Christi P.

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Post Date: 8/19/08 5:07 pm
I had my 9 month follow-up appt with my nurse clinician today, and all is great. I started back into the wls process at 286, weighed 268 on November 20, when I went into surgery. Today, I weighed in at 169! My goal is 150, so I entirely believe I can lose 19lbs by my surgiversary, though the rate of loss has slowed down. I'm wearing size large, and size 10/12 clothing. It has been a great journey! I feel so good, have had a few moments along the way, but everything has been completely worth it! I'm eating around 1,000 calories a day, 3 meals plus a snack. At my meals, i am eating about 3/4 of a cup of food, sometimes more and sometimes less, depending on the food. The feeling of hunger has returned. Some days I don't really feel it, I guess that's when I am totally on track. Other days it about eats me alive. I've also regained my ability to burp, so the farting prob isn't much of a prob anymore. Thank God for that one! I hate the sagging skin, and the unhappy breasts, but I keep reminding myself that there is a lot of shrinking time ahead of me yet. I'm not sure if I would want plastic surgery. Wait and see I guess.

I'm going home for a visit next month, where people know I had the surgery, but haven't seen me since my highest weight. I can't wait! I have this odd desire to buy a great dress and get completely dolled up for my arrival. show off the new curves that are replaces the old lumps and bumps!

Hope everybody else is well. Would love to hear your stories!

Well, I can't believe that it's been almost 8 months.  I remember how in the beginning, it seemed like I would never lose enough weight, shrink, or be able to eat half ways normal again.  Now, I think, where the heck has the time gone?  I weigh in at 180 pounds, so that means I've lost a total of 106lbs in the last year.  That's huge!!!! 

July 8th was my quit smoking one year anniversary, so that is awesome.  I really don't miss it most of hte time.  Usually when I get a craving, it's because a situation came up that used to be closely connected with smoking and drinking.  I am so glad that I don't smoke anymore!

I've started dating!  That's been an interesting experience.  Not much to say, met some pretty decent fellas, but none too serious yet.  It'll happen. 
I'm starting to finally see it.  I can stand to look in the mirror, or catch my reflection in a window.  I don't look as huge as I used to.  I have facial features!  I have a waist!  My boobs are a bit of a sad story, but a good bra takes care of most of that.  I have a tummy, and my butt is even flatter than before.  Even my swimsuit bags on my ass, even though the rest of it is well fitted.  A lot of my shoes are too big now, so I need to go through them and get rid of hte ones that could kill me due to ill fit. 

On a side note, I moved to the East Side of St. Paul this month, and I am reallly liking my new place.  It's nothing fancy, but I get an indoor pool (which I am using relatively regularly), a balcony, and an icemaker (so I don't have to buy ice anymore- yay!!!).  I'm on the third floor, with no elevator, so It's great for my stamina and muscles.  I'm not done unpacking yet though.  Stil have about 5 totes to get through, all smaller stuff.  I think a lot of it will go in the dumpster.  I miss my Jeep, but the Kia is treating me very well, and it has it's own charm.  It's best feature is definitely the higher gas milage.  It gets almost double what the Jeep was getting.  It is a nice car, good ride, clean lines, could use some better speakers though. 

I have been getting a lot of compliments lately, and congrats and pats on the back from my boss and coworkers.  It feels great!  I know we are not supposed to base our worth, moods, blah blah blah on the opinions of  others, but we all do it.  It does make me feel good to get praise and support from these people who knew me before, and were more or less not involved in my process.  Men definitely look at me differently.  They really do.  They look at me, and that's what's different.  I feel like a girl!  Ok, I feel like a relatively attractive woman! 

I am starting to get some rashes and other skin issues.  I checked my insurance policy on the tummy tuck rules, and it looks like I probably will not quailify, but for now, there isn't much I can do.  I have to be done losing and have maintained a certain weight for 6 months or so, plus skin issues and a specific amount of excess skin before they will even consider.  Since I still have some losing to go, It will be a while before I can start documenting, and when I get down to at least goal, I'm probably won't meet the hanging skin guideline.  You know, I'm pretty ok with that.  I'm not even sure that I would have a tummy tuck if I could.  That's a pretty big deal, and it kind of gives me the heeby jeebies. 

