Anyone Out There? (12/11/2004)

Dec 10, 2004

(Down 70# total, 17 pre, 53 post, BMI of 45.0 )

You know it just dawned on me that maybe no one is reading my profile...but you know what, if even one person does, even if it isn't for 5 years from now and it helps them feel was worth it. Especially since it is making me feel there anything more important than to be the source or cause of your own happiness?

Alright, enough philosophical stuff...

I'm now just a couple of days over 3 months out. Just had my 3-month with Dr. Chiang and both he and Lynn, his wonderful nurse who BTW is a post-op herself, were impressed with my "official" weight loss of 64 pounds in 3 months. To tell you the truth I am too but figured out why it hasn't registered totally. The thing is that about 5 years ago I dropped from 341 to 270 using Meridia and Weight Watchers in about a year and stayed there about 2-3 years...then the creep started and I hit almost my top weight again by last December (2003). But I think during the creep and being at nearly the top weight I never did see it mind, most of the time, was still of the attitude that I was at 270 and hadn't gained almost all back. I was just living in moments of being super morbidly now that I'm at 262, I don't so much feel like I dropped 70 pounds but that I'm back home again...where I should be. I know this probably might not make sense to those who read this but in some warped way, it makes sense to me. 

And, some may ask, why would this be crossing your mind? Well, I'll tell ya... It's because those that are closest to me have been making comments about how I look "completely different" and "like a different person"...I really don't see that since I guess I've been feeling like "this" person all along. It also makes me scared about just how bad I looked just 3 1/2 short months ago...I must have looked HUGE and SCARY to the rest of the world. I'm also a little mad...why didn't someone shake me to wake me up to what had really happened. But maybe I did that for myself and that's why the surgery happened in the first place.

Anyhow, on to more positive things... I went to a Partylite party at my Aunt Linda's and had a wonderful time and ::argh:: bought more candles. I tell ya that is the one thing that makes me happy I'm not one to remind me (besides myself) just how little I need MORE candles. I sat on the couch which sinks your but a little...when I went to grab the scent testers off the floor in front of me...AMAZING!!!! There was no grunting or straining! It was like magic, I'm still in awe! How sad is that, to be this thrilled??? :o) It was exciting! To be able to get in and out of chairs, couches, etc. without strain is now on my "Post-Surgery Exciting Things" list! 

Oh and get this...last night went grocery shopping, nothing unusual there. I get to the bread and cereal aisle...there is a dad carrying his year-old (?) daughter and as I'm passing in front of him, he drops her hat. Now I would normally pick it up cause it's polite but it wouldn't be pretty...especially since I wear clogs that are, at the lowest point 2 inches high which makes picking up stuff off the floor that much harder. (Side note, I even pulled a hamstring once in these things bending over to pick up, not a man!) Anyhoo, I go to pick up the was a breeze, no grunting or collapsing my lungs or wheezing or anything...bent over at the waist, picked it up and gave it to him. Wouldn't you know it there was a father and son shopping right next to me, on the other side...a package of bagels falls from where they're looking immediately after I pick up the hat. So what did I do? Picked them up sweat! It almost seemed scripted or something, like God planned it to say "See...see how what you've done has done good things for you! Even little everyday things are better". 

Oh and one more thing for the list...I can wear my seatbelt in my Toyota Previa! AND I have room to move about a bit...even change the station on the radio. I think it might be because it's a foreign car...or a weird van...but this van's seat belts are super short even without being SMO!! But now I can wear it comfortably! Three months ago, I couldn't even get it on, much to my Mom's dismay... Now I have to start wearing it, I promised her and my Aunt that I would when I could...that time is here...within THREE MONTHS!!! Good Lordy, I can't hardly believe it some days!