ColoradoNativeMama
Yeah, it's been a while... I'm sorry. :)
Jul 24, 2007
Things have been going here. There's been a bunch of hustle and bustle with different family members visiting and staying over at our house. As of this evening, though, I can say that there won't be any visitors for the next couple of days! lol
Tallie's mom came to visit over the weekend from Thursday to Saturday. It was really a treat to have her at our house because she and I really haven't been able to bond until now. We realized that there's a lot in common between us and Tallie got a chance to explain to her why he left his psychotic, abusive ex-wife for me. I wasn't there for the conversation (it really wasn't my business), but Tallie said that she called me his blessing. That really helped ease the tension that has always been in the background of our relationship when it came to his mom. She kept insisting that she came to visit to help out around the house and with the girls, but I couldn't help it. I had more energy, so I would clean and cook. We had some of the fresh caught trout from that Wednesday and Judy (his mom) wound up eating three entire fish! I did some grilled veggies along with the fish (which was also grilled) and everyone loved it! I had the usual one ounce serving of cottage cheese and later indulged myself on some Crystal Light Raspberry Green Tea. But, I did get a chance to freeze the left over veggies. Mmmmm... I sure will be glad to get back to solid foods again. lol
Then, Sunday, Tallie's Uncle Willis came to visit. He's been helping his brother rebuild a cabin that is replacing their home that was burned in the Hayman fire, but Willis had some business in Douglas, WY to take care of, so we're roughly mid-point. He really took a liking to Skyler. He liked the fact that she was so smart, he could hold a real conversation with her and she'd keep up. lol We walked all the way around the lake, which was really a first for all of us. I was worn out by time we got back. Usually, I'll take the girls for a walk along one side and then turn around. Whew! lol Willis did his famous bbq chicken, which smelled sooooo good! I picked up some tricks for the next time we bbq, and I froze some of that chicken and some of the veggies that were also grilled. We're huge fans of bbqing, we just need the time to do it. Willis is AWESOME at it!
Also on Sunday, Mike came home. He's officially out of the Army now. He served his time in Iraq and in Germany, so we're really proud of him. He still seems pretty confused as to what he wants to do with his life now. It'll come with time, I bet. He and Dad left early this morning to go to Texas to visit with Grampa and his new wife, Katy. I really miss my Grampa. His alzheimer's is getting worse everyday. Today, Mom came down to go shopping with us, in search of the last bit of any wildflower seeds she could find, and in that time, Grampa called her phone five times looking for Dad. He didn't realize he was calling Mom's cell phone, even if she'd give him the number. One sadness in life after another...
Well, my weight is down to 225. My BMI is now down below 40! Geez... The last time I was this weight and knew it was just before I had Skyler, almost five years ago. It still seems really surreal, especially now that I've had my drain taken out. (Did I mention how STRANGE that felt coming out? lol) I can sleep on my stomach again! Yay! lol Where my Penrose drain was, though, has started leaking again. There was a little pouch of liquid that was pretty obvious when anyone really looked at it. Now, it's gotten smaller, thankfully. I do have to keep a bandage over it again, though, to be sure it doesn't leak on any more of my clothes.
I saw my counselor (for my PTSD) today. She walked into my house and the first thing she said was "Oh, my gosh! You're so tiny! Look at you! Your face has slimmed down considerably and your body is really getting smaller!". I was pretty stoked. My own parents haven't commented on it yet. Dad congratulated me on losing the weight. That helped a bit. All of today, I've been pulling up my pants. It was kind of funny. I just bought those pants a couple of months ago and they were starting to get a little tight when I'd wear them pre-op, but now, I can't keep them on! lol Time to invest in more belts! I don't want to buy any smaller clothes yet. I really would like to lose at least a couple of sizes before I do commit to another couple of outfits. My bras are starting to fit me loosely, so I'll probably have to go out and try on some new ones. That should be pretty interesting. :)
I've officially started my little photo album of progress. I've been printing some pictures tonight of my size. Yeah, it's starting to show just in the past month (my pre-op pic that's also posted on this page) till now of how much I'm losing. Inspiration! :)
Well, better go. It's late and I know I won't be able to sleep in for a while now. The girls and I are going to spend the night at Mom and Dad's while Dad and Mike are in Texas so Mom, the girls, and I can go garage sale-ing before we head out to Cheyenne Frontier Days Saturday. Tallie's dad does the radio show for the CFD aside from his morning show (AM 650 for the rodeo and morning show and FM 100.7 for the rodeo), so we were going to go visit with him, Lisa (his wife), and Mallissa (Tallie's daughter). The girls absolutely adore Mallissa. She's seven, so they can relate a lot.
Alright, alright! I'm going! Geez! I know I sure can ramble... lol
~Jenn~
POST OP!!!
Jul 13, 2007
It's still hard to comprehend that I had bariatric surgery, although I do have the pain and such of being post op. Speaking with someone who had done it two and a half years ago, my nerves were calmed because she felt the same way afterwards. You don't even really feel your stomach being smaller. It's almost as if you're expecting to get a phone call or to have someone visit to tell you that the surgery was started but wasn't continued for some odd reason.
