Cleopatra_Nik

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I am going to assume at this point that those who choose to read my inspirations are either spiritual or open to spiritual messages so I am no longer going to disclaimer messages with prayers or spirituality. I’m a Christian. It’s part of who I am. I do vow, however, not to disperse messages that promote bigotry or hatred and if anything I post offends you, please comment on it.

 

Ok, now that the public service announcement is out of the way, a prayer:

 

“Lord, do to me and for me today as I have done to and for others yesterday.”

 

My mother uses this as a prayer to help her with selfishness. I think it’s brilliant. At first glance this may look like a spin on the golden rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you) but it’s actually a lot different and it is in that difference that I draw my inspiration this week.

 

The Golden Rule. It’s nice in a “kumbaya” kind of way, but what is it really saying? What we draw from it is that we should treat each other with humanity and respect, but the actual rule is flawed.

 

My main concern is that it puts you in the driver’s seat, commanding you to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Well, how each of us would have others do unto us varies. We each have different sets of standards. My biggest beef, however, is that most of us don’t live up to it. How many of us put others first? How many of us neglect ourselves in favor of caring for others? How many of us hate ourselves yet worship others? And if you don’t now…how many of us have in the past? And how many people in our lives have taken and taken because of those tendencies in us and not given anything back. So how you have people do unto you may not be so great. And if you do unto others as you have others do unto you, you may just be fostering an extremely cyclical and unhealthy relationship.

 

So the above prayer. It takes you out of control. It puts it in God’s hands. What does that do? Well first of all it holds you to task about how you actually treat other people. As humans, naturally we act differently when our actions are being observed than when they are unobserved. And we especially react differently when the actions we perform are the actions that will also be performed upon us. That is what this prayer gets at. It is basically saying, “ok, you want me to treat you good? I am only going to treat you as well today as you treated others yesterday…” and suddenly, as if by some miracle, you start to treat others much, much better. Because, as the bible says ad nauseum, and as is highlighted especially in the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi “it is in giving that we receive; it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.” It is in blessing others that we are blessed.

 

I get PM’s from lots of people who thank me for posting recipes, or my inspirations, or some other thing I said or did. What I have to say right here and right now is thank you to all of you. Because writing these inspirations, posting the recipes, being on the boards, helping others…I would argue it blesses me as much, if not more, than it blesses those whom I claim to help.

I highlight this because it is important to make sure you are practicing the spirit of assistance if you claim to be assisting someone. If you come to a helping task and it feels burdensome, you are not of the spirit of assistance. If you come to a task of helping and you find yourself thanking God (or your chosen higher power) for the opportunity to be able to do this, you are in the spirit of assistance. Y’all can argue me down on that one and I am not budging!

 

So as you go through your lives this weekend and beyond, make sure your heart is right when going to help someone. It’s ok to say no if your heart is not in the right place. Because if the above prayer is answered, then someone will give you that respect today (in being straightforward and by not making things worse by trying to “help” with an off-spirit) that you showed someone else yesterday.

Have a great weekend.

How’s this for over-simplification. My wisdom for this week is this:

 

Just because we can do something, doesn’t mean we want to do it.

 

Ok, so that seems really simple but let’s unpack that. I’ll use myself as an example. I can run a mile in about 10 minutes. At the end of the 10 minutes I won’t be out of breath, I won’t be clutching my chest, I will be mildly sweaty but not overly so. Now ask me how often I actually do that.

But if I can do it, why don’t I? Well…because I don’t want to.

I think it’s important to point this out because there is this misconception that when we get smaller (or because we’ve gotten smaller) we will automatically love to do things like exercise or eat healthy. To believe this is setting yourself up for potential disappointment.

You may or you may not love to exercise. You may or you may not embrace healthy eating. The only true way to tell is to walk the walk. Still, we have had this surgery and there are requirements we must follow. So let’s say you have your surgery and you don’t like to exercise or you don’t like the healthier foods. What do you do?

There are some I’ve seen who don’t change a thing about their habits even after surgery. And they do lose weight. I will admit that. Some have lost even more than I have. So what’s the incentive?

