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So I have been ignoring my weight gain. This week I had a wakeup call, even though I am on 2 Diabetes medications, my blood sugar is still higher than it should be. I am on the path of insulin if I don't start taking care of myself again. 

I decided to buckle down this week and get back to basics. I forgot how hard it is to get all of my water in and to wait 30 mins after I eat. I started Saturday, back to the gym daily. I have only had one off program meal that Saturday night for my 18th Anniversary and I did not go crazy.

I am on the scale every morning again and logging my weight. I drop my daughter off at school and go straight to the gym. I really did not want to go this morning but I powered through.

I have put back on almost 71 pounds...that is a lot, there were some medical reasons but I have leaned on that excuse for years and my thyroid labs are back in the normal range so I can't use that excuse any longer.

I logged back on here last night and I went through all of my progress photos and blog posts, well, I obviously stopped doing all of the things that fit girl was doing years ago and it shows. 

Since Saturday I have already dropped 4.6 pounds doing what I was before. I am working back up to my fitness routines (and it is not as hard as I thought it would be). I have gone back to logging every single bite on My Fitness Pal. Cut out most carbs, protein first.

I don't care how much I lose but I do care how high my blood sugar is. I want to be here long enough to actually retire one day. I need to stop abusing my body and take care of it. 

I am still below my surgery weight so I have to use this tool and get back to a healthy BMI. I am glad I posted on here back then so I could remember myself.

So here I am, I was a poster child of perfection, I was down to 130lbs and then I stopped working. I started drinking alcohol and just eating what I wanted and not measuring and not making time in my day to exercise. So now I am up 37 pounds from where I was. How did I get here, well I already said it but there is a lot more to it. Stuff happens and I did not deal with it very well. I also was diagnosed with a medical condition that is not really under control yet. I lost 2 great friends in a plane crash and then in February of last year I lost another really close friend. I don't think I dealt with that very well and here I am, drinking too much alcohol and eating my feelings. I am tired and don't want to work out. I can still do stuff with my kids and that is important to me. So I have made a decision, I am giving up alcohol and bread (chips, tortillas, cookies, cake) for Lent. What better way to get back to taking care of me? Yesterday was rough, but I survived. Sometimes you have to go back to the basics to get back on track. I am logging on my fitness pal and opened my diary, so no hiding. I feel like I am standing naked in front of the world but maybe that is the only way I will make it. As far as the medical condition, yes, I can blame some of it on that because the medication I am on does slow my thyroid down, but I am also not exercising or doing my part. Lent will be a time to see what happens if I actually do what I am supposed to do, log, drink water, exercise, keep my carbs low. My sleeve is not broken, time to get my mind right for this again. I can do it, I DID do it. Now back to work!!

I posted this the day after I reached my goal.  I just wanted it here for me to read in case I start to regain.

So yesterday morning I got on my scale and was shocked to weight 129.8lbs.  I was having a PMS eating moment the night before and had not stayed so true to my intake the prior day.  My original goal was 125 (and I may still get there) but I changed my goal to 130 recently and I am happy with that decision. I have NEVER actually reached a weight loss goal before now...EVER!!

I am wearing a size 4 pant & small tops.  I was wearing 20W pants and 2X tops when I started my journey.  I was wearing a 44DD bra and now wear a 34C.  I may need a B but I need to get measured.  My consult weight was 230.  I had Cigna PPO and had a 6 month class requirement (it was later shortened to 3 classes after I finished my 5th class) so I was able to get my surgery scheduled in July 2012.

I started my 2 week liquid diet at 224.2lbs (seen below) and was 209.5 on 7/24/12 before my surgery. My surgery was fine, I was informed when I woke up that I had a very fatty liver and also had a small hiatal hernia repaired. That repair has really helped with the issues I was having with food coming up, I even had a prior Edoscopy that missed it.  Once I came out of my drug coma around 10pm (put under around 1:30pm for surgery), I started to walk the halls, just a couple of laps to start.  I would take a nap and then walk more and more.  I think I was up to about 30 laps by the time I went home at 4pm the next day (had to wait for the hubby to get off work and pick me up).

