Crossroads

Nov 12, 2009

I'm sitting here tonight filled with various emotions and feelings.  Dare I say, I even have tears in my eyes.  I'm single and haven't been in a serious relationship in almost five years.  I've dated here and there but have never really found what I was looking for.  I've been praying for someone specifically but have always thought it was too outrageous to even expect God to entertain the thought.  I also wanted to take time out for me, to get this weight off, and feel better about myself.  It's not fun going into a relationship with insecurities.  So, I'm almost two months out...stalling...not really seeing weight loss results that I've expected and boom.........here he is!  The guy who possesses all of the qualities that I've been praying for.  He is just beautiful, inside and out.  Unfortunately, I don't have the confidence to pursue anything more than a friendship at this point.

I really don't want to miss out on someone so special but I just can't see myself doing anything more than slinking into the background.  He lives in a different state than I do so I've never met him in person but we're Facebook friends so he knows how I look.  I'm a freelance music writer and he was one of the independent artists that I interviewed for my column.  I just didn't expect to connect with him the way I did over the phone and afterwards.  He gave me his information to contact him for the interview but has asked me to "by all means keep in touch" since then.  Honestly, he's so beautiful that I can't see what he would see in a big girl like me (I know, it's sad).  But, he travels the world, he's exposed to beautiful women all of the time so I'm just uncomfortable thinking it could be anything more than a friendship......maybe I'm wrong.  I just wish I had more confidence and that this surgery that I had my guts ripped out for would start doing what it's supposed to do!

He also knows that I recently had surgery but he doesn't know what kind and has never asked (yet).  He just always makes sure to ask if my health has improved and if I'm doing okay when we speak.  His music was really comforting to me during my recovery and helped me to get over the pain alot faster.  Just had to get this off of my chest......

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