dfortney1

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I am mentally much better now!!!!!!  After writing a letter to my Md, I felt much better.  I saw my Md yesterday, and he gave me another fill, this time he did the fill and he himself had a hard time.  However after a few moments he got in the port, was able to draw out .7 cc's of fluid, so we now know they were just missing and the port/band is okay and does hold fluid.  He gave me a total of 2.25cc's.  I do have more of a feeling of fullness now.  I can tell when I have eaten just enough.  I am very pleased now, and I do not feel crazy.  I have made another appointment for 4 weeks from today.  Lets see if I can lose 8-10 lbs.  I did not lose any weight this week, but lets see if this fill changes that.

I really have to thank my husband, daughter, mom, and co-workers.  If it had not been for them and there support, I would have just given up.
So, I hope if anyone else reads this, learn from me, keep trying!!!!

I am 8 weeks post-op.  I had my Upper GI / Barium Swallow yesterday.  It went well, my throat does not have anything stuck in it, however we did find out that after 2 so called fills my band looks just like it did the day of surgery.  I had a full cup of liquid barium and 2 barium tablets, they are the size of a chewable tums.  Shocking again, they went down just fine!!!!!!!!!!  So I am not craxy, ZERO restriction.  Then after that experience, I went to see the MD.  After reviewing everything, he stated that mabybe I was correct and they just missed the port the last 2 times.  HELLO, is that not what I said for the last 4 weeks!!!!  Lord knows why listen to the patient with the needle in her stomach!!!!!.
So, after another 3 sticks, they put in 1cc and shocking again, this time I did not feel the water rush across my stomach under the skin.
However, as always ZERO restriction.  I was told to call Thrusday or Friday and let him know if I have any restirction, but I think I am done.
I am angry, in pain and most of all TIRED of not being heard.  

If anyone thinks is is not a emotionally challenging situtation they are crazy.  You prepare yourself to face the worse, you follow all of the rules and still the band does not do it's part(only because the humans controlling the port can't get in and will not listen).  I have read about people who state that the band is doing it's job, but they are not folowing the rules.  I have follwed all the rules, kept all of my appointment, journals and weigh weekly.  Yet, I am doing this all on my own because I never feel full, I just fight the hunger because I know everyone is watching what I put in my mouth.

In this very trying time, I have had alot of support from my husband and close friends.  However, you can only be told so many times, be proud of yourself your doing this on your own.  I did not have a $18,000 dollar procedure, take 2 week off work, six months of nutritional counseling and testing, wait an additonal 6 months for insurance approval to DO THIS ON MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please keep me in your prayers, that I am given the strenght and guidance to get thru this situation, because, as for now I have given up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well fill #2 sucked!!!!!!! First off, I think the fellow that did the fill missed, as I felt fluid flow across my belly under my skin. Second, when he went to take out the previous 1cc fill --Shocking--- nothing came out, bone dry. So someone tell me where that 1cc went, and where are his 2cc's. I was told to call Friday if I still felt zero restriction. I will be calling tomorrow, (Thursday).  As for the feeling of something stuck in the back of my throat, will I am told it is probably a  muscle or nerve that is being irritated by the band. Okay, I accept this answer, however, not having any restriction after the 2nd fill and a dry retrivial of the first fill, I AM NOT HAPPY.

Will update after call to MD tomorrow.

7 weeks post-op and  as disgusted as possible!!!  I have gained another pound.  I started on all liquids again until I can be evaluated.  I have called my MD and he is having me come in tomorrow for another fill.  I have to also tell him that for the last 5 days I feel like I have something stuck in the back of  my throat, not sure what this is all about, but whatever it is, it does not stop me from eating or swallowing.  I know that it takes a lot to get to that sweet spot.  All I am asking for is 2 week in a row of losing!!!!!!! 

 

Went to my parents this weekend, while my daughter visited my ex-husband and his family.  My parents are in Florida visiting my sister.  I can honestly say that, I will never go alone again.  It brought back so many old feeling and bad memories.  My childhood was great, but life after graduation and marriage NO SO MUCH.  It certainly made me more thankful for my life now!!!!!

 

Well, until tomorrow after the fill.

