cottagechick

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I have found myself at a place where I need to make some big decisions and anyone who knows me, knows this is my weakness! 

OK so, I have my teaching certificate, but right now I am not teaching (teaching jobs in Michigan suck right now).  Anyway, I either need to find a teaching job, which means leaving a well paying, secure job that I love, or I will lose my liscence to teach.  My alternative would be to start my Masters.

As a single mom who works 50 some hours a week, I am not sure I can keep up with it all.  My alternative would be to move away from my country lake home and stay with my mom for the winter.  The advantages include #1 she really needs me right now, #2 I could get caught up financially, #3 I would not have the upkeep of my cottage which costs a lot of money in the winter.

The fact is the cottage is a lot of upkeep period.  There is so much to do, but I love it here.  It is beautiful, peaceful and a place to call my own.   Even though it is a rental, the upkeep is my responsibiltiy.  The rent is reasonable for where I am, but still pretty steep, and I have been told it will go up in January due to increased taxes.  Yet who knows if I would ever find a place this nice again.  Although, I would really like to buy my own place soon...

I just don't know what I should do and I don't want to make the wrong decision.  I wish things could be more simple...

So much has changed in one year.  I feel like a new person, kinda.  I am able to do so much more than I use to.  I am walking/jogging 2 miles a day and biking 3 miles a day.  I lift weights 5 days a week and I love it!  I just love it! 

When I think back to why I had this surgery I think of what a difference I wanted to make in my daughters life.  It has really become so much more than that.  I have learned how to take care of me and in the process I think I am learning and beginning to like me.  That sounds so insane to say, but I don't think it is.  I have learned to listen to what my body is telling me and I have learned what makes me feel better. 

I struggle still with wanting to eat things that I know I should not have, but over all I am doing great.  I have lost so much weight that I can't believe it is me when I look in the mirror.  Literally.  I am seeking counceling for that issue.  I have a hard time seeing myself or even looking at myself for that matter.  I cannot explain it really because I know in my head that I have lost 147 pounds but in my heart I still see that fat girl looking back at myself.  My brain often tells me that I am still that fat girl that people stare at and my brain tells me that I am going to gain it all back.

When I struggle with those thoughts I remind myself of how far I can walk and how far I can bike and that I don't fall asleep in my chair at 8 every night.  I love the new me.  I am working on that part of me that still does not accept me, but over all I absolutely love the new me.

Having weight loss surgery saved my life.  I have gone from 341 pounds to 194 pounds.  WOW.  Under 200!  Not since middle school, maybe even 5th grade!  AMAZING!

Today has been an interesting day.  I am really beginning to feel hunger, which is new since my surgery about 2 months ago.  I htink it is in my head.  I have been stuck inside since around 2 because it is raining out.  This morning I mowed the lawn and went out in the boat.  I really planned to walk and go for a swim, but as I was mowing it began to rain!  So much for plans!

I have been bored an I keep thinking about snacking.  I wish I could not think about it!