Crickett_1
Not a failure but has been a tough one year
Jan 08, 2010
December 12th was my two year surgiversary. The first year after WLS was awesome. I had no problems related to the surgery. I followed all the rules and lost 135 pounds.On top of the world and feeling great. But.......(there is always that but in there)I lost both of my parents seven weeks apart at about my one year anniversary mark. Those of you that have followed me know how very difficult this has been for me.I started reverting back to old habits. Mainly eating for comfort. At first it was a little bit here and a little bit there. I watched it pretty close for the next 6 months. In June of 2009 I started having major deppresive episodes and really started abusing carbohydrates in the form of lots of sugar and snack items. Stopped eating my protein first and so on and so on....You get the picture. I have always been the type of person that once I introduce the bad carbs back into my system I have a heck of a time stopping them. I relate myself equal to what happens to an alcoholic once they have that first drink. There is no turning back.
I have now surpassed the first anniversary of my parents death. I have endured many first without them. By that I mean their fist birthdays, the first Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, My Birthday, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, their wedding anniversary, and numerous others.
Okay drum roll..........damage done.......... A gain of 24 pounds.
I am down about it because I wasted a whole year, but I know I am not a failure. I know it's time to pick myself up, before more damage is done. To this date I have not broken all the rules. I still have not had rice, pasta, or carbonation. I am strongly adament about not having these things because in my mind I know if I do, then that means I have broken all the rules and therefor I would consider myself a failure.
If only I would have not had that first bite of unforbidden carbs I would be at goal or below by now. I ask myself, if you are stong enough to refrain form rice, pasta and carbonation, then why are you not strong enough to just say no to the other items? My only conclusion is "because I have allready tried them" The mind is a funny thing, because having WLS didn't change my mind and bad habits. It would be so awesome if it did.
To make a longer story shorter I know what I need to do. I have the tool I need and it still works. It has come the time for no more excuses. I still miss my parents and I know I will for a very long time. I also know that they would not have wanted me to self sabotage my self the way I have since their deaths. My Dad was so very proud of me for what I had done. Unfortunately my Mother wasn't in the right frame of mind to know that I had finally done what she had been encouraging me to do for so long. She was actually my motivation to have WLS. After watching her for numerous years suffering from being a diabetic, and her problems with coronary heart disease, as well as having her leg amputated, I came to realize that I did not want my children and grandchildren to have to endure with me what I had witnessed with what were my Mother's final years.
I know that the rest of my life will be a constant battle with food addiction. However, I have not given up. My God is an awesome God, and I know that only by his grace I will not become a failure. He is my friend and picks me up when I am down. I believe what I believe and that makes me what I am. I would like to ask that whomever reads this, please take time to say a little prayer for my strength as well as yours.
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About Me
Oklahoma City, OK
Location
27.8
BMI
Surgery
12/12/2007
Surgery Date
Dec 15, 2007
Member Since