I am 6 weeks post op today.  All is well, I still have okay restriction, I felt GREAT restriction for the first 5 days.  It is still more restriction than I had before the first fill, but I could still use a little more.  I have a fill appointment in 2 weeks, so I will ask for 2 cc's this time.
I had a  horrible time with food this weekend, we had a snow storm on Friday and I spun my truck around, so I was a bundle of nerves.  I was in a horriable accident 3 years ago and it brought back all of those feelings.  I tried shoveling snow for an hour to get rid of all of my aggression, but I still went into the house and ate a whole box of Girl Scout cookies.  Then Saturday morning, after all of the road where cleared, we went to my husband parents about 3 hours away to celerbrate their birthdays and I had birthday ice cream cake.  ( It was GOOD).
So now that I have had my sugar rush this weekend, I am going to be good.  I lost another two pounds this week and I only have 5 more to go to reach my first goal of 250, by the end of March.

I received my first fill yesterday.  I received 1cc, and for all of you fellow chickens out there, it was a breeze.  It did not hurt at all and I am a big CHICKEN when it comes to needles.  The fill went well, and my Dr. states that I am doing great.  I have a very different oppinion about this!!
I have been told that any weight lost before your first fill is a bonus.  So here is hoping that my 23 lb bonus keeps getting bigger.  

I can tell a difference since my fill.  I have a slight pressure in my back between my shoulder blades, and I have a funny tight feeling when I swallow.
I hope these are  all signs that my band is happy and that it wants to assist me in losing more weight.  My short term goal is to be at 250lbs by March 31st!!!!!!

I must say I am feeling mentally much better.  I was very down for several weeks.  I started to feel like myself again around Saturday 3-10-07 .  I am still not sure why I was so down, I really think I just expected to much out of the first couple of weeks post-op and was just disappointed with the band and myself.  Then I realized that I should be HAPPY, I am down 23lbs not bad, I have been exercising everyday 
for at least 15 mins and some days twice a day, and I have been doing 30 ab lounge crunches everyother day.  I have gone from a 3x-4x scrubs which I wear at work to 2x scrubs and if it was not for my lower belly I could probably get in to a 1x.  I have changed from a 26 pants to a 22 pants.  I guess all in all for 5 weeks I am doing OKAY!!!!!

I had my post-op appointment today.  Just as I expected, he said I am doing great and that my weight loss is good.  He said it was to early for a fill and that I have to wait another 2 weeks.  So my first fill will be March 13th.  He said it is okay that I have ZERO restriction and that as long as the weight is coming off, BE HAPPY.  

I am happy, I would just like to see more of a weight loss daily.
However I must not be giving the impression that I am happy, because I have had 2 good friends at work ask if I was okay or if I needed to talk.   I am okay, not GREAT just okay.  I keep having the these sad spells, I feel as if I am going to cry, the tear well up in my eyes but I do not cry.  

I just need to start being okay with me, which I'm not.  I need to start being proud of my accomplishments as little as they are when it comes to the weight loss and exercise.

Husband and I talked last night, we are okay.  It just seems we both expect to much from one another when it comes to fullfilling each others personal needs and our needs as a couple.  It really seems workimg 48 +hours each per week  and my daughter's needs and activiteis take alot of our time.  After listening to his side of the what he feels is wrong, ( I am not meeting his expectations as a wife and lover), I promised myself that I would make a honest effort to be a better partner.  I just find it very hard to give of myself when I have trouble giving to myself.   I really do not want to shut down emotionally, like I have done in my past relationships.  My life is 95% Great and that other 5% is only bad because I am overweight, and I am not personally fiancially free until April 2008.  Hopeful by April 2008,  I will weight less than 180lbs and be fiancially FREE.

Well, off to get a salad. 

Well where to begin:
Surgery went well, other than catching the FLU from someone in the
hospital.   The Flu hit me about midnight Wednesday night.  Other than that all went exactly as expected.

Week one POST-OP:  Not so much fun.  Reason one, this was the week the big snow hit PA and I was trying to recover and had my 8 yo old daughter at home all.  My husband took his car to ths shop for repair and I had NO car to go anywhere.  Not that the road were passable anyway.  Just the thought of being stuck makes me CRAZY.
I lived thru the week, not to say I way a joy to be around, but my family and I all made it thru the ordeal.
As for the Band, well I have 0--ZERO restriction.  I can drink, I can eat!!

