Clara B.

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I'm doing improv, taking Irish stepdance lessons, doing event videography, expanding my world, and playing music! I am comfortable in my body and relaxed around other people. Weight shouldn't impact us so profoundly, but losing the weigh really has been an integral part of becoming the beautiful person I want to be.

Not too excited about food these days. At rehearsals, Peter almost always orders Chinese food. Every time I eat it, I threw up. During the Inaugural, Jason's family was desperate to eat after being 6 hours out in the cold and unable to cross the mall. So we stopped at the first Chinese place we could find. The food was delicious, and Jason and I shared vegetarian fare. I still threw up. Don't know why it is - maybe because it's all dense and it smells enticing and I go to fast? Anyway, nothing really tastes that great any more, food is kind of a chore. I know it probably won't feel good, so I sort of avoid it. I still eat plenty of meals, but I'm getting a little bored with my choices. Salmon is always a staple, but even it's a chore. I'm wondering if food is becoming entirely utilitarian to me now. Crazy thought! Anyway, have to keep eating to keep myself off of those vile protein shakes!

It's been a month and a few days. I have lost 24 pounds since surgery. Been in a bit of a stall since I started denser food a few weeks ago, or maybe a "vacillation". That should be fine. I'm getting all of my protein from food. I think I hated those shakes so much, it was mind over matter ;) I am taking in 1000-1100 calories per day, which my body seems to want. I don't seem to be able to do much less, though I might try. At that level of consumption, I should lose just fine, but stalls are weird and disconcerting anyway.

Things I eat regularly:
-0% Greek yogurt with frozen strawberries or peaches and 1/2 a packet of Truvia (xylitol), add a little water and blend it all together in my Magic Bullet knockoff. Sublime and super high in protein and low in calories.

-Salmon: wild-caught Pacific salmon, buy frozen or fresh. High in protein and great source of omega-3s. And yummy!

-Fresh or frozen edamame, mix with salmon and a little tzatziki. Super yum as a snack

-Protein bars: I'm trying to eat these just as a treat because I find I can eat 2 or 3 at a sitting and that's not good (they are hard to put down, reminds me too much of the past). They are relatively high in carbs but lots of protein, too.

-Eggs: haven't totally gotten into eggs again, but hopefully more soon

-Oat bran and flax meal - in small amounts (1-2 TB) - need to stay regular!

-Some other fun proteins:
Chicken sausage: have to eat this carefully. Very dense.
Seitan - haven't actually cooked up anything with it yet because I'm not feeling motivated to cook. But I do like seitan in medium amounts.
FF Tofu pups - I eat these as a snack.
Wheat gluten - this is ridiculously high in protein and low in fat. It has a slightly acidic taste, so I will have to get creative
Tofu - sounds so mundane compared to the other options, but fabulous in tofu scramble with eggs

I would like to add fresh veggies, but I know I need to approach these with caution. Can't wait till I can have my famous kale salad again!

Okay, surgery was 4 days ago, I'm wondering what's next. When I will feel hunger, when I will feel lack of hunger?

Mango has ringworm, I got a bad muscle spasm in my back, I lost my cell phone, I haven't eaten solid food in 5 days and nutrasweet blows chunks. Other than that, life is great.

I finally reached my dad today. He took it all matter-of-fact, never once questioned my decision! I focused on health and avoided any discussion of my eating disorder. Mind you, we have never once discussed my weight before in my life. I don't thik much surprises my dad; he wasn't shocked at all.

He trusts my scientific judgment. What an idea!

I also said I didn't think I should tell my brother, because he's on such a different plane of existence from me, I didn't think he'd really understand. And how my dad responded to this is very telling: he said something like: "Well, he might try to talk you out of it and get you to try one of his kooky ideas. I hadn't thought for that. My brother and I are polar opposites when it comes to our perspectives on health care.

My dad even wants to help me financially, but his stocks lost 30-40% of their value, and he has to pay his $4,000 long-term care premium soon. But he's going to see what his interest rate is on his line of credit and he may be able to get a much better rate than me, and then I could just repay that account and save a bundle.

I realized how many options I have today. I don't have to get a stinkin' loan with ridiculous fees! I checked my accounts and for some reason my bank raised my line of credit really high, and the interest rate is so much better. I can make this work financially, whether or not dad helps (have to tell him soon). I suspect he'll want to help with a portion, but gotta 'splain it all first.

The diamond ring was appraised at $9,500. I could probably get a third to a half of that. It's what my mom would have wanted, but now I have to figure out how to sell it. But now there's no rush, I can wait till I get the right price.

Okay, not really selling the farm - because even though my brother and I will own it, we won't get to do anything with it for a long time.

But, now I'm thinking of selling my mother's diamond ring. It doesn't have sentimental value and it's not all that cool looking. I'd rather pay for a longer, healthy life and sure that's what my mom would have wanted.

I'm also thinking about selling the family silver. It's worth a lot of money, and it's sitting in a box. But I'd have to convince my brother because it's his too.

It would be great not to have to take a loan! At least for part of it.

Even though it feels like a quick decision, I don't think it's rash. I'm having surgery on Nov. 25! Thanksgiving is the best time, because people will be out of the office, and I can recover over the weekend with minimal work disruption. I even bought a plane ticket to San Antonio for only $163!

 Well, my HR manager told me today she's hitting a wall of opposition with Care First regarding bariatric surgery. Turns out the surgeries that were covered in the past were covered by the old plan. Care First covers WLS in general, but we don't have the rider overriding the written exclusion in our company's insurance contract - lah dee dah. She's going to see if the policy can be changed. Apparently it takes a whole committee. Maybe some hearings, a grand jury, a federal investigation (this is D.C. after all). Just kidding about the last part.

Yikes. Mexico would be a whole lot easier. 

Meanwhile, I've started with the mandated 6-month diet/exercise plan.

Anyone know exactly what the Maryland obesity law says about bariatric surgery?