clarue

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I had a second fill yesterday. Prior to that I only felt a little funny when things went down, but could drink and everything I ate was fine. Today I tried to take four bites of a small cheeseburger...and I slimed and PB's for an hour now....And so uncomfortable! First thought is "I don't like this"...then a thought...this is what I did all this for : RESTRICTION ! Reason to celebrate not complain. Maybe now the weight will start coming off. I learned a valuable lesson...and plan to pay attention when I am eating from now on. 

Second fill was 3 cc's so the total is 6 in 10 cc band. My weight was up to 227..ugh , Christmas was not good ....well I was not good at Christmas is more the truth....today is a new day....

Well....today was my first fill. 3 cc's in a 10 cc band. I was so nervous! But it was so easy...she found it right away, no fluro ( I wish it was, but this place is so close and reasonable, I thought I would try it). I will continue to go there....just a little sting from the lido. No pain at all from the needle stick. Yay!

Today the scale said 221...I am not happy about how I have been doing. Since I have been on foods (thanksgiving day) I have eaten more and more ....I have not had restriction since the first three days on solids. BUT I have also made bad choices. A burger (though my partner and I split it, and before I would have eaten the whole thing), and cake ...goodies for the holidays. It's terrible...I want Christmas to hurry up and pass so I won't be so tempted. And I find myself thinking "I should eat "X" because after the fills I won't be able to eat much....my brain has not adapted to the idea that I will not feel deprived...I expect to feel that way, and want to avoid it...like eating more now will help later???that has never worked....ever. My lowest weight 2 1/2 weeks ago was 216....So I have gained 5 pounds....the woman who did my fill said it is normal to regain some, and 5 pounds is not that much...but I really need to get back on track. I have also been very stressed...and food is my drug of choice of course....need to find a replacement.....I am hoping this fill offers some restriction....

Well....today I had a real lunch....I had a hard taco from Qdoba with chicken and some pico de gallo and some chips. Actually ate more chips than I intended....next time I will ask for less. When I added it up I had 460 calories for lunch....need that to be around 350 or so I guess. But..it went down well. It was kind of weird, 30 minutes later I could hear it moving down and gurgling, which I have read others post about. Glad no one was with me at the time! Lots of burping but no PB's! I am nervous about tomorrow...and eating in front of guests, and also eating too much and stretching my pouch. I know better...I really need to just stay focused and enjoy being on real food. there has been alot of stress lately, and emotionally I am struggling since I can't use my old drug of choice = FOOD....my weight is still dropping though. Yesterday the scale said 217, today it says 218.5???? I think TOM  is coming up, and that is probably some of it.

Well..I am officially 13 days post op. the scale says 222...which I think is really good, but it is so easy to get caught up in wanting it to move every day!! How unrealistic is that? I dont' want to become obsessed...maybe I already am. I think it is the liquid diet...I am craving food, but I don't think I really get hungry. The shakes hold me over, and on work days I hardly eat anything. I told my best friend today...I was so nervous to do that. Not sure how people will respond. Mostly I want to keep it to myself for now. 

I am so hoping I will not need a fill for a while. I am hoping the band helps me control my eating over the holidays and I can get a first fill in January. I haven't seen my daughters for months...will see them at Christmas and give my oldest a baby shower (can't believe I will a grandmother!!!). So I don't want to have problems from a fill, or pb's / sliming while there. 

My one pair of black pants is falling off this week, last week they fit fine...and yet the scale says only three pounds lost since then????so weird!!!

Well...it is day 4....i have had diarrhea for three days on clear liquids. I am trying some slimfast today, so I can go to work and stay awake with my clients! I am lightheaded and tired I think from low blood sugar and no protein. Day 6 I was told I could do creamy soup....but may try it one day early if the slimfast doesn't help today. 

Down to 226....which is good. Not hungry, but boy can i burp alot! pretty embarrassing!

Well...surgery went well...but i am sooo tired today. I had lost ten pounds as of surgery day, so glad for that.Today I have slept almost all day. Tomorrow I get to go home and sleep in my own bed...which I'll be glad for.

Tired for now...so I will write again later.....

I finally got here....plane delays etc and instead of arriving at 3, I got here at 7. but in one piece. I am getting pretty nervous though...being in a strange place, and I came alone...which I kind of wish I hadn't....But I am excited too....and glad to be doing this. The driver who picked me up was very nice, and the hotel is fine....had some dinner, but didn't go overboard so I am proud of myself for that. Tomorrow is my pre op and surgery...so its a big day! I have lost 10 pounds as of this morning....

Well...my surgery is six days from now. I am trying to be careful what I eat, but got my period this week...so I am craving sweets like there's no tomorrow. Tonite we are going out for dinner....to use a gift certificate we've had for several months. Kind of a last celebration. I will still be careful about portions and calories, but want to enjoy some of the foods I really love....

I can't wait for thursday to get here already. So tired of waiting, so anxious ...I feel like this is all I think about. I guess it will be that way for a while. Trying to keep busy...

Well....I had a surgery date...today! But the fires in San Diego meant a week delay.....Talk about frustrated. Unfortunately I treated myself to real food for one whole day, as the delay in surgery was not my only stressor...I had also canceled all of my clients for those days, and now find myself in a financial crunch....BUT it is only a week and I am so happy about having this done. 

So...a little about me. I was pretty thin in High School, but gained 60 pounds with my first child. I stayed moderately overweight (wearing a 14/16 until I hit 35 years old. Since then, especially with graduate school and a career that keeps me sitting on my butt all day...I have gained to 238 pounds. I don't sit comfortably in airplane seats or movie seats. I get out of breath easily doing just about anything....exercise is hard hard work. I am looking forward to it being fun.....I want to play and go kayaking and walk my dogs without sweating and being embarrassed. 

I am nervous about getting this done. My partner is supportive, but maybe wondering if I will have the will power to work with the band? I don't know, I just think this might be a concern my partner has...but it makes sense I guess. I certainly didn't do well on all those diets. I know I can do it though...I know how determined I am...and how tired of feeling bad about how I look. I know it holds me back professionally and effects my self esteem profoundly. I WILL stick to this. Just hope I am one of the lucky ones with good restriction early on. 

So today I am back on the liquid pre op diet. I am down 8 pounds so far, just two more to go! That should be easy...I have 7 days to do it. I hope this week goes fast!