Cleosan52

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Oh Lord, the butterflies are starting!!!  I got the call this afternoon, everything went in with the insurance no problem.  My date is for Monday October 25th!!!!   I was in shock, I wanted to jump up and down, however just having my gall bladder out Tuesday, I thought that would be a bad idea.

I called my sister and she took the Nov 8th date so everything is just rolling along for both of us.  I was suprised though as I was talking to my sis, I started crying.  I'm a little scared, not about the surgery and all that, but about losing the weight.  Being obese has been my way of life.  I've never been thin and so the thought that by this time next year, I'll be 100 lbs (if not more ) less  was just a little too much for me to take in at that moment.

I'm back to excited now and just anxious to be done with everything!  So move over all, at the end of the month, I'll be on the loser bench!!!!!

Well here's the short version...

Endoscope/ gallbladder ultrasound next Wed at 11am (please, please pray that my gall bladder is okay and will not have to be removed!!!!!!!! please, please, please)  I need to save all the PTO I can for when I'll be off for surgery.

Pap  9-13

Group mtg with hubby  9-21

Need to lose 15 lb pre-op, low fat diet to shrink liver before surgery.

Surgery times are being scheduled out end of Sept/ beginning of Oct by the doctor.   Seems so fast, lol!


Here is MAJOR part!!! I need you to pray!!! My insurance is not approving sleeves at this time due to some paperwork not filed correctly by the hospital on a previous patient. So it has been 2-3 wks and the doctor is on hold with this type of surgery, until the hospital fixes their paperwork with the insurance company. No clue when this can be. It could be Monday or 3 months from now?!?!?!  I'll be doing some heavy duty praying!!!

THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING FAT.

Can't ride rides at amusement parks.
can't shop in normal stores.
can't play sports.
can't walk long distances.
can't stand very long.
can't fly on a plane.
can't play with my kids.
can't wear normal shoes.
people feeling sorry for me.
not being able to CHOOSE The clothes I like.
not being comfortable in public.
eating in public.
always tired.
fat ugly face..
big ugly bras.
can't fit in stadium seating.
giant stomach..
kids asking why I'm fat.
saying no to the kids when they want me to play.
boothes at retaurants.
taking up too much space at the movie theatre and the person next to me not being able to use their armrest.
not having fun at the zoo because I'm in so much pain.
boobs laying on my face while laying down.
heartburn
anxiety over health.
I'm what I swore I would NEVER be. (severly morbid obese)
teaching my kids poor eating habits.
huge butt.
people assuming I'm lazy.
Embarassed to go to the classroom because I'm the fat mom.
getting pics taken.
feeling pathetic.
feeling less than.
feeling ugly.
retaining water.
sore feet.
cramps.
heavy arms.
never feeling pretty.
stereotypes.
stares.
stairs.
low self esteem.
no self control.
not caring how I look.
seeing people I haven't seen in long time.
getting up from sitting.
bras wear out too fast.
public pools and beaches.
creaking knees.
sore joints
hard to use tampons.
sores under boobs in the summer.
uncomfortable in hot weather.
being jealous of everyone I know.
being the fattest person in the room.
being the fattest person in my family.
looking in the mirror.
huge arms.
using the large blood pressure cuff.
not doing what I really want to do.
I'm not happy.
knowing people make fun of me.
people looking in my cart at the grocery store.

Thing I love about being fat...
not a darn thing!!!!!

feel free to add to the list...done venting for now :)

This has been a rough week for me.  I am working overtime due to vacations. So I'm not getting home until late, hubby has been making dinner everyday, doing all the laundry ( which he does any way but I put it away), sweeping the floor, washing the kids.  I feel guilty because he is Mr Mom at home plus running the store 40 hrs :(   

I'm guilty because I'm so tired, I didn't go to bible study so now hubby took the kiddos there.  What am I doing???  Typing this!  Pitiful, I know.   To top it off, we got our oldest's school schedule today.  She is starting kindergarten this year.  Come to find out that her orientation day is the same day of my pre-op appointment.  So I called the doctor.  If I don't go on the 27th, I will have to wait another month, for another appointment.  So now I fill guilty because hubby doesn't want me to miss my appointment.  He is going to work half a day and then take her.  So now the guilt is just killing me because mommy is blowing it once again :(

I feel like I'm letting my family down because I'm too tired to do anything with them.  Now I'm letting them down by thinking about me and what I want.  I want WLS but I feel like I'm putting everyone out.   I guess I just needed to vent a little.

Today has been a little rough for me.  I am typically a go, go , go girl.  I like to plan and organize.  I like to be in control.  And right now I'm neither.  I've picked up my medical necessity form, I've done my psych eval aka personality test and that was faxed today to the weight loss center.  I've filled out that god-awful past diet handout (for me it is a book).  I have my referral number for insurance. Now all I can do is wait until the 27th for my consult.  I'n not a very patient person so all the waiting is getting to me. 

On the up note, I've lost 6 lbs this past week.  I don't have to have a 6 month diet or liquid diet or anything like that.  I didn't want to wait til the end of the month to start losing weight.  So I guess the only thing I have control over right now is my weight.  My problem is one wrong food choice and I'll gain gain back those 6lbs plus a couple of its friends :P

Okay, done venting right now :)

  Weigh in #1 (Starting from 8-1-10)
8-7-10 : 324 to 319lbs (-5)   My highest weight ever! I am going on record... this stinks. A person suggested that I eat this month as if there is no tomorrow.  Eat whatever I want, whenever I want.  To have a "last meal" everyday until my appointment on the 27th, at the Weight Loss Center.  For 30 secs, I thought yeah!  I could eat whatever I want and start to loss weight after the doctor consult. At 31 sec, I got real and thought my life starts now, not at the end of the month.

