Emotional City

Jun 14, 2009

I had no idea what I was getting into.  This is a total mind screw!  First, yes I'm still glad I had surgery and I don't regret it but its been hard and stressful on relationships and patience.  I thought I was so ready for this.  Reality is, nothing could get me ready for this.  I have been through more ups and downs in the past 24 hours than I would like.  I feel secluded and like, no one really understands what its like to truly not me motivated to consume calories.  Its such a huge difference than 3 weeks ago where I never had to worry about it.  I feel really angry lately and I really have no reason why.     Took a break from writing and figured it out.  I'm mourning the loss of a very good friend.  Imagine if you lost your legs and what you did revolved around the use of your legs.  Then they were gone.  Thats what its like for someone who has a food addiction who doesn't have food anymore.  Thats what I'm going though.  I gotta get new legs!     Feeling better now.  Surgery was obviously a success.  I was in a lot of pain and out of it in the hospital.  Many good memories with Stacy who stayed by my side.  I could not ask for a better friend than her.  When I came home, I was "backed up."  and I thought I was going to have to go back to the hospital.  But I didn't.  Until today I had no interest in consuming liquids.  It was a chore and uncomfortable and I hated it until today.  Today is not so bad.  I think I'm going to keep getting better.   I'm working on putting together resources for people who go though this because its so hard.  No words to how hard it is.    I think thats about it. 
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Jun 14, 2009
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