Cynthia_Conley

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I have not been on in a while, so let me up date you on my weight loss to date.   I went to the Doctor the other day and I am at a 22 BMI.  I am 100lbs lighter.  I love it.  This has not been the most easiest thing in my life, but I can say I am loving the results.   I am wearing a size extra small and a pants size 2.  I wish I had done this sooner.  I am still off  work and on disability, but I am starting a new job this Monday.  I have added more food everyday.  In fact I had a few fistulas and I am a bit concerned that my hunger for the past few weeks might be from that.  I see my surgeon this next week and we can discuss what to do.  I have had one plugged and had my throat opened up 4 times in the past 6 months.  But, all in all if I were to say if I would do this again, I would have to say, YES!
That's all for now...... more to come after the visit at the doctors.

Well,I go to the Doctor's office on the 11th for  my pre-op and then surgery will be at 7:30 on the 17th of March.  I am more exited by the day.  I keep thinking at anytime something could be a road block. I had surgery twice in the past 3 months for a sling on my bladder and I woke up in pain again this morning and it doesn't feel like it's working the way it should.  I need to go to the OBGYN again tomorrow and I am afraid he will want to fix this again before the other surgery is done.  And then I wonder about my blood levels and if they will be ok because they were down do to the other surgeries.  And If thats not the road block then I also have a hernia in my upper stomach that the Doctor has not found but will when he checks me on the 11th.  My sister had a hernia they found and just fixed it on the day of her surgery, man, can I please get that lucky???

It's funny how life can happen just the way you wanted it to and yet just when you thought you should jump for joy or be in the state of bliss, fear sets in. You see I was so scared that I wouldn't get the answer I was looking for from the insurance, and yet when I did I have became worry some.  Have I fully looked into this, do I know what life changes I am going to be required to do? Is the out come worth it in the end?  I guess this is normal by reading other blogs, but when it's you it doesn't seem normal at all. And here is the biggest question, can I handle success.  See I know how to handle failure, that doesn't even faze me any more, but to succeed,wow! That's something new all together. I don't want to admit it but sometimes when we fail at something so long we tend to sabotage ourselves. And if I am going to go through all of this I want to know that I wouldn't sabotage my self and my efforts.  I hope I can get out of my own way to save my life.