Tammy H.
Hi everyone...Am not really sure where to even begin...Guess it all started back years before my surgery when I allowed food to control my every breathing moment...Once my feet hit the floor each morning my mind was instantly on food...What was I going to eat for breakfast? During breakfast my mind was off thinking what I would be having for a mid morning snack, or lunch, and supper, and evening snack...I found myself eating just to be eating...I could eat a meal, and within 10 minutes later I was eating again...I loved the taste of food, it was a comfort to me, and I allowed it to ruin my life...One day it seemed like everything hit all at once...My life was doomed, my life was barely existing...I found myself in the hospital with phnemonia ( sorry about the spelling )...I coughed so much that I thought that I was going to die...I remember the day well as I sat on the edge of the bed and just cried and cried because the doctor informed me that I would be going home on Oxygen...How did I allow this to happen to me? What was I thinking all these years, allowing this food to do this to me? I hated myself...I hated life...I felt like the world was coming crashing down on me...How was I going to face my family , my friends, the world with a tank and tube strapped to me ??? I had no choice, it was either that or die...My family and friends were so helpful and supportive, but I still felt trapped in my own little world...So lost and alone...So sad, so angered at myself...You would think at that moment of time that I would be determined to start eating healthier, and to try and take some of the weight off in order to hopefully one day get back off the oxygen...Why did I continue to eat, eat, and eat? Why me, why why why? Poor pityful me...What did I do to deserve this? Why can't I put my own socks on my feet? Why can't I stay awake and stay focused? Why can't I walk 3 feet without being out of breath and having to sit down to rest? Why can't I reach myself to take care of my bathroom needs? Why can't I have the energy to even take a shower? Why can't I talk on the phone without falling asleep? Why am I on so many medications now? Why can't I get out and have fun like everyone else? Why can't I buy nice clothes to fit me? Why can't I play my piano and sing anymore? Why do I hide myself in my bedroom, behind closed doors, ashamed of myself, away from the world to where no one can see me, to see how FAT I allowed myself to become, to see how pitiful I was, why why why? I had to do something, but what? Where do I go? Who do I turn to? I finally realized that I needed help and that I had to do something quick or I just knew that I was going to die...My family doctor tried for years and years to get me to take my life more seriously , to try and eat sensibly, to buy healthy foods, to make healthy choices, to see a nutritionist faithfully and blah blah blah...But until I myself decided that it was time for me to do something, there was basically nothing more that could be done...Finally, my doctor told me that if I didnt get the weight off fast, that I would die within a year or two...He recommended that I have gastric by pass surgery, and to at least go talk to someone about it...He referred me to a Dr. Derrick Martin out of Dayton...My sister took me to the appointment, and to the group meetings, to everywhere I needed to go...Then I got my date for my surgery...Was this really happening to me, was I really going through with this? Was I finally going to get the help that I've needed for so many years...I did it, I did it, I took my first step towards a healthier me...I really don't know what I would have done if it wouldn't of been for my one sister Teresa...She called and made all my appointments for my testings, and she drove me to every last one...She toted my tanks out to her van, she loaded me in, she loaded my wheelchair in, she drove me everywhere...She took me in and out...She filled out all my paper work because I couldn't stay awake to even do that...She took notes during the two support group meetins that I had to attend and would fill me in later, because I kept nodding off during them...I got to the point to where I didn't think that I could take anymore, I was tired from all the test, from getting in and out of her van, and I wasn't going to go to anymore...Thats it, I quit, I am not going through with this...Ive had enough...I give up, I was just going to die...But thanks to my sister, I didn't quit, I didn't die...She looked straight into my eyes and said as cold as could be * FINE GIVE UP, WE WILL JUST DIG A HOLE SIX FOOT DEEP, THROW YOU INTO THE GROUND AND TOSS DIRT IN YOUR FACE*...DAMN, what did I do to deserve that, why was she being so mean, why why why? As I sit here now with tears ran running down my face, I realize that she wasn't saying this to be mean, she was saying this because she loved me, and she had to use tough love on me to get my attention, to wake me up, to help me realize that it was TIME, yes TIME to do something about my life and to not be a failure...She said that only because she loved me...Not only did she love me and was so supportive, but the rest of my family& friends did as well...To make a long story short, I went through with it, I had the surgery, I am a new me now...So appreciative, so so appreciative to everyone that has been there for me...I started out at 440 pounds...I now weigh 220 pounds...I've lost an entire me...I have my life back now...I am no longer on oxygen...I sold my wheel chair...I can breatheeeeeeee....I can bathe, I can walk, I can put my own socks and shoes on, I can do so many things now...I am so so so happy...I am so thankful...Sure, I have more weight to lose yet, but I will do it...I am deteremined...I've come this far, so why stop now, right? Sure, I still have my ups and downs, but guess what? AINT NO ONE THROWING DIRT IN MY FACE ! ! !
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Here is the article that was about me in the Sept/October issue of the OH Magazine...My before picture and the picture of me sitting at my piano were also included in the article...
Two years ago this past February, I was very fortunate to be able to have my RNY weight loss surgery...My family doctor told me prior to my surgery that if I didn't get the weight off, I would die within a year or two...One of my goals was to be able to play my piano again and to be able to sing with my two sisters and brother like we have done since we were young kids growing up...Being as heavy as I was, for three years I was no longer able to put my hands together in front of me to play, let alone have enough oxygen and strength to be able to sing...For several years I would just cry because I was no longer able to do it...My highest weight was 440 pounds...I now weigh 220 pounds...By the grace of God and my surgeon Dr. Derrick Martin, I am now able to cry happy tears, because I have reached my goal of being able to play and sing again !
