2006 - Am I "too thin"??
Jun 30, 2009
January 18th, 2006~~~~~~
Not much to report on. Winter doldrums, I suppose.
The only thing that's new is that I've now reached the point of being concerned about losing TOO much weight. It's tough to find someone to commiserate with, because I don't know many (any?) bandsters who have reached "normal" weight. And I haven't found a way to pipe up in my support group meeting and voice my concern when I know there are many people who are disappointed that they're not losing the way they would like to. I hate to sound like a whiner: "Oh, poor me. I'm losing TOO much weight." Heck, even *I* would want to tell me to f-off!
I've often asked my surgeon when the weight loss would stop and was told that eventually everyone's body reaches a "stopping point." However, every time I reach what I think is my stopping point, it starts back up again. I thought I had stopped in June, since I plateaued from June to August. But I've lost almost 20 pounds since then.
As I told Danielle the other day, I don't want to become one of those too-thin Hollywood waifs whose almost-skeletal appearance prompts me to shout, "For God's sake, eat a cookie, will ya?!" at the TV. At least I know that there is no chance I'll ever end up wearing the absurd-sounding "size zero." Not with these "breeders' hips", anyway.
I don't really think there's too much more room for loss, anyway. There is, honestly, not much meat over the bones of those breeders's hips. Or over my ribs, or my collarbone. I can feel 'em all without even making an effort. It's so weird to me.
Right now, I'm 5'10" and 158 pounds. A discussion with a PS estimated that I might have 10 pounds of excess, loose skin, so technically I weigh 148.
I don't want to end up at, say, 128. So I had a bit of an unfill done in the hope that eating a little bit more with help the weight loss stabilize. (laughs) We'll see if my body agrees. In all honesty, I never - in a hundred million years - would have ever expected to have to worry about not weighing enough. Yeesh.
Today's quote comes from Catherine Ryan Hyde, who wrote "Pay It Forward" - a wonderful book that begat a not very good movie.
No matter what you eventually do,
you'll be changing the world in a small way
when you make that decision.
You'll be presenting a different you to the world--
someone who is paying attention to the needs of others.
On a grass-roots level, that's really all world change is.
When enough of us change ourselves,
the world changes, because, collectively,
we are the world."
April 17th, 2006~~~~~~
Once again, nothing much new to report. Holdin' steady at 158-162, depending on how the fiber situation is going.
Enjoying the increasingly nice weather and it's about damned time. Unfortunately, with the spring comes the allergy, but I can deal with that. We're on vacation next week and looking forward to the first trek of the season to "the city." Times Square Spring Block Party, or something to that effect.
Speaking of vacation, we're in serious discussion and consideration of a weeklong (or longer) trip to Ireland this summer. Fly/drive thing, staying at farmhouse B&Bs along the way. The first airline trip we've taken since 1997, so that whole airport security thing will be new to us, but also the first flight since my surgery. It will be nice knowing that I won't have to worry about having to ask for the seat belt extender this time.
April 30th, 2006~~~~~~
Just dropping in with something I found in a free "Natural Health" newspaper over the weekend. To me, it was worth sharing. it's by James Greenblatt, MD.
Ten Warning Signs of Good Health
10. Persistent presence of support network
9. Chronic positive expectations; tendency to frame events in a constructive light
8. Episodic outbreaks of joyful, happy experiences
7. Sense of spiritual involvement
6. Tendency to adapt to changing conditions
5. Rapid response and recovery of stress response systems to repeated challenges
4. Increased appetite for physical activity
3. Tendency to identify and communicate feelings
2. Repeated episodes of gratitude and generosity
and the number one warning sign of Good Health . . .
1. Persistent sense of humor.
Had another one of those oh-so-enjoyable "haven't seen someone in a while" incidents over the weekend.
Hubby and I were in a jewelry store on Saturday getting an estimate on FINALLY getting my 4-sizes-too-big engagement and anniversary rings remounted. There was a woman in line behind me who I KNEW that I knew, but I couldn't, for the life of me, remember from where. I thought maybe she had been in a program I had edited or something.
I said to her, "I KNOW that I know you from somewhere! What's your name - if you don't mind me being so rude?" She told me her name, but said that she "USED to be (insert maiden name here)."
She was an intern where I worked years ago and I hadn't seen her since right after we moved to Bridgeport so that had to be four years ago. I laughed and said, "Well, I USED to be Bette Blackwell."
Her eyes bugged out and she gave me that "OHMIGOD!" reaction. It was totally worth it. I still forget, a lot of the time, even still, that I don't look like the person I used to be. It was a nice reminder.
Down to 154. Jeez, this is weird. When the hell was the last time I weighed 154? Middle school?!
Every time I think it's stopped, it goes a little bit more. I guess since I'm still in "normal", I won't worry about it. Frankly, I have enough crap going on right now to worry about.
