Cleopatra_Nik

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

No! At least I hope not. I love Christmas but am not nearly ready for it!!!

However, over at Bariatric Foodie, I'm thinking of the holidays: Thanksgiving AND Christmas.

Last year I did an event called the "Holiday Preview" where post-ops could come and sample WLS friendly variations of holiday treats, see food demonstrations and take home the recipes to try for themselves. Well this year, I am bringing it back! And I wanted to let all my friends know about it so that if you're in the area, you can save the date.

(For all my wonderful friends who are not on the East Coast, my apologies. At this time I don't have the resources to bring this event to you affordably. I'm hoping my work this year will make it possible to bring this event to your neck of the woods soon! Until then there will be a "Tasting to You" kit [last year this was called a "Portable Preview"] that you can order that gets you all the goodies and recipes straight to your door! Stay tuned for details.)

There will be a few different dates for this event. Only one is confirmed, here in my hometown of Baltimore. But if you are not in the DC/MD/VA metro region, fear not! I'm working on a location further north and further south. Details soon.

But if you ARE in my neck of the woods, save the date!

2011 Bariatric Foodie Holiday Food Tasting
October 29th, 2 -4 p.m.
Baltimore, MD (exact location to be announced shortly)

Last year's event was so much fun. Folks got to taste variations of their favorite holiday foods and I got quite a few "I didn't know _______ (favorite holiday food) could taste good healthy!'

This year we're bringing back a few of those favorites along with new recipes, a segment on baking with protein, demos on making knock-offs of your favorite hot drinks (with protein!) and much more. It's going to be a great event and you won't want to miss it!

For (a few) more details about this event, check out the blog www.bariatricfoodie.com. That's where I'll post updated information (with small reminders here, of course).

So folks within reasonable (and maybe even unreasonable) driving distance of Baltimore, mark your calendars! I hope to see you there!

Nikki

That’s the reason I exercise nowadays. Because it feels good.

 

My friend Pam shared a saying that I find to be especially true. “The hardest part of exercise is putting on your shoes.” That’s the hardest part for me. I think it was because my source of motivation was…off. And that’s putting it kindly.

 

Here’s the truth, my friends. Exercise will seem like a thorn in your side in the weight loss process. It may slow your weight loss. Hell, it may initially make you gain some weight. It’s a paradox. If weight loss is a “calories in, calories out” game, then exercise, in theory, should help. But it doesn’t always seem that way.

 

In my honeymoon phase, in so many ways, I could not see the forest from the trees. Back then I was frustrated because I let the scale tell my story. Now, looking at pictures of me seven, eight, nine months out, I was damn thin. I was visibly muscular. I was toned and I was well on my way to fit. But I exercised to lose weight and that was my fatal mistake.

 

I talk a lot about sustainability. You should start off with sustainable goals and sustainable expectations. This is one big example where I had neither. I endeavored to exercise two hours a day every day until I ended up looking like Beyonce. The trouble with this goal is that when a year passes, two years and then three and you don’t look like Beyonce, you begin to think the whole exercise thing is a crock.

 

So I pulled back on the exercise. Part of it was with good reason. If you look through my photos you’ll see at a point I built up major muscle mass and I didn’t think I looked very feminine (and yes, you all are very kind to disagree but I stand by my feelings). But the other part was because I didn’t get what I expected to get. Shortly after I pulled back, I learned something very important.

Weight loss, changes in metabolism and especially exercise, changes us. Bio-chemically. When I cut back on exercising I noticed major dips in my mood. When I slowed down even further I became down right depressed. My body wasn’t pumping out those feel good hormones anymore. It was a domino effect. I slowed down so I didn’t produce the endorphins which made me depressed and lethargic which made me even less apt to exercise.

 

I see now why obesity is a cycle and why, despite what society tells you, it is not solely a result of a lack of will power.

 

Recently, I have been picking back up the activity. This is for several reasons, chief among them that I just didn’t like the way I was feeling. I also want to stand as a good example to my girls. You don’t give up. You don’t throw in the towel. I’ve always taught them that the true meaning of failure is NOT that you don’t achieve your goal but that you quit trying to achieve it.

 

So I’ve been walking and doing Zumba. I’ve even graduated to jogging a bit. It feels good. My body likes the movement. I love feeling the air and sunshine on my skin. When I exercise I don’t think about food. I don’t think about stress. I am solely focused on the objective (which is usually something like “don’t die doing this”). And it feels good.