My friends, if you’ve been following my inspirations and taking them to heart you will know that it is not about individual actions. It is about collective investment. It’s not about “did you go to the gym today?” it is about “do you find yourself worthy enough to take care of your body?” That needn’t be hard. I think sometimes we overcomplicate this thing. Things like activity (because not everyone needs to be an athlete), healthy eating choices, drinking water, quitting smoking, or WHATEVER…flows naturally from a healthy sense of self preservation. Self preservation is the foundation of self love. If you do not have self love, or if you are not developing self love, you will find the concepts of taking truly good care of yourself very difficult.

 

You’ll think “what harm will it do if I eat chips and ice cream? I don’t dump and I can’t eat as much of it as before…” or “I am way more active than I used to be before…I don’t really need to do anything more…”

 

If you think this way and you are truly happy and satisfied with your life and health…you are a rare bird indeed. For the rest of us, I empower you to ask yourself the hard questions. “Why do I not find myself worth the effort of change?” and “what can I do to begin to see myself as worthy?” Because the lifestyle changes that will make you successful in your new life in the long-term will at first feel laborious. It is like medicine. We don’t like taking it, but we do because we know we need it. If you are fortunate (or tenacious) eventually it becomes more like food was in our old life. We enjoy it and we can’t get enough.

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you will like doing it.

 

So don’t set yourself up for disappointment if you find that you don’t like the post-op requirements. The surgery was not a magic wand. You are still you. But DO make a plan to get around your preferences, your road blocks, your self esteem issues, your fears and do what you need to do. If it was your child, you would do that right? If it was your husband/wife, you would do that right? So why not do it for you?

 

Have a great week.

I talk a lot about trusting the surgery, seeing the changes in yourself, emerging with an identity intact with which you are comfortable.

 

Now let’s talk about when the shit hits the fan (yes, as a Christian woman I do swear from time to time when I feel that the swear word is the most efficient word I can use).

 

Life is messy. Maybe you lost your job. Or your dog died. Or your mom died. Or your husband/wife wants to divorce you. Or your car broke down. Or you only have 32 cents left in your bank account and the mortgage is due. Unfortunately life does not have an “easy button” all the time and you have to deal with that even after having come through a dramatic weight loss surgery.

 

Unfortunate also is the fact that for many of us, those life stressors are what drives us to eat things we are not supposed to eat and behave in ways we are not supposed to behave.

Why do we do this?

 

I have a theory: food is comfortable. It tastes good. That doesn’t change. Even in a world where people, places and things (along with our respective relationship to them) can change, what tastes good has always tasted good and always will. So when we are stressed out we need something familiar. We need something to feel good. Eating feels good. We are hardwired that way and, frankly, there ain’t a damn thing we can do about that short of lobotomy. So what do you do?

 

I could give you a list of things you can do instead of eating but we’re all grown folks. I’d rather talk about how we approach these situations rather than dictating to you what you should do. My mom always taught me there is a lesson and a blessing in every hardship. I would go even further and say there is an opportunity. Yes, in every hardship there is an opportunity, no matter the severity.

 

Universally I can say the opportunity is to use the tools in your toolbox. And all of us have a toolbox whether we know it or not. We don’t have to be superheroes. There are people who will help us if only we put out the call. There are things we can let go of if only we had the courage. Learning how to not only be strong but to be vulnerable, and vocally vulnerable, is important when trying to cope. Others cannot know you are suffering if you are suffering in silence. And if they don’t know, they can’t help you.

 

So this week I empower you to utilize your tools to deal with the adversities of life. Food is for fuel and for enjoyment. It should not be the thing that makes our world right when things go wrong. It should not be the line between insanity and calm. The real work of this surgery, the hard work, is finding what truly is that great corrector…that clear line…and using the tools in your toolbox I have every confidence you have the ability to figure that out for yourselves.

 

Have a great week.

Hello Friends~

 

Sorry about the sporadic inspirations but it’s like this: if I don’t feel inspired or if my thinking is particularly convoluted, I don’t think I’m doing any great service to you to write something just to write something. So I wait until I am actually inspired to write, hoping that whatever God puts in my heart to write to you will benefit you in some way!

