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When it comes to big decisions, no one can call me impulsive. I had been thinking of bariatric surgery for years and years before I made the leap. And even once I finally said, “Yes, I want to do this,” it was another 11 month before I got the chop. On Tuesday, August 24^th, I had Roux-En-Y gastric bypass, and I feel great. The night before surgery I got a call from the surgeon’s office that Dr. Steinberg was stuck in jury duty and did I want Dr. Rashid to perform the bypass. I had met her once before at the original orientation and she seemed nice enough. Did a couple hours research on here to make sure patients weren’t dropping dead. Did find anything negative so I said yes, go for it. The alternative was to wait weeks for a new date. My partner and I arrive at the hospital and am quickly taken back to a pre-surgical room where I get in the gown, they put on compression socks, and start an IV. I wait about an hour and then its off to the OR. I’m anxious but not scared and just ready to get on with it. The OR is extremely cold and has the distinct smell of meat. Yeah some cutting goes on in here! I move to the surgical table (narrow) and they start strapping me in and laying me out like jesus on the cross. Lots of activity. I’m relived to be there. That was at 2:30pm. At 10:00pm, I came to in the recovery room. Lots of things happening – I’m coming out of the haze. The surgeon arrives at the foot of the bed. Surgery went great she says, but there was a little problem with your catheter. Yadda yadda urethra torn. Yadda yadda catheter in for 6-10 weeks. Enjoy. About then they put me on the phone with my partner, who tells me what time it is and I start freaking out. I was in surgery for 7 hours. My stay in the hospital was relatively pain free. The hose in my penis hurt more than any of the surgery stuff. There was one night – the second night – when I was in extreme gas pain. I had not passed any gas at that point and the pain was a 10. Finally after walking and walking and walking up and down the hallways – the most massive fart ever known. Thank god there were no open flames. It got easier from there and better everyday. I really would have been able to go back to work in a week had it not been for the catheter, which has pretty much immobilizedme at home for now. I find out more on Wednesday.

...and I haven't even had surgery yet.

Ok so finally got all the various materials gathered and delivered to the surgeon's office for approval. The coordinator put the package together to send to CIGNA.. A week went by... denied.

Ok so you can imagine....I wigged out.

It took a few hours to calm down (and a 3-way with Haagen AND Dazs) to realize this is just standard operating procedure for 'da man'. 

After calls and digging, the reason for the denial - which was not an official denial - was I was missing the 6 month diet notes from the doctor. Well that's crap. I was there every month. So I get a copy of the notes from said PCP and they are..... un-fuckin-readable. Like at least Chinese I could run through the Google translator. Not this chicken scratch.

So as I usually end up doing, I am taking matters into my own hands. I am creating, free-of-charge to my doctor, a weight-loss program/prescription form, which will have all the necessary components AND it will be typed, in actually legible characters.

Then I will march down to his office, have him sign them, and fax them myself to CIGNA.

I fully expected to be under the knife at the end of May. I took off from school, canceled all vacations, and generally rearranged my life to make this happen. And here we are July 8, and I'm not even scheduled.

Oh and about that Haagen-Dazs episode - it actually really helped me, as about 1/3 of the way through the pint, I understood exactly what I was doing. I stopped and put it away - at least for a few hours. When I split the rest that night with my other half - it was a very conscious decision.

 ...or thereabouts.

Made it through my halfway point on my 6 month diet. I still feel this look of scorn from my primary care physician. For the most part, I think he's a great guy, but he has been quite unsympathetic to my weight issues. Whatever I say. I am in control - not him.  Just weigh me, fucker.

So I am happy to say I have lost 26 pounds from my heaviest and would like to lose 20-30 more before surgery. 

My outlook is good, my mood has been great. I'm just ready to get on with it.

