On Generosity...

Dec 08, 2008

This week I had two very unique experiences with two polar opposite people.  Both shall remain unnamed.

The first person has no understanding of the concept of generosity.  This person looks at things as status symbols, badges of his/her own self worth.  Good works are works that get the things (money, possessions, etc.).  All other works are wastes of time and are useless.  When I encounter such people, my natural inclination is to show them generosity, not to shame or embarrass them but in hopes that they may know the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction that comes with stepping out of our little self centered universe and giving of ourselves to others.

The second person is very, very generous.  This person, through no asking or external provocation, gave me a gift.  It was a simple gift but something that meant so much to me.  It wasn't the thing that meant so much but the thought and energy that it took to put it all together.  To know that I linger in the hearts and minds of anyone is awe inspiring to me, but to see the tangible result of someone thinking of me, of my life, of my needs, and responding is just touching and I feel honored to be the recipient.

I mention these two people because it is Christmas-time.  Gift giving time.  These two people have changed my perspective on gift giving.  My children and I collect pocket change throughout the year to do a donation of some sort at Christmas-time.  This year, I am inspired to actually sit down with them and think out where that money should go instead of donating it to whatever famous organization beckons for it.  And in my giving to my family, I have tried and will continue to try to do things with them everyday, but on gift giving occasions I'll give gifts that speak to who they are, what they are passionate about.  To do this says "I know you.  I care about you.  You are worthy."

So anyway...that's really random, but it's my inspiration for the week.  As you shop for presents and prepare for your holiday, I hope the spirit of generosity overtakes you and brings you joy, fulfillment, and peace.

Have a great week.


Post-Thanksgiving thankfulness...

Nov 28, 2008

I am going out of town early on Monday morning and trying to work out like a maniac before I do, so I'm sending this out to you all today.  It's short and sweet.

My inpsiration this week is all of you. 

Why?

Because we made it!!!

The more I think about it, the more Thanksgiving seems like a land mine.  For however many days/weeks/months since surgery we've been re-programming our lives, our minds, our days to NOT revolve around eating large amounts of food.  We focus on other things: our children, fitness, shopping, cleaning, our jobs, whatever.  We diligently train ourselves not to assign emotion to certain foods or portion sizes and to start to see worth in ourselves and our bodies. 

Then comes Thanksgiving.

The holiday's actual meaning is so special.  Giving thanks for the many blessings we each enjoy.  But the tradition is a whole other can of beans.  The traditions represent everything we've been working AGAINST since surgery.  I talk a lot about choices.  All our work to make better choices culminate during the holidays and especially on Thanksgiving. 

Whether you feel you made all the right choices, all the wrong choices, or a little of both...you made it.  You're still here.  You came to OH and you talked about your feelings.  You endured the smells of foods that feel to your soul like home and you did NOT eat seven portions of them.  You employed coping mechanisms to get you through.  You made it.

You wonderful people inspire me so much.  Your stories, your successes, your rants, your raves, continue to inspire awe in me every day and a sense of tremendous gratitude for having the opportunity to know you.

Have a great week and I'll catch you next week...when I'll be another year older and (hopefully) wiser.

Nikki

Thanksgiving Strategy

Nov 24, 2008

“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop…”

 

That saying floated around me my entire childhood.  It originated, for me, with my grandmother, who would tell me this as she scooted me out the door to play when I would much rather be reading a Babysitter’s Club book or when she generally thought I wasn’t being useful in the world.

 

During the many, many years when I was morbidly obese I seem to have fallen deep into the devil’s workshop.  I lay idle on my bed for hours, staring at the television but not really watching it.  Sitting on a park bench watching my children play.  Zoning out in meetings.  My mind had gone numb.  There just didn’t seem to be enough mental energy to do the things I wanted to do.  There didn’t seem to be enough energy to simply live…to exist.

 

Now I stand…an emerging person, just four days before a holiday that is dedicated exclusively to eating and this phrase rises to the surface again.  For weeks I’ve been worrying about my “strategy” for the day.  My worry is not so much about overeating as it is about being around all that food.  One thing I’ve discovered in my journey is that being idle around food bothers me.  If I am at a dinner and I’m done eating, I’ll help with the dishes, or serve second plates or prepare a dessert.  Anything so that I don’t have to stand still in a room full of food. 

 

“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop…”

 

My mom often says she feels my grandmother’s spirit still roams the halls of our family home (it is the place where she lived and died).  In a moment of particular fretting I heard this in my head and it was such a comfort.  Basically she was telling me to get busy! 

