I'm a Chapter Leader Welcome to Obesity Help Chapters 3-21-07 No matter how upset you get at times, know one thing: the ONLY way you can fail is if you give up. There are many more people who haven't experienced the "text book" WLS success story than you think. But that doesn't mean we won't have the victory in the end!! In my experience, I can eat much more that the "normal" WLS post-op. So it has taken me since September of 2005 to lose 101 lbs. (and I have a LONG way to go). But after many ups and downs I have chosen to focus on the "benefit" of my situation; I have to deal with my food issues right NOW instead of later (which is somewhat common for others who might melt away quickly but may struggle with weight gain afterwards). I have been stuck on alot of plataeus but I'll tell you one thing; in ANY of my previous "diets" I would have gained ALL of the weight back and then some by now. I focus on the good things that have come about because of my surgery. I continue fighting the good fight! We all need to be cheerleaders for each other, because when one is down the other can lift us up. O.k. I better stop before I break out in song LOL!! 2-25-07 I've been MIA from the OH Website for many, many months. But I'm so glad to be here again. This has been an amazing journey and I'm happy to say that things are going well. My lifestyle has improved dramatically. I continue in my efforts to develop a "lean" spirit, mind and body. Sometimes I struggle, but the Lord has helped me through every battle! 7-14-06 I haven't updated my profile in a really long time!! So much has happened in the past several months. It has not been an easy road for me, but one of the things I've learned is that the only way you will fail is by giving up. So no matter what the circumstances are, I never give up. I try not to let any of yesterday's bad choices become "today's" burden and I focus on the choices I make in the moment. This has made a difference for me and has helped with my weight loss. I have a support group full of wonderful people and we encourage each other and help each other along the way. 9-17-05 George Eliot once said; "It's never too late to be who you might have been." Well five days post-op, I'm counting on that. I'm still awestruck that five days ago I had life changing surgery. Man's technology never ceases to amaze me. But most amazing of all, is that I am "on the other side". I think that as a Chapter Leader for a year and a half, I learned to find a comfort zone of identifying with all of my post-ops while not being post-op myself, and somewhere along the line I became used to that role. Now suddenly everything looks and feels differently. I must point out that the way I had identified with my post-ops all that time was truly genuine. But now, all of the topics that I talk about applies to me also (and for some reason it feels so strange). I feel like I have gone through an elaborate "initiation process" and I'm now a "real brother and sister" to the WLS patient clan. Only people in the clan truly understand what that means. My stay at the hospital was more difficult than I thought it would be. They taped my arms to the operating table but (due to my weight), my shoulders and arms never rested on the table (they just hung in mid air) and when I heard a voice say "Dawn, we are done" I started yelling about the pain in my arms. They didn't understand why I was acting that way and said it was due to the anesthesia and I begged and begged for them to put something under my arms until annoyed, they gave in and did so. I never felt anything in my stomach area. I remember being groggy and in and out of it when Jimmy (my hubby) came in to see me. I pleaded with him to rub my arms and they continued to give me pain the whole rest of the time that I was in the hospital. Jimmy told me the good news that even though Dr. Brathwaite said it was a very difficult surgery (and he nicked my liver), he was able to keep the surgery laparoscopic. The nurses in ICU were incredible. They were attentive and responded quickly to my slightest whimper. They really helped me make it through the night. In fact, when I go to see the doctor on Monday I'm going to bring them something. When they got me out of bed the first time, I was shocked by the level of nausea I felt. I honestly didn't know how I was going to actually walk. But the nurses stood in one position with me until I felt able to take a step and somehow we got through it. Tuesday morning they took my foli catheter out and I was surprised at how much better I was already feeling, until they took me for the "swallow test" that is. They took me down to x-ray and made me swallow this zinc oxide substance so they could check for leaks. I felt awful from the nausea for so long afterwards, that they had to put something in my IV. It took hours for me to feel better again. I spent the rest of the day in a groggy state and while family, friends and Amos family came to see me, I fell in and out of sleep. Even though they removed my foli catheter at 7am, I was never able to urinate on my own. So at 1:00am on Wednesday morning, I had four women around my bed trying to put a foli catheter back in and they were not able to do it. So they had to call in Dr. Brathwaite (who happened to be just finishing up with a surgery). What a gentleman that man is. He was so professional and was done in minutes. I said to him, "but you didn't even buy me dinner." He laughed and said that my two ounces of chicken broth was my dinner. I remember sleeping from early Tuesday evening until 8am Wednesday morning only opening my eyes long enough to acknowledge a nurse or move my arm over to have my blood pressure taken. By Wednesday morning, I knew that if I was going to experience any improvement that I would have to literally push myself. After being in the same exact position for over 19 hours, I asked the nurse to push by back up a little in