 

A programming note—I’m going to stop PM’ing my inspirations. OH refuses to make a function to have a group mailing list and keeping up with who wants it and who doesn’t is cumbersome. I will post on the RNY board when there is a new inspiration and keep an eye on your OH profile start page! Keep the comments coming, I love them! It helps me to hear your thoughts and feedback on what I am thinking and saying.

 

Ok, enough of that…down to business.

 

Trust. What do you know about it?

 

Trust is an issue that I struggle with a lot and I would argue a lot of us struggle with it. That is why we see so many posts that are titled as follows, “Stall at only two weeks???” or “Is this all I am going to lose???” Because in reality there is nothing wrong with our bodies or our pouches. Our bodies are a near-perfect machine and work the way they were designed to work. The surgery, while not perfect, works the way it is supposed to work. So why do we panic? We panic because we don’t trust in the process. We think (quite self-centeredly I might add) that we are that ONE person in the world for whom this surgery won’t work. That even though we are doing everything right, success will elude us.

 

And then as you get further along in the process, you start to post things like, “XXX food is the DEVIL!” or, to put another spin on it you post things like “WOW moment!” Both of those come from places of mistrust (although the latter is a positive outcome whereas the former is a negative). Food is not the devil and slip-ups happen mainly because we don’t work the tools in our toolbox and we don’t work the tools in the toolbox because we don’t fully trust them all the time. We think we should be able to “wing it.” We think that that makes us normal. We don’t trust the rigidness that must be observed to be vigilant when in reality all we really need to do is accept that we are human and fallible and that sometimes we are just simply going to mess up. 

 

The WOW moment is a result of mistrust. If you trusted the process and trusted that YOU can do it, the wow moment would not exist. I’m not saying the wow moment is a bad thing. It’s a WONDERFUL thing and we should all have them. Not everything bourne of shaky habits results in a bad thing. It’s kinda like a dandelion. It’s comes from a weed, but it’s still pretty and we can recognize that.

 

Then you get to where I am sitting currently. I’ve been struggling these last few weeks with trust. To give a real life example, I overpack food and I over portion food sometimes because I don’t trust that my little pouch will be satisfied with the proper portion sizes. So in real life, how do you get around that? I was talking to my mother about that today. And I told her sometimes you just have do a “hard switch.” You have to say to yourself (out loud or in your head), “stop it. This is not what you are supposed to be doing. It’s not healthy and you need to stop.” That simple admonishment most of the time will get me back in line but if it doesn’t I remember the following.

 

I don’t have to trust anything of this world. I don’t have to trust my family, I don’t have to trust my friends, I don’t even have to trust this surgery. I trust God (and for those of you that are atheists, maybe you have some other thing that you trust like universal truth…whatever it is that you trust that is your logic and reason—mine is God). I trust that He brought me to this place with the intention that I succeed. I trust that He’s given me every tool I need to succeed. I trust that even on the hard days He still walks beside me, but that it is up to ME to make the changes. So that leads me to ask myself, “what is the worst that could possibly happen if I portion out my food properly?” “what’s the worst that can happen if I go and do my workouts as I am supposed to?” “what’s the worst that can happen if I say no to overextending myself and focusing on me for a change?” Truly, what is the worst that can happen? And then I imagine it and I ask myself, “is this worst case scenario bigger than God and God’s ability to handle it?” Then my little obstacle seems kinda ridiculous. And I get through it.

 

So this week I challenge you to look at where you are with trust. Does mistrust hold you back in any way? How can YOU get around that? Most importantly, what’s stopping you?

 

Have a great rest of the week.

I know I promised a series on "finding your normal" but inspiration cannot be contained!

To everything there is a season.  That’s what the bible tells us (it’s in Ecclesiastes for those of you who want to look it up and sing the Beatles song in your head). The transition between seasons is of particular interest to me.  Personally, I am very tentative at the change of seasons, especially winter to spring.  I am overjoyed at the increased sunshine, the warmer temperatures, and the promise of summer heat.  But somehow I don’t trust it all.  Like the moment I put away my last sweater we’ll get an off season blizzard or a sudden temperature drop and I won’t be prepared.  I keep a portion of my winter clothes out for some time into the spring, almost until summer.  They take up my drawer space until finally I say, “ok, enough is enough.  If it gets cool I’ll put on a jacket!”