I officially began my 6 month pre-surgical diet about this time in November. I haven't done much more than the changes I had mode in the last 6 months, but a few pounds have come off. I did have my official one-on-one consultation with my surgeon. I am ready to do this. Just wish it could be sooner, of course. If all goes well, I would think my surgery would be sometime in May - my birthday month. ;)

Meeting a dietician on Tuesday to put together a 5 month diet so this time can be useful before surgery. Continuing to see my therapist every other week - which has help tremendously. And just bought "intuitive Eating" to take on my Christmas cruise. My goal there is to be reasonable, and not swallow the whole ship.

For that last several months I have been seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. She's been great and helping to uncover and dig to my core issues. A lot of it turns out to have roots in my early childhood with eating - especially bad habits picked up from my mother.  Also I have discovered I am very much an emotional eater, even when I wanted to belive that I wasn't. All this has helped me to begin relearning good eating habits. I have only had one binge and am much more aware of when the emotional eating stuff. When my subconscious is screaming feed me, stuff me! I can now recognize that emotional response.  It's great. I have on a few occasions felt actual hunger, where my stomach would growl and gurgle. IT was the wierdest feeling - because frankly I haven't been hungry - not physically hungry - in years.

But now I am asking myself - what of the weight loss surgery?

Well I decided this weekend that I will have it. I feel prepared for the procedure, the after effects, and most importantly for me, I feel like I am and will dealing with the underlying issues that got me to this state of morbid obesity. Hopefully keeping me from losing the weight.

So I know CIGNA requires a 6 month medically supervised diet. A stupid requirement since I've been on a bazillion diets in my lifetime. Going to see if I can get around this requirement. I have a couple more bariatric surgeons to interview before I make a selection. But I am excited and ready to get the show on the road.

Did I scare my body? Or maybe I just kicked myself. During the last couple of weeks doing my research on WLS, I found that I am also losing weight. Nothing major but about 10 pounds now.. And 20 pounds in the last couple fo months.

I definitely have/had an addicition to fast food. I grew up on fa(s)t food, went to college on fast food, and then plowed through my career near a drive thru. It really has been the worst culprit to my weight gain. About 2 months ago - maybe 3 - I stopped completely. First rule - no drive thru under any circumstances whatsoever. Second - no fast food. I've only broken number 2 twice, and both were metered, objective decisions to do it.  I created rule number 1 because much of my fast food obsession was out of laziness and shame. If I actually have to get out of the car and go in and order, well that's usually enough for me just to go home and eat.

And now I am paying more attention to my food choices at home. Packing lunch to work, no junk food at home, etc. All this is working towards great training for WLS.

Yesterday I had my first consultation. It was a group seminar thing, so no one-on-one yet, but I gotta some clarifications on things.

What was most interesting was my emotions and reactions. When I first walked into the room, a big room about half-filled with 40 or so people. I became very emotional, with tears in my eyes. An overwhelming sens of sadness, that I had come to this point. That I was a failure. that I was not like these "other" people - FAT people. And this sort of rolled into a anxiety attack, with me sweating and really wanting to run.

But I stayed.

The whole group dynamic was probably not the best intro for me. There were so many distractions by people - cell phones, babies whining, people shuffling and huffing and puffing. Ugh.

Most of the info I had already read about repeatedly. But I did get a little insight in that I really heard them pushing a bit on gastric bypass over banding. The RNY has significantly better results, and happens in a more automoatic way, because of the malabsorption qualities, over the band, which deals only with restriction.

I still have this idea that the rearranging of your instines is just not "natural" and could have some serious long term effects.

So I called CIGNA today to discuss what my policy covers.

The summary is I have Mercedes-level insurance. My procedure will not cost me more than $500 total. Amazing.

The bad news is they do have a 6-month, Dx-supervised diet requirement. They will accept Weight Watchers as part of that, but I have no idea how I will prove that I have done WW of-and-on for the last TEN years.

At 4:00pm, I have my first seminar consultation. Heading over to Dekalb Medical Center to hear from Scott Steinberg. My plan is to talk to a number of surgeons before making any decisions.

I'm sure after today I will have even more questions.