We had our Twins game for work tonight.  A lot of people complimenting me there.  And one of hte gals from the Maple Grove office asked me a lot of questions and said that she thought I was brave and that I had done a great thing.  That made me feel good.  I like answering peoples questions about what I did.  I'd rather help them learn and understand, rather then run around assuming and relying on blurbs they hear on tv and in mags.  Anyway, I really wanted to drink, but I didn't.  I haven't really given alcohol a try yet, and I figured this wouldn't be quite the right setting to begin.  Here's the best part of hte evening though.  I fit in the seat!  Not only did I fit, but my arms stayed inside the seat, too!  I wasn't bulging over like last year!  It was so awesome to not be squeezed in and trying not to take up too much room over the armrests and into the other peoples seats.  Last year I had ani aisle seat, and sat leaning out into the aisle.  This year.  i was smack dab in the middle, with people on both sides, and I didn't spill over, or have be a contortionist.  The second best part of the evening?  When I got home and turned the phone back on, I had a message from the man I met the other day.  So, I looks like there may be an official date coming up.  We had dinner together the other day, but that was a short meet and get all the qualifiers and disqualifiers out of hte way.  Seems like we both passed the preliminaries for each other. 

I weighed 198lbs at Dr. Bakers office today!  Under 200 forevermore.

My blood tests, MRI, and EMG all came back fine.  I do have Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, but that is being resolved in physical therapy, and the tingling and numbness are virtually gone.  I am feeling better on the higher caloric intake, and Dr. Baker is happy with where I am at right now.  And I'm in size 16/18, and 1x or XL clothing.

I am so much happier with my body than I have been in years and years and years.  I'm more comfortable in it.  Even though there is some serious wobbling of certain areas, I feel better about myself.  I don't feel so enormous anymore.  I feel like a healthy weight is attainable.  I am more comfortable in my movement, I fit into my space better, I don't feel like an intrusive blob anymore.  I'm not so self-conscious. 

I forgot that I didn't post my 3 month check-up info.  That appt went great.  Met with nurse clinician, Darla, and with Psychologist, Paul Bagdade, and both gave me thumbs up.  I was told I am completely sane, doing well, and that I need to get back on the exercise wagon, and to make sure I am getting the protien.  Well, one month later, I seem to be having some problems, but don't know yet what they are.

Well, I know that I am having some tingling and numbness in the hands and feet, and arms.  I have been having some issues with balance, and lightheadedness.  And my TMJ has been flared up.  Turns out this could all be due to burning protein rather than fat.  These things can happen when we burn the protein that forms a protective layer around the nerves, and when you use it up, they start misfiring and you start having neurological problems.  If this goes on long enough, all the side effects could become permanent.  Really, really don't want that!  So I have an appointment with a neurologist next week, and meet again with Dr. Baker about a week after that.  I am so depressed about this.  I'm so close to hitting my second biggest goal, and my stupid bad habit of not taking a protein supplement may push it further out.  I guess that as long as I reach it at all, I should be happy, but I was within a week or 2 of hitting it.  My goa?  To hit 199 or less by March 29th, when I go home for the baby shower.  Not a goal that I was really working hard to get, or starving myself to meet, I just felt like I could meet it by doing what I've been doing.  Well, today I was instructed to slow down the weight loss.  I have to increase my caloric intake to 800-1000 a day, through 5 meals a day.  I have to increase my protein intake by at least 20g a day.  If I don't do this, and if I don't have improvement in my symptoms, and based on the neorology report, I could end up on this IV infusion type thing that I would have to hook up to at night so that it can pump me full of amino acids while I sleep.  This thing will completely stop my weight loss for a while, allowing my body to recover, and could actually cause a 4-5lb weight gain.  Temporary I guess, but how heartbreaking that would be!  And the idea of hooking up to this pump is absolutely terrifying.  So, I will try to eat more and lose less.  That sucks!  It sucks so bad!  I just want to cry and scream, but I have to be healthy, and I don't wan tto cause myself permanent damage.  But it still sucks.  I really thought I was eating pretty well.  Eating 3 well timed meals per day.  I knew I might be eating a little under on the protein, by 10-15-20g, but that can be enough to cause a problem.  I'm not an idiot, but boy was I being stupid.  Well, this put the scare in me, and I will find some way to supplement. 