I haven't had any problems, really. The pain I anticipated (except for the bumps on the ride home). It's really not too bad. Just mainly my left side and when there's gas stuck in my stomach or bowels, the shoulder pain. Oh, my gosh, the shoulder pain! I think that's the only pain I'll really remember later on when I look back. When I woke up from surgery and they wanted me to walk around, that's the only thing that was almost putting me into tears! But, they gave me some milk of magnesia and once my bowels got moving and I was able to sit up more comfortably, that eased away. I still have to be careful about getting either gas passed or burped out before I lay down. Otherwise, I'm in pain for atleast an hour. I'm to the point that I'm comfortable with passing gas in front of my husband, but I don't think my stomach muscles agree yet. My stomach will sit there and gurgle for hours, even turn heads and scare a kitty off of my lap, but when it comes to pushing or anything, I get nothing. Not a bit. Tallie's kinda disappointed, but it'll come someday. lol
The funny part of all of this is my weight, I think. I feel like I've lost weight already, but the nurses brought up a good point in the hospital when I asked to be weighed and they refused. I was on a lot of saline solution and hydrators when I had my IV in (there's a whole other paragraph right there!), so even if they did weigh me, I'd be the same weight or probably heavier. But, I did it anyways. I did it when I got home. When they weighed me at the hospital for pre-op prep, I was at 239 (yay, under 240!), so when I weighed myself when I got home yesterday afternoon, I was only at 243.5. I was expecting a lot more! But, I sure can handle that! lol Now, today, weighing myself at my best time of 11am, I weighed in at 238.5. But, that's not the funniest part... Oh, gosh, no. Last night was the first night of sleeping in my bed since getting home. I had no idea how low my bed was before, but thankfully, I have the world's best husband who has been helping me up from waaaaaaay down there! lol I can now sleep on my right side, where the JP drain is without much pain as long as I hug the body pillow. I slept AWESOME!!!! I woke up in pain because I didn't wake up at three or four to take my meds, so I woke up and laid in bed for a bit to let Tallie sleep more. It was early. But, I looked down towards my toes and guess what! I could see my toes better. My breasts have gotten smaller, I swear! lol Like I told Tallie, I feel like Grace on Bruce Almighty when her boobs just automatically poof up, only I'm opposite! They're smaller! They don't suffocate me when I lay on my back as much, and when I am laying back, they don't flop over to my sides nearly as much as they disgustingly did before! I haven't really been wearing a bra because I've always been a fan of underwires and I have two incisions right on my bra line, and even still, they feel smaller. Oh, and that flop under my arm that was just starting to become a big concern... Well, that's gone now! Tallie said that I do look slimmer, but the first place he noticed it was in my face. Yay! Sure, it'll be great to be thinner, but at the moment I can't really comprehend being thin. So, I don't worry about that. These little things are keeping me VERY satisfied! lol
Dr. Snyder has been incredible through all of this. He calls me sweetheart, which I adore. He probably says it all of the time, but it feels good to be on that kind of a level with him, much more comfortable. He came to see me every day after the surgery. Two out of the three days, I had just woken up or was still asleep and woke to him coming in. I felt so bad to be all disheveled and my morning breath! lol Yesterday, though, he came in and sat down with me to see if there were any concerns. After that, he looked at me and told me that I'm going to be fantastic, but he wondered what I was going to do with all of my success in the end. He pretty much read me like a book in telling me that with my past, it's natural for me when I'm complimented to deter it. He said that I'm going to be fantastically beautiful and that I'll be getting compliments a lot. I should just learn to say "thank you" rather than ranting about what I think is wrong with me as a counteract. He said that in all, he truly believes that I am a posterchild for bariatric surgery. I've been taking care of myself really well with my walks (the nurses got to the point of joking that I was a speed racer) and getting my fluid intake. I showered every day I was there. I brushed my teeth for two of the three days. The first day was kinda tough because I do have really bad gag reflexes and I like to brush my tongue and the roof of my mouth, which everytime makes me gag. That would have really been too much pain, so I skipped it. Otherwise, though, it was just like any other day of my life. I put on make-up, put lotion on, etc. I guess others don't normally do that. Dr. Snyder obviously thought it was a great sign of what's to come. I do wonder how fast I'll lose this weight, but I'm not going to stress on it at all. :)
The girls have been really good with me coming home. Skyler, our 4 year old, has been a GREAT BIG help. She likes to set my timer for me to take a drink since I'm on a liquid diet. She'll also sit with me and help me on my puzzle when I'm doing that, or she'll snuggle with me and we'll watch the news or a movie. This morning, she got her own breakfast of cherries and a cup of other fruit. Such a big girl! She sat on our bed as we were still waking up and watching the morning news, but when she was done, she put her breakfast away and came to snuggle with me. I was on my back, so she laid her head on my stomach where it doesn't hurt. It feels so good to snuggle with her. She really gets this a lot more than what I thought she would. I can't believe how smart she is! Carrie, though, is still kind of confused. I thought that would happen since she's only two. She elbowed me last night to straighen herself up sitting next to me. It was right where my Penrose drain was. You know, that spot that everyone says hurts the most, the longest. Thankfully, though, I got her off pretty quick and it wasn't a pain that lasted too long. It was just a quick, dull pain that woke me up. lol She's a big help, too. She'll bring me books for me to read to them, which they've always liked me reading to them. :)
I do have this fever, though, that I keep battling. It comes around 4 in the afternoon, and usually stays until I fall asleep. Fevers naturally drain me and usually make me fall asleep anyway, but this one, I can at least stay pretty conscious if I stay sitting up. On Tuesday, it was 99.something. Wednesday, it was 100.3. Yesterday, it got to 100.9. There's no infection or anything that I know of. All of my sutures look really good and healthy, so I think it's just my body's natural reaction to having surgery. I've never done it before, so my body is probably not having the greatest of times. lol I think I feel it coming on right now, actually. The first sign that I get it is my eyes burn and get heavy. Then, my cheeks feel warm. I'll feel hot for about an hour, and then I'll get cold, almost to shivering. Strange, but predictable every time.