order to sip some tea. Then I asked her to help me out of bed so I could walk. All morning I tried to do what my Amos family advised me to do, so that I would feel better. The rest of the day I never got back into bed. I sat at the edge of the bed so I could get up and walk every so often. They removed the catheter again, and I still didn't go to the bathroom. But when Jimmy came to see me at 3pm, he put a foot stool under my feet in the bathroom and that helped me, so I was allowed to go home that day. I didn't know that I would be going home with a drain in my stomach or that Jimmy would have to give me two shots in my stomach every day. But we have been getting through one obstacle at a time. Speaking of obstacles, I had no idea that I was going to experience so many cravings but I have been craving different things every single day. I know it isn't because I'm hungry because miraculously, two ounces of liquid makes me feel full!! Yet, the cravings are still there. I know in my heart that this addiction is not going to "go down" without a "fight to the death". It has been my evil companion my whole entire life. I have much prayer, work, education and more ahead of me. But my new "friend", my pouch is going to help me along the way. I am in awe of God's goodness towards me. I thank you Lord, for the gift of life itself, and for all of the blessings that you have bestowed upon me. I want to thank everyone for their faithfulness in praying for me and sending me so many beautiful well wishes. Thank you Jimmy for being so attentive and taking care of our son, house and dogs. Thank you mom for putting cream on my back, documenting every ounce of liquid that I had and taking care of me. Thank you Carol, for spreading your cheer during our visit, and for your thoughtful gift. Thank you Diane, for visiting me and checking in on me and even calling me at home. Thank you Angel for telling your friend Jimmy to look in on me at the hospital every so often. He made me laugh (even though it hurt). Also for visiting me and for the lovely basket of products that I will be using. Thank you Anne for holding my hand and speaking words of comfort to me. Thank you Irene and Barbara for all of your encouragement and your gift and calling me. Thank you Jenny for keeping Jimmy company at the hospital. Thank you Trisha for keeping everyone informed, and for your cards and phone call at the hospital. Thank you to my co-workers for your encouragement, flowers and gift certificate. Thank you everyone who called, visited or e-mailed to inquire about how I was doing and for all of the wonderful cards and well wishes. I am very grateful to all of you and will always remember what you have done. I thank my Lord upon every remembrance of you. 9-9-05 Today I turned 40 years old!! Under different circumstances that would be very depressing to me. But on Monday, the 12th I am scheduled for RNY Gastric Bypass surgery. So far my birthday couldn't be more fabulous. As I sit here thinking about my two year journey in pursuing the surgery, I feel like I have come full circle. I am completely at peace as to the outcome of the surgery. My Lord Jesus, doesn't need a surgery to take me home if he so chooses and if He didn't want to take me home right now, no surgery is more powerful then He is. In my heart, I truly believe I have His blessing to go forward with this surgery. More than three years ago, I questioned and debated about whether this surgery was God's will for me. I made a pointed effort to try it the "natural way" to diet one last time, to no avail. Yet, I still did not pursue the surgery until after much prayer and many months passed, when I felt it really was God's will for me. There has been many many obstacles over the past few years, but with the Lord's help, and the help of my dear friends and AMOS family, I was finally able to hear those sweet words; "you have been approved for surgery"!! I have a long road ahead of me as I work hard to be a successful weight loss patient. As I diet, exercise and face head issues I will never lose sight of the fact that the glory goes to God and NOT weight loss surgery. The surgery is "just a tool", but it IS the instrument that God is using to change my life forever. My prayer is that my AMOS family and friends will bare witness to my transformation not just on the outside, but on the inside where it truly counts. May my life continue in becoming a greater expression of God's Love, put into action. Thank you Lord, for bringing me to this place, no matter what the outcome. 8-13-05 So MUCH has happened since I last wrote. I went through two months of aggrevation with doctor offices and I had a mini "meltdown" one day a few weeks ago. I cried for hours. But I pulled myself together again. I actually have a surgery date of September 12th (PENDING one more test and of course, approval from the insurance company). So it is either all going to come together at the last minute, or the date will have to be pushed back. I have done a good job of not getting my hopes up, but I think that the day I am told I'm approved....my head is going to pop off!! LOL I just have a bad feeling about the insurance company is going to give me a hard time. During my first endoscope they found a "nodule" pushing out through my stomach. So I have to go for a second one this Tuesday in order for them to get a closer look it. They want to make sure that it won't interfere with the surgery. I guess after two years of complications...it is hard to believe that I am finally even THIS close to having the surgery. My support group keeps growing and I have been blessed with some great group members. I look forward to every meeting!! I also finished my first article for Obesityhelp magazine and it will be published in either the next issue, or the one afterwards. I have been volunteering alot, because I NEVER want to forget where I came from. After all of the pain and devastation obesity has caused in my life...I want to do something that will give hope to others who are in the same position. People need to know they are not alone. I know I did. 6-28-05 I can't believe that I have to get a new psych evaluation because I had mine done by a social worker and it is supposed to be done by a psychologist, psychiatrist, or nurse practioner with a degree in psychology. I only have two more tests left, but my surgeon will not schedule the surgery until all tests are complete and he receives approval from my insurance company. I have been waiting for this surgery for over a year now. It is so discouraging!! But I keep trying to remind myself that God is in control. 