I drank 1 Isopure Clear each day for the first 7 days after surgery and I walked around the neighborhood in the morning.  It was July in Texas, so I got off my pain meds the next day so I could drive to the local Super Target or fancy Kroger and would walk around in there for about 30 -60 minutes a day.

I could have easily gone back to work the week after my surgery but I look at wrecked cars outside and it was 112 degrees, so I went ahead and took off the full 2 weeks.  It was nice to be able to nap when I needed it and get used to my eating and drinking schedule.  My surgery was on a Tuesday, if I had a desk job, I would have easily been able to go back to work that following Monday, but I would have been tired.  Speaking of being tired, it took me about a month to not be so tired anymore.  Luckily it was slow when I did go back to work, so I was able to ease into things.  I drive around all day for my job so I had to learn to take my food and shakes with me.

Weeks 2 & 3 were full liquids and I could not tolerate cold water for about a month (I can now gulp ice cold water again).  I hated warm or room temp water normally but that is what I could do for the first month.

Week 4 mushies and I think by Week 5 started more regular soft foods (I can't find my book right now since I have not used it in so long now).

Once I went back for my 6 week follow up, I was released for full exercise and I hit the gym.  I did the elliptical and built up to 1 hour and weight training 4 days a week.  I did shoulders and back one day, chest & arms one day and legs the other.  I gradually added in pushups most days and abs.  I had to have my Left Knee ACL done 12/28/12 since I had already met my out of pocket, it did not cost me much at all.  This has slowed down my working out considerably.  I am just now really able to do as much as I was before knee surgery.  I think it really is 90% diet and 10% exercise.  But the exercise makes me feel good and I noticed my mood dropped after my knee surgery. Now that I am below my goal, I am going to focus more on working out to see if I can get some nice abs (even under the sags).  I do have muscles and I need to build my rear back up, it has suffered some extra sagging since I had the knee surgery. 

Do I have sagging skin?  Yes, is it bad, not really but I have noticed it is getting better all the time.  Will I have plastics?  Right now financially, it is not an option.  But I will wait until I have maintained my weight for 2 years and then see where I am.  Do I look great in clothes?  YES!  Will I look great in a bikini?  NO, but I am 41 and not sure I need to wear one anyway!  My arms are probably the thing I hate the most.  I can wear sleeveless but not my fav, I think it is more noticable to me and not really anyone else.  I look great in shorts, not Daisy Dukes, but regular shorts.  Are my boobs sagging? Yes, but they were before, I get the minimizer bras from Soma and love them.  The one I get is usually 2 $59 or $69, I have been through 3 sizes, I always get a light colored one and dark colored one. I wear an Enell Size 0 bra when I work out to hold them perfectly still. I have a co-worker that had surgery 3 weeks ago so I just pass them onto her.  I also gave her all of my clothes except that pair of jeans in my first photo.

Emotions, out of control during the liquid diet before surgery.  I had to break up with food, at the time this was the worst 2 weeks of my entire life!  My whole social life revolved around eating and drinking.  My biggest excitement was planning where I was going to eat.  Now sometimes, I like to eat before I go somewhere and just drink tea and enjoy the company of my friends & family.  I also loved to drink wine.  I have had it a couple of times but even vodka has calories & I would much rather eat my calories than drink them.  I think my husband is a little sad by this, but I will cut loose everyone once in a while.  He has a designated driver now and so do my friends.  I am just as much fun sober anyway! :)  At least that is what everyone tells me!

