deb292

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I am so full of many mixed emotions as i BLOG this entry. The last 3 months have been happy but mostly dissapointing and downright SAD. My 19 year old daughter was murdered on Dec. 19th 2007. Leaving behind a beautiful baby boy named Darion. He has since then turned 2. 

I have recently ran across a notebook that our family used to keep in touch and let each other know where we were and other such info. I found a note that My daughter Kristine wrote the nite before my surgery. It read: 
                   Mom,
           Thanks for leaving me home with the smelly boys(a.k.a Stepdad, Stepbrother and baby D). I hope everything goes well for your surgery. And know that I admire your strength in this decision. I am very proud of you. 
                               I love you Mommy, Kris

She would be proud of me I am only 6 months past my surgery and already 100 lbs smaller. Overall I have lost 136 lbs in a year. we are currently wedding dress shopping for Kristines older sister's wedding. This is to be an enjoyable time in our lives but for us a BIG piece of our family is not here. Michelle was going to make Kristines debute as a bridesmaid Like a PROM Kristine never had. Sadly Kristine still gets no PROM. We are however having Kristine as a Bridesmaid In SPIRIT.

For the past week I have been trying to clean out my closet. You'd think I'd be tickled pink Fact is I was SCAREDImagine getting rid of those cozy reliable BIG girl clothes ONCE AND FOR ALL. A bittersweet moment for many reasons...happy to fit into those smaller sizes COMFORTABLLY, yet scared to let go of the old me and my fav fat clothes. 

Many of my close family and friends can't believe how much better I look ...WHAT did I look bad b4I'm not cross with these people I just think it is more important to be nice and compliment everyone on some note. My motto : It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice

My name is Deb and I am a MOM a wife (who has a very loving and supportive husband) and a GRANDma. Soooo to begin... I am a yoyo "dieter" .After taking 4 yrs to believe that weight loss surgery wasn't a cop out here I am. I have taken many long looks at myself and my many short lived attempts at my weight losses and gains. It's a real blow on your selfesteem to look into a closet(and bins) full of cloths you once could wear. Sizes ranging from 10 to 26. When I went to my preop psych eval I thought it was an uneccessary step....was I wrong. In my family (moms side) all us gals have weight issues so some weight issues ARE genetic , lets not forget the psych side of things. In my case I was COVERING up with food. Well I am ready to strip those covers and find the REAL me. August 27th is "D" day... Debs day