Its open season to comment on my body

May 04, 2011

I've been told by some friends that I'm being talked about a lot by coworkers.  Everyone is amazed by how I look.  I have been getting a lot of comments recently also.  While its nice to hear from friends and family in the right way, sometimes I am amazed by tthe things people think they can say to other people.  I'm trying to focus on how happy I am that I look better and feel better and not focus on the comments.  Geesh, how bad did I look before?!  I know thats not what they always mean but thats how it ends up coming out.  Overall, I'm still very happy with the way I look now.  Maybe just a sensitive day and I'm not used to so much attention.  Who knew learning to take a compliment would be work?

Horrible day Wednesday

Apr 29, 2011

Monday night I went out to dinner and got a beef plate which I ate a few bites of and then stopped.  Felt okay.  Wednesday I ate some of the beef for lunch.  Bad idea!  Maybe it was too dry.  I thought I chewed it well enough.  Either way I felt sick after 2 bites so stopped.  Then 4 hours later had a cracker.  Was out and about an hour from home running errands and ended up very sick on the side of the road.  Vomited for a while and all just that one cracker and apparently the water I had drank.  Had water a few hours later and kept getting sick again.  Actually called my doctor it was so bad.  He said it sounded stuck and not to eat or drink for 6 hours.  Then if it still happened, had to go to ER.  So I didn't eat or drink and slept sitting up all night.  Could keep tea down in the morning so think everything is okay now.  Thursday was dizzy with headache probably from dehydration.  Drank liquids all day and no food.  Today have had oatmeal, protein shake and some soup.  Trying to take it easy.  Was very very scary.  I don't ever want that to happen again!  Ironically the scale went down to the 170s.  So I guess something good came out of the bad.  Won't be eating beef again for a long time!

2 weeks of eating and not exercising

Mar 23, 2011

Just got back from Florida where I had 10 wonderful days.  So its been about 2 weeks that I have not been to the gym (actually exactly 2 weeks).  While I was in Florida I ate regular meals with friends, went out to eat, had my vitamins, protein shake in the morning and did no exercise.  And I lost 6 pounds!  Its amazing.  After the scale had stalled I was very stressed so this is so great.  It was nice to be able to feel normal again also.  I may not be able to eat what everyone else is but I could go out to eat also and try a few bites of things.  And I saw the sun!  Cannot wait for warmer weather.

Now focusing on my house to list it for sale next week, then next week, back to the gym!  I miss it a lot.  Hope the scale keeps on moving!


Mar 07, 2011

I always thought I would feel ecstatic when I finally got under 200 pounds.  I'm suprised that I only feel frustrated.  I guess I thought when I completely changed my eating and started going to the gym regularly I would see results pretty quickly.  And I don't.  Its super slow and very hard.  I was sad over the weekend after eating out with friends a lot and not feeling well once or twice.  Sometimes I think I forget.  So overly, I am excited that the scale finally moved but still wish it was going faster.  I know, I need to practice patience. 



Feb 28, 2011

Ugh, chicken doesn't seem to sit well.  I had rotiesierre chicken in a soup and tried it twice and got sick both times.  I think I will stick to yogurt, cottage cheese and protein shakes for a bit longer.  I am going to try another bite of egg.  Hope that does better.  The scale moved a smidge which made me happier.  Last night at the gym I just had no energy to workout. 

First time with pouch issues

Feb 28, 2011

Forgot to mention that yesterday I had my first real pouch issue.  I thought I had felt sick before but yesterday was  horrible.  I thought for a while I was going to yak but couldn't.  Just a lot of pain.  Wow, I hope that keeps me in check and reminds me to chew well and to behave.  I don't want to experience that again!

Ugh a stall!

Feb 27, 2011

Wow, the last week I worked so hard at the gym and not seeing the scale move is so frustrating.  I read everyone has them and figured I would too but didn't really think I would feel this way.  I did start adding in food last week.  Nothing crazy.  Chicken noodle soup, a few bites of oatmeal, cottage cheese, yogurt.  Maybe that impacted it as I wasn't drinking as much water.  I feel like every day is a struggle just to get in what I need.  Its funny though, I still worry about overeating and overdoing it.  When I was eating the soup I had to carefully portion out 4 ounces because I noticed how much I enjoyed it.  Need to work on finding this balance.  Hope the scale starts moving again soon though!  Oh I did have a bite of toast today too. 


Feb 22, 2011

I still haven't found anything to replace eating as my coping mechanism.  I do notice when I'm stressed my first thought is to eat.  I have been so busy with work and the gym and so many other things it hasn't been a problem yet. Now that I am starting to add food back in though, I want to make sure it doesn't become a problem again. 

Yesterday, I think I experienced hunger for the first time in a long time.  It made me really nervous!  I forgot what that felt like.  I made myself try a few bites of soup and then stopped.  It tasted so good.  Then I noticed an hour later my stomach was growling.  I couldn't decide if I was really hungry now or if the soup was just so good that I was convincing myself I was to eat more.  I did have a little more soup but then focused on water and protein.  I hope I can keep this strength up!  I still feel like I'm battling food addictions but for now I'm winning.  The lower I see my weight go, the happier it makes me and I do feel like I can do this.  Except for the stalls or the paranoia of when I see how much other people have lost that had surgery around the same time. 

Thank goodness its almost spring. I can't take any more of this cold weather! 

Scared to eat food

Feb 22, 2011

Its really random but I'm scared to eat food now.  I did try some blended soup and got sick once (felt horrible for a while like things were stuck).  I have started adding back in cottage cheese, yogurt and creamy soup.  But to have chunky stuff makes me really nervous.  At the same time I want to, because I miss food and would like to feel like I can eat some stuff and go out and have normal life.  So I am trying to make myself try a few different things.  Oh I did try some soft carrots and a tiny bit of watermelon over the last few days.  I can actually have eggs and toast starting next Monday and am really excited about that.

People notice

Feb 17, 2011

I've started getting comments about how I look great and I've lost weight and how did I do it.  I haven't really shared with anyone at work about the rny.  I did tell my family and close friends and personal trainer.  I guess I just want to do my thing and be left alone without everyone commenting.  Of course, people comment either way on everything, whether you're doing well or not. 

I notice it in my clothes.  I don't feel like I notice it overly though. I think that is mostly the paranoia that its not going to work.  That I am torturing myself with the initial pain, the not being able to eat now and going to the gym every day for nothing.  The lack of coping through eating too.  Lets not forget that.  I see that other people it just seems to fall off quickly.  I guess my starting weight was 245 Dec 10.  Lost 20 pounds prior to surgery.  Surgery on Jan 10 at 225.  Now I'm at 205.  So 40 pounds is great and I know that.  Not sure why I feel so discouraged.  Maybe the winter, the house I am trying to sell, and the layoffs going on at work.  Going to enjoy the nice warm weather and a long weekend. 

About Me
Surgery Date
Oct 18, 2010
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