desertdancer

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Ok, here I go. I am going to schedule my appointment with the surgeon tomorrow. I am goign to call the insuranCe company to double check if they completely exclude the surgery. BUT even if they do, I am still aiming for this. This time I am hiring Gary Visico from the get go. I know its not a guarentee but it has to be a better approach than on my own. He is a great guy and seems to want to help everyone. I have to get some ink for my printer so I can print the application papers. I think everything will start to kinda roll in March, but I have a long road ahead of me. I am starting the dietician within a week or two even though I have 2 doc notes saying I lost 80 pounds within the past year. Its not a daily documented diet so I am going to do that now as well. I want this sooner than later but, I have to jump the hoops for a 2nd time now. Reading my past stuff, I can not believe how much is the same, how long it has been, and what is worse. I really need this surgery. I noticed I posted once "I am not that 3 to 5 % that lose 100 pounds and keep it off without WLS" .... this made me laugh. I was right! After I said that I lost 85 pounds and every bit is back on! How weird.
I will let you know when my surgeon date is!

mojo

I decided to simply speak from the heart, and from the logistic side of my approach on obesity and this surgery. I have my lists of wishes of what is to come but first let me spell out what worries me and threatens me most now.

Off the bat let me simply show how the overall affects of obesity, let alone super morbid obesity, has on a persons health.

Two new large-scale studies recently published, underscore
the health risks of obesity and its link to Chronic Disease.
In one study, Rand Corporation researchers surveyed more than 9500 adults, inquiring about their weight, height, smoking and drinking habits, income, and quality of life. They also asked about 17 chronic health problems, such as asthma, diabetes, and heart disease. They determined that 23% of those surveyed were obese and an additional 36% were overweight.

The distribution of chronic diseases was:
People of normal weight had an average of 1.1 chronic conditions.

Overweight people had an average of 1.3.

Obese people had an average of 1.7.

Very obese people had an average of 2.


Weight was a greater risk factor than income, smoking, or
drinking. The researchers suggested that public health authorities should focus on combating obesity as much as they do on smoking cessation.

The other study compiled data over a 10-year period on middle-aged women (in the Nurses' Health Study) and men (in the Health Professionals Follow-up Study). They aligned individuals'Body Mass Index (BMI) with numerous chronic diseases and found:

People with a BMI of 35 or more were 20 times more likely
to develop diabetes than their peers with a BMI between 18.5
and 24.9. (The healthy weight range is a BMI of < 25, or
a range of 18.5 - 25.)

Overall, the incidence of diabetes, gallstones, hypertension,
heart disease, colon cancer, and stroke increased with the
degree of weight in both men and women. Further, the risk
of developing chronic diseases was evident among adults in
the upper half of the healthy weight range, suggesting that
maintaining a lower BMI (between 18.5 and 22) might better
minimize the risk of disease.

Obesity is not just a cosmetic consideration; it is a dire
health dilemma directly harmful to one's health. In the United
States, roughly 300,000 deaths per year are directly related
to obesity, and more than 80% of these deaths are in patients with a BMI over 30. Obesity also increases the risk of developing a number of chronic diseases including:

Insulin Resistance. Insulin is necessary for the transport
of blood glucose (sugar) into the cells of muscle and fat
(which is then used for energy). By transporting glucose into
cells, insulin keeps the blood glucose levels in the normal
range. Insulin resistance (IR) is the condition whereby the
effectiveness of insulin in transporting glucose (sugar) into
cells is diminished. Fat cells are more insulin resistant
than muscle cells; therefore, one important cause of IR is
obesity. The pancreas initially responds to IR by producing
more insulin. As long as the pancreas can produce enough insulin to overcome this resistance, blood glucose levels remain normal.

This IR state (characterized by normal blood glucose levels
and high insulin levels) can last years. Once the pancreas
can no longer keep up with producing high levels of insulin,
blood glucose levels begin to rise, resulting in type 2 diabetes, thus IR is a pre-diabetes condition. In fact scientists now believe that the atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) associated with diabetes likely develops during this IR period.

Type 2 (adult-onset) diabetes. The risk of type 2 diabetes
increases with the degree and duration of obesity. Type 2
diabetes is associated with central obesity; a person with
central obesity has excess fat around his/her waist, so that
the body is shaped like an apple.

High Blood Pressure (hypertension). Hypertension is common
among obese adults. A Norwegian study showed that weight gain tended to increase blood pressure in women more significantly than in men. The risk of developing high blood pressure is also higher in obese people who are apple shaped (central obesity) than in people who are pear shaped (fat distribution mainly in hips and thighs).

High cholesterol (hypercholesterolemia)

Stroke (cerebrovascular accident or CVA)

Heart Attack The Nurses Health Study found that the risk of
developing coronary artery disease increased 3 to 4 times
in women who had a BMI greater than 29. A Finnish study showed that for every one kilogram (2.2 pounds) increase in body weight, the risk of death from coronary artery disease increased by one percent. In patients who have already had a heart attack, obesity is associated with an increased likelihood of a second heart attack.

Ok now that I did a short layout of obesity being a disease,
and how it links to so many other diseases, and my overall
chance of developing more and more chronic diseases over the next few years, lets approach some that are already showing up and waving a huge red flag.

Being Borderline Diabetic:

Ok, this is a serious one. Not only am I only 30 years young
and yearn for another 45, but have a long list of family history
with this disease. Enough to have solid reason to worry. My
father is fighting with diabetes and has been for a few years
now. I have witness many concerns that go along with diabetes that he is dealing with, but the most recent event of almost losing his foot, made the reality of everything for him and I, a little much. Then to follow that about a month later
he lost his older sister to diabetes. She had hit a point
of dialysis for a long time and gave out. Besides the two
of them having diabetes, his other older sister, a niece,
a nephew (from the aunt who passed) and now the chance of
me.....as well. But none of them were as young as I am.

Now lets look at the medical view of diabetes and its opinion
on how diabetes goes hand in hand with obesity.

A new study published in the Journal of the American Medical
Association surveyed more than 184,000 adults to assess the
prevalence of obesity and diabetes in US adults in 2000. The
researchers found:

More than half of American adults - 56.4% - wereoverweight,
up from 45% in 1991.

Nearly 40 million adults are obese.

The prevalence of obesity (defined as BMI of 30 or higher)
was 19.8%, up from 12% in 1991.

The prevalence of diabetes was 7.3%.