 

At 15 mos. post-op I find myself at another seasonal transition.  My season for being obese is gone.  It has faded away…rapidly yet somehow slowly at the same time.  It’s a contradiction really.  On the one hand it seems like just yesterday I was the fat girl who wore size 24, never exercised, ate crap, and hoped for a better life.  Now I am the person I dreamt of being.  On the other hand it seems as if I have so very far yet to travel—with my body, with my mind, with my life. 

 

I also find that, like in the case of my spring and winter clothes, I often find myself not fully trusting my RNY, not believing it will do what it is supposed to do.  This manifests itself most predominantly in an utter and complete fear of hunger.  I overpack food, over serve myself on plates, always thinking “will it be enough?”  It is and thank goodness I have the good sense not to eat the extra (well that and my pouch is very vocal about overeating). I find myself wandering back to the scale a little too often, thinking that if I take one bite over what I think I should, that one bite will be the bite that brings ALL the weight back. 

 

This behavior, this thought process, to put it simply, is crazy.  It’s insane.  I have spent the last 15 mos. learning new habits, as evidenced by the fact that even when I eat too much I eat too much of fresh vegetables, lean proteins, lowfat dairy, fresh fruit.  I now get excited about going to the gym…love to feel the wind on my face as I run, feel empowered by the amount of weight I can lift, how many crunches I can do.  Long neglected muscles beg to emerge from the excess skin that hangs from my body and I have not had one serious illness (not a cold, nor my usual allergies, nor any other serious ailment) since surgery. My back doesn’t hurt anymore.  I have energy (and my body is trained so that I actually *feel* the energy resulting from eating high energy foods) and I feel good.  The surgery is working.

So why hold on to that last bit of my old life?  Why not put it away?  I can be mindful of it…remembering what it was like to be obese so that I continue to be thankful and to make the right decisions.  But why not embrace this new life, this new season?  That is EXACTLY what I am resolving to do. 

 

Just as I believe God is always the same, I am always the same.  I’m always me.  That does not mean I don’t change, evolve, improve.  Acknowleding this new season is not a “goodbye to the old me” and “hello to the new me.”  It’s a new and exciting chapter in the story of my life.  Who knows where it will take me…but how can I ever know if I don’t go?

 

This week I challenge you to prepare for a new season.  A season of good health, of good times…of smiles and laughter, new accomplishments and friendships, great experiences and phenomenal memories.  Trust that your season is coming, prepare for it, make room for it in your life and live it!

 

Have a great week.

Ok, I'm back on track guys...took me a minute but here goes...

This one is going to be a series but I'm not sure how many installments.  The working title: "Finding your normal."

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about the struggles I still have even 15 mos. post-op and she said something that got me thinking.  She said, "I would have thought you'd have found your normal by now."

Found my normal?  Interesting concept.  But a very worthy one.

The thing I find most frustrating about WLS is the fact that everyone's experiences are so different.  Each doctor's program is different. There is no standardized advice just is there is no standardized results.  Some people lose all their weight with seemingly little effort (I know people who didn't change what they eat so much as how much) while others follow all the rules and take a long time to get to goal (raises hand).  And in the middle of this struggle, this tug of war, we tend to forget that there's this thing called life that we're supposed to be carrying on.  Life isn't all about the number on the scale or what we eat or how frequently.  Tapping into that life requires us to invent some sort of normal for ourselves.

So how exactly do we do that?

