Christine F.

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(Down 150# total, 17 pre, 133 post, BMI of 31.8 ) 

(Down 120# total, 17 pre, 113 post, BMI of 36.4)

Gosh, can't believe I've gone another 3 months without checking in here. Life has gotten busy...which is both good and bad. Good because I can keep up with it and it keeps me away from my enemy, food. Bad because...well some days it all just catches up to me. 

I can't believe how different a person I feel... It's like I'm finally the Chris I was meant to be. One weird thing is the attention from men that I'm starting to get. Before, I'd always been real nervous about how I would handle it if and when I ever lost weight. But now, although it still makes me a bit nervous, I know I can deal with it...because along with the lost weight, I have found confidence I never knew was there.

I won't try to portray that this is a total breeze for me... I continue to struggle with the same demons that plagued me before surgery...nervous eating, bored eating, binge eating. But I am able to catch myself quicker and really give myself the talking to that I need...that usually solves the problem. But really...to me life is all about improvement, not perfection. I DEFINITELY am improving...AMEN!

(Down 99# total, 17 pre, 82 post, BMI of 40.0)

Well, I can't believe it has almost been 3 months since I last posted...shame on me. Things have been going well and I am SO pleased at the progress that I have made. One huge landmark...I shopped at Old Navy and in the regular women's section! It felt so good to buy clothes I like, at a place that has plenty of selection and at cheaper prices! 

One thing that I have been aware of lately is that my food and habit demons are still there. This surgery DOES NOT fix your head, and I'm not complaining...just giving some pre-emptive advice to anyone who may read my profile. The difference between me now and me then is that now I get an earlier warning when my food thinking, etc. has gone off the tracks. Before I could have eaten a half gallon of ice cream in an evening and although I didn't feel great, I'd do it. Now, and I'm horrified to be admitting this, I've gotten to about a third of a pint of the Ben and Jerry's that I thought I could ration myself on and realized that it had to go in the garbage because I was just making myself ill. The pouch tool is like having the emergency response system warn you about the coming tornado instead of having to wait until you see the funnel cloud. 

In short, I don't think anyone does this perfect, we all have to make our own way based on our past experiences. This has been a lot of work, a great deal of it mental and of course some physical as well. But it has been worth it and I thank God that I got the opportunity that I did and I will continue taking advantage of what I've been given...a new lease on life.

(Down 70# total, 17 pre, 53 post, BMI of 45.0 )

You know it just dawned on me that maybe no one is reading my profile...but you know what, if even one person does, even if it isn't for 5 years from now and it helps them feel better...it was worth it. Especially since it is making me feel better...is there anything more important than to be the source or cause of your own happiness?

Alright, enough philosophical stuff...

I'm now just a couple of days over 3 months out. Just had my 3-month with Dr. Chiang and both he and Lynn, his wonderful nurse who BTW is a post-op herself, were impressed with my "official" weight loss of 64 pounds in 3 months. To tell you the truth I am too but figured out why it hasn't registered totally. The thing is that about 5 years ago I dropped from 341 to 270 using Meridia and Weight Watchers in about a year and stayed there about 2-3 years...then the creep started and I hit almost my top weight again by last December (2003). But I think during the creep and being at nearly the top weight I never did see it completely...my mind, most of the time, was still of the attitude that I was at 270 and hadn't gained almost all back. I was just living in moments of being super morbidly obese...so now that I'm at 262, I don't so much feel like I dropped 70 pounds but that I'm back home again...where I should be. I know this probably might not make sense to those who read this but in some warped way, it makes sense to me. 

And, some may ask, why would this be crossing your mind? Well, I'll tell ya... It's because those that are closest to me have been making comments about how I look "completely different" and "like a different person"...I really don't see that since I guess I've been feeling like "this" person all along. It also makes me scared about just how bad I looked just 3 1/2 short months ago...I must have looked HUGE and SCARY to the rest of the world. I'm also a little mad...why didn't someone shake me to wake me up to what had really happened. But maybe I did that for myself and that's why the surgery happened in the first place.

Anyhow, on to more positive things... I went to a Partylite party at my Aunt Linda's and had a wonderful time and ::argh:: bought more candles. I tell ya that is the one thing that makes me happy I'm not married...no one to remind me (besides myself) just how little I need MORE candles. I sat on the couch which sinks your but a little...when I went to grab the scent testers off the floor in front of me...AMAZING!!!! There was no grunting or straining! It was like magic, I'm still in awe! How sad is that, to be this thrilled??? :o) It was exciting! To be able to get in and out of chairs, couches, etc. without strain is now on my "Post-Surgery Exciting Things" list! 