The researchers called obesity and diabetes "twin epidemics
which threaten to overwhelm the health care system."

Diabetes also tends to run in families. In fact there seems
to be even stronger evidence for some kind of genetic cause
for Type II than for Type I diabetes. Type II is more common
among Asian, Hispanic, Native and African Americans.

Although Type II diabetes usually develops after age 40,
about half of all people diagnosed with the disease are older
than 55. This may be because as people age, they tend to become more sedentary and to gain weight. Eating too much food and being inactive can make you obese and you are more likely to develop Type II diabetes if you are obese. Obesity is, by far, the greatest risk factor for this kind of diabetes.

Where the weight is distributed seems to be a factor, too.
If you tend to have an apple-shaped body in which you store
fat around the tummy, you are more at risk for Type II diabetes. Those with a pear shape in which fat is stored in the hips are somewhat less at risk.

So what are some of the complications that I might be looking at in my future and have witnessed with my own family? Here is some ideas:

Both Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes are associated with long-term complications that threaten life and the quality of life.
The disease is the leading cause of adult blindness, end-stage kidney disease(ESRD) and amputations (as a result of nerve disease).

People with diabetes are two to four times more likely to
have coronary heart disease and stroke than people who don't have it. Diabetes complicates pregnancy and results in more birth defects than babies born to women without the disease.

Heart disease is the leading cause of diabetes-related deaths.
Adults with diabetes have heart disease death rates about
two to four times higher than adults without diabetes.

The risk of stroke is two to four times higher.

An estimated 60 to 65 percent of people with diabetes have
high blood pressure.

Diabetes is the leading cause of new cases of blindness in
adults 20 to 24 years old.

More than half the limb amputations in the United States occur among people with diabetes. (like my dad)

It's important to know how serious the complications of diabetes can be. Diabetes care is a 24-hour-a-day effort.

Needless to say, there is a lot more about diabetes and it
is a very scary disease. My risk of getting this full blown
at a younger age than anyone in my family, is higher than
most, and it can be stopped in its tracks with this surgery.
I can avoid all the problems of my history and live to tell
the story with WLS. Lets move on to the next immediate health concern.

My Cholesterol Levels:

This has been a recent discovery and true concern. I thought
I might have high cholesterol, but did not realize how dangerous of a level I was at. My doctor basically told me that I was a walking time bomb. Can you even imagine what it is like to hear those words? Do you know what cold chill ran through my body at the thought of leaving life so soon? Leaving my mom without anyone to take care of her in her old age? Leaving everyone in my life who loves me or counts on me for so many things in life?

There was two terms that entered my vocabulary for the first
time, and hearing my doctor tell me that I have them, I needed to research to understand what they are. One is:

Hypercholesterolemia The medical term for high blood cholesterol.105 million American adults have cholesterol levels that are higher than desirable (hypercholesterolemia). And if you're like me and you are one of these people with this condition, you are on your way to heart disease. Many patients find that their blood cholesterol decreases significantly after weight loss surgery.

Secondly the doctor told me that I have extremely
High Triglycerides A blood fat. When the levels of cholesterol
and triglycerides, in your bloodstream become too high, your
likelihood of developing cholesterol-containing fatty deposits
(plaques) in your blood vessels increases. Over time, plaques
cause your arteries to narrow, which impedes blood flow and
creates a condition called atherosclerosis. Narrowing of the
arteries that supply your heart with blood (coronary artery
disease) can prevent your heart from getting as much oxygen-rich blood as it needs. This means an increased risk of a heart attack.

I was going to state here what my future possible risks are
with the current levels of my doctors reports, but realize
that I basically just did with the definitions of each. My
bad cholesterol hit the 300's while my "good" cholesterol
hit the 200's. My triglycerides as my doctor put it,are "through
the roof". I have had 2 doctors tell me that in the next
5 years i will be looking at a stroke or heart attack. Those
are enough future "possible risks" for anyone to
handle with one issue, let alone the many different problems
I am currently dealing with. SO on to the next...

Sleep Apnea:

This one is shocking once you know the details. I did not
realize that for so long I have been risking the chance of
dying every time I closed my eyes and slept. I am currently
waiting on definite results but the doctor took one look at
my throat, and between my weight and throat opening, firmly
believes I have a severe case of it. This all came about after
one to many nights i had been caught with the ability to stop breathing, and/or I wake up a million times and how in the past few months I have become more and more tired and requiring more than normal amounts of sleep and falling asleep often. Here is a definition of it:

Sleep Apnea Apnea is the medical term for "stopping breathing." Many obese people have difficulty breathing when they sleep. The fatty tissues in the pharynx and neck can compress the airway and block it. When this occurs, the body's carbon dioxide levels rise to uncomfortable and unsafe levels. This may cause you to wake up many times throughout the night.

For this reason, patients with sleep apnea sleep very poorly,
and wake up in the morning still feeling tired. They remain
tired throughout the day, sometimes falling asleep in the
middle of a conversation or while driving.

Sure enough, the moment the specialist took a look at me,
basically made it clear that I was not allowed to drive anymore, especially long distances. This stabbed me in the spots that really hurt. I am my fathers daughter in this area and my father is a driver/traveler by heart. There is almost nothing more important to me than being able to jump in a car and drive where ever I need to go to release what daily pressures bring. I enjoy being able to escape to a mountain top to watch a sunset as i clear my heart and mind. I thank God that I have others to take me places, but sometimes you simply need to go out yourself.

Now the light at the end of this tunnel for anyone who is
granted WLS, after surgery, sleep apnea usually gets much
better. Most patients who needed to use CPAP or BiPAP machines before surgery are able to stop using them within several months after surgery. That is wonderful news to my ears. Next on my list I have dealt with for most of my life. Which explains a lot for I have been obese for most of my life, but I did not know till recently, what effects it had, and its relationship with my obesity.

Asthma:
I have spent many of my teenage and adult years grasping for more air. I have just taken on a pattern of acceptance that I will always need to hang back a little longer compared to most just to catch my breath. I have wondered if i would ever be able to breathe normally, and if my weight had anything to do with it. Through this journey of attempting WLS, I did not even consider my asthma as being a problem of obesity or cured by having WLS. But I was under educated and simply blind. But here is some information to asthma:

In people with asthma, wheezing and shortness of breath occurs when the airways in the lungs begin to close,becoming smaller and not allowing enough air to get down into the lungs. The airways may also become inflamed, which leads to mucus blocking the airways.

