Lindsay D.

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 I've been having issues the past few days and now i'm dizzy.  I can tell my body needs protein!  I'm kinda dizzy and havent been able to eat much.  Oh well.  I'm bummed cause i need the gym but afraid I'm gonna pass out if i go.  I just kept down an english muffin with some peanut butter.  So hopefully i will feel better soon.  
Other than that i had a great birthday and looking forward to keeping going with school and weight loss.  I've lost 60 pounds so far so I think i'm about half way there.  Way to go me!  

 I'm ready to write about my experience.  
It was incredible from the start.  Day 1 I walked 10 out of the 20 miles. My body started to say no so i listened.  It was amazing to walk with all these ladies and hear their stories.  We camped in pink tents.  On Day 2 i didn't walk.  Muscles were sore and another one of my teammates was badly injured.  
Day 3.  In one word.  Amazing. 
Stacy and I walked all 17 miles.  We were in pain but it was so worth it.  All the people who came out to cheer for us kept us going.  There were survivors going through chemo saying thank you because they couldn't walk.  Way freaking emotional.  I cried a lot and I'm not known as the crying type. It was amazing to be able to support my friend who lost her mom just in february.  I am motivated to do other walks too.  I registered for a 5K today thats on October 10.  I am going to run.  I can't believe it. 

Thats what i did this weekend and it was a blast.  Otherwise everything surgery wise is great.  Have my 3 month visit on friday.  Cant wait. 

Where I stood, missy higgins!

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

 you see the smile thats on my mouth, its hardened the words that don't come out
all of my friends who think that i'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess
no they don't know who I really am and they don't know what i've been through like you do
I was made for u. 




Gone
It's hard for me to see when I'm wrong
It's hard for me to weep when I'm strong
But I could never sleep when you're gone
Oh but still
If you were gonna crucify me
I wouldn't want nobody to see
'Cause you could kick me hard when I'm down
Down, down, down

I don't want wanna be
Nobody's fool
I've played that part so many times before
How long to be
A shadow on the wall
I will make no sound at all
And when the sun goes down
The shadow on the wall
It cannot be seen at all
At all

Over it
Hey it's not that you would mess with my head
I believe that you believe what you said
You think you know me best and you care
But that's not fair!
'Cause I don't really want to be safe
It must have been the way I was raised
Sleep with one eye open I say
Hey hey hey

I don't wanna be
Nobody's fool
I've played that part so many times before
How I long to be
A shadow on the wall
I will make no sound at all
And when the sun goes down
The shadow on the wall
It cannot be seen at all
At all

Oh
How I long to be
A shadow on the wall
I would make no sound at all
At all



I love her!

 well, I am done with work for the summer.  I basically have the whole month of August off.  I was planning on leaving august 5th for a vacation but i can't go unless I have a job.  Its a bummer to not have a job.  Anyways, now my focus is training for the breast cancer 3 day.  My goal is to walk at least 3 miles every day in August.  I am super excited and hope i will be in good enough shape to do this thing.  I am going with my team and I am excited to share the experience with them.  

Things are getting better on the emotional front.  I don't feel as emotional all the time.  I am feeling better about myself every day.  I can't believe that I have to go home tomorrow.  I'm on vacation in South Dakota and its been some good time off.  But, I'm also excited and nervous to go home.  I cleaned the whole house before I left and I am afraid its going to be a disaster and it will take me another week to clean it up.  I'm trying to trust my husband that things will look the way they did when I left.  Its hard because its never been clean before when I've come back so boo to that.  I do love him though.  He has been so helpful through this whole thing and has tried really hard to work with me through all the emotional strain and trials.  It hasn't been easy for either of us but we are making it work.  

I'm excited for the sun today.  We are going to a water park.  I feel okay about being in a bathing suit.  you can already tell my skin is getting loose.  Around my tummy area and my legs.  Oh well.  Thats it for now. 

If you heat up meat balls, put a cup of hot water in it too.  It prevents puking!   

 I woke up this morning thinking I should really blog about something.  I have my 4 week dr's visit tomorrow and cant wait to finally get some direction about getting more soft foods into my little tummy.  I have been doing great so far with eggs, cheese, yogurt, chicken nuggets and I even ate out at a restaurant!  Yep things are definitely better.  Then next week I visit with the dietitian and hurrah!  Its gone by mega fast.  I am super happy with the results and feel stronger every day. 

Relationships are still a little strained but they are getting better.  Having to talk about my emotions instead of eating them has been so hard but its so much better for me.  If I can do this anyone can do this. 

 Well I went to the Dr. today and good news good news.  I get to start to eat some soft foods this weekend!  I'm so excited!  
I gotta drink boost through the week then try soft foods on the weekend.  I am so excited. 

The dr. also told me not to look at the scale till i get to eat an as tolerated diet 3 weeks from Tuesday.  So I am going to do my best.  Went shopping today and got a cute swim suit and a cute shirt.  It was exciting.  

Lets see here, oh we also talked about water intake and I have to bring my water with me everywhere. So I gotta work on that.  

All and all it was good.  I feel good right now.  Not excited to drink boost for the rest of the week.  Not excited at all. 

 I'm very frustrated right now.  I've been at the same weight for a week and its so annoying.  I'm not motivated to do anything.  I feel so messed up.  Tried to talk to others and I feel alone.  I feel so conflicted.  I want to talk but i feel like i scare people with what i say.  I see the doctor on monday and I"m hoping that I can get some answers. 

I feel blue

 Well I'm feeling like things are really moving along.  According to my mom's sale I've lost 32 pounds.  I"m into size 22 pants very comfortably.  I've been working this week and thats been going well.  Love my job, wish it wasn't a summer job.  

I guess I really don't have much substantial to say.  I've been feeling pretty happy.  I'm maybe ready to eat.  But i have 2 more weeks.  Ugh!   

I got the hiccups really bad today.  Off and on all day.