeating. The first 8-10 months of my journey I did not exercise, I had this illusion the weight would just fall off w/out any effort on my part. Big mistake, it just doesn’t happen that way. Exercise is the key, if you are not working out at least 3 days a week you’re not going to get to goal as soon as you could have.
So this is what I’ve learned this month. Never give up on yourself; you have to believe you made the decision to change your life for the right reasons. If you stall on your weight loss, take a good look at what you’re doing, don’t be so quick to blame the band. The band is just a tool; it can’t do the work for you. Exercise is your friend, it’s amazing to watch your body transform right before your eyes. For those of you who do not like to exercise, experiment w/different types of exercise, I know you will find something you like. If you find that you’re not following the rules, or you are making the wrong choices. Don’t hide under the covers and think it will get better. Get the support you need, come to the boards, talk to your surgeon, create a game plan and follow it. That is the beauty of the band it’s there when you’re ready to work it correctly. I believe in each and every one of you and know you can and will be successful!!

 

 

 



October 12,05

Well today is my big 17mo of extreme life changes. I never imagined my life would be what it is today. I have more energy, more confidence and self esteem a person can imagine.
Granted these last 6 weeks have been trying to say the least, but Thanks to my Band I have been able to sustain from turning to food to make me feel better. Since I haven't been able to work out, I've had to depend on my good food choices to get me through. Now I'm still human and did have some comfort food, but it wasn't 24/7 like it would have been 17 months ago.
For anyone who is still researching or about to commit to this life changing moment, all I can say is "IT'S SO WORTH IT!" I would do it again and again if I had to, but that's beauty it's done I don't have to do this again.
Follow up is key to be successful w/the band. Never let yourself go too long w/out a fill or never allow yourself to be overfilled and then deal w/it. The band is "NOT" about being too restricted you can't even eat, the band was not designed to work this way. You should be able to eat like a "Normal" person and be satisfied for about 4-5 hours after eating. Also to be a successful bandster you have to exercise. This is not a magic bullet and you get to sit back and watch the weight fall off. I know I know this not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.
The thing I love most about my band even though there were months I didn't lose (my fault, not the band), I've never gained weight in the 17months I've been banded. Unlike my past diet efforts, lose/gain/lose/gain. Now it's all been a loss *YEAH BABY* that's what I'm talking about.
I wish everyone continued success, no matter what part of the journey you’re in. I believe in each and every one of you and know if I can do this, so can you!!

 

 

 





You Know Your a Bandster When....

*I have a date" does not mean your going out.
*You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a month.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Just water for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you "bitch" behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeons card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say "WOW, your mom is hot!"
* When you got to the mall a take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more velcro shoes
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties
* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables
* Your mother says "You don't eat enough"
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have sucess with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.
* You can wear corderoy pants without igniting a fire
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back
* You safety pin your underwear
* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die???


Things I want to accomplish on this journey
Cross my legs without having to tilt to oneside-Check
wrap a normal size towel around myself
Have more energy-Check
Get a butterfly tattoo on my lower back
Work out in a gym
Look at myself in the mirror and not crinch-Check
Lose the naps
Buy a Purple Harley
Stop putting off tomorrow what I can do today-Check
Tuck my shirt in
Wear a belt-Check
Shop at Bellegray for my "You've Finally Made It Outfit" 

About Me
Lewisville, TX
Location
29.3
BMI
Surgery
05/12/2004
Surgery Date
Feb 23, 2004
Member Since

Friends 61

Latest Blog 3
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