The researchers suggest that excess weight may put more stress and pressure on the airways in the lungs, thus causing them to close. In addition, it's possible, they say, that obesity
increases the body's reaction to substances in the environment that cause asthma, thus leading to more mucus production.

The increasing problem of obesity in the U.S. is well known.
And the list of medical problems linked to obesity continues
to grow and asthma being one of them.

A study of forty morbidly obese asthmatic patients who underwent gastric restrictive surgery more than 2 years earlier were evaluated to determine the influence of weight loss on asthma outcome. Mean percentage excess weight loss in this group was 68% and body mass index (BMI) fell from a mean of 46 to 30. Following surgery, 90% showed improvement in asthma symptoms.

Complete remission of asthma occurred in 48% and a further
12.5% became asthma free on reduced medications dosage. Of those taking daily medications for asthma before surgery,
42% were completely off medication following weight loss surgery, and another 18.5% experienced fewer asthma attacks on reduced medication dosage. Of the 22 patients with severe asthma (> 10 attacks per year) on routine daily medications for asthma preoperatively, 8(36%) required no medication after surgery, 7(32%) used medication only on an 'as-needed' basis, and 7(32%) controlled their asthma on reduced medication dosage. Five patients gained weight during the follow-up period. All developed an increased incidence of asthma attacks, which again abated after successfully losing weight following revisional surgery.

While I have dealt with obesity and asthma my whole life,
its still not impossible to overcome these issues. With WLS
there is a possibility to lose one and definitely lose the
other. Again, just another couple of positive outcomes for
me to look forward to.

Last but not least on my list of concerns is related to my
female issues.

Incontinence and Menstrual Problems:

Incontinence. Obesity is a major risk factor for urinary stress
incontinence, which causes leakage during excitement, fright,
or laughter.

Obesity is a well-documented risk factor for urinary stress
incontinence, involuntary urine loss, as well as urge incontinence and urgency among women.

Obesity is a noted risk factor associated with the stress
urinary incontinence (Bump and McClish, 1994). In a way the
mechanism of this factor is similar to the pregnancy. In both
cases the mass of uterus (in pregnancy), or fatty tissues
(in obesity) dwell on the top of the bladder squeezing it,
thus lowering the bladder volume and increasing the bladder
pressure.

When it comes to the incontinence caused by pregnancy, it
goes away after a child is born. When it comes to the incontinence caused by obesity, it usually goes away after some weight is lost.

You may try to illustrate this with a balloon filled with
water. The more you squeeze the balloon the more leak you
see. That's all that is to it. Besides, being slimmer, usually
makes people feel better, healthier, and happier.

There is an anecdotal rule to becoming dry through the weight loss you should see a substantial improvement loosing only half of what you weigh above your "standard" weight.
If your "standard" weight is 150 pounds and you
weigh 210 pounds, dropping the first 30 pounds should show
a substantial improvement.

Menstrual problems. Severe obesity triples your risk of menstrual disturbance.

(note: Obesity makes you 13 times more likely to have an overdue birth, long or induced labor, or blood loss during birth.)

Women who miss menstrual cycles-(going for longer than 90
days without a period) may have any of a variety of medical
conditions that can affect future health. A woman skipping
menstrual periods can be caused by conditions such as the
female athlete triad (a condition in which athletes miss periods, have disordered eating, and osteopenia or osteoporosis), eating disorders, brain tumors, thyroid disease, or early menopause-all of which are associated with an increased risk for osteoporosis and fractures. There is also some risk to not having your period such as a higher incidence of uterine cancer.

I personally have been dealing with both of these evils for
awhile now. I have recorded history of not having a normal
monthly period all the way back to my late teens. I have had
many tests and the doctors simply report to me that everything looks normal besides my weight, and my lack of periods is caused from being obese.

Over the past 3 or 4 years it simply has just gotten worse.
For example, I have lived in this new home that we are renting for close to 7 months now, and I have not had one period. As a matter of fact, I have been married a year and have only had one period, and that one lasted a little under 18 hours. Its frightening to learn that over years, this can develop Into something much worse, and that the weight loss from the surgery might save me from those problems, and give me a normal cycle to lead me to better future health. Also one day I would like to think I could have a child. Right now I would only have a chance to get pregnant when I am in a cycle, which as you know hardly ever happens.

My incontinence issues I have barely begun to feel open about. I have lived for several years with a daily problem of this and discharge. I can wake up in the morning, shower, put on clean clothes and to learn that I am soiled by the next time I use the restroom. Every time. By the end of the day its
is a horrible event with changing of clothes due to being
too strong of a smell or too wet to wear any longer. This
would be so wonderful to let go of once the WLS helped guide me to a better lifestyle. To lose the weight, to lose the
pressure on my bladder, to lose the daily embarrassment.

Now I could go on to list the possible future health issues
I may have if I don't take action and attempt the WLS. Some
of these issues were listed already with the above statements.

Honestly, it can only get worse, and detailing everything
from heart disease, stroke, and heart attacks, will only make
me realize how much more at risk of dying I truly am.

So here is a little bit more information on the surgery in
general and what researchers say about it. It sheds light
on the positive side of all this, and on my heart.

Oct. 12, 2004 -- Researchers say weight loss surgery is giving
people who are morbidly obese a new and healthier start on
life. At 626 pounds, 33-year-old Bo McCoy suffered from high
blood pressure, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea that were
so severe he had spent half his life sleeping with a pressurized air mask over his nose to control it - until he had weight loss surgery. McCoy is now 35, almost 400 pounds lighter, and he no longer needs the machine to sleep through the night, nor medication to control his blood pressure.

Two years ago McCoy had gastric bypass surgery. His experience is similar to that of most people who have weight loss surgery, according to the largest review ever to examine improvements in obesity-related conditions among surgery patients.

Published in the Oct. 13 issue of the Journal of the American
Medical Association, the review of more than 130 studies and
22,000 obese or morbidly obese patients shows that the vast
majority of people who have weight loss surgery experience
dramatic improvements in type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea.

Safety Reviewed for Weight Loss Surgery

"It is true that there are risks with these surgeries,"
researcher Henry Buchwald, MD, PhD, tells WebMD. "But
the risks compare quite favorably with other major surgeries.
And the risks of obesity are much greater than the surgical
risks."

