You look skinny...what are you doing?

Oct 18, 2011

The new words that come from the mouths of friends, family and co-workers. I have never been given this type of attention. Don't get me wrong, part of me has been craving that type of attention, but I do not like to be associated for my weight loss only. I know people mean well, but it becomes some what annoying, and depressing to be known as the person who had the gastric by-pass, or the lady who lost all that weight.

I have lost 86 lbs in a year!  This is an exciting event! It has been an easy road with no complications! I have absolutely no regrets. However, it is a life change. I have changed the way I eat , the way I look at food, the way I cook, the way I socialize, the way I interact with people, the way I look at the future. Theses are all positive results, but a new view of life in general.

I do not think...I KNOW I have not put forth the effort that I could to be fit. I lost this weight with primarily no exercises. I do not think this is healthy at all, but I have not trained or held myself to that standard. The weight loss slowed down in the last few months and I am sure it is because I do not exercise and I have been slacking on 'what' I eat.

I work full time,and rarely take time to eat. So breakfast and lunch usually are not the best for me. I try to stick to oatmeal,or cream of wheat for breakfast. EARLY.... 5 am. Hot tea, then coffee....
Lunch is usually beef jerky and a fruit, or Greek yogurt.
Dinner, depends on the nightly activities, being a mother of 2 athletic teenagers, and a 5th grader at home, I have to really work at making the meals in a timely manner and with all the nutrients I need.
I no longer eat...nor do I feel neglected ---as I do not eat ice cream, milk (  very little on a rare occasion),carbonated drinks of any sort, carbohydrates-- bread, pancakes, waffles, etc.
I eat more vegetables, and fruit, meat and cheese than I ever did!  I have not been able to use any sweetener syrups in my drinks, for if i do.... bathroom here I come! This makes Starbucks and flavored teas a little different when ordering.

As I grew up, food was at every event in our family. I would crave and  sneak chocolate from my dad's hiding spots, and I would make creations with the bare pantry my mom would leave.. as she was always dieting trying to serve fat free food or lessen our sugar intake.Sweets were a reward, it tasted good, it was only for special occasions, or when mom was slacking on her diet. 
Food was also my friend...not only did it taste good, it made me feel good, it gave me Independence.. it was something I could control. Or at least I thought....
Food then became my confusion... during the teenager years, I did not like to eat in front of others, I would eat very little at school, and if i did eat it was junk food. Again.. control... I could sneak the junk food at school, if there wasn't any at home.
Food then became my enemy...As I had kids cooking and eating became a forced issue. I had to feed the kids, I had to make sure my husband had the meals he liked. I had to learn to cook... not just what i wanted, but whatever was easiest and pleased everyone. I hated food... I hated meals.. it was the source of arguments at holidays, the source of disappointment when I couldn't get the recipe just right, the frustration when I was tired making everyone happy, my time consumer when I needed fill in the time, and my contentment when I was trying to sort things out.
Now... food is my energy... nothing more than that... I enjoy sweet flavors still chocolate! But I am satisfied with the boiled eggs, yogurt, and beef jerky. I recognize when I am using food for my contentment... (my emotional eating) and I try to make sure I don't hold my own mistakes as forever habits.
I don't cook a whole lot different then I use to, I just monitor my own intake more. It seems to be difficult to cook meals for my family and myself, so i just cook as I normally do, but supplement my own meals. I think I need to work on this, as this life change is also meant to teach my children the right way to eat. What kind of  teacher am I, if let them eat whatever they want.
Meals were the center of the entertainment in my family when I grew up. I did not change this mind set with my own children. Birthdays meant cake, friends over meant BBQs, Anniversaries meant expensive meal out... celebrations meant hot fudge sundaes.
Meals are no longer the reason to sit around a table and talk. I spend less time eating and more time socializing. Of course I eat less than most at the table... and I have to remind myself to chew, chew chew... I have changed the way I celebrate with my family.. doing more activities together rather than meals.
I feel that I am more assertive, and proud of myself. However, I am not use to the attention I get from familiar people and strangers. I never thought I would have a problem with the attention, but now I find it frustrating when strangers look at me and when familiar people continue to focus on my outer appearance. I have always been outgoing, but people do seem to take me more seriously now...sadly I do not think this is just my impression... I really believe there is a bias against the obese. This part hurts me... for I feel that for years I have been judged and I know others are judged.
Being obese, I looked at my future in a oblique manner. Everything was a day by day process not ever focusing on the future, but surviving the day. The truth is, I didn't want to think about the future, because I was afraid I wouldn't be there. Now.. I have plans, there are things I could never do that i look forward to. I take more chances, as I feel God has given me an extra chance...why not enjoy things more.

My new life.. yes.. I am the NEW DEE... and I am glad I took a leap of faith. I did this for myself, and I continue to find reasons to love myself, this is the most important result of my surgery! What am I doing????          I AM LOVING MYSELF! 


About Me
Surgery Date
Jun 11, 2010
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