The concept of normalcy has always eluded me.  I don't get it.  I am a person who deals in extremes.  I'm either elated or deeply depressed.  I'm either too busy or utterly bored.  I am either very active or totally lazy.  I don't know how to do "the middle ground."  So I know from the onset my "normal" is not going to be about middle grounds but more about getting the most out of what I am working with.  So I am labeling that step #1 - know yourself, who you are, your strengths, weaknesses and limitations.  To not know these--or worse, to ignore them--is to do yourself a great disservice.  In life when you put yourself in a position of trying to be something you are not, you are setting yourself up for failure from jumpstreet.  Don't do that.  If you know certain things about yourself (i.e. you are just not the athletic type, or perhaps you've accepted that you're a party person or homebody or a square or a bible thumper or whatever you are) then you at least know the lens through which you look at the world which very heavily shapes how you go about doing this.

So I'm labeling step #2 - figure out how who you are helps or hinders you.  For me, my extremes mean that some days I'm very good at following through on plans and some days I just suck at it.  That's just me.  Not using that as an excuse, but if you can plan around your challenges (which requires first accepting that you have some) you're already ahead of the game.  

Step #3 follows that lead by making plans for your weaknesses and plans for capitalizing your strengths.  Try to set yourself up for success.  For instance if you've accepted that you hate exercise, but you know you love talking and having conversations, perhaps you'd capitalize on that aspect while making a plan for your weakness by inviting someone you care for on a walk to chat.  Or buying a Bluetooth headset so you can talk and walk at the same time.  Things like that. 

These are just three things to get us started on finding our normal.  Notice that this is not food-centric at all.  We'll talk about that in the coming weeks, but this week I challenge you to begin to try to find your normal.  Study yourself, your habits, your likes, your dislikes, things you respond well to versus things you tend to avoid.  This time in our lives is so transitionary.  We are not given much time to bid our old selves and habits goodbye before we emerge as a new figure, a new body, and a new life.  Let's find our normal together!

Have a great week!

As I sometimes must do, I am putting out the warning that this inspiration is drawn from my experience in the Christian faith.  If you’re not down with that…that’s cool but you may want to stop reading here.

 

Last Sunday at church my pastor said something that took me aback.  He was talking about people who are ill and who pray.  He said he always advises them that when praying they should not focus on telling God about their illness but to focus on telling their illness about the awesome God they serve. 

 

Wow.

 

Being a life-long food addict with all the behaviors and sensibilities of an addict, I wondered how that concept could fit into my life.  Do you ever exhibit addict behavior?  Don’t know?  Here’s some examples:

 

• You go to visit a friend…you just ate lunch before you went…you get there and she has cookies.  You say to yourself, “I know I shouldn’t have one but they look so good…” you reach out your hand and then pull back, reminding yourself you just ate.  You proceed to block out all of what your friend says to you because the cookie remains in the room with you.  Finally, you reach out and take one.
• You vow never to eat a tortilla chip again…but you buy them “for the kids” and end up taking a couple each time you give them some.
• You faithfully fill out your food journal every day but omit that little bowl of ice cream or the scone you had.

 

The problem lies not in the actions but the thought processes associated with addict behavior.  So how could speaking my God to my addictive behavior change that.

Well the other day I was at Whole Foods.  I love Whole Foods by the way.  They had samples of potato chips.  I took one, thinking “I’ll just have one.”  Ate it…immediately reached for another.  And another.  Then I thought to myself, “why am I doing this?”  And I paused, remembering what my pastor said.  I looked at that tray of chips and it smelled good.  It looked good.  I already knew it tasted good and I wanted another one!  But you know what?  My God is an awesome God and he delivered me through major surgery to have a new life.  He gave me a new body and is working a change in my heart and mind so that I can hopefully maintain my health to be around to serve His purposes.  How irresponsible of me to put that in jeopardy by giving in to my addict behavior!

 

I don’t want you to take away from this that potato chips are the devil.  Remember, it is the *behavior* we are concerned with…not the food…not the action of eating it.  If I was able to eat one chip and leave it at that, it would be an equal glory to God’s deliverance because chips are truly my trigger food.  But since I am powerless over my compulsion to eat them, I had to speak the power of my God to my addiction…and my addiction backed down.  I reached into my pocket, extracted a 5 calorie piece of sugar free gum and started a-chewing…the bible says about God “no weapon formed against me shall prosper.”  This is so true.  Even if you are not religious, no weapon formed against good can truly conquer it.  It can bruise it physically, wear it out mentally, but it cannot kill it.