In studies reviewed by Buchwald and colleagues that assessed type 2 diabetes before and after weight loss surgery, the disease completely disappeared in just under 77% of patients and it improved or resolved in 86% of patients. Improvements in cholesterol were seen in 70% of patients and high blood pressure either resolved or improved in 78% of them. In studies assessing sleep apnea before and after weight loss surgery, the condition disappeared in 86% of patients who lost weight.

"Tip of the Iceberg"

While more and more people are having weight loss surgery,
Buchwald says the number is still very low. He estimates that
between 8 and 10 million Americans are candidates for surgery, based on National Institutes of Health guidelines. Those guidelines include patients with morbid obesity, which is a BMI of greater than 40, or an individual with a BMI of greater than 35 with other health conditions such as diabetes. In these people initial treatment for weight loss, was ineffective.

"We are now operating on about 140,000 patients a year,
which is 1% to 2% of the people who qualify," he says.
"What do you think would happen if we as a nation said
we are only going to treat 1% to 2% of people with AIDS or
cancer. Surgery is the only successful method of treating
morbid obesity, but only a small number of people who need
it are getting it."

American Society for Bariatric Surgery president Harvey J.
Sugerman, MD, says there is a growing trend among insurance companies to refuse to pay for weight loss surgeries, which typically cost between $20,000 and $25,000.

"It makes no sense because the cost of treating someone
with multiple co-morbidities related to obesity is much greater," he says. "The co-morbid conditions mentioned in this study are just the tip of the iceberg."

Message From a Movie

McCoy now counsels other people who are struggling with morbid obesity.

"Surgery is not something someone should go into lightly,
he says. "But a person who is morbidly obese or even
just obese whose lifestyle has diminished to the point where
they aren't living anymore owes it to themselves to at least
consider it."

He tells WebMD that he decided to have weight loss surgery
after reflecting on a line in one of his favorite movies,
The Shawshank Redemption.

"The line was, 'You have to get busy living or get busy
dying,' and it just hit me that is what I had to do,"
he says. "My life had downgraded to an almost animal
existence because my body was so out of control. I had no
hope when I weighed 600 pounds, but I got it back when I had the surgery."

I think that is enough of that side on
obesity and WLS, lets look at this from my heart.

I have had a lifelong battle with being overweight. I can't
remember a time in my life where i was considered "normal"
when it comes to my weight. I have always been the bigger
girl in the class, the smart girl, the girl with a great smile
and is always laughing. Sometimes I wonder if that was a huge cover up for how I was really feeling inside.

I have memories of being teased and taunted for my weight
problem as far back as elementary school. Its amazing how
quickly kids discover what prejudice is about. Somehow, someone taught them that it is ok to throw rocks at kids who were not like them, how it was ok to pretend there is an earthquake when the "fat" kid comes down the hall, or that
its ok to refuse to play with the kid who would make them
lose a game of dodge ball. Life was harsh from the start for
me and my weight problem. Family life sometimes was not any easier.

You know how they say, you only hurt the ones you love, well
then I was extremely loved. I have some vivid memories of
my grandmother saying "you know fat people should be
locked up and only fed what they should eat" as I would
steal another bite of her famous banana vanilla wafer pudding.

I had aunts that would pay me to be quiet for periods of time,
or not to eat certain things that i wanted. I had a brother
who would steal my lunch money for cigarettes, which would
send me off to school to get sympathy food from my friends.
This same brother many times locked me in closets to get what he wanted out of me. He was a tough battle for me as a child. He did so many horrible things to me and my family, I wouldn't know where to begin.

I have numerous memories of my father constantly telling me
to stop being a pig, that i was too fat to ever get a boyfriend,
that I need to look like this woman or that woman, that he
was ashamed of me. It made me reach for that refrigerator
even more. It did not help that if i was not eating out with
my dad, then my choices were frozen food mostly. My mom used to slightly joke about me being her "microwave"
baby. That is because in the 80's that was what was hot on
the market, microwave everything, and she saw no danger at
the time. I don't blame her, its safer for a 10 year old to
pop something in the microwave than cooking a meal.

My mom was one of the most positive people in my life next
to my best friend then and now, misty dawn. So it did not
help that my mom left home about the time I was 7, and did
not return until I was about 13. I grew up to eventually learn
that she had excellent reasons for leaving, it was just difficult
for me to understand why at the time.

She would visit me frequently, she tended to the bills and
the major shopping, and she attended all my school programs.

But the rest of the time I was to tend to my dad, eat out
every night, do most of the light chores until my mom came
back to do the big ones, get my studies done, getting my dad
off to work, fighting off my brother, and getting myself to
school. It was not easy as a child to handle this but it absolutely taught me to be a fighter. It taught me to be independent and to mature quickly, but unfortunately, taught me to also
make food my best friend. My father was deaf, my mom was gone, my brother was mean, and I only had school, misty when we had the chance and my instant comforting friend, food.

To say that I was not active would not fit at all. Even though
I was considered obese by my primary care physician at an
early age, I still was living life. I was a tomboy and a princess
all wrapped up into one. I was feisty and I would dance all
the time to everything. I was into so many things that a girl
could want to be involved in, but still managed to hold on
to my weight problem.

As I was getting into my preteen and teenage years my mom
saw the urgency with my weight issue. She began a long road of off and on diet attempts in so many forms. She started with the change in amount of food, then we moved on to counting those good old calories. We tried the "TV dinner diet" and the famous "baby food diet". We got dancing
to the oldies by Richard Simmons, and I even later in years
tried deal a meal by good old Richard. We had a few months
of Phen Phen, that made me jittery. We started a membership at the YMCA and managed to get me on a local park and recreation swimming team. We started a few years of softball, and dance classes. We started up with ice skating, and learned quickly that I was to big to be doing tricks on those thin blades.

One fall with my head hitting the ice was enough to walk away from that one. Stating that just brought back a memory of someone who did not know me spent a lot of time one Saturday making fun of me, mocking me, as I was skating in the middle of the rink trying to learn my jump. They were far enough so I couldn't reach them, but not enough so I couldn't see them. Every time I would look up at him, he would feed on it and mock me more. Commenting on my weight and what i looked like. That was a horrible day.

We did counseling for a little while and we tried all the
hot diet pills of the 80's. The first planned meal attempt
that I remembered was Jenny Craig. This was way back when the program was different than it is now, and I know this for I attempted it again in my early twenties. Both times
I ended up gaining back more than I lost. We saw a dietitian,
we tried weight watchers, we tried body wrapping. We attempted the vegetables only diet, and that sent me back to meat eventually with a frenzy. We tried the "get in shape girl"
cassette series that I had a flowing ribbon to move and danced with and loved. We tried overeaters antonymous, we tried hypnosis tapes. We tried simply everything that came across our laps.

