Jan 17, 2019
Yet another thing I didn't do, post LapBand, was take my measurements. I find it embarrassing and time consuming, especially since I don't want someone else to do it for me. In keeping with my genuine effort to take a different path this time around, I decided to record my pre-surgery measurements.
My 2lbs/week has remained steady, and I can tell the difference in my clothing. I had to clean out my big pants and I was able to easily fit my small pants. My favorite knee-high boots, with the super tight left calf, are no longer super tight. In fact, the right boot feels weirdly loose. My neighbor, who knows nothing about my weight loss journey, exclaimed at my loss yesterday, giving me a nice confidence boost.
So, I laboriously took my measurements last night. WOWSERS!
Waist, hip, biceps, chest, calves all down. My waist is down 3 inches. That's madness.
This is a lovely boost because I'm a bit frustrated with the slow movement of the scale.
Trust the process... trust the process.
Jan 15, 2019
I've decided to take a break on attempting to construct balanced meals. I think that's contributing to my anxiety and stress. For the last few days, I've been choosing a protein that I want, eating it, and maybe flavoring the protein with some nutritious food.
So, I had salmon a few times, once over a few salad greens but other times by itself. I had deli sliced chicken with roasted red pepper on top. I've had plain yogurt with almonds.
No more green smoothies for now, or salads, or bento boxes. All I was focusing on was what I wasn't eating, what I still had left to eat, how I wasn't getting proper nutrition or meeting my food goals.
Now, I'm generally close to my protein goal, I'm ignoring fat grams completely, and I'm barely eating carbs. This doesn't seem sustainable, in the long term, but mentally I feel better, I'm still losing, and I'll sort out balanced meals when I can eat a bit more.
I've also given up on plain water. I will drink a glass or two upon waking or taking pills. But since surgery, it doesn't taste the same to me. So, I'm drinking black tea for hydration. Deadly caffeine. Still not making goal, but I'm a lot closer.
I had to clean out my closet a bit. I got rid of shirts and pants that are unsightly large. I predict that, by Spring, I will look like a hobo.
Jan 09, 2019
I'm stressed out about food... this is a continued rant from yesterday.
I feel like I spend a LOT of my time thinking about, worrying about, and planning food. This is a marked change from before surgery where food wasn't really any big deal. I'm a fortunate fat person that does not have a food addiction.
Now, I feel obsessive about food. What I'm eating.. what I'm not eating.. how many calories have I consumed or do I have "left" to consume. I eat, even if I'm not hungry. I weigh food and calculate percentages of carbs and add up grams of added sugar all the time. It feels like food has more power over me now that it has for my entire life.
Admittedly, I'm trying to do this thing "right". I want to lose and establish strong patterns and habits to keep my weight off. I want to minimize my hair loss and any risks from deficiencies in vitamins and minerals. But this feels crazy. I forced myself to drink a protein-rich smoothie this morning. I felt elated when I met my protein goal yesterday but a bit let down that I exceeded my fat percentage. But for all my effort, I'm losing 2lbs a week, which is great! but I'd be down more if I didn't force myself to eat.
I'm thinking about taking a step back and just trying to eat when I'm hungry and not worrying about fiber and net carbs and total protein, etc. Food tracking helps me be accountable for what I eat and has a chilling effect on me having something that is less healthful.
This is stressful.
Jan 08, 2019
My progress is fine. A steady 2lbs/week brings joy. But.. my appointment today really crystallized how frustrating eating is right now. The surgeon's guidelines are completely inconsistent and impossible. Low sugars, low fat, but 60-80g protein and 150g carbs but no more than 20g fat? How the heck can I get that many grams of carbs without eating fruit or high carb vegetables? What's so bad about fruit anyway? I mentioned to the nurse that I doubt anybody in the history of fatness had ever gotten fat from eating fruit and she trots out some ridiculous anecdote of a patient that was in a long stall and it turned out he was eating oranges from the orange grove he worked on. Huh? That sounds like total bunk and also, all she's got to offer me is a single anecdote? Whatever. Unless he was eating 10 oranges a day plus his regular food, I don't think that is why his weight was in a stall.
I just want clear, consistent, science-based dietary guidelines that support optimal health and are maintainable over the rest of my lifetime. I'm not trying to exchange fat for kidney problems or heart disease.
If I'm supposing to be trusting these folks to help me achieve my weight loss and health goals, I expect them to do better than winging it or giving me "conventional wisdom" or outdated and erroneous information.
Jan 04, 2019
So, yesterday, I went to the market to shop for groceries. I woke up late and needed to get there before we went on an outing, so I didn't eat before I left. As I was shopping, I noticed that I wasn't impulse buying because I wasn't hungry shopping. Normally, at 11a on a day I hadn't eaten, I'd be buying a variety of things I enjoy like cheese or carb-rich side dish makings.
This definitely made for a less expensive shopping bill.
Dec 26, 2018
So, I had to put my kitten down today. He had FeLV and went from a happy, frolicking, snuggly, and energetic kitten to deathly ill in 10 days. I'm shocked and saddened. My kids are sad. This isn't the best Boxing Day.