Okay, all. It's about that time for me to go for a walk, so I will keep you all updated. You all take care and I hope you're doing GREAT!!!
~Jenn~
Almost there!
Jul 05, 2007
Hope you all had a great 4th! We went to my parents' and watched the fireworks get shot off of the cliffs that overlook the town. It was really an impressive show this year. None went down rather than up! lol
Okay, so I admit it now. I'm nervous. But, it's a mild nervous, I might add. As the days are counting down, I've been crazy busy with cleaning the house and getting everything packed for the hospital stay. I'm more nervous about getting things done around the house rather than being cut open. lol For the most part, I'm done, but I still have more I want to do so when we all come home (the girls from my parents'), we can just relax and have a good time, get back into the groove of life. Tomorrow is the last night that I'll have alone with the girls before my surgery, so I figured we'd do a girls' night in. We'll paint our nails, I'll trim their hair, get them all pretty for Gramma and Grampa. lol I bought them a new game the other night that we haven't had a chance to play yet. Fun!
You know, I had a realization the other day. All of my life, I've been a fiesty one. All I've wanted to do is to help the world, take control and better everything. But, now that I'm almost 25, I really have nothing to look back on that I'm proud of. So many years of pain and anguish that could break a thousand hearts... It's time to take life and slow it down. Rather than trying to change the world, it's time to start small. Recycling, exercising more, eating healthy, being kind to all who cross us regardless of what's gone on... I think that's a start. If everyone just stopped and took a look at their lives and rather than trying to help everyone but themselves took some time to make themselves relax and get back on track, we'd all be a little more laid back and peaceful. But, who knows... I'm still learning. I'm still just a kid. :)
Well, all, time to go switch loads of laundry and get the girls' bag packed. You take care and keep losing!
~Jenn~
Yay!
Jun 27, 2007
Hey, all. Hope you're being the beautiful people you are and reflecting that on the world. :)
Well, got my pre-op appointments done today. Dr. Snyder said that I'd do beautifully at this. He was still the genuine person he was before. He explained that he was so sorry about having to reschedule, but he had to take care of one of his children. I understand that. I would have done the same thing if I were in his shoes. My BMI has gone down to just 44 and Dr. Snyder was happy that I lost a few pounds. I think I was at 243.5 or so when I stepped on the scale. So, that's 6.5 lbs. lost since we first met on May 18th. But, my weight is so touchy when it comes to what time of the day it is or what I eat. Is it always going to be this touchy? I wonder...
The lady at Rose Medical Center was really nice. I've never done an EKG before, so I got a little nervous when she pulled the curtain of the room around us. lol My blood pressure was a little high at 137 over 84, but I was really nervous. Things went really well, though, there.
And then... Mel, Skyler, Carrie, and I were going to get gas at my regular gas station and there was a bus in front of me. The light had turned green, but I didn't want to rush anything. My turn was the next corner, so I figured I'd just wait. Well, the guy behind me didn't think so. He kept honking at me and then stepped on the gas and rear ended us. I was pissed. But, I wasn't stupid. I turned at the corner I was waiting at and parked in the parking lot, thinking he'd do the same so we could exchange info and assess the damage. Well, he just drove off. I had Mel call 911 and we followed him. He knew it and drove around the huge parking lot behind the one I parked in and then back onto the street we were on and then back to a condo complex. That's where I lost him. He had out of state plates, I think Missouri. The cops took a statement from me and the damage wasn't that bad, so we went on our way. Why are the idiots breeding in Colorado? There's been three cases of kids hit and the drivers run in the past couple of weeks. One of those kids was actually killed. Did these people go to a hit and run convention recently or something? It seems that they've all been inspired by something to be dense morons and hit those of us who just want to get from point a to point b. The cops are looking for the guy. They were really unhappy that he hit me with my little girls in the back seat, so as we were pulling away, there were three cruisers pulling into the complex to find him. Bastard.
