Apr 06, 2007

Money problems solved! I got my loan for the surgery.

Now I have very little to worry about except the surgery itself. Well, I'm not worried about that, I will be out cold. I am concerned about the pain and complications afterwards. My medication interacts with Morphine and Vicodin (AKA Lortab). I think I will wean myself off my meds (I hope to gods my moods and insomnia won't go wonky on me) and ask for a good dose of anti-nausea medication as soon as I wake up from suergery. Last time I took Vicodin I threw up 11 times in one hour. But I'm sure they can at least find me alternatives or something. I can't be the only person in the wold who can't tolerate those meds.

Two more pre-op pounds gone.

Apr 04, 2007

Geez, I wonder if I'll also lose a bunch on the pre-op liquid diet? If I even lost 10 on it, I'd have lost 16lbs before surgery. Which means that's 16lbs less to lose after surgery.

I'm doing what I've always done... exercise and eat less. Problem for me is, I hit what I call the Thirty Pound Wall. I just can't lose anymore than 30lbs on any given diet. Don't know why.

Today is the day I go in for my blood work. I've been fasting for 12 hours now and dying for at least a drink of something. I get dizzy and nauseous when I don't have anything to eat or drink for long periods.

I'm really curious what my cholesterol is now. I haven't checked it in 7 years and it was 207 then. I was about 60lbs lighter 7 years ago too.

I passed the crazy test!

Apr 03, 2007

Oops, I mean the psych eval. Heh.

I was honest about my Bipolar, but she said she could tell I was on top of it and taking care of it and wasn't worried that it would be a problem. The interview was totally painless and she was nice. And I didn't need the damn MMPI.

And to think I anguisehd over this last night.

Next order of anguishing buisness? MONEY. What else? Still am waiting on a verdict from other sources to see what happens. I hope they don't take forever. My consultation is on the 11th and I have a feeling he's going to schedule me for the last week of april or the first week of May. I'm thinking the first week of May could be doable, but after I send in all the paperwork, wait for it to be verified and approved and then wait another week for the check to get here, deposit the check it'll be 2-3 weeks IF there are no glitches. And there always are. Of course I could be turned down. That's a, um... glitch. To say the least. Argh. 0_0 <---- big scaredy eyes!

Things often don't work in my favor but someone said the other day, "How can it not work? This is the best thing you'll ever do for yourself. It just has to all work out." I wish they'd bottle a little of that optimism and mail me some.

Continued from previous post...

Apr 02, 2007

Curiosity got the better of me and I checked the scale... I lost 3lbs.

The irony. It kills me.

But I'm throwing out the scale before I get weight-loss obsessed and undermine my good efforts.

I'm so funny

Apr 02, 2007

I had the hardest time with things when I've been on "diets" and the like. Even when I was on Weight Watchers and knew that I was working towards lifestyle changes, it still sucked.

But now, I'm doing things to prepare for surgery and my new life after surgery. Weight loss is not a goal in mind right now, just preparation and making changes NOW so that after surgery, I'll have all my ducks in a row and won't have to struggle to implement these changes. I'm walking everyday. Granted, more than 10 minutes kills my feet and I'm huffing and puffing like I ran a marathon but hey, I'm 350lbs... whaddya expect? I'm not pushing myself, I'm just doing enough that it's *something* and I feel good afterwards. I'm liking walking for 10 minutes. Ask my feet and they'll disagree. But they'll get better, they just don't know it yet. I will up the walking as my body will permit. But I know I'll give up if I feel overwhelmed by doing too much too soon. I will burn myself out, I've done it before.

I'm weaning myself off sugar rather well. I had some Kool Aid the other day because I was out of Crystal Light and so was the store and BAH. I drove and found a store with my favorite Crystal Light flavor. Kool Aid sucks. I admit, I had a Milky Way yesterday. But holy hell was it ever sickeningly rich. I was in the car, on a day trip (this is usually when I eat bad things because I forget to prepare a filling lunch and snack, my bad) and I ate half in a couple of big bites and was repulsed at how the sugar tasted. I threw the rest out the car window. I know, I know. Bad for littering (but it's organic and will dissolve with the next snow/rain, unlike the wrapper it came in) But if I DID keep it, I would have unconsciously picked it up, finished it and wondered what the hell I just ate. I am a total mindless eater.