So that’s why I exercise now. I don’t really care whether my exercise helps or hurts my weight loss efforts. Some part of me still believes that a healthy weight is a natural by-product of an active lifestyle. If this is true, my body will reach a healthy weight, my natural weight (that subject is another blog post). But that’s a dangerous road for my mind to travel, so I can’t focus on that.

 

For now, feeling good will just have to do. For today, I am ok with that.

 

“Why in the WORLD do I want to be hungry, Nik? Isn’t that why I had surgery???”

 

Well…sort of.

 

One thing I’ve discovered in the past year or so is that hunger is a very necessary feeling for me. When I nosh mindlessly, somehow the joy of food is diminished. It just is. I’ve thought long and hard why and came up with an “aha!” moment that helps me thwart grazing (and yes, I am going to make you read to the end to find out what that is).

 

Long story short: hunger makes eating better. One of the things I HATED about my first six months post op was that I was never hungry. Eating was a chore. The food didn’t taste as good. Meals didn’t satisfy me in any way.

 

Mind you, part of that was because I was looking for mental and emotional satisfaction from food, but the truth is that food is satisfying on a sensory level as well. I think that’s why I love cooking so much AND why when I cook a lot I tend not to eat a lot.

 

I love the smell of food. There is nothing more heavenly to me than the scent of roasting vegetables. I love how food feels, the texture of it. I like to feel it with my hands (the leathery rub of an eggplant, a prickly pineapple) and I love the feel of it in my mouth (get your minds out of the gutter pervs!). That all comes together with the taste to be a very pleasurable experience.

Now that I know more about how flavors work together, I know how to make super satisfying meals. I know that with anything sweet, I need a hint of salt. I know that spicy and creamy work together for the greater good. I know what I like roasted, fried, poached, sautéed, caramelized and nearly any other method of cooking.

But without hunger, all that is a moot point. Eating why you aren’t hungry is like having sex when you’re not horny. There’s just something…missing. (Pervs, there I gave you something you can work with.)

 

Hunger makes eating deeply, physically satisfying. The feeling of food going into a hungry stomach (or other such apparatus) is an innate part of the human concept of pleasure. What surgeons and psychologists do not tell you is that nearly everything in life revolves around two processes: eating and making babies. Anything you can do to enhance your ability to do either of those is going to feel really, REALLY good.

 

(Side note: I always joke that I know the meaning of life. I think I do have it figured out. The meaning of life is to LIVE. Every physical process in life is geared toward that goal. We eat to live and our bodies put enormous resources in making us eat and making our bodies use food to keep us alive. We make babies to carry forward life. Nature makes that process so irresistible that we do…erm, what we need to do despite the fact that the world population is kinda good to go for now. Anyway, moving on…)

 

So when I feel the need to nosh, I remind myself that I am robbing myself of the opportunity to actually ENJOY a meal later on. Because when I nosh, at my scheduled meal I’m not really hungry. And I don’t really enjoy the food. I sort of pick over it and eat it in batches, which is no fun. When I’m hungry (or what I call hunger nowadays which is more like an empty pouch), I sit down and eat a meal. It tastes good. After I am finished, I go and do something else.

 

Another thing I noticed is that when I am noshing, I also rob myself of the experience because I do this “zoning out” sort of thing. I can feel myself go into it. I start chewing. I stare off into space. My mind is elsewhere. I don’t even know that I taste the food. I am just putting it in my mouth and chewing.

 

That’s my cue to STOP, LOOK and LISTEN! (Well maybe not listen, but it seemed to fit in well with the flow of the sentence, don’t you think?) I want to be present at my meal! Eating is a much smaller part of my existence than it used to be. I can’t afford to be zoning out of the experience. I want to get to taste my food, enjoy the care I put into preparing it. Enjoy the flavors and textures. I want a meal to SATISFY me.

So when I do that I have begun to quickly snap myself out of it. A mental “Hey! You!” usually works well.

 

But hunger DOES have a place in my life. It’s important and eating in the proper portions helps me to use hunger to enjoy my eating life.

I just entered the  Magic Bullet Kitchen Magician Contest.

Basically you make a 2.5 minute video of yourself making a yummy recipe in your Magic Bullet, upload it to Facebook and get your friends to vote for you. The prize? $10,000!!!! Those that know me know this could be a life changing thing for me!