I got offered a job. It's a work from home kind of job, but I educate people on future planning. It sounds really great and this woman is actually willing to pay for my supplies to get started. She REALLY wants me on her team, so I'm going to give it a try. It would be really nice to be able to say that I do make money for this family and help support. People really seem to think that stay at home parents don't do anything at home so they're never busy. Well, I might as well stay at home and make money, right? :) I'm excited. I've never had someone so adament about me starting a career with them. A new life is on the horizon, and it's MINE.
Well, all, I gotta go finish making dinner. What a day, what a day. Oh, my Grampa just got online. I think I'll messenger him, too. Take care!
~Jenn~
Well...
Jun 26, 2007
My date got moved. Dr. Snyder had a family emergency that will put him out of the office all of next week, so they moved me to July 9th at 12:30pm. It works out better that way. Trust me, they wouldn't want to see me at 5:30am as the bear I can be! lol Plus, that gives us some room for planning to get the girls to my parents rather what we were going to have to do this weekend. We're going up to Douglas, WY, I told you I think, to visit Tallie's family, and if we were going to spend the weekend, we'd have to wind around from Cheyenne to Laramie and down through the back country to get to my parents' house to drop the girls off and then down to our house to pick up anything forgotten before we go to Denver to stay the night. NO WAY! That would be waaaaay too exhausting, so to be able to drop them off the night before and we'd be able to stay at home and get ample sleep before having to be there at 9am on the 9th. Plus, it won't be a holiday weekend. You know how some of those drivers can be on a holiday weekend. I know Tallie's going to stay with me the entire time I'm in the hospital. He doesn't know that part of Denver very well at all. lol He's such a countryboy. :)
My pre-op appointments are still tomorrow, so I'll get those done and over with. I'm so excited! I'm so damned excited! When I think about having to wait another week for surgery, it's agonizing! Don't get me wrong, I sure do hope everything with Dr. Snyder is okay. I'm just tired of being in this fat suit. I'm ready to experience life like I've never had a chance to.
Well, you all take care. I'm gonna go finish up some chores.
~Jenn~
I've got a date! I've got a date!
Jun 24, 2007
Oh, my gosh, this is going to be a crazy month of July coming up! My little brother's best friend just got out of the Army after doing a tour in Iraq and otherwise in Germany and my little brother gets out on the 22nd of July (happy birthday mom... one day late... you get your baby boy back). Then, we're going to go down to Texas (Midland, but maybe Abilene and Tye if there's enough time or whatever) to visit with family. My Grampa was remarried last year (I totally adore his new wife, Katy) and I figured they'd like to see the girls. Tallie won't come with, but he'll be in close touch, I know. He's going to use his vacation on the week of my surgery, which is July 2nd, 9am, in just over a week! I'm so excited! I've been going through the "manual" from Dr. Snyder's office over and over again to make sure I have everything down. Also, I've been doing a few extra things around the house to prepare for after surgery and recovery. I got my little exercise room set up now with my equipment. That was my biggest thing that I wanted to get done, so now it's just doing basic chores around the house so that when the big day comes, the house will be the last of my worries. Thankfully, Tallie is going to be home for the entire week (and with me in the hospital), but it'll be nice to have him along my side rather than off doing something else like dishes or laundry.
Am I nervous? No, I really wouldn't call it nervous. It's more of a motherly thing of wanting and trying to get everything together for when the big day gets here. I worked with my counselor yesterday with the EMDR (usually used for PTSD patients) to train my brain on positive thinking. We took something positive that has happened to me in the past two weeks and we programed my brain to revert to that feeling and memory when I get nervous or anxious. For those of you who have used the EMDR or know of it, using just positive is really a great thing compared to going back to the trauma and trying to bandaid it with the positive. I'm so ready for this surgery, this life change, this healthy feeling and look.
I started a journal in a notebook noting my feelings and measurements of several parts of my body like my ankle, calf, thigh, hips, waist, wrist, arm, and neck. It helps a lot with any kind of worry or anxiousness, too.
My pre-op appointments are on Wednesday at 11 with Dr. Snyder and at 2 with Rose Medical Center. I haven't lost much weight with the food plan that Dr. Snyder gave me the first time we met. I bounce around a lot between 237.5 and 243 lbs., depending on what time of the day I weigh myself (11am is the BEST... lol) and what I eat or don't eat that day. But, hey, it's still lower than what I started out at! The "white stuff" thing isn't very easy (cutting and/or eliminating bread, rice, potatoes, popcorn, etc.). I sure do love flour tortillas with peanut butter and cheddar. Yum... I've got carbs down pretty good... and with getting enough protein, I think I've got that down really well. I love the EAS chocolate shake mix and there's a vanilla that I got the other day at Walmart. I don't remember what brand it is, but it's got less carbs than the EAS and is really good with my decaf coffee. I don't get the fiber thing much, though. I have the Benefiber tasteless odorless powder, but there's really not enough in a serving to do anything. So, I think I'll go out and find the one that has the most fiber (for real, rather than sounding like it'd work) and I'll start getting into foods with more fiber. The book from Dr. Snyder has some food listed, so that's a good start.