 

Remember that as you walk your journey and next time you find yourself in a situation where your inner “addict/compulsive eater/whatever you want to call it” comes out speak the power of YOUR higher power to the compulsion and see if it doesn’t back down.

Have a great week!

Sorry about the lag folks…it’s been one of those weeks for me.  But today I have a good one so I hope it was worth the wait…

 

People often ask me about my screen name.  Cleopatra_Nik.  What an interesting name…how did you choose it?  I am inspired in many ways by the ancient Egyptian queen and so I thought I’d share with you some reasons why.  This one is long-ish so if you don’t have a minute right now, you might wanna save this one for later.

 

Queen Cleopatra is of the line of Egyptian nobility known as the Ptolemies.  The Ptolemies actually are more Mediterranean/European than African and so, despite the fact that us black folk try to claim her, she probably didn’t look very much like us (she would have called most black folks “Nubian”).  Anyhoo…Egyptian nobility blood lines run through the women in the family which created some persnickety situations for Egyptian royalty.  For instance, if your mom and dad died and you and your brother survive, you and your brother have to marry to keep the blood line going (ok say it…ewwwww).  Such was the situation that Cleopatra found herself.  Married to her little brother Ptolemy who she could not stand.  He didn’t have any love loss for her either.  In truth, he was a child when he had to marry his sister and it wasn’t long before the two had engaged in sibling rivalry of epic proportions – a civil war.

 

Enter Rome.  Egypt provided grain to Rome so if there was conflict which disrupted the grain shipments, Romans didn’t eat.  Rome was then what the U.S. is now, so of course they had to get that situation straightened out.  A delegation from Rome went to Egypt and during that time Cleopatra was liberated, Ptolemy deposed, and Cleo installed as queen of Egypt.  Cleo, even though a teenager, was a smart cookie.  She knew Rome held all the power and her title was kinda just a figurehead kinda thing.  The real power lay in being a Roman citizen.  She could not be one, though because…well she was the queen of Egypt.  So she did the next best thing…she had a baby by a Roman…notably Julius Caesar.

But that didn’t exactly work out so well.  There was a lot of babymama drama.  Caesar was climbing the political ranks and he had a wife and a daughter in the public eye and he sort of winked and nodded at the whisperings of his bastard child with Cleopatra.  So my girl did what any sensible babymama would do…she went to Rome to face down her babydaddy and demand legitimacy for her child.  But that didn’t go so well either.  Caesar was named the Emperor of Rome but then came the Ides of March (without the “et tu Brute” thankyouverymuch Mr. Shakespeare) and babydaddy was gone. 

 

So she went back to Egypt and licked her wounds and looked for her next opportunity to advance herself.  It came some time later through triumvirate leader Marc Antony.  Their affair was the talk of the ancient world and it inspired a play and many movies.  But, again, it didn’t turn out so well.  She and Antony got cocky…Antony because he was trying to trump the other two in the triumvirate, Cleo just because the power turned her on.  They started denying Rome its grain and when you try to strike down the empire…the Empire Strikes back!  Rome came to invade Egypt and take care of their little problem but they were too late.  They found Cleopatra dead from a snake bite.

 

Now…how does all this inspire me?

 

A couple of things stand out.  First, Cleopatra, despite unbelievably inaccurate depictions of her, was not a gorgeous woman.  Aside from the fact that she was bald, as all Egyptian women tended to be (hair is hot, Egypt is hot…most of the hair you see on Cleopatra pictures would have been a wig worn only for official events), but she was sort of dowdy looking by all accounts.  But when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.  You notice she never had a problem getting a man?  She used what she had and she worked it!

 

Second, and this is the more important one to me, she lived her life until she died.  Granted I wouldn’t want to meet the same fate as her, but you cannot accuse her of having an uneventful life.  She was always looking for opportunities to advance her life, her country, her blood line.  And she was brazen for a woman of her time, even for a queen. 

 

So by naming myself after her in some small way I hope to tap into my inner Cleopatra and live life like it’s golden. 

 

Usually I end these things with some challenge to you all but this week I think I’ll leave it at that.  And, yes, there will be a pop quiz!

