Dodgergirl27
1 Year Surgiversary - 140 lbs down!
Jan 22, 2015
Wow, I can't believe it's been a year! Today I can't stop thinking about how a year ago today I was being wheeled into surgery and honestly wondering if I was going to come out alive. It was the first time in my life I had ever had any sort of surgery, and I was terrified! I remember thinking how there's a risk you could die on the table and "oh my god is it worth it?" and what if I have complications, etc. etc. I also remember thinking I couldn't go on living my life the way I was (which wasn't living it all but just existing). Well, I can say with 100% conviction that being wheeled into that surgical room was the best decision I've ever made for myself. My life is a 180 degree turn from where it was a year ago. I have more confidence, I am happier, and my never ending battle with food and the food beast that lives inside of me is under my control for what feels like the first time in my life.
It's not to say this isn't still a battle, but for the first time I feel armed with the tools (my pouch, my desire for change and a healthy lifestyle, and the support I get on OH) to meet all of my goals and live the life I want to live. I mean, I work out...that blows my mind...because I like it! I eat vegetables on purpose, and I like it. I don't obsess about when I get to eat next, I eat when I eat. I'm one of those people who can just try a bite of something and actually be satisfied (god, I hated those people pre-op!). Taking supplements each day and monitoring my protein intake is such a small small price to pay for what I've been given back (a life)!. I like shopping and I look good in clothes, how did that happen?!?!? I like meeting new people and going to parties (I used to never want to go out because I was so ashamed about how I looked). I have more confidence at work and speak up more often.
I still have 38 lbs I want to lose, and the last 2 months have seen my weight loss come to a grinding halt (only 3 lbs and 1.5 lbs respectively). But I'm confident if I stay on plan and keep doing what I know works, I will get to my goal! Plastics are in my future as I definitely have loose skin, but honestly, so what? I remember pre-op thinking hanging skin was the worst thing that could happen, now I think, seriously? Carrying around 140 extra lbs was the worse thing that could happen! It effected every aspect of my life, and so what if my skin was nice and tight around all that fat, it still looked awful!
So, for anyone who may happen upon this, or any of my other post, don't be afraid. Embrace this change. I think the key to success is seeing the surgery as an opportunity and seizing it with everything you can. If you go into grudgingly still wanting to eat the foods and the way you ate pre-op, then you won't have the success you are looking for. I get that it's hard to give up that comfort and the "friend" who loves you and makes you feel better when times are tough. But food is not our friend, it's just food. I don't know why it took cutting out my stomach for me to finally get that for the first time in my life, but I've accepted that is what I needed to make the changes to get my life back. I never would have lost this weight through traditional dieting. My pouch stops me from my worst impulses time and again (although with much less frequency with each passing month and day) and I couldn't be more thankful. I still have days/moments where I turn to food, but usually I catch myself, put on the breaks and get back to doing the things that make me feel good...and binge eating is most definitely not one of those things.
I am a work in progress, and I imagine I'll be saying that at my 10 yr surgiversary as well. I'm going to rededicate myself and I hope my next post has a great big GOAL title! I can do this, and I trust this process (even if stalls piss me off more frequently than I should let them :). I'm thankful every day for my RnY...it's truly been a gift!