I managed to yo yo the scales most of my life. I would stay
within a certain range for a few years, then would gain weight again. This was a vicious cycle and the scale just slowly and almost unnoticeably, went up. I would go on a diet frenzy and lose tons of weight and get so much attention, and then slowly add it back again and even more. I was always able to out eat anyone, without realizing it. It did not help that
my mentor on eating was my father. Him taking huge bites from across the dinner table without speaking to one another until his plate was done and he wanted to sip coffee and smoke cigarettes, at some local restaurant, for longer than any child should endure. I always wanted to simply rush eating and get out of there, away from the constant almost daily boredom of restaurant chatter and smokey atmosphere.

When I was old enough to make more of my own decisions, the pressure to be in shape was more tense than ever for me. Life was moving at a faster pace than ever and had to be done quick and on demand. The local hangouts in between all the madness for us was Mc Donalds, Donut King and the 7-11 at the corner.

Regardless I was still very active participating in so many
youth groups. I was on the dance line in high school, I was
a flag girl for the Burbank Lancers Youth Band, and traveled
to so many cities to perform. I taught Sunday school and would assist in all the children's events, and eventually joined
a teen youth group that had activities like talent shows that
I would create many routines for. I can remember being in
up to 4 routines in one night. But still was very overweight
and never was the girl the boys talked about in a good way.

I would spend every summer at the pool because I absolutely
love the water and you could never get me out. Still cant
really, its just more embarrassing now. I became one of the
top swimmers until I had whiplash one year. That kind of slowed things down but not permanently. I would walk or ride my bike everywhere to meet all my friends, most of the time being a couple of miles or more. I can remember riding my beach cruiser from Burbank, California to Santa Monica just to say that I did it. I was in the school dance choir, drill team,
and even had my dance line teacher put me on a "new diet"
that was reported to drop great amounts of weight and I could still eat lots of meat. I didn't understand at the time that
I was on the track of the no carb lifestyle. I just thought
it was great she said I could eat meat all the time. So I
did the diet and lost weight and she was happy. Guess who
wasn't on the team during senior year? Yup gained it back
again.

So as I got out of school I pursued my own attempts at weight loss. I had a long term relationship with someone that gave me the freedom of not having to focus on a job full time. But instead had some free time to focus on myself. I ran through a lot of the same things as a child and teenager from calorie counting, to weight watchers, from lean cusines to good old Richard once again. But with development in more and more studies and simple self education I went even further to attempt a healthy lifestyle. I tried a no carb diet, a low carb diet. A Mediterranean diet, to a water and walking diet. That one did better than most. I simply cut out fast food, drank a lot of water and walked....to gain twice as much back after.

I went back to weight watchers, I tried a recent group American weight loss challenge with my employer, I tried hypnosis in person instead off of tapes. I tried low sugar, and low fat. I tried online group support, I tried joining a gym, I joined a gym again. I got really big into mountain biking, I tried a treadmill. I spent most of one summer at a local lake 4 days out of the week, every week just floating on a raft,
with friends or alone. I was only a few miles from home so
I never took any food. I would spend from ten in the morning
till 4 in the afternoon on this lake and not near a drop of
food. I lost weight that summer and got an awesome tan. But
the most that it did for me in the long run was relax my soul.
I gained that weight back and unfortunately had to let go
of the tan as well.

As I hit my late twenties, that long term relationship finally
ended and I was on my journey to discover my career. I knew I loved computers and I wanted to be involved somehow with them. So I moved back to my hometown, and returned to school.

Single hood brought on some weight loss, that and being broke. I then finished trade school andfocused on my journey to my career, and settling down somewhere. I ended up here in Carson city, Nevada for I have always loved it here. I have members of my family that have lived here for close to 20 years so I knew what it was about. Then I was hired at the Nevada Appeal in a position that was everything I wanted and worked for. This was an awesome opportunity for me and I took it. I love my job, I love my new friends, and even have my mother living with me. But now that I am finally here, now that I get to prove myself to so many people and to myself, I start getting some serious body signals and everything quickly changed.

Priorities changed and life takes a serious turn. I would
go into what types of things I have had to deal with, but
the reports from the doctors tells all of that. But I do need
to inform you what the doctors do not see. What I deal with
day in and day out as I fight everyday to keep living a normal
life.

I decided to walk you through a small part of a typical day
I may have, just so you get an idea of what its like to be
401 pounds.

Weekday

7:00 to 9:00 am:

Wake up to go to work. I have such a wide range because depending on how long it takes me to move in the morning from pain or how much my body needs to sleep longer from pure exhaustion.
Its not the typical sleepy teenage years where i wanted to
turn off the alarm and cover my head and pretend I never heard the darn thing. This is literally, completely worn out. Its
usually almost like I did not sleep at all, no matter what
time I aim to go to bed. And trust me, I have tried many different time frames.

Once I am able to wake myself up, my cat is usually by my
head so I will pet him a little bit. I take this time to adjust
my body to slowly get up. That is not to bad usually, but
to stand up is a whole different place. Once I get the ability
to trust that my ankles will not give out on me, I try heading
for the security of the toilet seat. This generally plays
out to see me hobbling as best as i can to get into the bathroom holding on to every wall and door frame that I can. The task of getting my bottoms down is quick, but lung troubling, as I am relieved finally to be sitting on the toilet. My ankles were clearly not as ready as I was.

Then I sit on the toilet for a bit and fight with pushing
my bladder again and again to be sure that I release anything
and everything that did not come out the first time. I wonder
during this process why I even bother sometimes, because no
matter what, it wont change what will happen during the day.
Once I have completely looked over areas of my body that are lost to me without a mirror, and be sure that there is no
new infection I need to tend to, I proceed to get in the shower.

This time my ankles are ready to go, but my feet are not as
sure anymore. The circulation in my legs suffocates when I
sit on almost any seat, let alone a low toilet. In this case
it kind of made the tops of my feet a little purple, that
cant be a good thing. I get up and head into the shower. We
have sliding glass doors in our bathroom, and being renters
its staying that way. To be sure that I do not go crashing
into doors and tile, I always hold onto the top frame as I
slowly lift my legs over and into the tub, one by one. I always
try to be sure one leg is completely steady before I move
the other. I often ask myself "what would happen if the
frame broke?" I sigh in relief that this was not the
time I am going to find out. I reach for the shower head,
which is one of those that you hold and is extended, and thank god I have it. Without it, I would never be able to be completely clean. I go through the process of showering, but do so very carefully, slowly and wisely. Again, the tiles and door do not seem very friendly.

