Dollface-1981
Feb 5/12 - Down and out...
Feb 05, 2012
Yesterday I got the chance to spend the day with most of my brothers and sisters .. ( by most I mean 5 out of 8) and of course my brothers and sisters in law, my nieces and nephews and my mom and step dad. I love being surround by family. It's such a safe comfortable feeling. I just wish we could do it more often!It's a constant non stop chatter that only someone in our family could handle for more than a few hours!!
There were lots of questions about how I'm doing after my gallbladder surgery.. And how I'm feeling in general. I don't know why... Maybe because I was with my mother and sisters... But I broke down crying. I think I'm a little overwhelmed with my life right now and it all came out last night.
I don't know if I'm depressed or just tired or still worn out from surgery but something is off with me lately. I've been very emotional and hard on myself. I'm starting to really dislike my body and the horrible amounts of sagging jiggly skin. Knowing that reconstructive surgery may be out of my reach for a very long time... If not forever... Doesnt give me much hope for feeling better about it either.
I wanted this sooo bad. I was so determined to rock my WLS and show everyone how great it is and how well I've done... But it's so hard to keep up with myself sometimes. I'm still losing weight... Im down 117 pounds in less than 8 months. I'm still getting my protein in and trying to take all of my vitamins ( a daily struggle in itself) but I feel like I've failed mentally and emotionally. I can't get the fat girl out of my head. I'm tired. Life gets in the way. I have so much stress at home... And I think I may be breaking a bit. Don't get me wrong. I don't regret doing this. Everything happens for a reason and I believe that completely but my mom asked me last night if I would do it again... And I said no. Now if she had asked me next week on a good day.. Maybe my answer would be yes. So take everything I say with a grain of salt because it could just be my emotions talking! It's hard to talk about this because everyone thinks I'm doing great and I don't want to disappoint them. Especially people who have had the surgery. We look at Gastric Bypass like we've been given a gift, which we have and I don't want them to think that I'm ungrateful. I think I just wasn't as prepared for all the changes and hurdles that have happened so fast as I thought I was!!