 

This, to me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I should be doing dishes and fixing people plates all day, but that I should, for once in my life, actually think about the meaning of this holiday and to embrace that meaning.  I will see family I’ve not seen in ages.  This will be my one opportunity to speak with them before I do not see them again for another year.  How have they been doing?  What are their current joys and concerns?  How can I connect with them more or better?

 

It is also a time to remember not to be idle with regards my health.  My mom lives in an area that has been blessed with beautiful fall foliage and an abundance of walking trails.  I plan to take advantage of them.

 

Lastly, I need to be mindful that I am a piece of the grand puzzle that is my family and that my life choices have an effect on them as well.  This would be a good time to remember that I’m not alone in this.  My whole family is rooting for me.  My mom is on strict orders that if she sees me staring lugubriously at a bowl of mashed potatoes that she is to put me to work!

 

I am thankful that my grandmother helped to raise me with this saying always in the back of my head.  It reminds me that the world is not just about me.  That my losses are other people’s constant realities (thinking about the starving people in the world).  That the real joy in life is in living it.  To not live it is a breeding ground for bad ideas and practices.

 

This week I challenge you to battle the devil’s workshop.  Fill your holiday weekend with wonderful memories.  Capitalize on the opportunity that your family gatherings will bring.  Talk to your family elders, listen to their stories, share in the meal being served, be a vital part of your own life story.

 

Have a great week and a Happy Thanksgiving


Gone with the Wind

Nov 16, 2008

Fall has finally decided to show up in Maryland! That’s a blessing considering the fact that slowly the Mid-Atlantic regions are losing seasonal transitions altogether. It could be 80 degrees on Christmas and 50 on the 4th of July.  

The drop in temperatures and increase in wind has produced a plethora of falling leaves. When the weather was warm and the wind did not blow, the leaves did not die and they held steady to the branches to which they had been attached so long. They waited, patiently, for their cue to acquiesce to the wind, effectively ending their life cycle but leaving behind their tree, already pregnant with the new leaves and flower buds that will burst to life this spring.  

I already know you’re going through a season of change. Your mind is changing, your body is changing, your image is changing, your clothing size and even your shoe size is changing. Has your mighty wind come? Have you acquiesced to the changes going on in your life or do you hold steady to your old self, waiting for the cue to let go?   This weekend I packed up the very last of my plus sized clothes. I had long since given away what I called my “ugly clothes,” the ones that I was ashamed to admit I’d ever owned. But there were things that had emotional attachment to me. A sweater I always wore at Christmas time. A jacket I thought I looked really cute in. It was unbelievably painful for me to pack these things up. Probably because I didn’t hate the old me. I still don’t. I think for a 330 lb. chick she had some great qualities. But my wind of change has come. I am not her anymore and she is not me. It is time for us to say goodbye so that the person that I am now can emerge and live.  

This week I’d like to inspire you to be like the autumn leaves. It’s not easy, but let yourself give in to the winds of change blowing through your life. Hold on to the memories, both good and bad, of those times in your life because they rightfully belong to you, but also give yourself permission to live in the life that you have now. We talk so much about having a “fat person’s mentality.” I challenge each and every one of you to start defining who you are…not as a “fat” person but as a person. What do you like now? What don’t you like? How have your beliefs changed?    Recognize and let go of who you were so that you can become the person you went through surgery to be.  

Have a great week.

Sweet Anticipation

Nov 10, 2008

This weekend I was in Wal-Mart buying a few things for around the house.  While there I couldn’t help but notice the interesting juxtaposition of Halloween and Christmas.  Before Halloween was even over, Christmas trees were going up, wreaths being hung, and this weekend as I shopped and passed racks of abandoned pirate and witch costumes, “Have yourself a merry little Christmas” played on the loudspeaker. 

 

Knowing that these are tough times, I also know that the reason why Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier each year (my guess is that by the time my daughters are mothers it’ll start right around Labor Day) is not only to give buyers a longer shopping season (because in reality we can shop anytime, can’t we?) but also to create anticipation for the upcoming holidays. 

 

Anticipation is a persnickety monster.  On the one hand, it can motivate you, fuel you toward a goal.  It can be the thing that makes you run a little faster, take one less bite, drink one more ounce of water than you would have before.  But it can have a down side too.

 

If you think about it, anticipation carries with it a connotation of inevitability.  You are waiting for something you know will happen, you just have to get there.  That’s where me and anticipation have problems, especially with regards to the peculiar situation of being a WLS post-op.