6-3-05 Hey there, I just have to say how much I have enjoyed being a member of ObesityHelp. It has been a wonderful experience meeting so many great people. My support group out grew my home so I am conducting them in my library and it has been so terrific. The group (just like here on the message boards) is made up of so many diverse people, yet there is a common thread for all of us. A very prominent one. It's good to know that you are not alone!!
I'm in the middle of doing all my tests over again (the originals were out dated due to my original surgeon dropping my insurance) but I am waiting for my sugery date with eager anticipation!! 5-7-05 Finally, some progress. Well....a year and a half (and two surgeons later) I had my first consultation with Dr. Brathwaite on Thursday and was very pleased. It has been a frustrating road due to my insurance being dropped by my previous surgeons, but I had a good experience on Thursday. I was there from 10am to 3:30pm though!!! But that is because he had all of his patients watch an educational video. Then he joined the group and asked if there were any questions. I've learned alot about this surgery over this past year and knew exactly what questions that I wanted him to answer!! Then we met individually with his assistant, other staff members and then with him. I loved everything that I heard and he and his staff were so warm and caring. I am really comfortable with him and his staff. I had the opportunity to speak with him regarding our support group (I'm a Support Group Leader for The WLS Chapter for Suffok County NY) and I explained that all of our members attend their own surgeon's support groups and that our group brings everyone together in a different way. We have the freedom to shape our meetings the way that our members would like. He was happy to hear about everything and was quite encouraging. Unfortunately, all of the tests that I had taken previously (through the other surgeons) are null and void because they are over six months. So it is back to the testing drawing board!! But the impression I get is that the surgery can become a reality within three or four months. On one hand, I hate having to wait another day!!! But on the other hand, I've waited so LONG that three or four months seems so close!!! Either way, I'm finally going in the right direction so I'm happy!!!!!! 4-8-05 I held my support group meeting on Tuesday night. There were fifteen of us and we keep growing. I am overwhelmed, but in a good way. Not having had the surgery yet is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I think it makes the pre-op people feel comfortable knowing they are not alone. It also reminds the post-op folks where they came from. But on the other hand, it is sometimes difficult not to feel the sting of still being in "survival mode" when everyone else is on the "road to recovery". But hope and support is what all of this is about. So I know that I just have to stay positive. I'm still fighting the "diet demons", and I have 10 more lbs. before I can have surgery. 3-28-05 It has been over a year since my last update. My son turned three today, and we are still waiting for the adoption to go through. During the past year, I have lost 40 lbs. I have to lose a total of 50 lbs. before anyone will operate on me due to my high BMI. I also switched my health insurance at the request of my second surgeon. I found it too difficult to travel into the city for my bi-weekly visits with my first surgeon. Two weeks ago, I called my 2nd surgeon to tell him that I was finally able to switch to the insurance that he suggested, and he informed me that he has since dropped that plan. I cannot tell you the frustration that I have been feeling in this past year. I'm STILL waiting to have surgery. On a positive note, I had wanted to meet people in Suffolk County who have had the surgery and I came up with the idea of meeting them all at once instead of several different meetings. Well, much to my own amazement, I am now a WLS Chapter for Suffolk County Support Group Leader. The irony, is that I'm the only one in my group who has not yet had the surgery!! Life is funny. 4-24-04 I am 38 yrs old and weighed in at 380lbs. during my first consultation with Dr. Sapala. I have Binge Eating Disorder, Sleep Apnea, Chronic Venous insufficiency, and have suffered from depression related to my weight. My husband and I are in the process of adopting our little boy, named Jacob. We went to the hospital to get him when he was five days old, and he turned two on March 28, 2004. The court woman said I need to lose weight because she would hate for them not to let us adopt him for that reason. You can imagine how that affected me!! My husband has been supportive for years, but now he sometimes gripes when I need help, [adding tremendously to the humiliation of being so overweight]. So much is at stake if I don't change something NOW, and the depression had made me feel like the risk of WLS is a win, win situation. I am a Christian, and debated alot about whether WLS was the right thing to do (because I felt like I wasn't dealing with the "root" of my issues). But after much prayer and research, I have decided to go ahead and I'm not looking back!! |