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Lots has happened this last year. I had read over and over that maintaining could be just as hard as losing and that is so true! It's not always just a matter of watching your diet, life can force you make changes, too. As I mentioned in the last update, as a result of a clinical trial for his prostate cancer drug gone bad, Beast has a severe case of drug induced colitis. This means that alot of the foods, mainly veggies that I used to cook, he can no longer tolerate. Of course it's the starch laden things he can eat..potatoes, rice, etc. So over the last year I've let these things creep back into my diet.  Not only that but some old bad habits have appeared. Diet soda, drinking with my meals and that dreaded phrase "only once won't hurt! Well, it does! Totally my fault so I do have to own it! As a result I've gained about 25lbs. I can't tell you how bad it hurt to move from size 10 into size 12 jeans!

So a couple months ago I had to make the decision that I had to return to the 'me first' mentality we had to assume at the beginning of this journey. At least as much as possible. The biggest change is I sometimes have to cook two meals or cook what I need and stock the freezer. I also needed to get more exercise, which can be hard during the winter and wet spring we have here in SE Texas. It's paying off! I've gotten rid of most of the carbs, only allow the 'good' ones. No drinking with meals, getting the required water every day, 6 small meals a day and always protein first. I can't believe how much better I feel! I've got another 15lbs to go to get back to goal but I know I'll get there. 

I'm still enjoying the Harley! I met a group of women Harley riders from around the US online 3 years ago and we get together at least once a year to ride together. This years trip is to Georgia and Tennessee to ride the Blue Ridge Parkway and surrounding area. I LOVE long trips and luckily Beast doesn't mind me going off for a week or so at a time with the Girls.

I'm also still scuba diving although that has fallen to just once a year. After diving for 20 years in every big puddle I could find, I never thought I'd become a vacation diver but I have. I take a group to Roatan Honduras for a 2 week trip every year. Another activity that improved 1000% after my surgery.

Health wise I'm doing great. I'm 61 years old now and I'm developing some of those 'old lady' things. The hardest to deal with is the arthritis in my hip. The doctor says that just like my knees, carrying so much weight for so many years has simply worn it out. So I'm sure there's a hip replacement in my future.

Lessons learned this last 18 months? Just once DOES hurt. Weight is going to fluctuate but as soon as it starts to rise regularly, deal with it THEN. Love yourself no matter what and remember....You CAN DO this!

'Til next year.....

Dee

 

It seems to be a reoccurring them for me but.....I can't believe it's been so long since I updated this profile! A lot has happened to Beast and I in the last 2 years. After a bout with prostate cancer and the resulting problems from the various treatments, we've learned to take life 1 day at a time and enjoy each day to it's fullest.  My maintenance phase is going OK. Not stellar by any means. Luckily the good habits I developed those first couple of years really helped me stay the course during all those months spent in hospitals and the changes needed in Beasts diet. I have to own that I gained about 20lbs but again, those habits kicked in and allowed me to get back on track.

In the spring of 2012 I realized one of my dreams...I bought a Harley Davidson motorcycle!  Beast got his for Christmas last year and we have been having a blast! We take weekend trips every chance we get and I ride every day, weather permitting. Wearing leather chaps in cold weather really makes you determined not to gain weight! haha!

 

I thank the Lord every day for this new lease on life. New knees, new lifestyle and realizing dreams....life is good!

 

 

 

I had my left knee surgery on October 24, 2011. It's a bit different than the right one I had done in June, I think mostly because there was alot more damage in it to fix. Physical therapy is coming along, though, so I'm confident it'll be a complete success like the first one. The hardest thing to deal with now is just the swelling.

I haven't bought any new clothes in a while, been wearing 10 jeans for a few months but I noticed they were getting a bit loose. While Beast was looking around in Academy this morning I decided to try on a pair of size 8 jeans, mostly for grins to see just how far away I was. You could have heard me scream when they not only zipped but I could sit comfortably in them! You can really see how swollen the left knee is as they are tight fitting regulars, but Beast says I'm the only one who will notice.

