cpi13
Holidays approaching
Oct 29, 2007
I have been on anxiety medication for almost 2 months now, and while it has helped my mood (a lot), it has also increased myu appetite. The drug facts say that around this time, your body craves carbs and so people tend to gain weight. Ugh. Not happy.
I am struggling to find ways to be happy with myself. One friend told me that I should just spend some time enjoying life and being OK with how I am now. Then after the Holidays, if I want to lose more weight, I can. The problem is that I have never been OK with myself. After 26 years of being over critical of how I look, it is hard to suddenly stop.
On the flip side, I am not being proactive at all about losing weight. I find reasons to not go to the gym. I find excuses to eat the exact opposite of what I should be eating. Why do I have such a conflict going on here? I like working out, why am I having these problems? I need to find the answer quick. I need some way to get and stay motivated! I keep stressing out because I want to weigh 155, but I don't want to work to get there.
Sometimes, I really just irritate myself.
Mixed Emotions
Aug 20, 2007
I guess I could say that this is a real dark time for me right now. My Job is causing me sever stress - enough to induce panic and anxiety attacks. Enough to inhibit my relationship with my friends. Enough to depress me enough so that 7:00 on a weeknight is late. I had a wake up call when I went to buy tickets to a play in Denver that had an 8:00 curtain. 8:00 isn't late. Hundrets of Thousands of people every day make dinner plans for 8:00. I find myself rejecting plans that start that late. I need to find a way out of this destructive behavior! it sucks. I wish I could just quit my job. Maybe they will fire me and save me the hassle of an extra two weeks! How bad is it, when you think about things that way. Oh man i'm in a bad place.
People have told me to turn to God to help. The scripture yesterday said :
"Brothers and sisters:
Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us
and persevere in running the race that lies before us
while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus,
the leader and perfecter of faith.
For the sake of the joy that lay before him
he endured the cross, despising its shame,
and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God.
Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners,
in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart.
In your struggle against sin
you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood." - HEB 12: 1-4
Funny how these stories exemplify meaning for you to attribute to your personal lifestyle.
First Goal Reached
Apr 18, 2007
You can get there too! Just follow your rules and you can make it.
A Model, Idiot.
Mar 15, 2007
Thank you Dr. Snyder. It's been one year, and its just the beginning.
http://accessworldtalent.com/design.php?menu=models_actors&compId=275
Cassie
New Year, New Life
Feb 06, 2007
(tee hee - He said I'm bony! Thats definately a first)
The long road ahead
Nov 27, 2006
Well, I was pretty successful with my goals. I found out that I have more control than I thought. My whole life I have been used to dieting and excercising and seeing no results. Well I tracked what I ate and worked out regularly and for the first time in my life saw the results. With the combination of Christmas, the blizzards and having a boyfriend now, my time spent at the gym has been dwindling. I know I just need to make it work. April will be here sooner than I can prepare for and I have to start now if I want to be at my goal at one year out. Its especially difficult going through this alone. None of my friends know ur understand what it is like to be on this side of the eating fence now. I started dating Chad in December and not only is he ok with the surgery, he is ok with my body, how it is now, and that is a level of acceptance I am not used to. The night I told him that I had surgery, he kissed my scars and embraced the change. From that point on, I felt like I didn't have to hide anything becuase all of my insecurities were out there on the table and he didn't have a problem with it. I feel so lucky every day that I found him. I took a shot at a guy who was different, looking for a different outcome. Maybe thats why things are going the way they are. He's into me, as a person, not what I look like or what he can benefiet from. He is pretty much everything I have been looking for and everything that I didn't know I wanted. He's amazing. And he's a big dork and that makes him perfect. :) Its nice to feel that level of acceptance from someone, but I have to remember myself too and the goals that I have. In the end, if things don't work out, all I will have is myself, so I can't totally lose it in him. I have to remain my own person.
Now begins the final stretch. I have to lose the weight by April. 4 months. Thats about 10 lbs per month. Seems rough. But I can do it. I need you to keep me motivated. I need people to get me going. To help me not give up. I need to willpower to say no to Starbucks.
I Will:
Work out regularly
Eat the right foods
Follow the Rules of the Tool
Be Successful
27 November 2006
Well - I am almost 8 months out and have hit a big wall.
I can't blame it on anything but myself. I keep making excuses and exceptions, but they don't work. I got down to 182 and last time I weighed myself I was at 187. 5 pounds?!?! I gained 5 pounds. Oh God. Am I eating too much? No my consumption is steady at 4oz per meal - which, according to literature I have read, is normal for 7 months. SO I took a look at what I was eating. I didn't have to look too hard to see that what I was doing was horrible. Sugar, carbs and alcohol - the three cardinal sins of weight loss surgery. My social life has not been condusive to a WLS friendly environment. I am a creature of social habit. I love going out and being around people. Lately alcohol has been involved. Drinking a lot. I now realize that not only is that bad for my weight loss - it could be potentoially dangerous to other aspects of my life because of the lapse of judgement that tends to happen when other people and alcohol are present. Moving on..... I have been dating a lot of guys. No one I am particularly crazy about - but still its dates. And dates include food. I am not "out" per say about the surgery, so I don't tell them. In doing so, I am ordering crappy food (health wise). I was upset and called my mom after I weighed myself last week and the first thing she said was "Its because you have been going out on dates and going downtown too much." Harsh, but true. I needed to hear it. I needed that eye opener. So I sat down with my books and came up with a plan.
My Goals - from now until January are as follows:
1. NO or very little consumption of sugars.
2. Eat more protein than carbs per day
3. No eating food in my office
4. Drink water instead of eating
My Excercise goal for January is as follows:
1. Get my mile under 12:00 minutes (currently 14:00)
2. focus on my core to get my mid back off the floor for leg climbs.
I wanted to be at -100 lbs for new years. Right now, that is 35 days away and 18 lbs away. Impossible. So I needed to come up with a new, measurable goal that I could keep track of and focus on to guide me.
This is not going to be easy with the lures of the season and Gingerbread Lattes at Starbucks...... But it is for my health and I need to be able to control myself.