We are coming to the close of February, which is recognized nationally in the U.S. as African-American history month.  As an African-American woman whose ancestry includes slaves, I am especially keen to take pause and consider the many themes that come up as a part of the African-American experience.  Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of freedom.

 

Many people think of freedom through an almost anarchistic lens.  Freedom is the ability to do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it.  Freedom is the ability to make the choices you want to make.  To take such a view is fine, I suppose, but not cognizant of the fact that humans do not live in isolation.  We live in community with one another and sometimes our right to exercise freedom denies freedom to others. 

The way I look at freedom is a little different.  Freedom is the ability to make choices or not make choices, based on what is best in the situation.  Freedom is the empowerment to consider all angles, all affected people, all consequences and make a decision based on the best or worst case scenario that you can live with. 

 

For us, freedom is an elusive concept, isn’t it?  It seems like by having surgery we took away some of our freedom.  We are not free to down cups and cups of food.  Those of us that dump are not free to consume large amounts of sugar and fat.  We certainly don’t seem free to live an existence where we don’t think about food, nutrition and physical activity.  In a lot of ways it feels like we have put ourselves in a box that is small and without much room to move.

 

I am here to tell you that if you look at your process that way, you are not free.  However, if you look at this process as ripe with opportunity, that changes things doesn’t it?  My freedom is not impaired because I dump on sugar.  I am choosing not to include it in my diet.  I have the freedom to make that choice just as I had the freedom to choose to have this surgery.  I also have the freedom to utilize this tool I have to maximize my physical activity, learn about nutrition and how the body works, and use the increased energy and stamina I have from doing so to devote my energy to doing good in the world. 

 

So I challenge you in the days, months, and weeks to come to think of all the opportunities you now have which you did not have before.  Think of the ways you can use your surgery experience to enhance your life and lives around you.  Think both about what you can choose to do and what you can choose not to do in order to make your life what you want it to be.

 

That is about as much freedom as any human being can expect out of life.  Claim it!

There’s a riff to a hip-hop song (by Ja Rule) that goes “I’m not always there when you call…but I’m always on time…”  That’s me this week folks.  I wasn’t there Monday or Tuesday but perhaps what I’m saying was something someone needed to hear on this day so I’m not going to stress about it.

 

But while we’re on the subject of always being on time, I thought I should point out that our bodies are always on time.  Not our time of course.  If it was up to us we’d be skinny in two weeks.  But thankfully it isn’t up to us.  (“Thankfully?  What does she mean by that?”)

 

Let’s be real for a minute.  Are you ready to be your skinny self?  Do you even know who your skinny self will be?  I’ve been called skinny several times now by several people and I still don’t know who my skinny self is.  I’m largely defined by this process I’ve gone through.  I have moved past being “morbidly obese Nikki” and now think of myself as “that girl who lost 150 lbs.”  But now I’m meeting people who never knew morbidly obese Nikki, which kind of lessens the wow factor of “weight loss Nikki.”  I gotta figure out who “just plain old fabulous Nikki” is. 

 

Which brings me back to the thankful part.

If we lost all the weight in a month, in two months or two weeks, I would venture to guess we’d all be pretty messed up in the head.  We have decades of unhealthy thinking, self worth issues, fears, neuroses to get rid of.  We have to replace old sources of joy with new ones, old habits with fresh ones.  We have to figure out the business of living the rest of our lives. 

 

There is nothing that is more of a killjoy than normalcy.  I am now normal.  When I run on the treadmill nobody says “look at that phat chick go!”  When I eat out nobody wonders why I ordered what I ordered.  It’s like being invisible in a way.  I would not have been prepared for that immediately post-op.

 

What this all boils down to is the fact that this is a process.  The losses, the stalls, the changes are all parts of the process.  Trust that who you are today is who you are meant to be.  Who you will be tomorrow will stem partially from who you are today.  Most of all remember that it is a GOOD thing that these changes don’t happen overnight and that stalls are simply an opportunity to reflect on where we’ve been, what we’re doing now, and where we want to go.

 

Have a great week.