What is your "Goal" and will surgery change your life?

Mar 10, 2014

We all enter this lifestyle adjustment with a goal in mind.

Let us think about goals. Some start with one, finish with another. Some maintain the same goal the whole way through.

Some of us want to regain our health. Some of us want to be thin, reach a certain number on a scale, or simply a specific size. Some want to change their life, and some want to change everything without changing a darn thing.

Some will set their own goals, and some will follow goals set by their surgeon, or something someone told them they should aim for.

At the end of the day I will say having realistic goals are excellent because it provides something to aim for. You may meet it, pass it, or sometimes simply come close but a goal is not something to abuse yourself over. To truly meet a goal you have to keep the long term picture on the table or you have failed to change a darn thing. You are still living on a dangerous and slippery slope.

Surgery isn't going to change your life.

Yes I said it and I can almost hear the collective gasps and squeaks as people read this and get filled with righteous indignation about how incredibly wrong I am here. Please wait, read what I have to say about this, take a deep breath and then feel free to weigh in on my view point.

Surgery alone cannot change your life. You cannot expect surgery alone to change your life and get you to goal no matter what your goal may be. As I noted above we all have different goals and a goal takes effort, and will never be the exact same path for all of those attempting to reach the same goals.

Surgery is nothing more than a tool you can make use of. You can choose to utilize it, you can choose to over use it, and you can choose to under use it... Yet it is nothing more than a single tool within an arsenal of tools which each person must choose to appropriately make use of.

We come from different programs. We live different lives. We have different health requirements. We have different goals. We certainly have different wants, needs and desires.

I stepped back from participating and posting on OH in the manner which I was for a number of reasons and a large part of why I pulled back was the mentality of "If your goal isn't my goal then you are doing it wrong" feeling I kept encountering.

My goal was to reach a certain size. Weight was/is a variable I put on a back burner.

Why the weight and BMI charts went on the back burner for me is simple... I'm not built like Suzie, Christie, or Sally so why would I think I should compare myself to them. The comparison game got old very quickly for me. Being berated by a drunken size 6 support group leader because I said I wasn't interested in being a size 6 is something I've never quite gotten past (though I am working on that still I apparently hold onto shit like that).

My goals included so many little superficial things but never once did I say "I want to be thin/skinny" because I've been there before. I never said "I want to be X weight/X BMI" because I have been there before also. I set my weight goal because on this system and within the Ontario program they want you to do so... Yet all the while I carefully tracked inches over pounds. That mattered more to me.

I was brought to tears, and terrified when I would unexpectedly go through what is referred to as "big drops" within my inner circle. I can hold firm for a while and then with one tiny twist of fate drop 3-5 lbs a week for 4-5 weeks at a time. That's probably thrilling sounding to some but not at 9 months out if you understand the strain it puts on ones body. If I discussed it face to face I was looked upon with shock because it was unfathomable that I could possibly want to simply be healthy, and somewhat curvy without attaining the illustrious "skinny". Shocking how some will go out of their way to make someone with different goals feel awkward and out of place for not "fitting in".

I technically hit my personal goal before my one year surgiversary. I smiled contentedly and let it pass by... I worked on stabilizing things, and now I buy clothing I know will work for me even if I did lose a bit more as it is tailorable if needed. I didn't bother to yell it from the rooftops because I know my goal was mine. Not anyone elses. I did this for myself in the long run.

I can say that reaching goal has changed some peoples perception of me. I can say that having had the surgery has forced me to change other things within my life. Yet at the end of the day surgery it's self did not change my life. I changed my life.

You have to own your journey. You are the single most important factor in changing your life. You make the choice to change or maintain status quo. To make no change is still making a choice. To choose to be compliant and committed to whichever path you follow is as much of a choice as it is to choose not to comply.

I also think that sometimes those who push the lines of compliance to the extreme forget that dedication is a wonderful thing but it can border on disordered behaviour as well. Perfection can often be attained but the question about being maintained is another story.

Moderation and lifestyle adjustment is what I have had preached by those I consider successful on a long term basis. They are not perfect, and yet they are happy. I want happiness, and enjoyment. I want to live, and enjoy my life. I am not saying I wish to live a life of gluttony... I am saying I wish to live in a way which allows me to float through society with the occasional off plan day not impacting me to the tune of 3 days of self flagellation. Living is not the same as being alive and I choose to live... Really live as I have never quite done so before. For myself, my family, and for the betterment of my own lifestyle.

Let's go back to Goals. When I started this journey I set some:

Original: Size 10-14 / Weight 190
Current: Size 10/12-14 (up to 16 in some jeans... thigh lift and lipo anyone?) / Weight Dunno... forgot to step on the scales in February... 210-215 I think?
New goal: Relax more, and enjoy family time.

Surgery didn't change my life, but it sure as heck made me get off my ass and change my lifestyle!

Shell

2 Comments