One thing I noticed, on the WLS surgery front, is that I didn't feel like comfort eating. Ordinarily, pre-surgery, with something this sad and stressful, I would have turned to some high fat, high sodium, high carb food, like Nachos or fried chicken, to help me "feel better". As I was driving from the vet and on my way to the Humane Society for cremation, I was thinking that normally, I'd be plotting my comfort eating. But I had no appetite.
In fact, I have noticed that it takes me a LONG time to feel hungry. For the first four weeks, post-surgery, I was eating on a very regimented schedule. But, since I've been on holiday break, I'm home and the boys are home and I'm not on any schedule. For the last four days, my eating has been TERRIBLE. Not eating until 11. Forgetting to drink regularly. Not getting my protein. What's worst about this is that it's actually an old habit. In the past, I've done the feast/famine cycle where I don't eat for long periods and then make up my caloric deficit, plus extra, by eating one calorie-laden meal. Eating regularly throughout the day helps me to feel and sleep better. I'm scared to relapse into my old ways.
To compound it all, cooking kills my appetite and making holiday meals on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day ensured that I'd only pick at things. I'm not meeting any food goals right now.
Well, to quote Scarlett O'Hara, tomorrow is another day.
Dec 15, 2018
Things are going well. I'm 3 weeks and 4 days post surgery. Weight loss is going well. I'm moving through the food texture scale amazing well.
The only real complaint I have is my abdominal pain below my incisions. I'm not sure what going on in there but I still have a lot of discomfort. I think a trip to the doctor is required. Still, it's manageable.
Most importantly, I feel like this was the best thing I could do for myself. I feel super positive, my heartburn is under control. I've been exploring new foods; baked tofu and grilled vegetable salad today.
Trust the process.
Dec 10, 2018
I know weighing myself daily isn't helpful but I'm obsessive about it. It feels so destructive.
I've got to trust the process and physiology. This is something I didn't do with my LapBand. I truly just changed the portion of what I ate without making a true effort to change what I ate. My meager LapBand success (30% excess body weight) is directly attributable to that. 1 piece of pizza instead of 3. Half a cheeseburger. I'm not saying it was a failure, but I didn't lose anywhere close to what I wanted or what I could have if I'd made a true effort. But, I do feel that, probably falsely, daily weighing kept me in check somewhat.
But it's different now. I KNOW I'm eating right. Portions aren't really a problem. I'm used to consuming smallish meals after 14 years, with one year off for bad behavior. But, trusting the process, the recommendations of others, is a struggle. Trust the process! Drink your green smoothie, take your vitamins, eat your palm-sized meals on a small plate, eat at least 50% of a raw diet, do not eat bread/pasta/rice/processed foods. Drink your water!
14.4lb in 3 weeks is not bad. Trust the process. Use the Force.
(11/20)Day of surgery: 242.88lb (110.4kg)
(11/21)Home from surgery: 249.6lb (113.45kg)
(11/26)1 wk Follow-up: 240.46lb (109.3kg)
(12/9)Yesterday: 235.2lb (106.95kg)
Dec 07, 2018
I knew it was going to happen and I thought I was prepared for it. I made my dinner this evening and stopped when I'd had enough. I'm in the lucky group that burps or hiccups when I've had enough. I wanted to eat more! I was a bit... not angry or disappointed... I don't know an emotion word for how I felt. It was like a part of my brain was confused to be full from a palm sized portion of food.
Another thing I've noticed I do is linger at the table after dinner. This isn't new, I think I've done it for years. So I'm in the kitchen, at the table, near whatever I've cooked for dinner. If I still want a bit more, it's right there before I've stored it away. Why do I do this? It's a weird self sabotage. I'm writing this post from the kitchen table after I've cleaned up and put everything away. I spend a lot of time in here. Browsing the web. Chatting with my wife. Talking to the boys. Listening to music. Nothing that requires the kitchen. This is a bad habit I need to break but just figured out. I'm 47!!
Dec 05, 2018
I'm not sure why I thought my spider bite gave me superpowers. I really should have taken more than a week off work. My side pain, from the seroma, is very uncomfortable, especially after sitting for hours.
On the other hand, I'm progressing in the food texture scale a bit. Most importantly, I haven't been experiencing heartburn and reflux. That was what I was most looking forward to, after surgery. More than weight loss, I wanted the fixed hiatal hernia to allow me to live reflux free. So far so good.
Weight loss has been steady. 15lbs before surgery and I'm down 6 since surgery on day 15 and that doesn't include the 7lbs I gained in fluids and swelling post surgery. Three pounds a week seems just about right. I'm still struggling with water. That's my goal this week, to finish my 40oz bottle each day, at minimum. I know I'm a bit off the reservation from the doctor recommendation since I should be on purees. But I have had a bit of egg and a bit of chicken and 1 almond. I don't finish anything, but I've started having green smoothies. Nothing hurts, I haven't vomited, and I'm excited to try new foods that I didn't eat pre-surgery.