Robin Pautz

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i can't believe its been 5 years since my new life begin. I have had many ups and down and even a 44 lbs weight gain but I am very happy to say as of right now today I am the lowest I have ever been and feel amazing. In January of this year I was back in a size 14 and pushing a 16 and now I'm in a size 4! It's been a lot of hard work, reprogramming and probably not always eating but they fix our pouch not our brain right? but either way I have lost all my regain in just a few months. So many people ask if I would do it again and I always say this.......I had no choice as I was about to give up on love, life, happiness and myself so yes I would because it saved me. After all these years I finally understand it is only a tool that was given to me and its up to me to use it the right way. I'm never turning back and will continue to use my too, to live a very happy healthy life! God give me only one life and I'm going to enjoy every breath.

Wow, I cannot believe I am 1 year post op already. I still look at my self in the mirror and wonder if I will ever see who is looking back and who is that hot chick anyways. LOL My appt with Darla and Dr. Jeff went wonderful! After talking to them and getting a great pep talk I realized I am to hard on myself and need to give myself more credit for how far I have came.  I thank God everyday that I have had no  complications except for an ulcer but we think it was there before surgery anyways. Life has not always been easy this past year but with the support of my wonderful husband and family, I have made through the 1st year of the new me. 
      ME........who is me? that is what I struggle with at times. Before surgery I knew who I was and where I wanted to go, that was easy because my only goal for many years was to get back on my diet, loose weight  and get back into my size 10 jeans. Well guess what? I can wear a size 8 sometimes a 5!. It's sounds wonderful(and it is don't get me wrong) but when all you thought about for years was to be skinny and feel pretty again and to finally have all that plus some, plays a number with your mind.  I do love who I am and I will admit I walk down the mirror isle at Target just to look at my butt (my husband now knows just to head there) I just wish my mind would forget about the old me but Dr. Baker says I need to give it more time and it will come.
My Marriage could not be any stronger, my kid's love the new Mom, and friends and family are always there.......... I am very blessed to have a second chance at life.
                                                        DR. Jeff Baker............THANK YOU!!! :)

Well this morning I went to see Darla my nurse for my 6th month post op and everything went great except I was told I need to exercise more which I already knew but when you work 8-10 hr days and have a family waiting for you it is still hard for me to put me 1st when I have never done that before. I don't want to sound like I am making an excuse because I know what needs to be done, I just need to figure out how to take care of me without feeling guilty.

Wow, I cannot believe I am 6 months post op already.....I am down to 156lbs as of this morning and feeling great!!  my journey so far has had very few bumps in it and I am very grateful. I have dumped only 2x's but that is surely enough! LOL
My brain is starting to see the difference and for the 1st time in my life I love shopping. I am still battling with wanting comfort clothes though and just starting to dip into wearing tighter clothes(my daughter now goes shopping with me) This by far has been the best time of my life and looking forward to the rest of it. I stood in front of the mirror naked this morning looking at my flaws and then I stopped and said to myself"God has given me a second chance to live a happy life so stop looking at flaws and start looking at the beautiful me". I then looked and saw how much thinner my waist,thighs,arms,butt,hips and neck have gotten and for once my brain saw it to. Might sound funny but today on my 6th month I finally see the skinny me.

Ok I am 1 day away from being 5 month's post op and I think I had my 1st dumping. I tried to make my own protein shake this morning........I am proud to say I have a VERY supportive husband who makes my shakes for me everyday but today I wanted to do it myself. I did everything right except I guess I added like a quarter cup peanut butter instead of a tablespoon and after about 20 minutes my pouch(she has a name but it's a naughty one) started to hurt and I felt lightheaded, sweaty, hot, dizzy, mouth watering, bending over pain. This lasted for about and hour and half. I never had to run to the bathroom though but I wished I would have. This was HORRIBLE!!! and I will never add that much again. I guess I knew it would happen to me sooner or later and I'm sure it won't be the last but the rest of my day was nothing but lot's of water and liquid protein so that my pouch could relax from the trauma I put it through.
On a more positive note............I have found this wonderful group of friends that meet every sat morning and what a blessing they are. I now know that I will truly succeed with the help and support that I get from all of them.
Robin

OMG! I was about ready to get depressed but guess what? I lost 3 pounds this week which means I am out of my rut and feelin great.  Now I fully understand why you have to see a shrink before surgery....You HAVE to be a strong person to handle this for sure. I am also taking full responsibilty for my plateau because I have now realized that I was making poor choices without thinking about it.
This is a learning experience and I know 1 year from now I will look back at this blog and say to myself "good for you Robin for staying strong".
:)

Ok.......... my emotions are out of wack, my hair loss is in full force, and I am not loosing weight like I was. What is going on? I know I could exercise more but other then that I am not eating more then I should be (I will admit I cheated once recently and to my surprise nothing happened) but that would not cause me to hit a plateau. I hope this is normal. Today I pushed myself and went for a 10 mile bike ride and starting tomorrow I think I will cleanse myself and do a 3 day liquid to start fresh. 
Tomorrow is a new day.

Well I walked into the office yesterday not knowing if I was doing good or bad and also ready to be honest that I haven't really been exercising like I should. Well to my surprise I am at 60% and doing GREAT! I was even told I could eat a little more, so I spent my morning worrying for nothing and walked out of there feeling pretty darn good. When you read and hear that this is a life change, you really can't understand it until you start living it, seeing it, and feeling it but what's funny is that when I look in the mirror I still do not see what everyone else is seeing. I see me...just not the smaller me yet but I have been told that will come in time. My emotions are starting to change and they are hard to get a grasp on right now so I will be seeing my MD soon to help me through this time. I hope this is normal.
So far I have not had any major issues (just some leg cramping and hand muscle tightening) and only had 1 thing clog but that was my error not chewing enough. This has been the hardest and also the best decision I have ever made and I am looking forward to a long HEALTHY life.

OMG!!! this morning I got on the scale an it read 199.4. I jumped up and down and screamed I woke my whole family up who thought something bad just happened. After a few moments I started to cry happy tears because for once in my life I can say goodbye to the 200 plus pound Robin and hello to the healthier, skinny  happy Robin. I am on such a high from all these emotions that I never realized how unhappy I was. Well I just had to share this great new's with everyone.

OK, tomorrow I will be 6 weeks postop and this morning the scale said 200.8, and it's funny how I see the pics and hear people's reaction but my mind is not quite seeing the 40bs yet. Up until 2 weeks ago everything was going great but now I am having a little issue. It started off as light leg cramps then that became worse to the point of waking me up at night and even bruising my calf and then my left hand started to stiffen up and yesterday while putting on makeup my right hand did the same thing. Last week during my 5 week check up they did blood work and of all appointments the surgeon had to cancel today to go over my issue due to a surgery. I know my body and I know something is wrong with me so I am starting to get a little nervous on what it is but hopefully I will get a call tomorrow that Dr. Baker can squeeze me in soon otherwise I'm off to my primary MD. Other then my little issue, mentally I am feeling so much more happier......someone told me that if they did not know that I had WLS they would have thought I started on a happy pill and it's nice to hear that I am truly coming back and it's showing. Well off to bed and can't wait to wake up and get on that scale...I know...I know...I should not think like that but to be under 200 lbs will be the best day!