Even more THINNER!!!
Sep 23, 2009
It's Wednesday, 9/23/09.
It's been quite awhile since i posted on this blog or, indeed, posted on the VSG forum (although i still frequently read it). I weighed myself this morning, as i do every morning and am now down to 111 lbs. OMG, why am i still losing weight?
I keep track of my food each day and try to get in enough calories, carbs, fats, calcium, vitamins, etc. Some days i make it and some days i don't. Overall, however, i follow a healthy diet. When i crave carbs (always ate carbs instead of sweets), i eat crackers. I find them satisfying and not too filling.
I am two days past my 18 mth. surgiversary. As u may already know and as i have often said, my original goad was 120 lbs. It was revised (by my surgeon and me) to 125 lbs. as i was looking quite thin. I passed 125 lbs. and then 120 lbs. and was sorta holding between 115 - 118 lbs. All of a sudden, i started losing again. It went to 114, then 113 - 115 and now 111. Please read the entry above about THINNER.
What the hell is going on and what did i ever do to Stephen King to deserve this? I see my surgeon this coming Friday for my 18 mth. checkup. He is going to have a shit fit. He told me to stop loosing a long time ago and i assured him that i was not intentionally doing anything to continue the downward trend. This remains TRUE. I am NOT dieting, purging, withholding food, etc. I am cursed by an old Gypsy man with a large nose. If i tell this to Dr. Averback, he will send me to the psychologist who first did my evaluation before surgery. What does she know about Gypsy curses anyway???
I haven't had any plastics yet (although, God knows i NEED it). What will be left of me if my extra skin is removed from my stomach, arms, legs, butt? How much will i weigh then? U know those dogs whose skin is too large for their bodies? Don't know how to spell their names but that's what i look like. I look wonderful with clothes on (long sleeves, please) but OMFG, naked is an entirely different story. The Gypsy hates me. THINNER is scary as hell.
Jan 06, 2009
It is Tuesday, 1/6/09. I am 9 months and 15 days out from surgery (VSG). Much has taken place during this time.
I have reached goal and gone beyond it. I started at 212 pounds on the day of surgery (3/21/08). My original goal was 120 pounds. This was revised to 125 lbs. when my doctor and i saw how thin i was getting. I hit 125 pounds and then 120 lbs. No effort to lose more weight..just happened. So, here i was at my original goal. Then, i lost more weight. Every time i stepped on the scale i'd lose a little more. An eight of a pound here...a half a pound there. Soon, i was at 116 pounds without effort on my part and i was becoming frightened. I look emaciated and not at all like the "thin vision" i carried around in my head for so long. My lifelong dream of effortlessly loosing weight was becoming a nightmare.
There is a short story by Stephen King written under his pseudonym, Richard Bachman. The name of the story story is THINNER and since has been published as a novel and made into a motion picture. The gist of the story has to do with a curse put on a man by an old gypsy man with a rotting nose. The old gypsy's wife was killed in an accident and those who had anything to do with the accident were cursed by the gypsy. Each of the people had a separtae curse put upon them. One of the people, the main character of the story, had the curse of loosing weight without dieting. He just lost..without effort...without reason..and could not stop. The old gypsy man with the rotting nose came up to him on the street and touched his face with one finger and whispered the word: THINNER. He continued to loose weight until he almost died. I will not reveal the end of the story in case you would like to read it.
When i stepped on the scale and it read 116 pounds, all i could think of was the word: THINNER! I called my nutritionist and we spoke and she told me what i needed to do in order to level off and stop loosing. As of today, it is working and i have gained back almost one pound. My goal now is to get back to 120 pounds. How very funny life can be.
11/28/08 -- 8 mths, 7 days out....
Nov 27, 2008
Hello. I guess i haven't written before because i really thought i had nothing to say that was important. Not sure what i have to say is important now, but feel i SHOULD say something.
I am 8 mths out from my VSG. I am 3+ pounds BELOW my revised goal. At first, i thought 120 lbs. would be ideal for me. As i lost weight, i saw that the original goal was too little and revised it by 5 lbs. to 125. I am now 121.6 and fast heading to the original 120 lbs. without even trying. Amazing!
I feel so good about myself especially when i am wearing new (very small) clothing. I am 5'2" tall and so i wear petites. i am now in a 6P. Who ever thought i would see that kind of number again in my life? Of course, i look great with clothes on but take them off and i look like my skin is melting off my body. I need some serious PS.
Feeling good about me is new. This is in reference to weight. There r other things/times in my life when i have achieved some very difficult goals but could not lose (and KEEP IT OFF) the weight which plagued me forever. I was born fat...lol..9.5 pounds. My poor mother...for awhile they thought she was going to have twins. But no, it was just me.
So, what is important to share with u? And is this the place to share it all? I know that there r other portions of this profile page that can used for one's "history" but since i started here and the words seem to be flowing, i think i will just continue.
Important life events:
I was 17 years old when i married my first husband. I dropped out of high school because i was pregnant and subsequently got German Measles in the first trimester. That baby (a boy) died intrautero. However, because of my age, the docs thought it best that i carry as long as possible (they didn't want to do a C-section and i couldn't yet be induced and it was too late for an abortion) and i gave birth at 8.5 mths. I subsequently had another baby, a boy, and wound up divorcing the first husband who was, shall we say, not as nice as he could have been. Here i was, 19 years old, a 9 mth old baby, separated, no skills and alone, except for my son who i now needed to take care of. Who was going to take care of me???
I decided that i at least had to have a high school diploma in order to get a job and so i returned to high school at night. I graduated high school and, at the urging of my teachers and a friend, TRIED college. I say TRIED because i was sure that i could never do it. However, i had always wanted to be a psychologist. What could be more imteresing to study than human behavior and why people do what they do? I took my first two courses in summer school and passed with good grades. I had made a pact with myself, if i passed i would try to continue...if i failed i would quite.
I continued on. Registered for more courses and then for full terms. I was told by the college counselor that psychology was not a good choice as a major since to do anything in the field one needed a PhD. I didn't care...i continued on. I knew now that it meant going to graduate school but i was determined.
It took 4 yrs and i graduated from undergrad with honors. I went on for my Masters in psychology. That took 1.5 years. The day i got my Masters, i cried. Who'd have thunk????
Well, now i needed a PhD so i went on. 4.5 yrs later i was Dr. L. I say all of this to say that i had accomplished the seemingly impossible. but, i could not lose weight. I went from high school drop-out to PhD but could not lose and maintain weight. A fat psychologist... Unfuckenbelievable!
There r, of course, other things in my life that i accomplished but this is the most glaring example of tenacity and success and AN INABILITY to do something that others think is so easy if "i only ate less and exercised".
I researched for over a year and found out about the VSG. i didn't want a LapBand as i heard too many horror stories. I didn't want an RnY as i have Multiple Sclerosis and take a zillion meds/day and could not risk malabsorption. The VSG was my salvation and my dream.
So, on March 21, 2008 i had my surgery. As i said when i began this long story, i have now lost a tad over 90 pounds. Through the same will that got me my PhD, i will make sure that this too, gets added to my list of life successes. Three months after my surgery, my husband (second one)
had a VSG, too. Same surgeon. So, we work on this life changing event together.