Once I am done with showering, the process for getting ready for work is pretty much the same. I just have to take sit
down breaks all morning while I am getting ready. Eating is
one of them, which my mom prepares for me to save me time and pain. She sometimes can barely stand to see me breath as heavy as I do when I am active, so she tries to help when she can. I seem to run out of breath more and more each day.

9:00 am to 5:00 pm

This is the time period I try to deal with work. I work for
a newspaper with a lot of daily pressures, but like I said
I love my job. I do tend to sit at a computer all day and
will make a point to walk around the building 3 to 4 times
a day. This is because during the past year, I have had some
severe circulation issues while sitting. This happens a lot
now, home or work it does not matter. Going for this walk
is not easy, but i refuse to give in to the pain. By the time
i return back to my desk, I am barely able to talk due to
breathing so hard. And, the downfall is I had stopped 2 to
3 times during this short distance of walking. My back, lungs
and ankles wouldn't have it any other way.

I try to hold off my entire day at work, stay until 5 pm,
but this is something that has become less frequent due to
how exhausted i become, how much pain my legs and back get in, how many different doctors appointments I have had to tackle my many ailments, to simply not being able to sit up
anymore. I feel most comfortable now in my bed or on my couch when it comes to easing the pain.

So I prepare to drive back home, and this is a task in itself.
As I look around myself to make sure no one is going to witness such an ordeal, I open my truck door. After making sure the steering wheel is up all the way, I begin loading the truck passenger seat with my personal items. It would be impossible to get in first without doing so. Then as i grab the top of the wheel with my left hand, i step in with my right foot and count on the steering column to be almost my entire strength. I often worry about the day my husband starts to notice that the column is coming loose and does not understand why.I lift myself up into the seat as gently as a person like me can, with both hands on the wheel now.

All the while smothering my stomach under the wheel, and shifting my weight side to side to make sure my behind is all on the seat evenly and not spilling over. I only have about a half a inch to spare all together, so it has to be just right.
Then the realization comes over me that the door has to be
shut still. I lean out the truck to grab the inside door handle
as quickly as i can, meanwhile holding my breath the entire
time. Its hardly possible to breathe when I am leaning that
far. Then just as fast, I use my body weight and lunge myself
to the right as much as possible and use that force to make
the door finally shut. I sit up again, taking a few moments
to breathe deep to catch up to a normal pace again, meanwhile feeling how snug i am in the seat with the door shut. I start to wonder why the process to get a seat belt extender is difficult, as I prepare to drive without one. Instead, I shift the seat belt connector from the back of my thigh, then towards the front, trying to find that spot that hurts the least.

Driving is ok, until I need to make turns and especially
at corners. I am wondering how long before I cant turn the
wheel anymore at all due to how my arms take up so much room along with my tummy. I get home, same process getting out but its a little easier.

I think you have a good idea at this point how difficult
it is to live a normal lifestyle with super morbid obesity.
I could not even believe that this was a classification level,
let alone that I fell under it. I thought if you were obese,
that was it. No other terms or levels.

The day I realized I was on the level of being so obese there
was no other name past it, was pretty eye awakening. That
was shortly after Dr. Jensen had told me that I have a long
battle to save my life. He even mentioned WLS to me lightly
at the time and I said, "OHH No" and I proceeded
to learn more about my illness. I was terrified and wanted
to change my life. I did the great american weight loss challenge, I did the Mediterranean diet, I did water and exercise, I cut out fast food, I joined the local community center in Carson city and started swimming, i went swimming and camping at blue lakes, a lot. Another year or do later and here I am, heavier than I was then.

All the while Dr. Kevin Jensen lost his building due to a
non medical lawsuit. I was devastated. He was one of the most patient, kind, detailed, and caring doctor's I have ever had the blessing to know. It is doctor's like him that make other doctors who work just as hard to care and succeed...proud. He would never start a session without a hug first. His eyes were kind, and full of life. He saw things a lot different than most of us do walking around rushing through our lives everyday.

I do not think he realizes this today but he taught me some
very valuable lessons. He taught me that we go through life
so blindly, we don't realize what we take for granted year
after year. We never allow ourselves to grow in a way that
is optimum health, emotionally, spiritually, physically, or
mentally. He taught me that no one could ever smile enough.
The most amazing part of this is he did this without saying
any of it. It was his way of living and it showed. Once he
no longer was practicing I begun to dig a bit on him at the
newspaper i work for, and come to find out an amazing story
that life brought upon him and what kind of person it turned
him into. I recall him lightly mentioning once to me about
a life changing experience but I had no idea how extreme it
was. That man truly was humble and full of love. An angel
to many.

I never had a chance to thank him. The last time I saw him
it was my wedding day. He came to see me at the church and
gave me a gift and a hug right after we walked out of the
chapel. I never saw him again.

There we go, that is a moment i took for granted. I had no
clue that the week I returned from my honeymoon would be the week I received a letter saying he was no longer able to practice. I was so busy with wedding madness, I barely was able to hug him, let alone tell him what I thought he has done for me. He smiled, and had that happiness in his eye for me on my wedding day, and never said a word or gave me a hint when i said "see you soon" and we hugged goodbye.

Since then, I have realized that this is one of those situations
where it happened for a reason, you just didn't see it coming.
I went looking for a new doctor and was extremely happy when I found Dr. Phillip Aldrich. Even though he doesn't hug me (yet) he is extremely educated and very kind. If I had to
pick anyone to fill Jensens shoes it would be him. He is an
awesome doctor with a staff of incredible people.

He also began to look over my past and like Dr. Jensen spoke
of WLS. This time i had learned enough over the past year
to know what he was talking about. On my last journey of attempting a better lifestyle, I also learned about obesity and how it affects a body, especially the issues that were staring me in the face. I thought the more I knew, maybe the more I could understand the functions of it all. Let alone learn to put
a little fear in myself with reality to move into higher gear.
But I did not study much about how WLS could help eliminate
obesity and my health concern. I did not know the bad and
good of the entire procedure itself, or how it was done. I
decided to throw myself into it as much as I have everything
else this past couple of years.