Never thought I'd be having amny NSV this far out but this one I'll keep!

I can't believe 1) it's been 2 years already and 2) that it's been a year since I updated this blog! Proof I take more time for a daily life than I do being online! To say my life has drastically changed is a huge understatement! For any Newbies reading this, you'll hear it over and over but it's so true that in order to make any type of surgery a success you HAVE to change your lifestyle. I am so grateful to all the Vets who went before me here on OH that took the time to help teach me all the ins and outs of this new life, how to make all those new changes into permanent habits, to understand the medical mumbo-jumbo that's so very confusing, and important, at the beginning. To everyone who shared everything of themselves so openly, thank you from the bottom of my saggy little body!!!

To date, I've hit all my goals, in fact I'm below them, and I'm maintaining easily. I've lost a total of 185lbs. which is just a tad over 100% of my EWL, BMI has dropped from 57 to 27. Body Fat is now 35. I'm still considered Obese by the numbers but I'll take it! Clothing size has changed from 4X/32W to 10/Med. I'm off all 7 meds except one which had nothing to do with my weight. One thing that wasn't fixed with the weight loss was my knees. They were totally trashed after so many years of abuse and need to be totally replaced. In June I had the right one done and have the left one scheduled for October...I can hardly wait! Now my only hold back is the arthritis in my right hip but I'll take it in exchange of all the other things I've lost!

I can't possibly list all the changes, I wish I'd kept a top 100 list like some have done! Fitting into airline seats, booths and lawn chairs are at the top of the list! Buying clothes off the rack in absolutely any store I go into is still a huge adjustment for me....but I'm adjusting! LOL! Sending emails to the Plus Size catalog companies to please remove me from their mailing lists because I no longer can fit into anything they have was a VERY satisfying thing! As you can tell from my avatar I scuba dive. I'm now totally self sufficient again and that's one of the most satisfying for me.

I always think I'll get back on the board here, pay those dues forward by hopefully helping others but I now longer have the patience to sit in front of a computer for very long! I have so much energy now I have to get up and out and move...which ya'll know is totally new for me!!!

Take care....and I'll see you for sure next year on Sept 15!!!

It was my own fault. I got cocky and it caught up with me! This whole past year I have assumed I dump, just in case I really did. And at first it really kept me on the straight and narrow but the last few months I’ve tested it. Not intentionally really just small tastes here and there. You know how it is….a small piece of chocolate here, a small frozen yogurt cone there. Nothing happened so, of course, in the back of my mind I figured I just didn’t dump. NOT!

Yesterday was our Sewing Sisters monthly meeting. For one reason or another, this was the first time since March that all 6 of us been together. We had 4 birthdays to catch up! See where this is going?!? I had a couple bites of birthday cake…cake only; I knew not to taste the pure sugar icing. Later on the fresh baked white chocolate macadamia nut cookies started calling my name. I resisted…more than once…then they got moved to my table…right in front of me! I caved in and had one. Ah….that first bite was SO good, the first I’ve had in almost 2 years, and I should have quit but of course I didn’t. About an hour later I had another one.  Lunch was a few grilled chicken strips and some raw cauliflower. Not nearly enough protein. Mid-afternoon I ate the Honey Crisp apple I had taken, it was a big one. I wasn’t feeling really good when I left the quilt shop. Nothing specific, just not right. But I just thought I was tired since I didn’t get much sleep the night before.