Is there anything I cannot eat?  NO, that is good and that is bad.  I can tolorate rice, bread, pasta ,pizza, cakes, pies...do I eat them everyday? No but I can plan to have something like that and I log it. That is usually once or twice a month only because I choose not need eat those things daily. The only thing that made me a little nautious was a bite of pecan pie.  But so far that is it.  I stick to my plan 90% of the time.  So what plan do I follow?  Well, I think that Frisco and Elina are right on with the 600-800c a day, but honestly, I usually end up around 850 most days.  I shoot for 40g carbs but some days I have a little more.  I try for 80 - 100g of protein daily.  I was not always the best about my water intake and it is a daily struggle for me.  If I go to the gym, I take a bottle of water with me and drink the entire thing while I am on the elliptical.  I still drink 1 -2 and sometimes 3 protein shakes a day.  I love Synthrax Mint Cookie, I mix it with a Folgers Morning Cafe K Cup every morning.  That is my favorite.  I also mix my shakes with Unsweetened Coconut Milk (so creamy), Sugar Free Liquid Coffee Mate or just water.  I love Unjury Chicken Soup and Unjury Chocolate Splendor (I can do that one with water or Fage 0% Greek Yogurt).  I eat a lot of tuna, Kroger Reduced Fat Turkey Meatballs, Turkey Pepperoni, chicken breast, fish and I still eat small amounts of steak, but it has to be really good like from Costco since I have to chew it for so long.  I enjoy food more now, because I have to savor it.  If something does not taste really good, not worth it to eat it now.

I log everyting, the good, the bad and the ugly everyday on MyFitnessPal.  I wear a FitBit Ultra (they have a new one now) and it is synched to MFP.  My goal is 10K steps a day, I make it most days.

I take Celebrate Chewable Multivitamins in Strawberry Pineapple 2xs/day, Opurity (from Unjury) Calcium Citrate 2/2xs daily, Natures Bounty D3 -5000iu once daily, Celebrate Iron Berry Flavor once daily.  Celebrate B 12 Sublingual. Now that I have reached goal, I am going to switch to less expensive vitamins once I finish up what I have.  I purchased some Trader Joe's High Potency Chewables $14.99/90 tablets includes Iron.  Going back to a Caramel Calcium and will get Natures Bounty Subligual B 12.  I know people have different opinions on vitamins, but I decided that since I was paying for a surgery I would spend money on my vitamins.  I know that you don't have to, but I wanted vitamins designed for people that had WLS.  I am rarely ever sick.  I did catch a stomach virus at Christmas but it cleared up fast and I am just getting over my first cold since surgery.  My husband gave that one to me.  I started my vitamins the day I got home after surgery.  I bought some expensive liquid ones at Total Nutrition and they were too gross, at my NUTs suggestion I took Centrium Silver Chewables and then once I finished that I was able to tolerate the liquid ones, I am cheap, so I finished them, but will never ever get those again!  I also never could finish the liquid Calcium, it may never get used.

Did my taste change after surgery, that is a big fat YES...I found that I can tolerate things I never really cared for before.  Olives, I try once a year, because I really want to like them, but I never did...now, like them, not love them, but don't gag and really find myself wanting them on things.  I love orange and yellow bell peppers raw!  I love love love hummus.  Sabra is good but Trader Joes is my favorite.  Thank goodness we have one in FW now.  I just keep my thermal bag in my trunk just in case I am working in the area, because you don't want to go there on the weekends!

Did my hair fall out?  Yes, if you look at my profile, you will see where I cut it all off.  But honestly, it was already starting to grow back in by the time I did it.  My hairdresser says that I have a lot of new hair.  I loved it short but I am going to grow it a little longer for now, but I may end up cutting it back off again anyway.

Any regrets?  Sure, the first week I had severe buyers remorse, I could not feel my restriction.  I found out from OH Forums, you really don't until you start real foods.  You have to measure and weigh everything.  I always have.  If you go out to eat, look up the menu before you go and have a plan.

I was an emotional mess for a couple of weeks as my body's fat cells released all of my hormones.  You know, crying over commercials.  I would only watch recorded TV so I could fast forward through the food commercials.  Now they don't bother me and I love to watch the Food Network.  Only now, it does not trigger me to go eat.  I can watch for entertainment value and get some ideas for Sleeve Friendly recipes.

This was not a decision that I took lightly.  I had to change insurance the year before I went to see my surgeon since one plan we had at work did not cover WLS.  It was a more expensive plan and I had a lot of out of pocket costs.  I wanted a Lap Band, thank God my surgeon talked me out of it.  I had struggled for years on WW, Medifast, Jenny Craig, Atkins.  I worked out very hard and never could control my hunger.  I felt like a failure and gave up. My husband was not on board at first, but knew that I need to do something drastic and supported me in his own way.

