Boo Boo

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Another year, another pound! More like poundS. So I have to start getting things ready again. I have to call the surgeons office and see when they start scheduling surgery for April. Then I have to make an appointment with my PCP to get a new referral. If you didnt read the past entries, I have to wait until April because my insurance requires a one year wait from when you become a member. So once I have that I still have to go to a preop class. So I hope to have surgery by the end of April. For Christmas my parents gave me 1 months worth of protein and vitamins when I need it. 1 less thing to stress over. So lets see, I got ......90 Days not too bad since I have been at this for 3.5 years! I changed my pic to a wedding pic. I weighed 20 lbs less thanks to stackers. I like when people have wedding pics up. I will put up some really gross ones from Christmas, for inspiration!

07/25/03
So I have been researching RNY LAP extensively. Today I finally got the correct number for morristown memorials obesity center and there was an answering machine saying they had seminars every 2nd tuesday of the month and so the next one should be in aug and then I called Dr Abkins office and you can not see the doctors with out going to the seminar and that the next one isnt until sept. the doctors will be on vacation in aug. So I will not be able to really start the process until sept. I am seeing my PCP on friday because my hip has been hurting and I think it is weight related. I havent been seeing him very long and have never discussed weight with him.

07/31/03
Tomorrow I am going to my PCP and I have been working on my weight history and stuff. Here is what I have so far:
Please describe the limitations (emotional, physical, employment) which morbid obesity imposes on you.
 I no longer walk properly.
 My feet are in constant pain and shins hurt most of the time.
 I have shooting pains in my heels after 5 hours at work.
 My lower back hurts after 5 minutes of housework (mopping, sweeping, dishes..)
 I cannot hold a child for more than 5 minutes with out my back hurting and do not think I could be active during a pregnancy or carry my own child due to back pain.
My left hip has recently been in pain.
After sitting or lying down for an extended period of time I struggle to get up and walking is difficult.
I have no self esteem due to lack of abilities and appearance.
I am constantly tired
I have excessive flatulence.
Showering and shaving my legs is a chore due to lack of mobility.
I have to purchase men’s clothing and shoes.
            I have no motivation to do anything.

Diet History

AGE      DIET   LENGTH LOSS REGAIN COST
12 NUTRITIONIST 6MO     
15 JENNY CRAIG 4MO 22  30 
16 WEIGHT WATCHERS 2MO 10  40 $8/WEEK
17 SLIM FAST 2MO 5  10  $20/WEEK
20 FEN PHEN* 3MO 30 70  Prescription plan
23 SLIM FAST 4MO 15 30  $20/WEEK
25 ATKINS   5MO 50 55 $20/WEEK (MEAT&VITAMINS)
26 ATKINS   2MO 0    $20/WEEK (MEAT&VITAMINS)
  MANY FAILED LOWFAT DIETS OVER 15 YEARS         *DR. RENNA       

Weight History
AGE HEIGHT WEIGHT BMI NOTES
BIRTH 19in 6lb 12oz  
1 32in 22lb 8oz  
2 37in 27lb 7oz  
3 1/2   40in 36lb  
6 47in 60lb  
7 49in 67lb  
9 1/2 57in 114lb 24.7 Above 95th percentile for BMI for age
10 1/2 59in 127lb 25.7 Above 95th percentile for BMI for age
14 5’5 155 26.6 Mod.  Overweight lost 20# due to illness
17 5’5 180 30.0 Moderate Overweight
19 5’5 193 32.1 Overweight
20 5’5 163 27.1 Mod. Overweight lost 30# due to phen fen
23 5’5 205 34.1 Overweight
25 5’5 242 40.3 Morbidly Obese
26 5’5 194 32.3 Overweight lost 50# on Atkins
28 5’5 245 40.8 Morbidly Obese
    

09/10/2003
I went to the new patient orientation at Morristown Memorial last night. I got this big packet of stuff to fill out. I am a little concern about out of pocket expenses. The make you use the psych they provide for $275!!! And who knows about the nutritionist.  And let me just say, not all fat people are nice like the rumor says. I apparently am not fat. Who knew? When asked why by two women afterward I said to have a healthier life in the future and to have children but what I really wanted to say was because I don’t want to end up like you! But of course I didn’t say it because I believe you should never stoop to their level. So tomorrow I go to my PCP and ask his opinion and for a referral. I think I may be too lazy to have the surgery, with all the paperwork and doctor appointment plus I work over 60 hours a week which is now really hard on me at this weight. I hope my desire to be healthy is strong enough to get through it all.

09/12/03
My PCP had a 500lb patient in poor health who died from the respitory failure so he is not on board. He referred me to a dietician. I guess i could try to push the issue but he seemed really strong about it. I dont know what to do next.

03/02/06
Ok, I'm back. It only took over 2 years! I now have a different job and did not have health insurance until now. I need to find an obesity friendly PCP.

06/11/06
So I found a very nice PCP with the help of an OH member! I have not mentioned anything about surgery although she knows i found her through a patient of hers who had surgery. She is basically setting me up or at least I think considering it because she wants me to have a sleep apnea test and other tests. Anyway I have an appointment tomorrow and I am Just going to tell her my plans. And on a positive note i have at least 2 insurance companies to choose from if I get denied. On a strange note, i have a cyst, well actually it is a tumor on my thumb. No one ever notices it, but it is like the size of a cherry tomato. I have surgery for that on the 21st, so it will be like a dry run for me since i have never had surgery before. By the way, I think I have read every profile from NJ members with pictures on here. It makes me really sad when I see someone write about how depressed they are or how they look fat still. I can say this now because I havent had the surgery yet and I need to look back at this after. I dont care about what any of you look like naked but so many of you look so beautiful and you shouldnt be upset over the sagging skin hardly anyone will ever see. Please be positive and keep the weight off! Sorry for venting but I will need to read this at some time.