Week two Post-OP--Back to work, Love being back to work!!! I am a working person, to stay home makes me CRAZY!!  I am however already sick of the question--HOW MUCH HAVE YOU LOST,  & ARE YOU HAPPY YOU DID THIS???  I think people expected me to come back after 2 weeks and be a size 6-- even tho I told everyone it is about a 2lbs loss per week.
Band okay, still 0-ZERO restriction.  Called the doctor, told this is very normal and to hang in there, as long as I am losing weight, all is GOOD.  Maybe good by standard, but not good for me, I am having issues with the not feeling full.  I did this so that I did not over eat,
I have never been a person that could say I am hungery, I just ate because I could.  I was so hoping that the band was going to give me that full feeling to help eliminate the ablility to over eat. and make me more aware I was full and did not need anything else.

Week three Post -op: Doing well see the Doctor tomorrow 2/27, Still have 0-ZERO restriction!!!!!!!!  I am still losing weight. according to my scale from my higest weight of 280 I am at 256.  I can tell in my clothes that I am losing inches.  We measures me before I started the liquid diet and then again yesterday 2/25 and I have lost a total of 9 inches.

I so hope for a fill Tomorrow 2/27, but I am sure it will not happen as I am not far enough Post op.
Daughter doing well, being very thoughtful and she is a great support when I exercise---very funny!!
My husband is a doing well, very supportive with the surgery and exercise.  We bought a new treadmill and a recumbent bike.  I am doing okay with the exercise thing.  I have never found exercise FUN, I hope this changes over time, as I will need to exercise the rest of my life. 
Husband and I  have had a hard time personally,  the last couple of weeks.  Not exactly sure why, we just seem to be rubbing each other the wrong way.  We are a GREAT couple and this to will pass.  We just need to sit and talk, and finding the time between our busy schedules and my daughters schedule is hard.  Maybe tonight!!!!!!!!!

I will update after doctor appointment 2/27.

It is the day before my surgery.  I am working a 16 hour shift.  This is not the smartest thing I have every done!!!  I took the shift to keep my mind off of tomorrow.  Well, let me tell you, this is not working, I only want to be home with my husband and child.  So, if you have a chance to work the day before your surgery and you think this will keep you mind off of the things to come, trust me DO NOT WORK!!!!

Everything is going well, I am on the last day of the liquid fast, only today everything I drink, you must be able to see thru, clear liquid only.
I just took my 12 noon Lovenox shot, it is the blood thinner, did not hurt .  
I have asked my parents to stay  home, they live 4 hours away.  I am being very selfish, but it is only because I am such a worrier when it comes to my parents.  They are being very supportive and staying home, I know that they would prefer to be here!! I love them for respecting my wishes!!

We have to be at the hopstial at 7:15am, our good friend Jen is coming over to get our daughter off to school.  Then are other good friend Deb is going to pick her up after school, feed her dinner and then bring her to the hospital to see me.  We are so very blessed!!! We have several really great friends.

Well, I guess this the the last blog until I am on the losing side!!
Thank you everone for the prayers, well wishes and support.
My co-workers have been wonderful!!!  My daughter is the best when it comes to keeping mommy on her toes!!!!  As, for my Husband,  he is the heart and soul that keeps me grounded and stable,  I have truly found the man God intended me to with!!!!!!  Lots of Love to all!!!!THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I am 5 days into the required 8 day liquid fast.  I am getting by, however I have for the first real time figured out the difference between head hunger and physical hunger.  I am not physically hungery, if I was then I would eat the slim fast shakes and chicken broth non-stop.
I am not doing this, I am thinking about food and my mind wants food, but by body dose not require this food.
All is well, my little girl is wonderful and she is being very supportive, a little needy, I just think she is scared for me.  My husband has been GREAT, he brought me flowers on the third day of my fast just to say GOOD JOB!!!!
I have lost 7 lbs in the last 5 days on the liquid diet and a total of 18lbs since November 2006 when I weighed my highest 280.