DOLLIET
Wow, Were does one start when talking about this day; November 27, 2006. I have been Large since I was 10yrs old; a lot of my troubles with obesity stemmed from a victimized child hood, and a Mother who believed in the term; not in my HOUSE. I have never seen one who could sweep Dirt under a rug like she would, even up to Death, she was still in denial. I found food as a way to disappear from society, being a heavy black girl you were overlooked, and that was what I needed. I was not popular, I wet the bed until I was 14, I was invisible, and the pity party of my Family. As I got older, I only got bigger. Rather than getting closure on the past, I allowed it to affect every part of me. Between the ages of 13 and 18, I had 3 Beautiful kids; 24, 22, and 20, my eldest child ended my molestation. I love them so much, and I wish nothing but the Best for them. There was no place for Dollie to go, no one I could trust as a kid, so, I learned to suppress; just as she did. After my last child, I would dreamed of being sexy, fitting the hottest outfits but the only time I found myself being in a size 10 - 12 was when I was addicted to crack cocaine in 1988. And as soon as I gave that up in 1990, the weight came back; by 1995 I was in a size 26 – 28. In 1990 I was blessed to get on with a big Corporation, and my life started changing for the better. No more could I be held back by crimes of the past, boy; was I wrong. Though I maintain an income and drugs were behind me, The Mirror reminded me of the past. My weight continued to spiral and the insecurities as well. I always made accusatory statements toward others based on how I saw things. And though I didn’t portray jealousy verbally, mentally I would beat one down. It’s time for change; I know this, and my fears made me apprehensive about going thru with this operation. I need to let go of yesterday so my tomorrows won’t be spent in an unhealty way. I just went back to school and received my G.E.D, and I am enrolling in Junior College next year. I am proud of the changes in my life, mainly, that my kids never had to endure my storms. It washard telling them the truth about their fathers but they forgave me, and I wish my younger 2 kids could’ve met their fathers but both fathers past away before the Truth came out. Corey’s father is still living; this bastard would be; after all he’s done. That’s how life works, him of all people have the nerve to still be wondering his butt around. I was involved with 2 men that I shouldn’t have been, and I promise not to tell because our lives would’ve been altered. Since I was so use to keeping my nightmare a secret, surely, I could keep be quite about my love life with older men. Secrets are nothing to play with, and when the paternity test came back, my God; was all I could say. I can say the younger 2 come from good seed, and they would have been proud of their dads. 100 pounds is what this testimony is about. For each pound I loose, I want to let apart of my yesterday go; let go of resentment toward others, holding grudges, and loving one with condition because I wasn’t spared. It hurts when your 1st love didn’t have enough love, to love 1 more. She will always be my 1st love, and I have never loved anyone the way they deserve to be loved, not even me, until now.