Please, go vote for my video!!!! The recipe I made for teh video is a peach mango frozen pop. It's the version I use for the divas but could easily be modified to a protein power pop by adding two scoops of vanilla whey.

So please, please, PLEASE (I ain't too proud to beg y'all) vote for my video and spread the word. I really want this!!!! You can vote here: http://apps.facebook.com/kitchenmagic/59 (or by clicking any of the REALLY obnoxious links in this post, mkay????)

THANK YOU!!!!!

You know how you take a picture and you stash it away somewhere and then one day you happen upon it again? That’s how I’d liken what I’m experiencing these days.

I became so “graduated” in my post-op mentality (and I don’t use that term positively in this case) that I forgot a lot of the basic things that fueled my success in the first place.

 

Last night was the divas Girl Scouts closing ceremony at a local swim club. There was food. Specifically, there was pizza. In situations such as these I have tried to teach myself not to torture myself about the presence of pizza. It’s there. I’m there. Either I’m going to eat some or not. But the whole future of the world and humanity does NOT hinge on my decision to eat the pizza or not. I usually make it that big of a deal though. You should hear the thoughts that go through my head. I stake my whole three years progress on one little decision, as if all the millions of decisions that I’ve made up to this point don’t count.

 

It really is some “stinkin’ thinkin’.” Last night I decided to get over myself. I had some pizza. Some strawberries and, Lord help me, someone brought chocolate whipped cream (only 2g of sugar per serving. I can handle that).

 

Later on that night, I determined that while that was a nice indulgence, I needed to move my butt. So I did Zumba. It felt good and at the end of the night I felt good about my day.

 

So that’s my report for the day. It’s hot here in Baltimore, but I hear it’s hot in most of the U.S. Remember to stay hydrated folks, and stay out of the sun! I’ve had heat exhaustion before and it’s not fun.

Wednesday is going to be my official “weigh day” (although I might re-think that as I usually go to church that night) but I wanted a little “scale preview.”

 

Me and the scale don’t have a good relationship. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t go through the requisite “scale mania” that follows WLS. But I got out of that pretty early on. I don’t like the scale’s ability to dictate my mood, so for a long time I avoided it. Nowadays I realize that is STILL letting the scale define me. I need the scale as a tool to measure my progress. How that information makes me feel is completely up to me: it’s both a product of my actions and decisions as are my feelings.

 

So anyway. Last week, you might remember, I was at a horrifying 205. I don’t like the “2.” Mind you, pre-op if you had told me I’d ever weigh anything that began with a “1” I’d have called you a liar but whatever. I don’t like the “2.” I set realistic goals though. My goal for this week was to be 204. Just 204. One little pound was my goal.

 

And the scale said…202.5. So 2.5 lbs. I’ll take it. My first mini-goal is 190. I don’t have a timeline with this mini-goal other than to hit it. If I keep up the pace of this week, that’d be toward the beginning of August. But it’s not a race and I won’t make it into one.

So far as the reduced calorie diet. It’s not been as bad as I thought. The thing about this surgery is that eating more begats eating more. For a long time I underrate and had to work at eating enough (I stalled a lot my first year because of it). I started eating a higher calorie range because I felt like that’s what my body needed.

 

Now that I’m trying something different, I notice that eating less also begats eating less. I can’t eat as much at a sitting because I’m not eating as much or often as I used to. It’s interesting to know I have that much power over my eating capacity.

 

My micro goal is to spend 20 minutes on the row machine every time I go to the gym. No exceptions. I hate that damn thing, which is precisely why I NEED to be on it. It’s exercise my body is not familiar with therefore it will produce results. Besides, I kinda miss my muscular shoulders.

 

;) G’day peeps.

This is just speaking for the last few weeks. Over the course of the last three years there are a LOT of things I’ve learned not to do (chief among them, do NOT ignore your “I’m getting full” signals. That never ends well.)

 

First is that I have stopped expecting that there will be a day when I apathetic toward food. Let’s face it, I’m a foodie. I like food. It fascinates me. I learn a lot from people from what they serve me, a lot about cultures by what they eat, a lot about cities by the restaurants I visit.