Oh, and I got put on oxygen when I sleep now. Did I tell you that already? It's not a lot of fun. I don't like having to keep something on when I sleep because I really do move around a lot. Plus, I'm getting more bloody noses, which for me is enough to not want to use the machine. I'm set at two liters of oxygen, by the way. But, with the bloody noses, when I was little, I had to have my nose packed because I kept getting nose bleeds from using Flonase for my allergies. It was painful and embarrassing. All of the kids made fun of me (I was in second grade... use your imagination). Tragic, so I'd rather be starved for oxygen rather than having to go through that again. Adults may not make fun, but their glances and avoidances still hurt.
Well, everyone, I'm gonna go for now. I've gotta go make my lists for packing and such. We're going to Douglas, WY next weekend (yeah, I know, the days before surgery), so I've gotta pack for two things and get the chores done before the weekend. You all take care and be the healthy, beautiful people that you are!
~Jenn~
Oh, the drama...
Jun 13, 2007
Well, got a call from the doctor's office today, sooner than what I was expecting. The insurance lady said that whoever at the insurance company told me that I didn't need an authorization to do the surgery was wrong and that I do need it. Oh, well. I've got other stuff on my plate to stress about now, so I'll just let it be. I'm so tired of having to make phone calls and being told one thing and being led to another.
I do have to get this off of my chest. No, it doesn't affect my weight loss/goal directly, but the stress sure could be a culprit in why I'm not losing any weight. We've been trying to refinance our home and we found one of the bad apples in the bin of brokers. I'm so stressed out, I'm losing sleep and my slight cold (well, it was a couple of days ago) has gotten worse. I think I've officially worried myself sick, which is NO fun, let me tell you. I do it when situations like this come along, but I am also contacting lawyers because it's gotten that deep. I've had to redflag my husband's and my social security numbers. Sure, I understand that life is a learning process, so I am EXPECTING a doctorate by the time I turn thirty. lol
So, my focus has changed slightly. It's not easy to eat when I get stressed out like this. You know, it's exactly the opposite of what I was three years ago, but still, it's not a positive change. Nothing sounds good. My husband keeps catching me wandering through the kitchen, opening cupboards and the fridge only to close it and move on to the next one with no luck of finding anything. Tallie and the kids are probably sick of mac and cheese, but it's so easy to cook. I don't feel like cooking (which is really a HUGE passion for me usually). I just want to get away. I've never been a fan of drama, and lately, events have been action packed with it. I feel like I've been sacked by the entire defense of the Broncos and then I have to take care of everything that's going on. I wish people would just realize that taking advantage of others isn't the way to live life. Sure, karma is going to nip this guy that we're having problems with right in the bud someday, but this is ridiculous. The t-shirt I'm wearing today explains how life is around here. Eeyore is doing his usual sulk and he's being rained on by that black cloud. Above him, it says "when it rains, it pours".
Thanks for letting me vent. I just needed to get that out. Maybe I can finally get to sleep tonight before three thirty in the morning, just to be woken up by Tallie's four o'clock alarm to wake up.
This is going to get better. It's just a matter of time and more patience. Does anyone have any I can bum for just a short while? lol
~Jenn~
Okay, time to wait...
Jun 12, 2007
It's been interesting since my last blog. I left messages with the doc and the insurance lady again, just to see how things are going. They won't be back until next Monday because they have some convention out in San Diego that they're all attending. I asked Corina, the poor receptionist who got left behind if they're at least sending post cards, and she said that she'll get to go her in a couple of months. How fun! Basking in the sun, seeing a completely different kind of people than these Denverites would be awesome! Not that I don't dearly adore my home city and state, but I'd be at the beach all day and all night. LOVE IT!!!! :)
Tallie stayed home yesterday, his scheduled day off anyway, and we went fishing at Clear Lake. Now that was fun, even with two little ones! I bought each of them a little Barbie fishing pole, so they got to try it out, too, without hooks, of course. lol Skyler is a great caster, but Carrie is still trying to get the hang of pointing the pole up to do anything. lol Two years old is a little young, but she had fun. We put a bobber on Skyler's line and she practiced casting and sitting with that since that's what Tallie and I were using. She liked that, but by the end of the day, that poor bobber had to be retired. She couldn't really grasp the idea that she needed to be closer to the water to cast out and get it into the water, so that little thing was bashed all to smitherines! lol I'm telling you, bobbers are the way to go when fishing with little kids. Everytime Tallie or I would get up to help the girls, our bobbers would disappear. We wound up bringing home 12 fish, but we caught more. Some were too small, so we set them free. I read in the book that we received at the nutrition class for Dr. Snyder's (I'll talk about it here in a bit) that trout has 30 grams of protein per 7-8 ounces, so it's practically free food when you go out and catch it yourself! I love trout. Especially when it's in a fish taco (nothing fried, of course, just my recipe...)! So, needless to say, it's been easier getting more protein in my diet now. Does anyone know how to cook shark? I actually found some at the grocery store the other day, and I'd like to try it. I think I'll check out cooks.com. They have some really great recipes for pretty much everything you can think of.
