Happy 2012

Jan 06, 2012

Happy New Year... this year I will turn 62... I think its been 5 years since I have had the band and during that time I have stayed within a reasonable,  relatively normal size for me.. Having been in the 300's it has been a blessing to be in the low 2's  and even onederland.. This last year was possibly one of the most stressful since I have had the band.. Severe financial stuff resulting in us moving to a new house.... and moving my family.... sigh.. quite a job.. we have a lot of stuff -- even at this writing - we are still cleaning out the old place... literally we have moved a mountain.... but the financial and the move has placed the whole family into a very stressful place and frankly food has been what kept me going... oh... and we did all this during Christmas... and my other daughter hand lap band surgery at the same time.   I guess on a stress point scale we are pretty much maxed out..
Sadly sugar, is what I have reached for, ice cream, cookies... whatever... it hasn't been a total bingeathon.. but it hasn't been pretty... and then literally New Years Day... I had a complete flu collapse... tried to throw up through the band... (something that hasn't happened in 5 years) really sick... finally an ambulance ride to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack.. but fluids, pain killers and anti nausea medicine and four hours later I was back home.. My whole system has been messed up since then. 
I am eating crackers... then nothing, then food, then a cookie, then cereal... then try to have coffee... my stomach is really putting up a fight. I don't even know how to eat any more.. I have done sort of a bad atkins version of a diet for so long... I ... I just don't know what to eat or how to eat.. Anyway, I  am up 30 pounds from my lowest weight but really up about 10 pounds for the year. I hate seeing the slide back up.  So here I am .. checking in ... being honest... wanting to keep this record to remind myself that this is a lifelong issue and my band is one tool.. but I have to use other tools as well.  Like writing it down.. planning my meals... counting my calories... and so I will .. oh and drinking my water.... 8 glasses.. or 4 bottles.. and learning to drink BEFORE i eat anything.
Those were the things that really worked..
Writing everything down RELIGIOUSLY.  Everything.
Drinking water when I was hungry ... before I took a bite.
Not drinking water for more 30 mins after eating.
Excercising.
Protein first
Planned meals.
So I can do this again.. Things are calming down...finally here enough that I can try to do this again. And finally I have God.. Even if it feels impossible with God I can do anything.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Thank you Lord for your love and guidance.. And I plan to truly work toward 2012 being a much cleaner and leaner year.. Physically, emotionally,  in every way.

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