Let's get back to ME!
Jan 20, 2018
Even the sound of this blog title makes my body cringe inside! The concept of putting my needs first has always been difficult for me. But I know it is essential! I have jumped back into the mental perception: " If I don't take care of myself I will not be able to help others!" Now I know it should be based on more self-worth, but I can't seem to find worth to be motivational. ( and yes I realize that is an unhealthy self-perception, I am working on!)
This last week I have made some changes and plan to continue with them. I drink more water than I ever have, I intentionally pay attention to what, when and how much I put into my mouth. I have kept the positive mantra that I need to focus on me!
I work most days but I do cook meals in the evenings I am home. If it was only me, then I think I would be easier for me to just fix my proportions and making protein a priority. BUT that is not the case... dinner is also for my family. In the past, we have several people at home, and now it is only three. A teenager, my husband, and I. All of us have a genetic deposition to diabetes. ( My husband has been diagnosed and my daughter is overweight.)
My natural tendency is to please others, so finding an agreement on meals is difficult! I have been told that I am the cook, so they should eat what I serve. That is easy for my daughter, but it is not easy for my husband. I feel this need to make him happy, but I know his food choices are not healthy, and I already despise cooking. Therefore, resentment builds up, when I search and try to find healthy approaches but the meal is not eaten or appreciated.
What should be our bonding and social time, turns to me quickly finishing my meal, and sitting there watching him mindlessly eating large proportions. The gluttony of others has become a heart-wrenching disgust in my mind. I feel terrible that I have the thoughts of disgust about someone else's concerns for food. However, I am sure it is because I see myself in the process. I know my husband doesn't want to be unhealthy and yet he continues. I Know I have done the same thing, and yet it is SO hard for me to set the boundaries for the family meals I cook!
I question my reasons for not just fixing smaller, healthier proportions for my husband, and then I realize it is a co-dependency that I need to change about myself. I am ready to change, and in order to be successful, I need to not worry about the perceptions of others! " It's all about me!"
Just the thought of that phrase, " It's all about me." seems so hypocritical from empathetic mindset, but Logically I know it has to happen in order for me to see my worth. I know this type of thought process does not help with my weight loss, and I am working on changing my thought patterns. So daily have been trying to remember, this is getting back to the real ME!