Ah, yes, the nutrition class. I know I mentioned it in the last blog, but now I have time to describe. :) That was the last of what was needed to be done before surgery. It was interesting. I had picked up the book that they were covering in the class the week before, so I had a chance to look through it. But, looking through it wasn't enough. At the class, they gave visuals of how big the "tool" would be after surgery, both for the lap-band and for the RN-Y. So, with already choosing the RN-Y, my stomach is going to be as big as a medicine cup, like the ones you find when you buy liquid medicine. The lap-band would be a bit bigger, depending on how much fluid you have in the band or such. But, I'm not getting that. They also showed displays of different things you could buy when it came to food and supplements to make this easier when it came to protein intake, B12 intake, and basic nutrition. GNC has a 50 Gram Slam (that's what it's called) that gives you 50g of protein per serving. Of course, you don't want to drink it all at once, is what they said. Space it out over the day, which I never thought of, but is really genius. They also told us about some puddings that have a bunch of protein in them that you can buy or you can even add protein powder to puddings, jellos, broths, and such. What I'm really wanting to try is the milk they recommended. It wasn't soy, which I like. Well, I don't like soy. It gives me nasty little burps that make me wanna gag. Yuk. But, this milk has less fat, less carbs, and 75% less sugar. It's sweetened with Splenda, which is actually pretty good. They have it in 2%, which would be better than this fat free stuff that I've been drinking for the past year. Taste! Taste! How I miss thee! lol
Okay, everyone. I gotta go. Other drama awaits my attention and this one is a doosie. Hope you all keep losing successfully and I hope you see the beautiful person you are and have become!
~Jenn~
Hold my breath, hold my tongue
Jun 08, 2007
So I finally got the last thing done that I needed to do for the surgery. Yesterday, I attended the nutrition class that is required before anything surgery-wise is scheduled. It was okay. I had picked up the book last Monday, so I had time to go through it before the class. I met another younger woman who wanted to do one of the procedures, but she wasn't sure which one she wanted to do because of insurance reasons. We have a lot in common, so we exchanged cell numbers and we both LOVE to text. It's kind of nice to talk to someone who also wants to make a change and who gets the embarrassing fat jokes that one such as myself has had to endure through the school years and even up to today. Sure, it's nice to have support from my husband and from my friend, but Mel is already 140 lbs. and my husband has large bones. He is such a rock when it comes to his self confidence. Someday, I'll be like him when I grow up. lol
But, now I have to wait on insurance. Or, as far as I know, it's me waiting on the insurance. The lady that's supposed to take care of that stuff through Dr. Snyder's office told me that the insurance company wants five years of documented weight loss, which I knew as soon as she said it wasn't true. I called UHC before I even went to the seminar to find out what I would need and what would be covered. Nowhere was it mentioned that I'd need a history on paper. I don't have the luxury of that. I wasn't allowed to go to the doctor unless I was pregnant five years ago. I did include the phone numbers and addresses of all of my doctors for the past ten years, so I figured she'd be able to work with that. She could look at my weight through the years and see that there is a problem. I told Dr. Snyder that every time I brought up my weight to a doctor, I was looked at really funny and told to change my lifestyle. That was it. No one wanted to help me. So, I was left unguided and fat while my ex was too busy throwing me through walls, sticking loaded guns in my face, telling me everything was in my head, and I was working waaaaay too hard to support our family since he was spending all of my hard earned money on his drugs and using them rather than getting a job. I only met my husband three years ago. Since then, things have gotten better, yeah, but I don't have the five year history.