 

Have you ever anticipated something that didn’t happen?  That’s the quickest way to know the true nature of anticipation as it relates to your personality.  Stalls, for us, are a good example.  We anticipate a loss on the scale and when get on there and don’t see it we feel cheated and hurt because we wanted it so bad and it didn’t happen.


The thing that gets lost in translation when we anticipate something is the process.  Getting to our goal weight, unlike Christmas, is not guaranteed.  It’s not inevitable.  But if you follow your plan, and work your process it is highly probable. 

 

So this week I’d like to challenge you to enjoy the process.  This is one instances where I am the main person who needs to follow the advice that I give.  Instead of worrying about a number on the scale, enjoy your bodies getting stronger.  Enjoy watching back pain disappear.  Enjoy being able to run around the playground with your kids.  Enjoy looking in the mirror every day and seeing a person motivated and ready to conquer the world. 

 

Give yourself that time and space to enjoy all the little, teeny, tiny things about this process that you find amazing.  Post about them on the boards.  Heck, PM them to me because they inspire me!

 

Have a great week.


Daylight Saving Time

Nov 03, 2008

Yesterday, if you lived in every state except Arizona (I believe), you turned your clocks back one hour in accordance with Daylight Saving Time.  The practice of setting our clocks forward in the spring and backward in the fall comes out of a desire to make better use of daylight for various reasons: work, leisure, and, in recent years, we have finally begun to recognize that we are happier in the light than we are in the darkness.


There are two things about “DST” that are reflective and inspiring to me.  First is the general concept of time (what it is, what it represents) and the second is how we use our time.  I’ve been thinking about this a lot but I’ll try to be brief and not write a book here.

 

The measurement of time, if you think about it, is a measurement of distance.  It is the distance between when the sun rises and when it sets.  Between when you wake up and when you go to sleep.  When you arrive to work and when you leave work.  Between when you are born and when you die. 

 

That’s it.  That’s all time is.  Because that’s all time is, it is fairly easy to manipulate.  But the manipulation of time is not beneficial to all people in the same way.  Daylight Saving Time, for instance, doesn’t help people in the tropics out much because they live near the equator where day and night are nearly equal all year round.  My point is this: if we think of time not as some authoritative, universal concept, but as something that belongs to each and every one of us, then we can begin to learn to manipulate it in our personal favor.  Think outside the box.  We associate certain things with certain times of day but really, that marriage is in our heads alone.  Breakfast does not necessarily need to be in the morning and sleep is not reserved solely for at night.  Time is the distance between two points.  What those two points are, and what you do on your journey between them is completely up to you.

 

Which brings me to the best use of our time.  Just like daylight saving time makes great use of the daylight for various reasons, I would argue that each and every one of us could and should do an audit of our time every now and again to see where adjustments can be made.  I would further argue that many of us “waste” a good deal of time.  On negative thoughts, self deprecation, self abuse.  Time is a valuable resource because it is the one thing you can expend, or give away, and never, ever get back.  What are you spending your time on?  Do you constantly look back to your mistakes, your shortcomings up to this point and wish they could have been different?  Or do you look to the future and what could be and how you want to get there?  I would argue a little of both is best.  If we don’t learn from our mistakes and celebrate our past achievements, we can’t move forward in a productive way.  Dwelling on those things, however, keeps us in the same place.

 

Time is the distance between two points.  How will you travel them today, tomorrow, next week?  Think about it and have a great week. 


"That which does not kill me..." and other things you shouldn't

Oct 28, 2008

I often wonder about the person who first (and famously) said “that which does not kill me can only make me stronger.”  I mean, is that really true?  As a blessing or a curse (depending on the day), I have a scrutinizing mind and I have determined that this statement, in certain situations, can be very NOT true.  If I tried a hit of crack today and survived…it didn’t kill me but did it make me stronger?  No!  It probably damaged things irreparably that I may need to keep me alive later.

 

I say this to warn you: beware the fallacy of clichéd wisdom.  Another favorite of mine: no pain, no gain. I would agree to “no risk, no gain” but pain is usually an indicator of something bad.  This is an indicator that I think it’s a good idea, as a general rule, to listen to. 

 

This is all sounding very negative but I promise you inspiration is on its way.  I’ve witnessed people (myself included) hiding behind these cliché adages as a way of avoiding some larger problem in their life.  They profess that which does not kill them makes them stronger.  Perhaps, but taking a long and realistic look at your problems and facing the music will make you even stronger than simply living through it.  A person may plough through something that is causing them great stress and duress thinking “no pain, no gain.”  Ok, but if there is pain and you honestly asked yourself why, figured out a plan that is less painful and moved forward toward that same end goal, was the gain any less for you not having gone through pain to get it?

