Offical date...Offical excitment..normal nervous..
Oct 08, 2010
How can one be nervous and excited? I went to my pre-op yesterday.. it is set! it is hard to believe that next week this time it will be over and yet just beginning. This week, I put myself on a full liquid diet just to mentally prepare and to get use to having a different meal then the family. It actually felt like more than I usually eat... but the emotional ties to food are prevalent. I think hey I am doing great.... then I realize I am thinking about food only because I am pre-occupied with other concerns. Meal time.. is just another need. No longer is it the focus. I am struggling with who I tell and who I don't. Some people understand while others respond with "why would you do that to yourself." My natural response is... why wouldn't I do this! I have been dealing with this for years and I want to change!
I finally got the nerve to tell my mother. I am almost 40 years old.. and still concerned about what my mother thinks... lol I don't really understand why I worry about what others think, but it is always in the back of my mind. I guess it is because I need postive support to get through this and I feel that my some ofmy family and friends will see this as a cop out...or failure instead of a postive change for my life.
Therefore I feel limited as to who i inform. However, it almost seems easier to let strangers know, as i do not feel judged. But God has helped me prepare for this...I have recently learned that I do not have to always please others or do what they say. I do not have to..."Keep up with the Jones" God loves me and has given me his gift by grace... nothing is attached to his gift... i don't have to earn it, i don't have to jump thru hoops... I only have to be ME!