Oh and get this...last night went grocery shopping, nothing unusual there. I get to the bread and cereal aisle...there is a dad carrying his year-old (?) daughter and as I'm passing in front of him, he drops her hat. Now I would normally pick it up cause it's polite but it wouldn't be pretty...especially since I wear clogs that are, at the lowest point 2 inches high which makes picking up stuff off the floor that much harder. (Side note, I even pulled a hamstring once in these things bending over to pick up something...no, not a man!) Anyhoo, I go to pick up the hat...it was a breeze, no grunting or collapsing my lungs or wheezing or anything...bent over at the waist, picked it up and gave it to him. Wouldn't you know it there was a father and son shopping right next to me, on the other side...a package of bagels falls from where they're looking immediately after I pick up the hat. So what did I do? Picked them up too...no sweat! It almost seemed scripted or something, like God planned it to say "See...see how what you've done has done good things for you! Even little everyday things are better". 

Oh and one more thing for the list...I can wear my seatbelt in my Toyota Previa! AND I have room to move about a bit...even change the station on the radio. I think it might be because it's a foreign car...or a weird van...but this van's seat belts are super short even without being SMO!! But now I can wear it comfortably! Three months ago, I couldn't even get it on, much to my Mom's dismay... Now I have to start wearing it, I promised her and my Aunt that I would when I could...that time is here...within THREE MONTHS!!! Good Lordy, I can't hardly believe it some days!

(Down 67# total, 17 pre, 50 post, BMI of 45.5)

Wow...again it's been too long since I've updated. Life has been really full lately and I've been caught up in enjoying it. I spent Thanksgiving with my family as usual but I did have some struggles. The main one being fear of eating with my family. As with most families, mine loves its food and Thanksgiving dinner is usually followed by a lot of people laying around saying they ate too much. Pretty normal though, right? Anyhow, when it came time for dinner, I was struck with a panic about actually sitting down at the table and eating. For one, only my immediate family that was there knows that I even had surgery and I just knew that my eating would be noticed. Thanksgiving dinner just wasn't where I wanted to reveal my surgery and discuss it ad nauseum. When I finally decided that I needed to get in the dining room and face my fear, I discovered to my delight that my nephews were at the infamous "kid's table" that has recently made a comeback. Their parents were trying to sit at the big table since my nephews are at ages where they can eat alone, 10 & 7. However, boys being boys, they were being a little spirited and my brother was just about to leave the big table to tend to them. I quickly saw an opportunity to both avoid having my plate examined and at the same time to spend dinner with 2 of my favorite guys in the world. Problem solved. Now I just have to really examine what it is I'm afraid of and come up with some solutions before I face the same situation at Christmas. Another challenge, God love 'em! I'm certainly not complaining, for the most part, life is wonderful and I know that I am truly blessed to be on the path that I am. 

Then after Thanksgiving, I took a trip up to the Mall of America in Bloomington, MN with my best friend and her 11 year old daughter. It was quite a journey as I had to drive about 3.5 hours just to pick them up in Northern Wisconsin, then we all drove the 4 hours to Eden Prairie, just outside of Bloomington. But my friend and I have a history of "road trip fever" and have a blast just being in the car and yakking away. 

A few observations from this trip...
1) I felt comfortable enough to get in a swimsuit and go swimming in the pool at the hotel...it was WONDERFUL!!!! I've always loved to swim but haven't done so since 1997!!! We spent 2 HOURS in the pool...and I would have stayed longer had they let me!

2) Usually in my long driving stints I get pretty tired and have had occasionally felt unsafe driving because I felt like I would fall asleep at the wheel. I didn't think about it until I got home, but with all the driving I did, I really never felt that way. I'm wondering if there is any connection between the weight loss and it.?!?

3) We were at the Mall of America for EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS!!!! Yes, we got tired and we stopped a few times. A couple times for some refreshments and a short sit and once to eat in a wonderful, fancy restaurant. But for the rest of the time we were walking and shopping...and I did it. 3 months ago, I would have been done in about 2-3 hours and I would have been crippled from the pain. After this trip, when we got back to the hotel, I contemplated going to another nearby mall, alone if need be since my friend was tired. I was also ready for a dip in the pool too...but of course my friend's daughter while we were on a hunt for dinner was sassy and grounded from the pool. Without my swim buddy, the pool lost its appeal.

Anyhow, exciting stuff is going on...and I'm looking forward to it continuing. I'm bagging up clothes to give away...my friend's mom is overweight and expressed interest in them. I'd much rather give them to her than to the Goodwill...if she can use them. I think they will be too big for her, I don't think most people are able to accurately judge my weight...I've been told I wear it well and hide it with clothes. Well no more!

Until next time...keep on losing!

(60# Down, 17 pre, 43 post, BMI of 46.5)

I've been doing well with my new eating and life style just haven't had much time to do anything outside of work and school. A friend (technically my cousin's cousin but a friend nonetheless) was killed in Iraq last week and that has occupied my mind and some time since. Todd was a great guy and a true hero in more ways than one. He was the kind of person who felt like your best friend even if you only saw one another every few years. His family, some of the sweetest people I've known are devastated by his loss but know that he died doing what he believed in, even if there are many in this country who are unappreciative. Not trying to preach, just wondering if people who vehemently disagree with what they're doing over there are risking? 

Anyhow, I'll be sure to update soon again, it's been a good thing to read back on how this surgery truly has changed my life. I only wish I had the knowledge I have now back then...then again don't we always?? 

