I always knew it would happen just not like this...

Dec 10, 2007

Well Im getting married!!  I always knew that we would i just never thought that it would be under these circumstances.  You see mf boyfriend, TJ and I have been together off and on for ten years now.  We met when we were eighteen.  I knew the first time I laid eyes on him.  Ten minutes after I met him  I told my best friend "now thats the guy I'm going to marry".  My best friend and I laughed our a$$es off because it was foriegn, I had no idea where it came from.  Heck it sounded funny... but I said it and some how I knew.  
When I finally told him that I had been thinking about WLS he was very supportive.  So I began exploring financial aspects of paying for it.  I dont have inurance that will cover it and most of you know that you can not get an individual plan that will cover the surgery.  So self pay is pretty much the only option.  I went at the idea gung ho, heels blazin .  I was trying to find the best way to finance it and then one day out of the blue he says that I am rushing things too much that I havent explored all of my options.  I imeadiatly got frusterated because there was no other options.  Well, there was this one... but I didnt want it to be MY idea .  TJ has good insurance through his job but we arent married so I dont qualify for it.  I wasnt going to be like "Hey will you marry me beause Im fat and I dont want to pay for my surgery"  How stupid is that??  Truth is I dont want that to be the reason that we get married and begin the rest of our lives together.  But he brought it up he asked me to find out if his insurance would cover it.  I asked him if he was willing ot marry me to keep me out of debt.  I guess he is?  
We talked about it and he finally told me for the first time (a few times) that he does want to marry me, it almost seems like he was just waiting for an excuse.  He was always the one to say why should we get married we are already a family and blah blah blah...  but he was the first one to introduce me as his fiance and he is now really happy that it is going to happen.  I dont know if he is happy because I am not going to go in to debt or if he is happy that he is going to marry me .  Either way I won this time!!  Im getting married and I might be getting my surgery covered under insurance! 


Still trying to figure out what i am going to do..

Nov 29, 2007

I am enduring a personal battle with this...
I know that finding a surgeon is only up to me and my personal preferances, but I have never been one to put much into finding the right MD, dentist or gyno for that matter.  I have always been the open up the book and pick one type of gal.  Now that it has come to finding a surgeon for WLS I need to take much more considerable methods of finding the right surgeon.
Meeting them is not really of concern to me it doesnt matter if I like them,  It doesnt matter if I get along with them or if I like ones tie better than the other it only matters who is most qualified to do the job.
Also I have heard people talking about finding a cheaper surgeon or one that is less expensive than the other.  Wouldnt this be the one time in your life that you dont want to skimp on quality of care.  Maybe you shouldnt go with the cheapest surgeon you find or the best deal on the procedure simply because of the cost.  Is it really worth your health, recovery time or quality of care?  I mean our lives are worth it.  Now is not the time to find the best deal.  Save that for the grocery store! 
On the other hand I have found a surgeon that is considerably less than one that I originally wanted to go to.  He isnt the cheapest on the block (fairly low for prices than some proces I have heard of so far) but he seems to have a good reputation.  For some reason I still want to go with the one who is more expensive, cutting edge with the WLS (band) surgery in Oregon right now, even though the secod surgeon s obviously capable and much more reasonably priced.
So with all that being said I am still having a hard time deciding what to do.  Is that my champagne taste on a beer budget attitude... or the ridiculous ideology that if it is more expensive it must be better??


Maybe she will think next time she opens her mouth...

Nov 26, 2007

I have been thinking about having WLS for about a year now.  However, I tried one last time to lose weight on my own and... no big surprise to me I could'nt do it.  The first time that I looked in to the lap band surgery I didnt say any thing to my boyfriend about it.  He is thin and athletic and sometimes jokes about not being able to put enough weight on.  I didnt think that he would understand what I was going through and even  thought that he may think that I was taking, "the easy way out".  Then a few weeks ago I started to think about WLS again.  I was gaining all the weight back from my last weight loss attempt and getting more uncomfortable every day. 
Then last week my boyfriend and I went to an outdoor store to get hip waders because we were going clam digging.  When we got to the store there wasa gentleman looking for hip waders also, he had seen and add in the sundy paper for a brand that were on sale.  So he grabbed a sales clerk to assist him.  The sale sign was above the womens waders.  So the clerk reads the add aloud, "the waders come in a womens s - xxl", and throws in her own off the cuff comment that she didnt think that there would be any xxl women going fishing.  
I being a plus size women paid no mind to her thoughtless comment as I was standing right there obviously looking at the waders.  I took the xl waders and went on my way to the dressing room, BUT the xl didnt fit.  My face got hot and tears welled up in my eyes.  I was embarrased and ashamed of myself and the whole time her coment was replaying in my head.  
Patiently waiting outside the dressing room for me to show off the garb was my bf, now mind you he can devour anything in sight and not gain and ounce!  He was amazing though.  He handled it the best he knew how and un-beknownst to me found the big mouthed sales clerk and gave her a piece of his mind and a quick toung lashing.  Maybe she will think next time she opens her big mouth... but then again probably not.
When we got out to the car he asked me what exactly made me upset.  I told him tht it wasnt the clerk or her stupid comment, that I was upset with my self.  I was disgusted and ashamed.  Now if he wasnt there it would have just been another depressing day at the store trying to find cloths tht fit me in a regular sized persons world.  But the timing and the actions that took plae and the words that were spoken all bundled up and hit me like a ton of bricks.  Now was as good of a time as any to talk to him about having the WLS.  He told me that he would support me in whatever I wanted to do and anything that he could do to help me be happier and healthier.  So here I am looking at different options for the the surgery.  Wish me luck!   

About Me
St. Helens, OR
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42.0
BMI
Nov 19, 2007
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I always knew it would happen just not like this...
Still trying to figure out what i am going to do..
Maybe she will think next time she opens her mouth...

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