I did not keep it a secret and still don't, but I did not post it on FB, if someone comments on my weight, I always PM them and tell them.  Turns out I have about 4 friends that had DS that I did not realize.  I want to help others. There were a few people I had a hard time telling but now everyone has been great.  I have only gotten the nasty type reply from one person, but I don't see her very often and she is one of those marathon running types that is obsessed with her weight and thinks I took the easy way out, I really don't care.  I met my goal!

During my pre-op time I did have Sleep Apnea and was offically diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.  It runs in my family, my material grandmother is insulin dependent (never more than 20lbs overweight) and my mother is also.  Even though I am at a healthy weight, my fasting blood sugar is still borderline, so even with my weight loss, genetics may win that one.

I can now walk everywhere without pain.  I can actually go shopping all day long and outlast my 10 year old.  I am not longer touching the steering wheel with my belly.  I can walk past people in small spaces and not hit them with my butt.  I can clean my house without getting too tired. People are nicer to me, sad but true.  I feel better about myself and I put out a more positive vibe. I am not worried about if people just see my fat and not me. I don't get winded walking up a small flight of stairs.

I saw my pledge sister yesterday and she was commenting on how fast I lost the weight, but when you figure it out, I am 8.5 months out this month and I have lost 79.7lbs since my surgery in July that is an average of 9.4/month.  I think the difference is now I am steadily losing and not losing and then gaining and having to re-lose over and over.  It has slowed since the knee surgery but I expected that.  I also knew that I would not lose as fast as some.  My PA at the surgeon's office says I lost fast.  Ok, and no I still don't see the tiny person I am.  Even though I weight 129.8, I do look smaller because I have a lot of muscle mass, I always have.  So 125 may not look good one me, I may find out, I may not.  I want to look more like an athletic fitness type than a skinny thin person.

I get on OH daily, though, I wonder if it is a full moon because there seems to be a little bit of drama right now.  I have not seen that too much since I have been around here.  I come here for the kick in the butt I need from time to time.  Some people can't handle that though, but I need some tough love when I am a whiny mess!  My PM doesn't always work right on this computer, so if you PM me, please don't be offended if I don't answer, feel free to email me [email protected]

A word of caution, please take before photos, but look at them even if you are depressed and don't want to or you will have to live with ones like this!! (see profile pics)

 

I have officially reached a healthy BMI. i am not at my personal goal yet. Here is what is working for me: 1. I track everything I eat,everything, the good, the bad & the ugly (Girl Scout cookie binge) ,on My Fitness Pal. 2. As soon as I woke up in the hospital (& was not still foggy), I was walking laps, I did not want gas pain. I continued to walkdaily until I was up to 4 miles 6 weeks out & then was released for full activity. I would go to the gym 4 days a week & did weights. Before I was released to the gym, since it was so hot, I would go to Target and just walk around to escape the heat. 3. I always met my protein goals, week one I would slowly sip 1 Isopure 40g protein drink. I still drink shakes because I like them, they are a treat to me. I love Synthtax Mint cookie mixed with UNsweetened almond milk. I also live unjury Chocolate Splendor, injury Chicken Soup (wish I would have gotten it sooner). 4. I shoot for under 800 cal but I don't beat myself up if I go over, same thing with carbs, shoot for under 40 but ok if I go over. 5. Read OH forum daily & listen to the successful vets, I want to be like them when I grow up! 6. Find a support group close to home, my surgeons is 45 mins away, so I got online & found one 10 mins away. I have had to miss Dec & Jan, so ready to get back in Feb. 7. Very rarely do I just taste something, some examples: Thanksgiving, I wanted dressing, so I measured out 1/4c with gravy & ate it & logged it, was satisfied & moved on, not successful was eating the new GScookie and eating way tipi many and began to get horrible cravings, did liquids for a few days & back on track. Apparently I am sensitive to carbs. 7. Find some easy meals & go with it. I like Kroger Reduced Fat Frozen Turkey Meatballs w/hummus. I eat it way too often, but I like it & works for me. Take portable snacks & pack my lunch. I work out of my car so planning keeps me out of the drive thrus, but if I am desperate, a small Wendys Chili (only eat half) can save me. I am posting this to help others & to remind me if I ever get off track.