(Down 50# total!!!!!, 17 pre, 33 post, BMI of 48.4)

I cannot even believe my eyes...I have lost FIFTY pounds!!! I have about 15 pounds to go before I am below my lowest weight that I can recall being as an adult! THAT will be the day that I cry for sure...it's like breaking the bubble that has surrounded me for too many years. But I'll get to that when I get to that. Right now, I'm just enjoying where I am now. 

This past week I went on a road trip with my pup Maggie like we used to do way back when. I first visited Wausau, WI to visit my cousin Kevin, his wife Gina and their 2-year old daughter Isabella. It was so wonderful to see them and we really had a blast. Then I trekked on over to Dallas, WI (by Rice Lake) and visited an old friend that I first met on a Schipperke e-mail list. She now has FIVE Schips and to watch them all run around like crazy was a hoot...I'm glad I didn't stay longer than I did or I would have come home with more than just Maggie...I fell in love with one of May's rescues named Quessy. Anyhow, after burning myself out with work and school this past year and then throwing surgery onto that bonfire...it was WONDERFUL to just get away. 

A couple of weight loss observations on my trip... 1) I was able to haul my luggage, the cooler, etc. in and out of hotels without wiping myself out, 2) I am now able to fit into jeans bought at a regular discount department store and the best thing is how cheap they are. $14 jeans versus $30 jeans from The Avenue and since I live in jeans...I'm stoked! The clothes that Shopko and Target and even Wal-Mart carry have always run small and been cut weird for me...maybe it's just me. 3) I can go, go, go all day and not be miserably exhausted or in pain. Yes, at night I fell into bed half asleep but it felt good. The one issue that I did have was eating and drinking water. I have a bad habit of forgetting to eat or drink water...had it even before surgery when I'm traveling. And this time it wasn't lack of planning, I brought a cooler with snacks and packed plenty of mini-size bags of treats so they'd be handy and I wouldn't have to rely on gas station food. Since I plan to travel more, I guess I'll really just have to work on this...

Anyhow, YAY FIFTY...here I come SEVENTY FIVE!!!!!

Just wanted to document my first (and hopefully ONLY!) episode of dumping. Last night, I went WAY too long without eating. It was about 9PM and hadn't eaten dinner, bad side effect of not being hungry I guess. So I decided that a quick, light meal would be peanut butter and jam on graham crackers. Well, apparently this was too much sugar on an empty tummy. I spent 2 hours feeling very ill and took many trips to the bathroom. It was like a lactose-intolerance episode times 3! Now I have to mention that I have had higher sugar foods in the past like a tiny piece of birthday cake...but I made sure it was at the tail end of a "normal meal". I guess eating sugar on an empty stomach is just not tolerable for me...and that's good! BTW, even this morning my stomach is very touchy and isn't kosher with the thought of food...but I forced down some cheese for protein and just waited out the crampiness. Like I said...hopefully THIS will be my ONE dumping story! Till next time...

(Down 44# total, 17 pre, 27 post, BMI of 48.4)

Ah life is wonderful! What a difference a week (and some food planning) makes. I now schedule my meals, water much better in only a week and it makes a huge difference. The only time I've had issue was this weekend when I thought it would be a good idea to have a bowl of cereal. Well as usual my eyes were bigger than my, now even smaller, stomach and I felt as if I'd been run over by a Mack truck. I hate being stubborn...I'm always doing things the hard way! 

The most wonderful thing is that since fall has set in here in Wisconsin, I'm getting into a new wardrobe. Oh no, I haven't gone out and purchased new clothes...too many medical bills for that. I'm just fitting into all the clothes that I couldn't wear last fall and winter, and some of THEM are baggy! It's true what the doctors nurses and dietician told me...the scale isn't the end-all, be-all sometimes you "lose" without losing. Well it makes sense to me. I guess right now I'm one of those people who will stair step through the weight. As long as it keeps coming off...I'm cool!

And whoever suggested Fitday.com, bless ya! What a wonderful tool!

(Down 41# total, BMI of 48.9)

I'm now almost 5 weeks post-op and still thankful that I have had this opportunity. I feel great...way more energy, no more aching feet and a smaller size of jeans and even they are baggy already! 

Had my month post-op meeting with the dietician and got really re-motivated. She gave me some great ideas for foods to eat. Since I'm really picky and sometimes unimaginative when it comes to food (unless it's dessert :o) ) I tend to get in a rut and bored and disgusted by food. But Mary gave me lots of ideas for some more fun foods that can mesh with GBP. Like BBQ chicken and shredded BBQ pork. Went grocery shopping with excitement after work and got all the fixins for BBQ and Some Q bars (I think that's what they're called), they're granola bars but have 11g of protein. We also decided that I have to schedule in my meals, snacks and water better. I tend to get caught up in my work and go for hours without eating or drinking! Argh. My solution was to download some break reminder software (E-mail me if you want to know more...it's free) and have it remind me to drink water every 10 minutes and to eat every 2 hours. We'll see how it goes tomorrow...I KNOW I can do better. Failure is not an option!