Working on new goals. My goal for first starting down this path was to have a healthy child, which my husband and I did. He'll be fourteen months in a few weeks. We'd like to have one more child and I'd like to be able to keep up with the one that I have. Right now he's not entirely mobile so I've got a sporting chance, but once he starts running, I'm in trouble if I don't find a way to keep up with him. Plus I want to play with him and take him on walks and go to the park. I can't do that if I can't move. I got down to 235 pounds before my pregnancy. I know I can do it again and I know I can get closer to my goal weight. It takes time and effort. My lack of patience is a problem, but my goals for my son and I keep me going. I am and will stay on track.
I've been overweight nearly all my life. I was a skinny active child up until about the age of 10, at least that's what the pictures show me. My mother became ill and was diagnosed with lupus. They gave her an expectancy of less than a year. I think because of my fear for her dying, I stopped going out of the house a lot and stayed close to her, even though she mostly slept. In any case, I started putting on weight from inactivity. From that point going forward, my waist size appeared to mirror my age. Family offered me bribes to lose weight with rewards of new wardrobes and other such nonsense. My step mother took another approach of calling me a fat cow to my face. Neither approach had any effect.
I formed a shield around myself and decided that if people couldn't look past the weight and like me for what was inside, then I didn't want to know them anyhow. Fastfoward a decade and half. I'm married now and I would like to have children. Unfortunately, given my family history of miscarriage and other medical conditions, having the extra weight will make it difficult to bring a child to term, and the likelihood of miscarriage a reality.
I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure, but I do have sleep apnea. Apparently I have had it most of my life and the more I weighed the worse it got. So I've begun to take steps to lower the risks. Having no real memory of what it's like to be slender and able to shop in 'normal' stores, the results are intimidating.