 

If one were into Freudian theory, they might surmise I got stuck in the oral stage because a lot of what I learn about the world, I learn through my taste buds. This was true, to some extent, before surgery although I spent so much time trying to shovel that I never really grasped how GOOD food is. The nuances. The subtle flavor differences between a gala apple and a Granny Smith. The wonder of artichokes and asaragus. The earthy goodness of cocoa powder in a spicy chili and the joy of salt in caramel. Now that I can’t eat as much, every bite has to count and so I notice the richness of flavor in everything that I eat.

 

Throughout my journey, though, I somehow equated thinking about food to eating it. They are not the same. From this moment forward, I hereby give myself permission to THINK about food as much as my heart desires. Although I cannot eat it as much as I think about it, somehow my attempt to suppress food thoughts only amplified them and, in doing so, made me think I had an appetite when I didn’t. I don’t know if that makes sense but it is what is.

 

The second thing I have stopped doing is assuming that a craving is anything more than a desire. A craving is a noun, not a verb. It is something that is, not something that drives. I can crave something til the cows come home. It doesn’t mean I HAVE to eat it. This is particularly pertinent with a new and empowering discovery about myself.

 

The danger zone with me and a food exists in about the first 2-3 minutes of contact with it. I smell the food, I take it in. I WANT it. I WANT it. I WANT IT. If I can get past that mantra in my head and think reasonably again I remember a few things. First, that I’m not hungry. Second, that eating said food will probably derail my goals. Lastly, and most importantly, that eating said food will make me feel REALLY bad about myself. And I don’t like feeling bad about myself. I like feeling good.

 

So the cravings…I treat them like any other sense. They are every other sense all wrapped up in one – the smell of something, my perception of the taste, the look of it, even the sizzling sound of it cooking. Taste is not the only satisfying sensation.

Yesterday I went to one of Baltimore’s bazillion summer street festivals and there was food everywhere. I had eaten before I went (not intentionally, but I had) and it was hard being in the midst of everything from jambalaya and paella to crab dip to funnel cakes and not partake. But once I started to think of the cravings as a sense and let myself enjoy them, it became more manageable.

Food is everywhere. It used to talk to me. It still does to a certain extent although now it’s not so much a seductive, melodic calling as it is a conversation — a very measured conversation.

 

So that’s where I am for today. Still working at stuff. Still chipping away. I weigh in on Wednesday so I’ll check back in. My weight last week was 205. I’m hoping for 204 this week (realistic goals, people). We shall see.

Ok, so I’m OH blogging again. Yay!

 

I figured this is the best place to blog about this particular part of my journey because this is where I connect with most post-ops. I hope you’ll all follow along and give me encouragement. I’m sure to need it.

 

So here’s the deal. I had a bounce. Then I had some straight-up regain. I won’t lie to you. Now before you all go thinking, “well you run a food blog so I guess that’s why!” No. I blame my regain on eating stuff outside the uber-wls-friendly stuff I cook for Bariatric Foodie. I’d gotten back into some bad habits.

 

I’m not a sweets person but chips are my kryptonite. I’d have a handful here and there and think, “it’s ok. I’ve got calories to spare…” Dangerous thinking peeps. If you ever start to think that way, slap yourself. Or throw cold water on your face. Or something.

 

Anyway, here I am, 30 lbs. above my low weight of 172. Yes, you read that right. I weigh over 200 lbs. now. I don’t like that. My body feels the difference and I don’t like that even more.

 

So I’m taking control. I’ve already started. My first step was to talk to my nutritionist. I was honest. It was very cathartic. She reassured me that the battle with food addiction and obesity is a lifelong one and I wouldn’t be “normal” if I didn’t have a bump in the road. She also gave me a reality check. I am still quite muscular and have retained a good bit of my fitness, so she doesn’t see why I shouldn’t be able to turn this thing around.

 

She recommended “shocking” my body with a drastic reduction of calories. I’d raised my calories based on my burn rate (on an average day I burn about 2,800 calories per my GoWear Fit). Her suggestion: 1,200. I thought I might die but the good thing about WLS is that reducing intake is MOSTLY a matter of getting your head on straight.

 

I’ve been working my way DOWN to 1,200 though. I finally got there yesterday but I still have some tweaks to make to sustain it.

 

So anyway…follow along as your resident imperfect diva seeks to defy the odds (and nature) and lose this last 30 lbs!

Which do you do?
Typically how far?
How many times a week?

I've seen a lot of us are participating in this event this year. Check-in!

Who's walking? In what city and in whose honor?

Let's support each other!