Anyways, I was pissed and depressed, so I called UHC myself to verify that and to see if her claim for me was even pending. Nope. Both the customer service rep and the insurance company's website state that there has been no contact. There are claims for all of the other doctors and such from before and even after right up into June, but nothing on May 18th. Some are even pending, so it's not like they're only posted after being processed. So, I'm a little more aggro than most, but I don't know who to direct my attention to. I've been calling the insurance company everyday since Tuesday and every time, they tell me the same thing, so I'm starting to think it's on the doc's office. I emailed both the insurance lady at the office and the doctor since he is his own customer service person and I asked for answers. I gave names, dates, numbers, and the reference number to the most extensive conversation as far as my coverage and what's needed from UHC. They document each time I call and what the conversation is about, so I bet they're REALLY tired of me and are starting to see an obvious pattern. lol I don't like being treated like I'm a little kid or I'm stupid, for that matter. I'm starting to feel like that when it comes to handling this. Everyone says that I'm so young. SO???? Does that mean that I haven't had the hard life of always being the FAT kid? Does that mean that I'm supposed to just live life as fruitful as I can, even with a future filled with heart disease (attacks, hbp, etc.), diabetes, joint and muscle pain (which I have EVERYDAY right now), strokes, and other morbidities because it runs in my family? Does that mean that just because I'm young, I have no idea how to find my way around to get things done? My biggest pet peeve is when people underestimate me and think that I'm just a kid. I have been homeless and had to start over with nothing (well, okay, a plastic bag or two of stuff and the second time was with an infant, so I had a bag of formula) THREE times. ME. No one else. I found the resources to help Skyler (when she was six months old) and I (because my ex was in jail each time, mysteriously...) and I got things done because they needed to be done. Just because I'm young doesn't mean that I don't know what to do when I'm faced with a challenge. This weathered soul just wants a little bit of happiness knowing that health is not going to be a problem later when it comes to spending quality time with my family. Is that so much to ask? Why can't people just deal with people anymore rather than sitting in front of a damned computer or a pile of paperwork and assuming that they're just another case?
I'm frustrated. I'm just frustrated. I need to vent, but my quilting just hasn't been doing the job. I'm a firm believer that if you want something done right, do it yourself. This is just one of those situations that I don't have the access or the resources to file my own claim. Otherwise, it would have been done and on that webpage either with a "pending" or a "processed" like the others from this past month.
On the lighter side, I've been doing really well with changing my food intake (I'm trying not to call it a diet...). We've been doing a lot more fishing, so my diet has been filled with a lot of trout. I love it. And, I got lucky in finding a protein shake that is really good. EDS chocolate from Walmart. There's 23 grams of protein in one scoop, so I mix two with 16 oz. of fat free milk, and I sip that through the day. (Hell, at this point, anything chocolate keeps me happy. lol ) I've switched to Boca burgers, brats, and chicken patties (they have spicy which is REALLY good!), and I've switched to ground turkey rather than ground burger. Now, I have to say that I'm really not a fan of eggs. They creep me out and make me gag, but I decided to give in and try the Egg Beaters. The regular is okay, but I have fallen in love with the southwestern flavor. Add three ounces of cheddar and several squirts of Frank's Hot Sauce, and you have quite the plate. I like to put a bit of beans on the side, so sometimes, I split the cheese between the eggs and beans and that is really, really good. This isn't really as "healthnutty" as I thought it would be when it comes to finding the right amount of proteins. I've even got the family eating more veggies and fruits and healthy foods. Of course, Tallie still buys a bag of chips for himself and sometimes he'll grab some cookies, but other than that, I'm really proud of him and grateful that he's making this change with me.
Well, all, wish me luck. My patience is wearing thin, but I still have a slight glimmer of hope that this is really going to work out. It's in the final workings. I'm going to go whip out a quilt for therapy now. lol I hope you all are having a great day!
~Jenn~
What a week!
May 27, 2007
Hello, everyone! Hope you're all doing well and feeling great this Memorial Day weekend! We might go fishing later, but other than that, we're staying home and vegging out. It's been a really long and busy week! Usually, over this weekend, we go to Cheyenne to put flowers on Tallie's family's graves, but it just hasn't worked out that way for any of the living family. Tallie's dad had to have surgery on his hand yesterday after breaking his right ring finger by misjudging sitting on a chair. It sounds incredibly painful because he has to have a screw sticking out of his hand and it's going to take six weeks to finally get his finger back to functioning. Tallie's aunt and uncle are going to be in Glendoe, WY at another relative's house and gas prices are just way too ridiculous for us to afford to go up there.
Thursday, the girls and I went down to Mel's again to spend the night. Not too bad. We do have a lot of fun driving around the city with the kids and seeing different things that you wouldn't see here at our house in the sticks. lol It's just rough because I miss Tallie so much when I'm away from him. To feel his arms around me, to be able to talk to him and know that he supports me completely... Sure, I can call him on the phone, but my husband is not a phone person. He's so quiet. lol
I had a taco salad that was really, really good. It was so good, I accidentally ate too much and went from satisfying my hunger to being overstuffed. Oops! lol We went to bed early because I had to get a recall notice on my car fixed. Turns out, the quarter panel windows can just fall out of the '05 and '06 Pt Cruisers! So, I had to be up at six to go to the dealership and get that done. For everyone who knows me well, I am NOT a morning person! lol I was there for three hours, so I texted Mel to have the kids ready for a tuck and roll when I got there. Otherwise, I wasn't going to make it for my first appontment (pulmonary) at eleven. We wound up only about fifteen minutes late, but I had talked to the receptionist the day before on the confirmation of my appointment and told her I might be late. She's been so nice to all of us. She completely understood when we came in like a whilrwind that we made our best effort to make it there on time. :)
Well, my pulmonary went well. I do have to have some kind of oxygen test done on Friday now, though. I don't know exactly what it's for, but the doctor mentioned that he wanted to gauge my oxygen intake and output for before and after my surgery. He said he'd even have someone come up to our house to see what my oxygen intake (or output, maybe) was since I live at 9000 ft. elevation and Denver is only at a mile high (5280 ft.). Otherwise, everything else went well. Oh, and did I mention that I weighed in at 245.8?! I've been following Dr. Snyder's mealplan, and it actually has been kinda working! Lately, I was just frustrated because anytime I'd try to lose weight, I'd only get down to 246, but this is awesome! My scale at home is going out the window, though. It keeps telling me I'm over 250 #'s, so we're going to part ways really soon. lol
Well, after my pulmonary, we went and picked up some lunch at Boston Market. I love their food. I'm really proud of myself because I did say no to having any mac & cheese (although we got some for the kids) and I only had one potato wedge. Yay! Their chicken is sooooo moist! Yum... This willpower thing isn't easy, but I keep telling myself "nothing tastes better than being thin". Mel tried to get me to slip by offering some ice cream to me, but I said no and told her that saying. She took it better than what I thought she would. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by saying no, but I'm ready for this healthy change. It's really just up to me now. Tallie has been supporting me with this diet change (even though it's not drastic, just more protein and eating in smaller portions more often) really well. He knows that our family should be eating healthier (he has a Mountain Dew addiction), so he's been helping me keep an eye out for foods that are high in protein and opening up to different veggies and fruits. I don't know what I'd do without him!