 

My point is this.  We often feel like we have to go through bad stuff to get better.  This is often very true in life but we also have to remember that we are worthy of the good stuff.  We are worthy of a good belly laugh.  We are worthy of receiving help.  We are worthy of being cared for instead of always doing the caring. 

 

This past week many, many things went wrong in my life and I reached out.  The thing that surprised me was that I had the nerve to feel shame for doing so.  Shame!  That means I’m so arrogant that I believe I was built to handle life’s challenges all by myself.  And you know what I said to myself at first? “That which does not kill me can only make me stronger.”  I was reminded of another, more adequate, adage that goes “we’re never given more than we can handle.”  Now this week I thought that adage was a load of crap.  I could barely handle everything that was thrown at me.  It wasn’t until I realized that humans are not built to deal with their struggles alone that I realized this is true.


So my inspiration to you is this.  Whatever your challenges, work your networks.  We often have far more help than we ever choose to access in our lives.  The help we seek does not have to be material.  It can be emotional, it can be time, it can be attention or affection.  If you need it, seek it out.  Because that which builds you up, that which fortifies you, that which nourishes and nurtures you, that can only make you stronger!

 

Have a great week.


Time and Chance

Oct 20, 2008

I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift, or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise, or wealth to the brilliant, or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all. – Ecclesiastes 9:11

 

Now before anyone blasts me for getting all biblical on you, I’d like to say that this has been one of my favorite verses of the bible since before I was a practicing Christian.  It comes from the book of Ecclesiastes, which is a very lyrical book filled with good, everyday wisdom that is not as much infused with “God does this, God does that…” as much as it is “this is the way of the world.  This is how it is.”  It’s the same book housing the lines from which the Beatles borrowed to write the lyrics “to everything turn, turn, turn.  There is a season: turn, turn, turn.”

 

What I like about this verse in particular is the underlying message, which can be boiled down to this: stuff happens (some might substitute another word for stuff.  I do not J).  It’s a truth that’s hard for people to accept and I would argue especially hard for RNY patients to accept.  We have undergone this surgery that is supposed to make us lose weight very rapidly.  For some of us this happens almost effortlessly.  The pounds fall off and the new life begins and we skip forward into the future happily.  For the other 95% of us, this happens as a process, complete with fits and starts, stalls and successes. 

 

It’s so easy to get down on yourself when you are not losing as fast as you think you should.  You start to think, “what am I doing wrong?”  For some of us there may be something we could be doing to increase our weight loss.  For others, time and chance has happened to us.  Like the verse above says, “the race is not to the swift, or the battle to the strong…”  You could be the most diligent calorie counter, the most dedicated gym-go-er.  You can drink 100 oz. of water a day and have the perfect proportion of protein, fat and carbs and sometimes you are going to get on that scale and see the EXACT same weight you saw last week.  Stuff happens.

 

So for this week I’d like to challenge you to get good at “rolling with the punches.”  I’ve been told many times to enjoy the journey.  This is so true.  I’m so focused on getting to 150 lbs (my personal goal weight) that I don’t stop to enjoy myself as I am right now: stronger, leaner, curvy, and, if I may say so, DEAD SEXY!!!  Some weeks I lose, others I stall.  I am not a failure.  I’m a work in progress.  So are you.


Enjoy your week.


Not much to report...

Oct 17, 2008

Hey Friends,

Still losing, still exercising.  Losses have slowed down quite a bit but I'm still striving.  I hope to take new pics soon.  I am going to post the dresses for my "summer dress give-a-way" soon too, so keep checking back.

Love my RNY!

XOXO,

Nikki

I am a brick house

Sep 23, 2008

Check out my latest pics.  I am seriously stacked!!!

Seriously though.  I'm a little bummed right now because I just broke up with my boyfriend.  Trying to keep busy though.  Today I had a Starbucks date with my daughters and together we discovered a love for Urban Outfitters apparel.  And I actually fit in the clothes!!!

The weight is coming off slower now.  It's a little frustrating but I am going to keep at it.  I still have 65 more lbs to lose.  I can do it and guess what?  YOU CAN TOO!!!

About Me
Baltimore, MD
Location
26.2
BMI
RNY
Surgery
01/08/2008
Surgery Date
Jan 21, 2008
Member Since

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