deenewme
The countdown begins!
Jun 21, 2021
Anxiousness excitement and nervousness all sudden same time. Overall I am looking forward to starting my journey. But it's more than just a journey it's a lifestyle.
I think that I can truly say that there are things that I didn't do appropriately when I had the RNy. I don't I want to make the same mistakes as my time is cut short with age. Processing all the changes in my life that I need to do at first seem overwhelming. my nervousness increases as I challenge myself to become more vulnerable. Being able to share my story with others and being confident when sharing my decision with those that I know disagree has heightened therefore I have been forced Take a look at my self-worth.
The question becomes do I love myself? Do I find my needs more important than those around me? Am I meeting my needs? None of these things should be swept under the rug.
but unfortunately I've always been a giver to the point of enabling and disowning my own desires. It wasn't until this year that I was able to acknowledge but I have my own wants and needs. In October of last year I was in a massive head on car accident. Only by the grace of God did I walk away with minimal injuries. In March of this year I got Covid. Having to deal with the unknown of Covid and being told that I may never recover made me think differently about my needs. Again by the grace of God I only missed 2 1/2 months of work and did not end up in the hospital. Both of these events initiated my motivation to work on me.
The first step being able to talk to my family and let them know that I would be again going for another surgery. Fortunately my kids know that I find my weight to be daunting on my life. Of course they have always been very supportive. I waited to tell my mom as I know that weight has always been a sore spot between her and I. But time For surgery is soon, So I finally let her know tonight.
Unbeknownst to my fears my mom is very supportive. Asking questions to learn about the surgery as any concerned parent would be. She encouraged me to put myself first and not worry about others. The support felt comforting and authentic. Which surprises me because I feel like I've always had to earn her support.
So the anxiousness the nervousness and excitement combine together has made my emotions fluctuate. I worry about procedural risks but I am confident of my surgeons Capabilities. I have developed a different mindset This time around. The responsibility lies in my own hands.
I started a liquid diet about four days ago just to prepare myself for the changes after the surgery. I've been monitoring my movement and exercise. Not that I have an any tremendous work out but I have increased my exercise a little bit at a time. This is the issue that I have found to put me in a stall.
my brain goes into looking for the overall goal and success process. And it's the little steps that matter it's living in the moment that matter it's been glad for some thing every day. It's moving forward. how fast or how dramatic doesn't matter. What matters is that I learned how to keep going and how to acknowledge all the hard work even for the little steps.
Little steps lead to success.
And success is determined by my self-worth! I am proud of who I am and I am proud of who I will become. Growth Doesn't happen overnight. I will be easy on myself Give me my self grace and allowing myself to acknowledge that I am worth it!