It just feels like the end.  I know it's not, intellectually anyway, but it's like the deal I always get.  Things are going really well, and then BAM, you get slammed into a wall and everything goes bad, and the good stuff is over.

Oh yeah, weight loss report.  Today, I weighed in on Dr. Baker's scale at 207lbs.  Total lost since surgery, 61lbs.  Pretty soon, I will be at a point where I will never again have to say that I weigh two hundred something or other pounds.   

I have been having the worst cravings the last few weeks!  Salt has been huge.  I want tons of salt lately, so I have been doing sunflower seeds, maybe too many sunflower seeds, but if you are craving salt doesn't that mean your body is deficient?  Will have to put that on the list to discuss with Darla.  Oh, and anything loaded with carbs!  I have been having such a craving for pasta with just butter and salt and pepper and butter and parmesan cheese.  I did go and buy some ww pasta about a week ago, and having it in the house seems to make me feel better about not eating it, I haven't tried it yet.  Exercise has been hit or miss.  Have tons of excuses, some valid, but I should be getting in more than I am.  The scale started to move again after a 2 week stoppage.  Wasn't too worried about it, but was beginning to wonder if it was going to start up again.  Happy moment this morning.  I noticed this week that my jeans are starting to bag a little more (20's), so when I saw the scale had made a leap downward, I decided to try on my 18's.  They fit perfectly!  So, there's proof that even though the numbers may change slowly, the body is shrinking.  I can't wait until I get to go shopping, but I can't quite get myself to do it yet.  I'm ok with my shirts being a little baggy, cause I am still layering for the cold, and I still have a big tummy.  Maybe in a week or so I'll go out and look for pants.  I'm running low on respectable work pants.  I hate to waste money on something I will only wear a few times (was that just me who wrote that?  Since when have I ever carried that view on clothes shopping?  I have a closet full of stuff I've only worn a few time.).  A sign of good mental health maybe?  That I'm not going the way of shopping for addiction transfer?  So far, so good I guess, but I'll let Dr. Bagdade help me verify that in a few weeks.
Anywho, that's it for today.  I'll probably have a weight update in 2 weeks or so.  Or is it next week?  I'd better look at my planner.

What is your political ideology? Your Result: Liberal  This quiz has categorised you as a Liberal. You believe in the role of the government to fight poverty, both by means of welfare programs, and economic regulation. You are defined as a progressive in the US, but you are generally favouring of the retention of the current social paradigm.
2. Social Democrat
3. Libertarian
4. Conservative
5. Fascist/Radical Right
6. Communist/Radical Left
What">http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_is_your_political_ideology">What is your political ideology? Make">http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Make Your Own Quiz is your political ideology? Your Own Quiz

How will I die? Your Result: You will die while saving someone's life.  The most noble of all deaths.  Your rewards will be great in the next life.  You are most definitely a humanitarian.  If not currently, you will be.  To give one's life is a precious moment that will be remembered by friends and family for many decades.
2. You will die while having sex.
3. You will die in your sleep.
4. You will die from a terminal illness.
5. You will die in a nuclear holocaust.
6. You will die of boredom.
7. You will be murdered.
8. You will die in a car accident.
How">http://www.gotoquiz.com/how_will_i_die">How will I die? Create">http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Create a Quiz will I die? a Quiz

What F.R.I.E.N.D.S. friend are you? Your Result: Monica Geller-Bing You are so like Monica!  Very helpful, but probably a little bit too picky about the little things.  The best friend/partner for you would be your exact opposite!
Rachel Green
Ross Geller
Pheobe Buffet
Chandler Bing
Joey Tribiani
What">http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_f_r_i_e_n_d_s_friend_are_you">What F.R.I.E.N.D.S. friend are you?