Well, then came my next appointment. I thought I'd be getting scoped for my heartburn, but this was just a consultation. We got to the doctors office right on time (which was only two floors above the previous doctor's appointment). I didn't know what to bring for a copay, so I didn't take any money with me. Well, the receptionist demanded the money from me for the copay, but I said I didn't bring anything because I didn't know what to bring. She said that she needed it, so I asked her if we could reschedule for the next week. No answer. She just stood there staring at me. She did have a bluetooth phone on, so she could have been listening to someone on the other line for all I know, so I asked again. It was like she was robot. She didn't even answer me! She was looking me in the eye, but I guess I didn't get the right keywords or something. So, I called Mel over and told her that they wanted a copay now, and she had no problem with pulling out her checkcard. She gave it to the woman, but I guess the woman couldn't figure out how to use the machine (I thought robots could communicate... lol) because she gave the card back and said it didn't work. So, I asked if we could reschedule for next Friday YET AGAIN! She just stared at me, again, so I was beyond pissed by this point. Mel wrote a check and the lady took that. I'm so glad they didn't take my blood pressure afterwards because I would have been through the roof! I don't like being treated like I'm an idiot! I may be young, but please, don't treat me like a child. I respect others and am polite, so I kind of expect others to do the same, especially in a professional setting like that!
So, finally, I got into my appointment. Things went better than expected after that loon behind the desk. I am going to have to have a scope put down my throat, though, to see if there's any ulcers or such caused by my heartburn. I never really thought much of it. It just started when I was pregnant with my first, so I always assumed that it was just a side effect of having kids. lol The proceedure is going to take a total of four or so minutes, but because of my weight, he's going to have me put completely under for it all. So, there's another two or so hours of waking up and recovery. Tallie said he's going to take Thursday off (hopefully) so he can go with me and bring me home after my 11:30am appointment. That will help a lot to calm my nerves. I don't want to spend the night at Mel's if he's going to be home. I LOOOOOOVE to snuggle my husband! It's just like he's a big bandaid for when I do get hurt or need comforting. I haven't been put under since my wisdom teeth were taken out, so I'm a little nervous. But, on the other hand, I'm just thinking of this as a prep for going under for my big surgery. :) I sure do hope that this is all that's going to have to be done before the gastric bypass. I'm a simple person at most, so the fewer appointments, the better. The less people that get involved always makes for a smoother path with less drama, waiting time, and paperwork.
Here I am again, in the wating game. It's step by step, but the wait is always so agonizing! I'm going to keep myself busy this week, though, with some spring cleaning. I'm going to move all of the furniture out of the extra room and all of our excercise equimpment is going in there. Our Total Gym is such a great workout, but it's such a hassle to have to pull it out and lay it out the right way to use it, then fold it up and put it away again. I'd rather just have it out so when I do get a chance, I can cut down on stall time and just get to working out. I think I'll pull out our wood stove, too, and sell it. It's old and it's almost summertime, so it's time for it to go. I'm donating my chairs to my counselor's office since she wants to get rid of some of her furniture. I think I'll trade her, though, for one of the chairs she wants to get rid of. I can make new cushions for it, and the wood frame is in decent condition, so I'll just use that for my sewing chair. I've been on eternal quest to find the perfect sewing chair, but it's been a battle so far. At least I'm getting some lifting out of it, right? lol
Counseling has been going well. I've used the EMDR that is the new rave, and I do have to admit that just after one session, it has helped in the area it was supposed to address. Next time is going to be a little tougher because of the situation it's addressing, but it's still going to help a lot, I hope.
Well, you all take care. Have a safe and fun weekend. Talk to you soon!
~Jenn~
