chickie_mama

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well i finally had my surgery (bypass) on Aug 18Th.  i was not able to blog about it because my comp was sent out to be fixed and was gone for 5 weeks!  the surgery went very well and had no problems with pain or gas.  the recovery at home is excellent.  i can bend over to pick up toys without a problem, clean house and yell at kids a o.k.   as a matter of fact, with the exception of the food, i feel like i didn't have surgery.  and that's great!  i dint know how much weight i lost because I'm waiting for my 4 week  check up to give me the results.  for some reason i dint feel excited like everyone else. I'm not depresses, i just dint feel excited.  my husband and kids see weight loss In my face,shoulders and arms.  they say i look great.  may by when i get the scale number at the docs office ill feel it but as for now, zip, nada, zilch!  so long for now

i never mentioned my weight! oops!

i weigh 248
i am 5' 6" ( ya know, i always thought i was 5'7". but when i went to the Dr office, i was 5' 6" !  another who knew moment!)

my bmi is 40. on the nose.

omg! you will NEVER believe it!  about 8 weeks ago i was doing laundry and i fell into the pile of laundry and it swallowed me and was trying to digest me for 8 weeks! i kid you not!  ha ha!  actually my son  spilled Dr pepper on the comp. ( lesson - if Dr. pepper is cold or warm and you don't shake it, it WILL blow like a fiery volcano. if you do shake it, it is a supper nova.) anyway, it took dell all this time to replace the comp because it was a defect  who knew!  i am happy to say that i finally got to see the Dr for my consultation!  took my labs, did the echo and the sleep test. ( i do not have sleep apnea.) oh! stopped smoking as well! huh? huh? ya proud of me or what!  ( it has been 4 week smoke free. i was at 1 1/2 packs a day. my husband has never smoked so i hope that that fact will help because temptation is not around. i told my girl friend that i wont be able visit her for a while. all 9 members of her family smoke in the house and i told her that I'm in smoking re hab. thankfully, she understood) i still have to do the stress test, phyc eval and the endoscopy.  so I'm half way done with test. it hard to schedule the test around my husbands work schedule. he has to take care or the youngest one while I'm gone, and he is ACTIVE. according to the girl in the office, there will be no problem for ins approval. i have empire BC BS. the girl at my PC office said that card is like a gold card. so that's good, no stress with the ins. but  i want the sleeve. so the will put in for the sleeve and see if it flies. if not, put in for rny which will fly. i do have a date ( July 13 ) but i don't want to post it yet because i haven't finished all my test yet. i am gonna go now. i have so much more to write but I'm tiered now.

i decide to write down some of the stuff  that i feel is holding me back from having surgery. so here we go......


1- i don't have "vacation time" to spend in a hospital to recover from surgery.

   WHY?- i have 3 kids. 1 takes meds for seizures and with that type of med you have to very consistent time wise when giving it. as a house rule i am the only one who can give his meds.  also, i am almost neurotic about keeping meds out of reach of kids. god forbid a pill falls on the floor, the whole house goes into lock down mode complete with sirens and Sheppard released.

             which leads me to my younger son. he turned 3 back in December. his behavior and temper tantrums are so out rages that when i went to apply for him to go to pre-k in September, the school suggested that he is not ready and try next year.  i feel he may have ADHD but must go see a neurologist to confirm this. so he is a hand full and i don't want my husband to look after him because i aknow the kid well and i know what he is going to do before he does it.  my girl is OK and don't misbehave at all.

2-  what if i die on the table, or of an infection? who's gonna take care of the kids and my husband? then again, what if i die from something related to being over weight?

3-  what if the surgery don't work?  i know that any WLS is a tool and even after surgery i have to account for everything i eat. what if i fail to that?

i can go on forever thinking of things that make me scared, but i don't even have the time to write in my own blog!

yesterday was the same as any other day in the house. TRY to get my oldest out of bed to get ready to go to school,  dress the two little ones, make lunches, make sure all books are in the school bags, make breakfast for them, tie shoes, yell at my son again to get out of bed, dress myself and yell at my son with the threat that he wont be able to play any video games if he dint move now. all things have to be done and ready to leave in an hour.  so as you can imagine, things in the morning are crazy.  so i decided to take my 20 second bathroom break and go pee.  well i went and when i was done i was in such a rush to get out when i zipped, the belly skin got  caught in the zipper! i think they hears the scream across the street! i haven't done that since i was a kid! trying to pull the skin out of the zipper was painful. so that made me feel a bit depresses because i go on day in and day out not thinking about my weight until it slaps me in the face to give me a reality check. honestly I'm scared shit to have any surgery.  but i know i have to do it. heart disease and diabetes is in the family and I'm next in line to be doled out one if not both. i better move my butt and get the ball rolling.

well, over the weekend it snowed. and snowed allot. so my husband and kids were stuck home with me for 3 HELLISH DAYS!   they drove me nuts!   anyway, i caught my self grazing like a cow in the pastures!  all weekend i only sat down for dinner. all the other times, nibble, nibble, nibble while i clean the house, do laundry, watch TV, whatever!   so when i walked over to the refrigerator for the 10Th time yesterday, i stopped myself.  i started clapping my hands and saying out loud breakfast, lunch and dinner and a snack! over and over to get it to sink in my brain.my husband came in from shoveling snow and looked at me like i had 6 heads!  what the hell are ya doin? are you OK?  i told him i was fine and that i just realized that i graze all day long. so now i have to try to keep myself from snacking all day long. hopefully the weather will warm up and ill be able to get out more to stop the boredom/ grazing. (think warm thoughts..think warm thoughts..)