Another birthday come and gone. My best gift? From my dear husband. How can you not love someone who gives the PERFECT gift to a woman who loves her tools?
Oh, by the way: it's the tool belt. And it BARELY fits me!
Fill . . . unfill . . . a dab in . . . a little out . . . a drop back in. I feel like I'm turning this into a fine art.
Upper GI of two weeks ago revealed no hiatal hernia, no dilated esophagus. Yay. Reflux caused by band being a little too tight. So, a little fill comes out. Suddenly, I'm eating like a rabid hyena and not feeling full. How can one tiny, little bit - 0.01 cc - make such a big difference? Little bit back in - reflux still gone, and so is my eating rampage.
I am in awe of people who never need a fill. We should be reading about them in Time-Life books or watching docs about them on the Discovery Channel, like the ones they air about other mythical creatures like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster.
Today's my anniversary, and no one remembered but me. I don't know what I expected. But something.
Maybe tomorrow I'll take myself shopping and buy myself something nice.
A little better. Went and bought that "something nice": 14kt gold ring (SIZE SEVEN!) with 5 colored gemstones. On clearance; even better!
Got the Christmas presents for work all wrapped, and got the cards for the Lapband Christmas card swapped, so it was a productive day. Not to mention the fact that 3 weeks from today, we leave for Las Vegas.
On top of that, Paul's company's party was Friday, and he won $500 in gift cards to American Airlines, so after we come back from Vegas, it's time to start planning again.
"The Cosmos Sends an Angel."
I was over at Au Bon Pain for lunch today. While I was waiting for my post-lunch skim-milk latte, a woman in a wheelchair came over, wanting to get a pastry that was in a case on the counter in front of me. I helped her get one, since it looked like the reach was going to be a little far from her low angle. I asked her which one she wanted, and she pointed and said "That one. But it doesn't matter. It's not like I need it," and laughed. I laughed back and told her, "Oh, come on. You know that Christmas calories don't count."
She looked at me and said, "Honey, if I was your size, I could say that, too. But I'm not."
Thank you, nice lady, saying that. I hope that Pecan Pinwheel was tasty.
God help me. I think I am psychologically unable to buy a simple, understated "Little Black Dress" for a Christmas Party, when there are so many sequins needing a good home.
This surgery and the loss process has, I've determined, made me insane. There, I said it. Coo-coo. Goofy, and not in a good way.
About a year ago I went to see my surgeon because I was concerned that, at 158 pounds, I was teetering on the brink of "too thin", mean (for me, anyway) unhealthily thin. Additionally, I had seen a plastic surgeon (at the persistent insistance of my surgeon) for a consultation. The PS estimated that I had about 10 pounds of excess skin. So, in a sense, I really weighed 148 pounds.
Now, keep in mind that I was worried about being too thin. But I still wanted to see that number go down. There's a certain thrill I (and most WLS patients get) to see that number drop. At the beginning, that's s a good thing. You DO want that number to drop and keep dropping.
However, at some point, it really DOESN'T need to drop anymore. But the longing for the rush of a lower number doesn't go away. We all still want to have gold stars on our chart, right?
When we came back from Ireland in August, I was 151: seven pounds lower than my "getting so thin I'm concerned" weight. Of course, the 5-7 pounds loss during the 7-day vacation was caused by doing a ton of walking and having more than one day when nothing (literally) other than a bottle of juice and a cup of latte stayed down. NOT the recommended way to lose weight, with or without WLS.
I should have been horrified by that loss. I wasn't: I loved it. How's that for honesty: I loved the fact that I could still drop that kind of weight.
In September, I had to have an upper GI to determine what my nightly reflux was caused by. Luckily, it was nothing more serious than a too-tight band. A little of the fluid was taken out - something like 0.2 ccs. As in the past, I was almost immediately able to eat more than I wanted, and put quite a bit of weight back on, too quickly. So, I had half of that unfill put back.
Since August, my weight's gone from that low of 151 to about 157-161. That 4-pound fluctuation doesn't concern me, especially since I can lose - and gain back - 2 or three pounds between when I get up and when I go to bed.
I'm back to the same general weight range I was when I was worried about being too LOW, and now I'm concerned that the same weight is now too HIGH. I still want to see that number go lower - lower than the 151. Some little sick part of me wants to see a number that starts with a 1 and a 4, as in 147 instead of 157. Hell, I've been so goofy as to check the BMI calculator to determine that I could get down to 130 pounds and still be "normal" weight. Do I want to be 130? Hell no.
But a desire to be one forty seven at 5'10" and 48 years old. How does THAT make any kind of sense?
Maybe Santa can bring me a little rational amount of thinking. That would be nice change. Oh! And peace on earth, of course.
Leaving to renew our vows on our 9th anniversary.