Emotions are running high

Oct 29, 2010

Two days to go and I am getting very emotional.  I am scared and having the normal second thoughts.  I think I have it even more because I am not extremely obsese.  The doc did not put me on any pre-op diet but I put myself on one by making goals that I thought would help me make the transition easier.  Doing this I have lost about 5 lbs in the last two weeks.  My husband has not been supportive since the beginning and he noticed I was changing my eating habits and now nags at me daily to call it off because I am proving I can do it on my own.  He doesn't realize that "on my own" I can do it for a short time, especially with a strong motivating factor (I want this to be as easy a transition as possible) but do not have what it takes to sustain the effort long-term.

This morning I am wishing I had a strong support person that I could talk to about my nervousness.  I am on the verge of tears and a little worried about "what if"" if complications were to occur.  Do I have everything in order?  I heard about one lady who went into a comma for no apparent reason and was hospitalized for many months.  She is fine now.  If that were to happen it would totally bankrupt me as I am a self pay.  I am sure my husband would leave me since he doesn't want me going through with this anyway.

My bloodwork revealed a Vit D deficiency.  My family doc is putting me on a prescription Vit D.  I already have a B12 deficiency that I take monthly injections for.  I am wondering if I have other vitamin deficiencies and this will only make it worse.

The upper GI discovered a small hiatal hernia which I hope will be repaired during the surgery.  I do experience some reflux ranging from mild to severe depending on when and what I ate, especially at night.  One of my transition goals was to just have a protein shake at night and I found it was good.  My husband wanted to go out to eat a couple of nights ago.  He rarely does this so I jumped at the chance.  I ate a burger and fries (ok, it was a pretty large burger but they are sooo good) and paid for it by feeling miserable all night - not just reflux but uncomfortable by the amount.  WOW what a change.  I have rarely experienced that and looked forward to going back to the shake the next night.

I plan on getting a haircut today along with a mani/pedi.  I will get all the laundry done and house cleaned so I come home ready for recuperation.  I have just a few final things to buy at the grocery store to have my liquids in order.  Gotta go get those sugar free popcycles.

I had a small high school reunion with my girlfriends that I was on the dance team with.  They all looked so good and I was the only one overweight.  I found out one had been my weight but had lapband done 3 years ago with no regrets and she dropped 70 lbs,  This was the deciding factor for me to pursue WLS.  I can't wait to drop my weight and meet up with them again looking as good as they do.

1 Comment