06/12/06
Now I do not like my PCP anymore. we discussed my weight and she thinks i should lose about 40 lbs and 200 would be a good weight. Are you kidding me? How is 200 a good weight for anyone who is 5'5? I didnt even mention surgery, she didnt even want to give me Xenical because of possible side effects. Very depressed today.

7/5/06
I went to the new patient orientation again. What a difference 3 years has made! I was not the smallest person in the room and i did not feel out of place like last time. They have really gotten their act together now. So they gave me a PCP who should give me a referrel to see the surgeon. My appointment is for the 11th. Hopefully he will sign the referrel and I can make my appointment with the surgeon right away. I will have to spend all the money I saved for the Pysch and Nutritionist. Psych=275 Nutri= 3visits paid up front 375. I will also need $300 a night that I stay in the hospital. I think my parents might help if I need it. Someone here wrote "Having surgery will only make a bad marriage worse". I am so afraid that is true. I think I will be going in one direction and he will be going in another or staying the same.I lost 40lbs once and I felt different. I felt better and wanted to do more and go places. But he didnt change, nothing changed. So I got depressed and I sat by myself and ate and ate and gained it back. I am trying to do something about it now, I try to talk to him about it but it is going no where. He doesn't seem to understand how drastic surgery will be. He thinks he gets it but I dont think so. I figure I have at least 3 months to get him to understand. On a positive note, I had surgery on my hand and he was pretty good about taking care of me. It was like a little test. I have to get another pic soon.

7/12/06
I am on my way finally! I went to the PCP the surgeons office referred. I walked out with my referral to the surgeon and one for all the lab work needed. I have my pysch and Nutrition appointments on 8/2 and my surgeon consult on 8/3. They seem to be running about a month after consult for surgery if you have everything completed when you go. So I would say i am looking at the middle of September. Oh and the Gyno on 8/10.

7/14
Surgeons office call and changed my appointment to 7/20 due to a cancellation. I dont know if this is good because he will not have all my info yet. But i will take it!

7/20/06
I saw the surgeon today! I can schedule a surgery date after my Pysch and Nutrition visits. I have no idea when my surgery might even be! It doesnt matter, the only thing that can stop me now is insurance.

8/2/06
Pysch and Nutrition went well. the pysch visit was alot of money for a very quick visit but i guess the piece of paper from him saying i am a good pick for surgery is worth it. Now I have to call tomorrow to get a date! I really liked the nutritionist. She gave me some samples and alot of info on what to eat. 

8/3/06
My date is 9/18/06. I really was trying to think it was going to be like 3 months but it is only 46 days! I have my pre op class 8/24/2006 2 days before my B-Day. I will be 31. Insurance is the last hurdle. Dr. Abkins office still did not get all my paperwork yet from my PCP. I will have to call tomorrow. I think i will find a count down thing.

8/6/06
So my husband says to me yesterday,"do you want to go to the shore with my brother and his family?" I instantly say "no". So he gets mad so mad. I dont say anything. After about 2 hours, I finally say "What do you think the reason would be that I do not go to the shore with anyone especially not your brothers fiance who is 5 foot tall and wears a size 0?" So he says he is sorry for being retarded and since i know he is retarded, i have to remember to explain things to him. We went over a few other times things have come up I didnt want to do, but it really had never occured to him. But lets get something straight, my husband would never had taken off his shirt with his brother standing there with his rock hard abs.

I have read a few other people here say its like standing up and saying "my name is Lynn, and i am morbidly obese."  and it is hard. I dont want to tell anyone about the surgery because I do not want to admit I am fat. So far my parents know and my husband, I just told someone at work but it was easy because she is overweight and understands. I gave her all the info about this site and she had never realized insurance would pay for it. She has  alot of comorbids and i do not know why her PCP never suggested it.

8/17/2006
Denied. First off I still had not gotten all my reconds sent to the surgeons office. I had no idea they sent anything in. I only really needed my PCP to say I was morbidly obese to qualify. As it turns out BCBS will not appove me until I have had Insurance for 1 year. Or I had insurance prior, within 6 mouths before joining. but then I would have had a pre exisiting clause which I believe is 6 mths. So I will now have to try again in April which will be my one year with them. I really wanted to start now so I would be able to start a family sooner.

8/23/06
Waiting. I put up a new pic. I lost 20lbs for my wedding taking stackers.

9/1/2006
Waiting. I made and ate most of my last birthday cake ever. I've made better. My husband and I went to Alantic City for my B-day. Just for the day. It was fun but at night all the half naked 20 year olds came out and I felt a little uncomfortable. But I am happy to be older(31) and glad I do not drink and look like an ass. I have been paying for it all week with back pain from wearing sandals instead of my usual sneakers. I am definately more comfortable with being fat now that I am on my journey to surgery. Its strange. Almost like now I have admitted it and have come to accept it. But can't wait to change it!

11/09/06
Waiting. My insurance still has not made a decision on if they are paying for my tumor on my thumb removal I had in June! I am getting bills. I hate this. oh yeah and i have gained 10 lbs.