Jan 09, 2019
I'm stressed out about food... this is a continued rant from yesterday.
I feel like I spend a LOT of my time thinking about, worrying about, and planning food. This is a marked change from before surgery where food wasn't really any big deal. I'm a fortunate fat person that does not have a food addiction.
Now, I feel obsessive about food. What I'm eating.. what I'm not eating.. how many calories have I consumed or do I have "left" to consume. I eat, even if I'm not hungry. I weigh food and calculate percentages of carbs and add up grams of added sugar all the time. It feels like food has more power over me now that it has for my entire life.
Admittedly, I'm trying to do this thing "right". I want to lose and establish strong patterns and habits to keep my weight off. I want to minimize my hair loss and any risks from deficiencies in vitamins and minerals. But this feels crazy. I forced myself to drink a protein-rich smoothie this morning. I felt elated when I met my protein goal yesterday but a bit let down that I exceeded my fat percentage. But for all my effort, I'm losing 2lbs a week, which is great! but I'd be down more if I didn't force myself to eat.
I'm thinking about taking a step back and just trying to eat when I'm hungry and not worrying about fiber and net carbs and total protein, etc. Food tracking helps me be accountable for what I eat and has a chilling effect on me having something that is less healthful.
This is stressful.