This is just to remind myself that I fell down yesterday.  I did post about it and can to the realization that even though I am a normal size, I am not ever going to be normal and cannot let my guard down.  I will always be a food addict and even with my sleeve, I can still participate in some self destruction when it comes to food.   I am 4.5 mos out, have lost 81.6lbs, wear a size 8 jean and M top but I can still get lost in my battles to eat whatever I want.  I have not reached my goal and am about 2.7lbs away from a healthy BMI and I will not sabotage my own success like I did pre-sleeve.

I really always under eat my sleeve, so I really don't feel restriction even with dense protein.  Good news I can tolerate any food, bad news, I can tolerate any food.

Back on the horse and back on track!

I am actually going out to eat tonight with friends, but I have a plan and will not deviate!

I am down 60lbs today!  I am so excited.  I feel great and I am running out of clothes from the skinny side of the closet! I have lost a small child (or at least my 54lb 7 year old)!

I did see where being at a party can make you want to eat more...I should have brought my own cut up orange and yellow bell peppers to enjoy the dips with.  I was surprised there were not any veggies there but I could eat most of the dip.  I did eat 1 chip, 1 chip really?  I have NEVER done that before!  It was nice to focus on my friends and not worrying about what I was going to eat or if anyone was going to be watching me.

I also figured out how many calories are in Vodka, wow, not even worth it to me anymore.  I did sip some but I think I will probably table it until after I have reached my goal.  Only 40lbs to go!! :)

My BMI is finally out of the Obese catagory!  Healthy weight, here I come.  I decided I need to post these great moments to reflect upon later.  I am finally in the 160s again!  I have not been this weight since I moved to Dallas in 1997.  That is when I met my now husband and we began and eating and drinking binge that lasted for years.  I have never been able to get the weight back off and keep it off.  Of course that was years ago, so my shape is a little different than it was then before kids and the masive weight gain and abuse I have given my poor body over the years.
It is cooperating quite nicely and I will continue this.  My outlook on life is much better than it has been in a long time.  Even though we are going through some major stresses right now, I am not turning to my friend food and instead going to the gym.
I really appreciate all the support from my Support Group meetings and on here.  I also have some friends that have had WLS and they are great when I need an ear.
Support is key!

I just realized, I am 3 months post op today!  Time flies!! I guess I need to take some more photos!

I am officially half way to my goal.  I have a personal goal of 125.  I have now lost 50.4lbs and have 48.8lbs to go.  I still keep waiting for the other shoe to drop...I have not been in the 160s in years, I know this is happening, but after years of failure and self sabotage, I am still a little nervous.  I log my food in MFP everyday.  I finally updated my correct start weight there and added my vitamins to my tracker.  I am still eating around 800 cals a day not including my vitamins, but it is working for me.  I am trying to get to the gym at least 5 days a week.  I do the Precor Elliptical Weight Loss setting for 33 minutes and weight train.  On the days I cannot make it to the gym, I use my Fitbit to track my steps and shoot for at least 10,000 steps a day. I still drink 2 or 3 protein shakes a day.  My diet is not as varied as it should be, but I am satisfied so far.  I know I need to be a little more creative.  I love Hummus and I eat it a lot.  I have never lost this much weight this quickly and felt this great.  I cannot wait to see how I feel at goal!

My A1C in April 8.6, now 6.3, will be checked again in 3 months.

I really meant to blog about my experience but, I have been too busy to blog.  What I can say is that I have lost 49.1 lbs since by pre-op visit when I started my liquid diet.  I have lots of energy and can walk more than ever.  I am wearing a size 14 pant and 1x or L top (haven't lost all of my boobs just yet!).  I try to get to the gym 5 days a week.
I will be getting ACL knee surgery in December.  I tore my ACL playing indoor soccer a month and a half before my surgery.  I can still walk, weight train and do the elliptical but I cannot Zumba or run (not sure I would if I could but I would like to have the option) and lateral movements are tricky.  I am trying to get as much weight off as I can before the surgery since I will be down for 3 weeks.  But at least I won't have to worry about eating everything in my house while I am down.  It is so funny how long it takes me to go through my food!