After months and months of intense research, I have decided
that WLS is what i have to do. Being 401 lbs, and failing
at a lifetime of attempts to a healthier life, I don't have
many choices. I know my habits and my patterns for my entire life have led me here and I know that I am not that 3 to 5 % that lose 100 lbs and keep it off without WLS.

The actual day that i came to realization that this is what
i wanted and needed to do, i spent the entire day online at
work between both obesityhelp.com and the western surgical
group site. I spent all day registering, reading, looking
at before and after photos, and most of all crying. I closed
my office door and was praying none of the upper management would walk in for It would be so embarrassing. It would of been obvious that i had something on my mind. I did.

Watching my weight shoot high in the past year, having borderline diabetes, having cholesterol levels around 300 and my triglycerides through the roof, i realized something needs to be done before its to late. I just began to live my wonderful life, but yet every single day I fight with the fear of dying due to super morbid obesity.

Hearing the doctors tell me that I am a walking time bomb
and within the next 5 to 10 years i will have a heart attack
or stroke, all these things add up and weigh pretty heavy
on the soul.

I am going to close this letter with a mixed list of things
I want to do again, things I want to do I never have, and
things that I cant do due to being super morbidly obese. To
give you all of my I wants you would have to read for the
rest of your life, so i will give you a few:

I want to sit on my mountain bike again without the tire
going flat, let alone ride downhill without grasping for breath
(yes i used to ride downhill fast, even at a heavy weight
of 300 lbs, but now cant even fathom the thought)

I want to dance like i used to, and i don't mean out dinner
dancing or club dancing I am talking stage ....I am a ham...a
spotlight lover...a love of music and movement...by all means.

I miss that about me. I would indulge in my passion even being heavy in the past, but now my body has refused to let me move in that manner anymore. To stand in a shower for 15 minutes is a difficult task for me now, let alone spinning across stage and leaping in the end.

I want to get in my truck to go play in the mud or climb
some rocks without having to squeeze my belly to fit behind
the steering wheel, or its unsafe with either falling asleep or being so shoved into the driver seat, and i want to stop being afraid of cops that follow me because i don't have a seat belt on because i cant get it on, i think i fear the embarrassment of them testing it, or even knowing that is the reason I am not wearing one as opposed to getting the actual ticket.

I want to ride a horse... again... and again and again.

I want to sit in any office chair without having circulation
cut off from the sides pressing too hard.

I want to be able to wipe myself normally after i go #2 and
not have to go into a handicapped bathroom just so i have
enough width in the stall to be able to lean over far enough
to wipe myself. I am getting closer everyday to the point
where i wont be able to wipe myself at all anymore, no matter what stall I am in.

I want to be able to shop at lane bryant again let alone
a regular store. I am not able to shop even at the local plus
size stores, i have to go online and order so i get things
that are big enough.

i want to be able to help my mom in her old age, right now
she is caring for me instead, she has done that her whole
life, i need to be healthier so that i can do the same for
her and let her rest.

I want to NOT be so exhausted and dizzy and barely breathing just from food shopping that i have to sleep, that is not normal.

I want to have normal sex. Right now its
very rare for fear of my heart and breathing and when I do
its restricted and repetitive and not nearly as exciting.

Oh my i want to be able to go to a party, a doctors office,
on an airplane, to a concert, visit a restaurant or even a
local movie without having to fear if i will fit in the chairs
or not. I have many times had to sit on the floor or stand
as long as i could because I could not fit. I am getting to
the point if I don't know the place well I wont go at all.
Or investigate ahead of time to be sure.

I want to make it up to my best friend that I couldn't be
her maid of honor last month because I have hit a point where its unhealthy for me to travel and the dress was near impossible to upsize for me. She is 500 miles away and was counting on me for 20 years to be standing by her side. Like she was at mine. She understands, but i would be lying if i said it didn't hurt either of us. But her request to make up for it was to just be around for their 30 year anniversary. To make things better.

I want to ride my motorbike again....I loved that feeling.

I want to be able to go to Disneyland again, i am a child
by nature and have a sick fascination for everything Disney
and swear that i was a Disney princess in some life. I was
raised in southern California and went to disneyland many
times every year... and have not been in about 6 or 7 years...and now wouldn't even think of embarrassing myself to try to get on a ride... let alone the fear of not being able to walk around all day like i used to. Many people in my life used
to joke that i would walk into disneyland and do hurdles over
the kids.....now i could barely walk down main street if i
tried.....oh i miss that place.

I want my knees to stop giving out on me. I never had knee
trouble until about the past 4 months and I have been seeing
some serious signs of one of them about to go. My weight has begun to take its toll on my knees and its starting to flare
up really harsh at times.

I want to have a kid one day, right now would be impossible.
For so many reasons related to obesity.

I want to tie my shoe laces and have them on top, not off
to the side because i have to put my shoes on from an angle.
That or stop asking my family for help. I feel like I have
gone back to the age of 2 and had to have help with tying
my shoes.

I want to sit in a bathtub and not have the water overflow
because i sat in it... that is if i even can fit in that tub.
To be able to shave my legs on a normal basis, to be able
to see areas of my body that have become foreign to me after years of hiding...

I want to be able to dress myself easier. Its amazing how
long it takes me now to put on my clothes for work, and what
I have to do to make it happen. I never thought it would be
so hard to put on a pair of pants.

I want to stop having to sit down every few moments I attempt any task. If I begin a project, I have to make sure I take enough times to "break" every little bit, so that
I can get my task completed.

I want to be able to walk through the grocery store or wash
dinner dishes without having to lean on the basket or sink,
because my lower back can not take standing any longer.

I want to stop having to weeble wabble... i feel myself switch
my weight all the time as i walk... i never noticed that so
much before...but now i do it all the time.

I want to get off of my medications and not have another reason in the future to have to take many more

I want to share and teach others on the whole experience.

I want to cross my legs. I want to wear panthose with heels.
Being able to shave my legs would be fantastic too!

I want to be able to go to a spa party with the girls at work
and not worry if i can reach my feet or not while everyone
else has no problem.

I want to take up only half of the doorway instead of all
of it.

I want to stop having pain in my hips. There are times where
I have to lay down to ease the strain.

I want to stop a heart attack. I have had many signs of passing pains in areas of my body that I should not be. I have had tightness, ache, strain, and pure chilling pain. I have gone to the emergancy on a few, but most I give it a moment to see what is going to happen. This has grown more frequent with the higher weight.

