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I'm at just about 3 1/2 weeks to my DS and, oddly enough, I'm not as nervous as I was.  I mean, I AM but now I'm feeling like I'm in the path I chose and so on we go!  Of course, I make no promises about when/if I hit the "two week freak!!"

I think part of my emerging peace with all of this stems from the fact that I've now told BOTH of my parents (my mother isn't happy and doesn't understand why I'm not just "doing Weight Watchers" but supports me -- figure THAT out!) as well as work.  I didn't get into great detail with the work peeps, just that I'm having surgery, but they took it very well and I'm thankful.  Next on to HR to work out disability and sick leave and whatnot ...

I've been fighting with my PCP for a letter to my surgeon explaining some past health issues.  I'll be there in person on Tuesday to make sure that letter is indeed sent on to Dr. O'Malley's office.  Wish me luck!!

A big step yesterday:  I told my father I'm having WLS.  This is a really big step for me:  up to now, I've not told anyone in my family that I'm having surgery (although I THINK they MAY have noticed that I'm fat! LOL).  My husband knows and is awesomely supportive (thank God) and my closest friends all know as well.  That's about it.  I was very, very worried about telling my folks, particularly because I feel like I've always been a bit of a disappointment -- mainly to my dad -- because of my weight.  Before anyone gets indignant at all, please know he's never said anything to me or been insulting or disparaging about my weight -- in fact, it really isn't discussed and my dad is really very supportive, in general.  I think I feel this way because I take after my aunt a great deal, including physically, and I remember being very young and hearing my dad ranting and raving about her being "a 300 lb blimp" to my mom one afternoon after visiting.  So I worry about reactions.  Add to that the fact that my dad AND stepmom are both medical professionals and, well, I was nervous but figured I needed to tell him sometime.

As it turns out, I needn't have been scared -- my dad was SO SUPPORTIVE!!  He told me he was proud of me for making this choice and that I had his and stepmom's support.  He even thanked me three or four times for telling him and sharing my thoughts with him!  It was so, so, SO much better than I thought, and I still can't believe how relieved and unburdened I felt (feel) now that he knows. 

Of course, next to tell is my mom and, given the nature of our relationship, it isn't going to be pretty.  I think I'll hold on that one as long as I can ...

It's official:  I have been approved by my insurance for to have the lap DS performed on April 8 by Dr. O'Malley!  Basically, the same is on.  The letter says I'm approved for a 3-day stay, and thanks to the board angels I know that there can be more if O'Malley and co.  deem it needed at the time.  I'm going to be losing my gall bladder and appendix at the same time, as a precautionary measure, so there's a LOT of surgery a-comin' my way!

Who knew I'd ever be so excited about going under the knitfe?!? LOL

I'm still pretty scared aboutthe surgery, and even more so about post-surgical complications.  I'm beginning to really grasp a tiny bit of how things are going to change, too:  I've been a fat girl my entire life, and that's my persona, my identity.  I wonder, who will I be a few months from now once the fat girl starts to melt away?

I HAVE A (tentative) DATE!!

It's official:  insurance willing (plllleeeeeeease!) I'll be going for a duodenal switch on April 8, 2009.  I should know in the next week or so if insurance has approved, so please keep appendages crossed for me!

So some quick facts, particularly for those folks who are also O'Malley patients:
1. So you know all those reviews of the Doc and how they say he's very no-nonsense and right to business?  They aren't kidding!  He is absolutely all about the facts and nothing but.  Bedside manner?  Brusque.  And he sugar coats NOTHING.  And you know what?  I loved it!  He CLEARLY knows his stuff, he was in no hurry and answered all of my questions, and was polite.  This is all I care about.   My hubby can hold my hand as long as the hand that cuts into me is steady and sure!!

2.  My appointment was today and April 8 is the next available date -- so looks like he's scheduling about 6 weeks out or so.

3.  I'm having a duodenal switch (not an RNY) and for the DS he automatically takes out the gallbladder AND the appendix.  Man!  I'm going to lose weight just in the removal of organs!!  LOL

4.  Did I mention he knows his stuff?  He also wants to make sure you know yours so do LOTS of research on the surgery and the post-op life, as well as know your medical history inside and out.  It will help, trust me.

And so, April 8!  I'll let you know what happens with insurance, but for now I need to go continue being alternately excited and terrified.  ;)

So in five days or so I'm going to be going to see the Wizard -- aka Dr William O'Malley -- to plead case for weight loss surgery.  If all goes well, he'll agree, my stuff will go to insurance for processing, and I will schedule a date. 

Suddenly, it's all becoming real.

I'm excited and scared and nervous.  I'm trying to read the boards here on OH but to also not to obsess -- a fine line, and one that is NOT easy to traverse, with my thirst for knowing all the details!!  I have to really strive for balance.  I'll be driving along and suddenly just be overwhelmed with thoughts of what could go wrong, how things could be horrid, how this surgery thing could all be a mistake ... I have to make a rule to acknowledge those things but to also commit to staying in-focus on all of the goos stuff that WILL happen once I have surgery.  But great googly moogly, it just ain't easy!

Keep your fingers crossed for me on Thursday as I meet the doc face-to-face for the first time.  I have a list of questions for him, and I am hoping for the best of all things.

And so we're in 2009 ... boy, do I have big hopes for this year!  I survived the holidays and have my second one-on-one nutrition appointment w/Dr. O'Malley's office next week.  I'm VERY nervous about this appointment as there was holiday eating going on -- very restricted, but I admit to a cookie or three -- and I'm not looking forward to the weigh-in.  The stakes are high: the program I'm in at Highland Hospital has pretty strict standards, and if I gain ANY weight at all, I will be forced to start all over again (adding many months to my pre-surgical journey) or, potentially, even be kicked out of the program.  To say that I'm nervous would be an understatement ... keep the fingers crossed for me, ok?

I'm also having this interesting experience of, now that I'm really in the middle of it all and know I'm committed and having surgery, my entire body hurting and aching and feeling far more crappy than I can ever remember it being.  It's as if my mind and body are suddenly in sync and I'm finally processing how crappy life in this body is, now that the body knows that an end of sorts may be in sight.  Odd, huh?

Currently I'm trying to remember how important positive thought is during preparation, surgery and recovery.  It's too easy, I find, to worry and freak about all of the complications, changes, and scary things connected to surgery.  The thing is, I'm smary and have been reading and researching WLS for literally years.  I know a good chunk of the risks,  the zillions of things that could go wrong, but I also know all of the zillions of things that will be GOOD about post-op life.  I need to focus, focus, focus on those. 

This week's goals:
(1) Eat healthy!
(2) Get in my water!
(3) Exercise/move for at least 20-30 minutes each day.
(4) Work on list of reasons for Dr. O'Malley as to why the DS is the right surgery for me.  Suggestions are welcome!