 A friend was in from out of town so while I was on her side of town we met for an early dinner. To follow the rest of the day’s poor decisions, I had a small bowl of twice baked potato soup and half a grilled cheese sandwich. After about 5 minutes the stomach cramps started, I got that nervous, twitchy quiver in my chest, nausea, hot flashes and clammy skin. I had to leave. Linda is a very good friend and totally understood. Bad thing is I was almost an hour from home! I almost called Beast to come get me but I kept thinking if this passes quickly, like I’ve read some do, then he would have made a trip for nothing. If I keep driving I could be home by the time it either gets worse or is over, so I kept going. I made it home and felt like I’d been run over by a Mac truck! By then I was achy all over. I felt like I had the worst hangover in history except for the headache…at least I didn’t have that! I went straight to bed well before dark and slept until about 5am when I got up to potty then went back to bed. I finally got up around 10am. I felt like crap! Same hangover symptoms just not quite so bad.

This morning I made my chai tea but couldn’t face anything else to eat. My little belly has been ‘tender’ all day. That’s a new feeling for this Iron Belly of mine! So I’ve pampered her all day with shakes and simple food. She’s feeling better but is still not back to normal. So it’s no longer a question…I DO dump, it just takes a lot for me to do so. Cake, cookies, big sweet apple, bread and high carb soup. Sugar and simple carbs...yep, that’ll do it! I still don’t really know just exactly what my gram limit is just that it’s high enough that a little sweet something doesn’t do it…at least for now, but who knows if that will change or not? I have a feeling I won’t be testing these waters for a long time!

Man, this year has passed quickly! It seems like just yesterday...really. I guess one reason it's gone by so fast is I've had absolutely no problems whatsoever. Not a single queasy feeling, no throwing up, no nothing like you see reported. Gertie, my little belly, seems to be made of iron because she likes, or at least tolerates, everything. I had very few things that caused any discomfort. Scrambled eggs, really cold drinks and dry meat. At a year out I still don't care for hard scrambled eggs, they just sit like a rock but will pass in about an hour. Gertie still prefers room temperature water but I can now drink cold drink as long as they are icy cold like a slushy. And chicken white meat is still very hard to eat so I just avoid it altogether. No biggy because I didn't like dry white meat pre-op either so I'm used to dark meat. I've had 2 instances of food that got stuck and both times were my own stupid fault. Both times I ate too fast and didn't chew well enough and both were with dense meat proteins.

All those months of my Pre-op required diet, as I read every word on the OH website, I read enough horror stories about what happens with vitamin deficiencies that I'm really anal about taking all my vitamins and supplements. Even to the point of sitting up into the wee hours of the morning to get every dose in. Or setting the alarm to wake up and catch up. It's paid off because my 1 yr labs were excellent. I'm proud to say I've followed the plan and it's paid off. The hardest part of this journey so far has been changing the mental aspect of the game. Of course I still have things I'm working on but I'm amazed at the difference in the way I relate to food now. I was never an emotional eater, more of a boredom eater, but the head games your brain plays is just as strong.

You hear people say all the time they wish they'd had this surgery XX years ago when they were young enough to really enjoy the results. Well, I'm glad I didn't. If I had done this 30 years ago when I was in my mid 20's I would not have been mentally strong enough to have made the changes that are required to be a success. I envy those young people you CAN do it. But at 56 I consider my life far from over! I'm just getting started!

My stats for the year....
Beginning weight Jan. 2009....353lbs
Weight at surgery Sept. 15, 2009....292lbs
Current weight 190.4lbs
Lost since surgery...101.6lbs
Total lost....162.6lbs
Excess weight lost....80.10%
Beginning BMI....56.1%
Current BMI....30.3%
Total inches lost....69.50in. That's roughly 5ft 8in....taller than me!!

I tried to hit my major goal before the trip but missed it by 3lbs. But I knew with the extra exercise I would hit it at CCV would more than likely do it. Here's the Excerpt from my diary....

Whew!  It's been one helluva vacation! I hit a couple of goals while at CCV. Last Wed. I finally hit Onderland! I weighed 196.4 on Patty's scale. Going by her numbers I lost 8.1 lbs while there. At home this morning I weigh 197 on my scales, which is usually about 2lbs heavier than WW....we'll see what's what on Tuesday! I do know I need to kick up the exercise to get this last 50lbs off. It's been relatively easy up to now, it's still hard to accept I've lost 156+ lbs! Although it seems slow the losses have been swift in appearance...it's hard to watch your physical self change from week to week!