I want to swing from a tree.

I want to swim with dolphins.

I want to be able to be a big sister, or mentor in some type
to someone who needs guidance.

I want to take on some of the household chores that I now
sit and watch my family do.

I want to be able to cut my own toenails, I cant reach at
the moment. Or to even put lotion on normally.

I want to be able to buy shoes in a normal store. I tend to
have to look for mens shoes or order online with a specialty
store.

I want to feel healthier, I want to breathe easier, I want
to walk farther, I want to be able to talk and walk a flight
of stairs at the same time, I want to see my grand kids, I
want to be here for my mom, I want to run with my dog, I want to hike a mountain, I want to fly to different places of the world, I want to never have another rock thrown at me again, I want to sing better by breathing easier, I want to walk lighter and not worry about making to much noise from my heavy steps to people below, I want to do a backbend, I want to leap through the air again, I want.....

I WANT TO LIVE

Well, since i last posted i called for all my
medical paperwork from the past, and i have all of it in my hands except one and that is ok. I will get it eventually.
I also made my appointment to see dr ganser on 12/23/04. What a christmas present! :)

I also have my psycological assesment on 12/20/04. So that will be complete when i see the ganser, and shortly after on 12/27/04 i will have my nutritional assessment. *whew* I even found out from my insurance co what they require for proof to evaluate for the WLS.

What I found amusing is that the woman i spoke
to immediatley told me its very hard to get approval and continued to convince me that diets work and all along i was thinking to myself "so this means you HAVE approved the WLS before" smiled. It may be a long road and a tough fight but, I wont give up. It was somewhat inspiring to hear her give me that clue. She started to tell me that i have to supply basically everything that i was told through WSG and all the studying I have done online. So that made me happy too. Made me feel that this may not so far out of reach for me.

I also have begun the issues with "society" and their thoughts on this surgery (it doesnt help that i cant keep my mouth shut and i can just talk forever about it) and have swung my bat at each negative comment and hit it back outfield. :)

Ok im stopping here, im exhausted and have to get some sleep.

MOJO

Well here i begin my long road to the losing side. I have heard that phrase a lot as I am reading profile after profile. It makes me realize that much more how different it is being a post op. I know that WLS is what i have to do. Being close to 400 lbs, maybe even more, (i dont know for everytime i see my doc i cant get on the scale because it stops at 350...and makes me feel like im the most embarrassing thing on this planet) I dont have many choices. I know my habits and my patterns for my entire life have led me here and I know that I am not that 3 to 5 percent that lose 100 lbs and keep it off without WLS.

Regardless, all that does not make me have a roller coaster of emotional issues any less. The actual day that i came to realization that this is what i wanted and needed to do... i spent the entire day online at work between both this site and the western surgical group site where i have choosen to have my surgery) ...and did not get a drop of work done. Luckliy noone could tell :)

I spent all day registering, reading, looking at before and afters, and most of all crying. I closed my office door and spent so much time crying I was praying none of the upper management would walk in for I would be so embarrased. My eyes were swollen and red, and it was obvious that i had something on my mind.

I did.

I have heard about this surgery for close to 2 years now, and i witness Tammy for a little over a year just have wonderful success with the WLS. She started working in our company about a year after she had LAP RYN, from the same surgeon, Dr. Ganser, and has become a wonderful friend.

I also caught up with an aunt, with whom i had lost touch with for about 9 years. She as well 4 1/2 years ago had LAP RYN from the same surgeon. She went from over 500 lbs to under 200 lbs. She is doing fantastic! She was not the same person that i remembered 9 years ago. She has hit a phase though of eating more than she has in a long time and put some weight back on.

A third wonderful woman in my life...also another co-worker, had the LAP RYN from Dr. Ganser as well and she WAS working at our company at the time of her surgery. So same insurance, so hopefully same approval. I watched her over the past year melt away her last life. She is doing amazing.

After saying all that, watching my weight shoot up 80+ pounds in one year, having borderline diebietes, having cholerstrol at 300 and my tryclierites through the roof, I realized something needs to be done. Also recent pictures of myself that i can hardly look at, the constant pain, hearing the doctor tell me that im a walking time bomb, within the next 5 to 10 years i risk a heart attack or a stroke....... all add up to weigh pretty heavy on the soul.

Well since that day i actually felt so much better and very excited to what my future holds. I just want to be healthy again. I want to be able to wake up and go on adventure after adventure.

Today my emotions took a different turn, from excitement to pure fear. Not enough to change my mind in any way, but i found the memorial page. I think that says it all. I also saturated myself in the "regret" forums. I copied and pasted every word i did not understand on one sheet, and everything that anyone had complications or died from i copied as well.

I am not lying when i tell you that i did this from 9 am this morning until 3 pm in the afternoon, then returned to this at 5 pm and its now hitting midnight. I want this sheet in hand when i meet the surgeon, for i will be asking.

Everything that i collected i want to know the risks, chances, and definition of. So i read every detail and downfall so far. I have much more studying to do. BUT this made me cry a lot today, out of fear and out of pure symphathy for some of these wonderful people who just wanted a second shot at life and didnt make it. I had a couple that sent me to pure sobbing, because it just didnt seem fair. It hurts to be where we are, it hurts to know this life and to see someone make all the right moves and try so hard for so long to make it right, just to have something terrible happen to them tears me up. And im afriad in the end it WILL kill me. But again, im dying now, and i know it wont change otherwise.

I think that says it all. BUT i think im happy i found that information now before i have even been to my first appointment, as opposed to finding it a month before my surgery. Let me tell you when I am really close to my surgery, I am going to run from the memorial page and the regret forums sections with a passion. I am going to look at every before and after picture and I am going to talk to everyone so much here in the message boards and at home, and just make life happen. Make it important. I need to walk into this with a head full of positive thoughts.

I am having this surgery. I will die if i do not. So i guess taking the chance of dying if i DO live longer, doesnt seem so bad. I may have to go back and read how im feeling TODAY the night before my surgery huh?? The good lord knows I will be shaking and worried ....about any and all of the possible complications that night.

I have just read some of this posting and realize for one posting i have done plenty. It is late but my feelings are just pouring from me and I am jumping from subject to subject. I will end this but know that I admire every single person who is attemting or completed their WLS. It is not an easy task to take on. Dont ever listen to anyone if they say you took the "easy way out", nothing about this new lifestyle is easy, and everything about this decision is very brave and admirable.

MOJO