So, here it is.  Full winter has arrived, and as the temperature drops, my appetite rises.  I am having some terrible cravings for just about anything and everything that enters my line of vision or wafts into my smell zone.  It's aweful, and I know it's going to get worse as the weekend progresses.  I would just about kill right now for a big ol' cheeseburger.  Or for free reign at a Chinese buffet.  I want all my old comfort foods, though surprisingly, not chocolate.  Probably just jinxed that by saying it out loud.  I know it's all head hunger, and that I have to find ways to distract.  Luckily I already have a ton of homework to start the semester off with, and I will be spending some quality time at the library...  I'm also planning to hit coffee in Hopkins, so that I can meet some more people and get out of the house.  I need to get back to St. Paul group next time around, don't want to keep missing out on those wonderful ladies!  How come none of the weatherpeople are telling me what the weather is going to be like next week?  It's like the world is ending on Sunday night.

Had an appt. with my PCP today, and all is well.  I've lost more weight, which is definitely a good thing.  I had to have her sign a release so that I can join the exercise group over at Mercy, and I'm looking forward to getting involved with that.  Granted it's quite a drive, but if I leave right after class on Tuesday, I should get there with plenty of time to make it worth my while.  I did the NIA class last Tuesday, and that was pretty interesting.  I thought I was doing good with the treadmill and the other bits and pieces I keep trying, but NIA showed me that there is a lot of work for me to do in getting my body in shape.  It's only one day a week, but it will give me some variety and I will be able to work with other people like me.  It's good to have a little personal support in the exercise world.  I do wish there was something closer to home, though.  Oh well, we can't have it all.  I'm losing my Images group in the next month or so, but I've got this board, and I've got great support at my surgery center.  I have been having some disturbing food issues this week.  Sunday, Tues, and Wed, I couldnt' keep any food down, well, I did get a few bites of banana in on Tues night.  Talked to my surgeon and we figured it probably wasn't a stricture, could have been a result of eating something too fast on Sunday, and then getting so ill that my pouch became swollen and then I may not have babied it long enough before trying to eat again.  And then I would vomit and try to eat again 8 hours later.  Dumb.  Or, we realized that I hadn't had a BM for about 5 days, and he said that can cause difficulties with eating and keeping food down.  Who'da thunk?  So, he put me on a liquid diet for a day, told me to take some MOM, and try eating after my system had emptied.  Whatever the issue was, it's over now.  I have got to start getting more fiber into my body.  I'm getting tired of having poo issues.  Not that anything has been severe, but all these little annoyances add up. 

I'm entering a whole new world as far as weight and body size go.  Right now, I am at the lowest weight I ever remember being.  I don't know what I weighed in high school, but I remember a classmate speculating that I had to be close to 225/250, and I remember being humilitated cause he was right.  Naturally it his speculation was done to humiliate me, so he got what he wanted there.  Anyway, I'm wearing the smallest pants that I own right now, many of my work shirts are hanging loosely on my body, it's almost time to start hitting the thrift stores!  I'm going to have to buy a swimsuit for the end of March, and I'm already kind of freaking cause how will I know what size to get?  Then I realized that summer clothes should be in the stores by then, so I should be able to try some on, rather than order blindly from the internet.  I can imagine that I am going to have some issues with body image and adjusting and all that, I had a bad, bad PMS this last round, so I'm going to talk to my supervising Psychologist about this next month, and maybe look into getting into some regular counseling.  I am honeymooning, though.  Most of the time I'm great.  When certain specific issues, or people, get in my face though, I've noticed that I have a much shorter fuse, and that I feel bolder about making my thoughts known.  I'm not sure yet if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I don't want to hide anymore, behind my fat or behind my "introversion," (which, by the way, disappeared on the Myers Brigg test this year).  Could be bad though, cause I could alienate people I care about, or even put my job at jeopardy (though that's a whole nother issue I won't go into here).  

Oh how I have grown and changed in the past year!  The foundation is the same, but I am a bigger player in my own life.  And happier for it.  

That's all.  I just felt like talking about myself for a bit.  I am so into me right now!  And I 'm ok with that.