I'm taking my vitamins. I'm already using liquid Centrum and sublingual B-12. I gotta tell ya, that B-12 stuff gives me lots of energy. But not in that stimulant sort of way. It feels very natural. Like my body is saying, "Woohoo, I'm being FED!"  Maybe I've been malnourished this whole time? I certainly don't get in most of my vitamins and minerals on a regular basis. Not in terms of supplements and not in terms of the food I eat. Well, now I do. But before I didn't.

My worst habit is still eating too fast without realizing how much I've eaten. I try to eat really slowly and chew my food into oblivion but I can't make it past about two bites before I zone out and go into daydream land. I also noticed that I take a drink with about every other bite to wash down the huge amount of food. That really needs to stop or I'm going to be in for a bg surprise after surgery.

But nevermind that, this post is about the good things I'm doing for myself now.

I'm walking everyday, taking my vitamins and successfuly weaning myself off sweets. And it's somehow easier because I'm not doing it to lose weight at all, I'm doing it to feel better and prepare for my new life. Go figure!

Getting closer!

Mar 29, 2007

All my pre-op test appointments are made and I have my consultation on the 11th. Yay! Why in the world did I not do this a year or two ago? Maybe I wasn't ready, but I'm pretty much ready to be 1 year post op right now. LOL.

I had a minor freak attack earlier this week. My original financing fell through, but I found an alternative that I'm happy with. *crossing my fingers so tightly they feel like they're going to break* If this doesn't work, then I am screwed and I'll have wait until at least August. Ugh! Patience is not my virtue!

Ok, happy thoughts only, happy thoughts only.

I'm pretty confident that my tests will go fine. I'm Bipolar so I'm worried about failing the psych eval but I'm not the only Bipolar person to get WLS. And mine has been under control for 5 years with medication.

I need to start making out my list of questions I have for the doc. For starters, I want to make sure I can get my meds in the hospital. If I can't take them I hope I'm some really good Morphine or else. Secondly, WTH is a catheter manipulation?? Is that a fancy way of saying IV or am I really gonna be peeing through a tube?? That freaks me out. I'm sorry, but that is a one way street folks.

Yeah, I admit the surgery itself scares me. Dying young and having not lived a full life scares me more. I think I will remaind scared until the whole thing is over with. Then I can wake up in my hospital room thinking, "Hey, when are you friggin people going to get to me and do this already?" That's what I did the last time I had surgery that put me under (I was 14). I woke up mad thinking they didn't do anything. LOL. At least right before the anasthesia put me under, I had the whole room cracking up. Gotta love the loopy drugs.  And boy will I ever need some this time around.

Everyone has been remarking about how giddy I get when I talk about life after surgery. I must look stoned. For every "OMG, I get to do [insert activity here] that I've never done before!" I get a, "But you're really going to have to work at this." No shit? Really? (Where is my sarcastic smiley when I need it?) But I already eat pretty good. I love organic. I just love a whole lot of it. At once. And I WISH to gods I could exercise like those health freaks we have in abundance in Colorado. Inside all this insulation, I'm one of them! I was a VERY athletic child despite being overweight and I miss it dearly but when spending 10 minutes washing dishes mean I have to lay down and take an Aleve for my back, what am I supposed to do? That's the point of WLS, so I can lose enough to do these sorts of things and get out of the exercise catch 22. When I can spend every weekend of each summer horseback riding, swimming, white water rafting, mountain climbing and distance hiking, I will know what heaven is. Oh look, I'm giggly again. Teeheehee!

First post

Mar 19, 2007

I'm approaching step two of this journey. I've been to the seminar, chosen my doctor and now I make appointments for my evaluations. I'm nervous about failing any of them. I have so many co-morbidities it's not even funny and the list seems to grow daily. But I've heard of people who have shrunken lungs being approved so there's hope for me yet.

I can't wait for the day when I take a walk or do some housework without hurting. My knees snap, crackle and pop these days and OY, my back! I've even broken a toe just by simply walking. It could no longer take the pressure and just snapped. So I feel like if I'm denied surgery, I won't ever get to see that day come. I'll just stay in pain and never live a normal life. Of course I don't have to mention the thousand and one weight loss plans I've been on that failed. I'm at the end of my options here.

At least since I'm self-pay, I may have a better chance at getting the surgery. No insurance approval, just the doctor's.

I figure, in addition to the pulmonary and psychological evaluations, he's going to want me to do a sleep study. I have no clue if I have sleep apnea but certain sleeping positions does make it harder to breathe and I've woken up gasping for air specifically in these positions.

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Centennial, CO
Jan 23, 2007
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