Another goal.... I hit my 1000th dive while there. Coming out of Lita's Hole an Eagle Ray was there to greet me just a few feet away. It actually stopped and watched me for a minute...too cool, and a real omen of things to come. It was also very cool that both these momentous occasions happened on my 9 month anniversary from surgery...6/15/10.

Although all the gals on OH warned me, it was really weird to have people you've known for 12+ years not recognize you at all! True, I have lost 100+ lbs since they saw me last but it was still hard to accept that I had changed so much...to me I still look the same! I admit at first it was nice to get the reinforcement of a job well done but after a week of it, it got old really quick! I realized what a topic of conversation I must have been when total strangers would ask "Are you the lady that lost over 150lbs?" How rude!!! I don't mind answering those questions from my friends but it's no strangers damned business!

Oh well...it is what it is!

I am so thankful to be able to say that! At 8.5 mo. out and I still have had no problems....no nausea, no vomiting, Gertie the Little Belly (I hate the term pouch, make it sound like a construction belt!)...Gertie is a trooper and seems to like most everything. I CAN eat a few things but choose not to...scrambled eggs sit heavy, soft bread is just a lump and anything really icy cold is uncomfortable for a few minutes but that's getting better. I pretty much stay within my portion limits of 1/2 cup dense proteins, 3/4-1 cup soups and chili's. I can eat a whole Chik-fil-A salad if I take my time but lettuce chews to nothing so that's OK. I really am trying not to live on a 'diet' and stay away from a diet mentality. That's probably been the hardest adjustment I've had to make but I know I'm making progress because I really do prefer a good salad to a burger. Yes, I've had several foods I was craving....burgers, fries, fried gizzards...and truthfully, the memory of those foods are better than the reality! I doubt I'll be tempted with them again! I'm finding that's true of most of the fatty/greasy foods I used to crave. Have I truly made the lifestyle change or is it just that my body has been detoxed from those fats because I haven't had any in so long? Either way, I'll take it! A bigger challenge for me is the chips and salty/crunchy things. I can limit myself to just a few crackers with chicken salad, but then things start slowly creeping in...I find myself craving carbs and salty things so at least for right now I'm staying away from those kind of carbs. And almonds....they could really be a problem if I'm not careful! All-in-all I'm pleased with the mental changes I've made and the place I'm in right now.

The physical changes have been so surprising to me! As of this week I've lost 149lbs and am at 204lbs. I can see Onderland and am anxious to get there! I'm in foreign territory, I can't ever remember being this size in my adult life. Sad isn't it? 56 years old and can't remember weighing as little as 200lbs! Along with those 149lb, I've lost a total of 60 inches overall. That's almost as tall as I stand! I've gone from size 28/30 to 14/16. I recently bought a size 10 wetsuit...a 10!!!! All those numbers are impressive to me but the real proof is when I step out of the shower and see my Mother standing there! I've been told all my life how much I looked like her. She died at 52yo when I was 25 so my memories of her are of her younger than I am now. Would she have looked like me at this age? Probably. I also have her hands. As a seamstress and quilter I have the chance to look at my hands often as I work. At least once a day it suddenly hits me that I'm seeing Mother's hands...the shape of them, her fingernails, I even have some age spots in the same place she did!