  I have to lose 10% of my weight before surgery. It's part of the plan I will be on.  WLS isn't the easy way to lose weight.  It's not a "get out of jail card".  If  I'm serious about my weight, then it has to be now, Aug. 1st not when I go for my consultation at the end of the month. 

So there is not going to be any last meals for me.  I'm not going to gorge myself for the next 26 days.  I started getting on plan now.  I eat protein first, followed by veggies and if I'm still hungry, then carbs.  Right now I haven't needed the carbs thankfully.  I've been trying to chew my food 30 times which is rough!  Talk about a tired jaw.  And I try not to drink with my meals, which seems to be the hardest for me this past week.

Other things going on this past week... I went to get my pysch eval which consisted of a 560 true and false questionnaire aka personality test.  And me talking with the Psychologist for a whole whopping 5 mins.  I am in the wrong field!  It was a $150 for the test, $35 co-pay for me and that doesn't count what he is going to bill insurance!!!!!  And we want to know why the health care industry is going down the tubes.  It is because of jokers like this one!!!!  One the other hand, this was an easy, abet costly, hoop that I had to jump through for WLS.   Also I picked up a medical necessary form from the doctor's office and I scheduled a pap for Sept 13th.  So now I'm just waiting for the appointment of the 27th.

This weeks scripture:    Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”  Mark 10:27

I decided to start a recipe blog.  That way I can add new recipes and be ready when I have my VGS.  So I'm hunting for the BEST recipes where ever I can find them!

Baked Ricotta

1 C Light Ricotta Cheese
1 egg
1/2 C Parm Cheese
Roasted Garlic - minced
Italian seasoning
Marinara sauce

Plateau Buster Diet

How to break a plateau

#1 - Do this for 10 days to break a plateau

#2 - Drink 2 quarts of water a day

#3 - You must have 50 grams of protein supplement and all your vitamins/minerals supplements each day

#4 - You may consume up to 3 oz of the following high protein foods, 5x a day

beef

pork

chicken

turkey

lamb

fish

eggs

low fat cheese

cottage cheese

plain yogurt or artificially sweetened

peanut butter ( the original doesn’t say….but I would limit this to once a day….also I would do one serving size and NOT 3 oz.)

beans/legumes



You may also have:

sugar free popsicles

tea or coffee

sugar free jello

broths/boullion

crystal light drinks


#5 - If it's not on the list, you can't have it for 10 days!!!!

#6 - Keep a food diary and try to get up to 30 mins of exercise daily

In addition to the Plateau Buster, you can change up your exercise plan as well. Such as if you are walking, change up things and do other exercises every other day so that you are not doing the same things on a daily basis. You can also add weights.

The worst thing about being overweight is not being able to play with my children. This Mama was the offical "sit on the bench"/ family "photographer".

We went to Ocean City, NJ for a couple of days in July.  I think I have about 200 photos from our last vacation.  I was in 3!!!  Yep, you read right, 3/100 pictures.  And one of the vacation days was at the zoo during a family reunion.  I was so excited that it rain while we were there so I didn't have to go walk it.  We stayed at the covered picnic area the whole time.  I know... very, very sad :(      After the reunion, the sun came out.  My hubs wanted to go to Cape May to see the lighthouse.  He went up it and took wonderful pictures and enjoyed the whole atmosphere/ ambiance.  I, on the other hand, sat in the van enjoying the parking lot.  I knew I would die if I attempted those 200+ steps.  Not counting the fact that my back and hip was on fire from sitting at picnic table for 3 hrs at the reunion.

I don't even want to think about the beach.  The only medication my hubs could find for my pain was Tyl. PM.  Needless to say, I was the beached whale in black that was trying to fight off sleep!    I couldn't even play in the sand with the kiddos.  I did enjoy the pool though.

I am sooo looking forward to next year at the beach!!!

I am a Christian and my faith has played a big role in this decision.   I prayed about WLS.  The Lord guided me through His Word.  Phillipians 4: 6-7   ⁶ Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.   

I know he was going to give me peace about WLS but I wasn't there yet.  I've researched online, talked with patients and nurses.  I thought the Lap band was the weigh to go.  I refused to do anything drastic like Gastric Bypass ( talk about naive).  But I still did not have peace.  A co-worked that had the band told me she wishes she had the sleeve and to look into it.  I though NO (drastic, remember!)  A nurse at the hosp told me that the Dr will suggest VGS or Bypass because my BMI is 55.  I though NO (drastic, remember!)  Meanwhile, I'm still praying for peace and what to do.  I hook up on the Lapband forum, very active, excited, nervous and not 100% commited yet (still no peace).  I see an ad for VGS so I click on it.  This began weeks of research, prayer, research, prayer, research, prayer, support groups, prayer!!!  Guess what PEACE!!!!!

I should have listed months ago but I wasn't ready!   So my husband is on this journey with me but he is heeby-jeeby with all this medical stuff, so I call my Mom who is a retired nurse.  She became my go-to support!  She researced, prayed and is going to my appt with me Aug 27th.   The three of us decided to not share any of this with the rest of the family until after the appt.

My sister is struggling with her weight too and a couple of months we were talking about it.  She said she was thinking of WLS too (lap bad).  Little did I know, she had an appt with the same Dr in Jan, cancelled, in April (when we talked) cancelled and finally yesterday she went!  She called me when she got home and spilled all the beans.  She has great news and decided that VGS is the way to go but she's still nervous.  I just started laughing and couldn't stop!!!!  I told her that is the way I decided to go too!  She admitted to telling her dr that her sister (me) was going to be each others support system (remember she didn't know about my appt at the end of the month!!!!) and that I was goining to come and see him. 

What can I say?   IT"S A GOD THING!!!  PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDESTANDING!!!