When we start this journey we are advised by the vets to start taking pictures from the get go. Most of us have spent years developing a talent for avoiding cameras! For me it was to always be the one taking the photos, being behind the camera instead of in front of it. So I have very few photos of me before I started this journey, only a head and shoulder self pic taken with my cell phone. Luckily some of my friends shared a few they had taken....it's embarrassing but vital to have those shots. The one I use as my Before photo is actually just before my surgery, after losing 60lbs. But I'll get on the bandwagon and try to stress how important those embarrassing photos will be to you later. Having them to refer to, to compare to now, has been the only way to get my brain to admit my progress. Being able to compare my transition photos from month to month and from then to now has been invaluable in avoiding the Body Dysmorphic syndrome so many of us develop. I can look in the mirror and see how much I've changed. I no longer feel like I look fat because I can see the difference. Now, that's not to say I don't have my "I feel fat" days but to me that's just part of feeling normal. I have thin friends who have 'fat' days...isn't being 'normal' what we are all striving for?!?! But I can feel good about knowing I'm not the fattest person in the room and not always feeling that way whether it was true or not. It's hard to explain and I'm starting to babble! Anyway....it's been a great development for me to get to this mental point of my journey. I know I'm gonna make it!

I don't remember where I first saw this. It may have been on OH somewhere, or maybe from one of the many spam-my emails I get from well intentioned friends. But wherever it came from it really struck a cord with me. I wanted to add it here mostly so I wouldn't lose it along the way!

Dear God,
Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart, and my life.  Remove the have nots, the cannots, and the do nots that I have in my mind.  Erase the will nots, the may nots, and the might nots that may find a home in my heart.  Release me from the could nots, would nots, and the should nots that obstruct my life.  And most of all, Dear God, I ask that you remove from my mind, my heart, and my life all of the am nots that I have allowed to hold me back, especially the thought that I am not good enough.  Amen.

It seems just like yesterday....NOT! haha  Time has flown by, though. The first 3-4 months seemed to just crawl along, too busy learning how to live with the new insides to really think about the scale too much. Then suddenly clothes didn't fit! Now that the daily routine is sort of a grind the days are flying by!

The only thing I'm not happy with is my stomach...it's still there! Smaller than it used to be but for the first time since surgery, my measurements show increases...almost 1.5" in the waist. I forget the name of this muscle thing I have but it's from such a large belly hanging for so long. I can't suck it in, it just goes up or down but not IN! And if it is the muscle, all the crunches I've been doing could account for the increase! Someone at the PCP's office mentioned it might be some type of hernia. If so maybe the insurance will kick in some $$ towards a TT. I understand my thigh and calf measurements increasing, all the exercise helps but I'm sure the thighs are from the melting skin puddling above my knees! Lovely!  But all-in-all I'm still pleased.

Stats so far.....

Highest Wt.....353
Surgery Wt....292
Todays Wt. 7mo out....213
Total lost...140lbs
To Goal....63lbs
EWL....68.97%
Total inches lost....55.25
Highest BMI....56.1%
Current BMI....33.9%

Today was full of surprises. It's been 5 months to the day since surgery. I'm down 124lbs, 61 before surgery, and have lost a total of 50". Even writing it down doesn't make it believable! I know I've lost it, I can see it in the mirror, in the way my clothes fit and the bones that are emerging but it's still hard to comprehend!

My biggest surprise today was finding a cool leather jacket at Goodwill...a MEDIUM! I would have thought the size was a fluke, a garment that was mislabeled..it happens! But I also found a denim jacket in medium. It's just a but snug and will fit perfectly after another 10lbs but it's still a medium! The size 16W jeans I bought last week are now baggy and sloppy looking. Did I buy them too big, although they are lots smaller than the 22/24ones I was wearing. Or have I lost that much size? I have lost 4.75" this month but still, it's only been a couple of weeks!

It was such a beautiful day today. Clear, sunny skies and about 50º. Doug took me to the Bay Area Park so I could take some photos of the birds. Even a few months ago I wouldn't have dreamed of doing more than taking a few shots from the truck! Today I walked all around the park, out onto the docks and generally had a blast! The photos aren't anywhere near my best efforts but now that I know I can get around well, I'll be doing more of this. I want to really learn this camera before CCV in June.